~Temper, temper Ausdauer. You need to remember that you are above such petty things as temper. More importantly, you have an important duty to perform. Don't let your personal problems weigh you down to the point you forget that. And never forget that you are an Angeni. Whatever else you think you are, you are an Angeni, and that means you have responsibilities.~
Ausdauer sighed. It was a beautiful day in early summer, and he was once again on his own. He was lying upsisde down, his wings spread open wide and flat on the ground to keep him suitably centered where he lay, feeling the breeze waft through his hair and watching the clouds float by. It was the sort of day which was meant to be enjoyed, particularly by Soquili who spent all their time outside. And Ausdauer meant to be enjoying it; he really did. He was just feeling...well, bored. He had never been good in solitary situations; his charm was meant for others, not himself. And while he still considered himself great company, he'd heard everything he had to say well before he actually said it!
But he knew he had no reason to complain. Though he'd often found himself alone by accident or someone else's design, his solitude of the moment was of his own choosing. He had decided some quality time with himself was needed to straighten a few things out, things that had taken him far longer to notice than they should. Things like his tendency towards displays of temper, or belligerence. Things that made him unpleasant to be around, even for himself.
Sure, he had always been a trifle bull-headed. That was only to be expected, and he felt no shame in that. After all, he was the Angeni of Determination; stubbornness was his bread and butter. But there was a difference between being determined and being belligerent; lately, he'd been behaving downright scary.
Ausdauer sighed again, flicking a wing up at a drifting dandelion seed. What he'd really wanted was to find a fellow Angeni to speak with, particularly one of the Old Guard. They were something else, those old ones; devoted to their duty at the expense of almost everything, he'd hoped he could find one and have nice long chat about personal responsibility. Because Aus had a sinking feeling that lately, he had failed to live up to the expectations of an Angeni. Who had he last stirred to great feats of determination? When had he last motivated someone to accomplish what they'd always meant to do? It was his gift to give, and he was being stingy with it.
The defensive part of his brain was quick to point out that it wasn't necessarily his fault. After all, just being around him was enough to fill the average Soquili with a sense of boldness, of determination. His presence could spur great feats, could help Soquili push themselves to their limits and achieve their goals. But lately, it seemed like he'd only been pushing Soquili into confrontation, provoked by Ausdauer himself and his hostile words.
He closed his eyes, tired of watching the endless drift of clouds. What he wanted to see was an answer of some kind, an explanation for what actually ailed him.
