|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 5:47 am
- TWILIGHT GANGSTERS -- In which Axel Halle [TROLL TOLL] finds out that Preacher Maria [THE SEMBLANCE OF UNITY] has not only enlisted, but is a chick. - the sky is growing dark, it's after dinner - on their way to the dorms
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 5:48 am
The day had passed in a blur. It wasn't bad to start with. It was all following orders, being told what to do, where to stand, where to go. It was just another job, right? Axel followed the rest of his dorm around obediently, listened hard to instructions, and saluted when necessary. Their duties didn't sound bad, with the major exception of the animal care thing. Horses in general had a serious personal problem with Axel, and he was darkly suspicious that hawks wouldn't care for him either. During dinner the reality of the whole thing sank in. It wasn't just another job. He was going to be living here, stuck here, for three years. He might be able to visit his family, but he wasn't going to be able to see them every day. Some people -- okay, most people -- tended to think his sister was a b***h and his mother wasn't much better, but Axel tended to be blind to the faults of those he loved and he missed them already. What if they needed him? Not only would he not be able to help in an emergency, he wouldn't even know about an emergency until word reached him, and who knew how long that would take? Days, probably. It was troubling, and after Axel had eaten he snuck out of the dining hall early, slowly making his way towards the dorms. Axel was far too stubborn to give up or drop out, but he needed a few minutes to himself to think things over. He kicked a rock, watching it skip over the ground. The Titans had never seemed so close. He wanted nothing to do with the Scouts, but he would see them even if he got into the Garrison, wouldn't he? They would be down there, milling stupidly around, battering their big dumb bodies pointlessly against the walls over and over again. It was a loathsome thought, one Axel banished immediately. He didn't want to be up on the walls. He would be down on the streets keeping the peace. And hopefully he would be back home, on the streets of Shiganshina. That was a pleasant thought. Axel kicked another rock, wrapped up in his thoughts. He had a finely honed sense of danger when it came to the approach of baldies, but if any other new trainees were nearby he didn't notice them.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 6:34 am
Preacher was already tired. The day had been a lot of standing and a lot of socializing and being pleasant. It was a different game than the one she had played in the slums, although possibly less dangerous... for now. It was almost liberating to have chosen her fate. Nevertheless, she had found herself growing tired and slipped out of dinner early. Aimlessly, she walked, circling the dorms several times. She huffed when a rock skipped past her, interrupting her thoughts. Was someone seriously throwing rocks on their first day here? Tracing the rock back to its origin, she saw Axel walking along, head down, painfully oblivious to the world around him. Preacher felt the corners of her mouth turn down. Damn fool would get killed out in the field. An odd sort of apprehension grew within her chest. She knew that eventually, she would have to meet him, to talk with him. A small part of her was still vaguely surprised he had signed up; in a way, it was distinctly un-Axel. There were many reasons to join up, she supposed, but if you didn't have at least a slight fatalistic bent, it was pretty silly. Still, even beyond wondering at his reasonings... how would he react to knowing he had hit a girl, had kissed a girl? Preacher almost turned away. But then he kicked another rock and it skidded further and smacked into her shin. That tiny bit of rubble couldn't hurt her, but damn, it was annoying. She crossed her arms under her bust as he steadily got closer, tapping one foot impatiently. "Oi! Stop that!"
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 6:44 am
Axel jumped when the voice shouted at him. He looked up, saw the trainee, and immediately realized that he had hit said trainee with the rock. "Oh, sorry!"How embarrassing. He really hadn't meant to hit anyone with a rock. Axel didn't want to make enemies on his first day. He hadn't even heard the other trainee. That was what he got for wandering around like a fool. Axel resolved to be more aware of his surroundings from now on. He could brood silently in the dorm, not on the grounds. And speaking of being more aware... that other trainee was very familiar. Axel squinted. It was a girl, clearly, obviously a girl, but it was also unmistakably Preacher, with his-- her--hair long and gloriously free. "P-Preacher?" Axel stammered, sounding just like a flustered Alec. He stared. And stared. And stared some more. He must have looked very stupid, standing and staring at Preacher as though she were some sort of apparition, or possibly a very short Titan, but Axel was utterly at a loss for words. The expression on his face was one of total shock and -- just a bit -- relief.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 7:03 am
There was a moment after his 'sorry' where she just waited for him to recognize her, to say something more than an awkward apology. Waited and perhaps doubted a little. Until now, it had never occurred to her that he might not se4e 'her' as Preacher. Tala had, Elliot had, but they also hadn't fought, hadn't been so embroiled in hating each other that they could go blind from it. So she waited. But that wait, although full of a myriad of emotions, was brief and Axel stuttered out her name with satisfactory surprise. "Ding ding! Congrats, ya eyes work proper." A smile snaked it's way across her lips. And apparently his eyes did work, because he stared and stared and... stared. Preacher shifted from foot to foot. Did she look that weird as a girl? It didn't seem fair that his uniform fit him so perfectly; it would've been nice if Axel had ended up with something in a horribly wrong size. Pants large enough to smuggle children in, maybe. Self-consciously, she flicked her hair back over one shoulder and recrossed her arms, hugging her sides. It didn't matter what he thought, she told herself crossly. "I-I see ya enlisted, eh? Ya just gon' make some nice-looking titan fodder."
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 7:13 am
The weird feeling of relief was short-lived. Preacher was a girl, thank all the gods that were, and a beautiful girl. But that meant he had been brawling with a girl. The fight during the parade flashed through his mind. He had slammed Preacher against the ground savagely at the end, gripping his, no, HER wrists hard enough to bruise. He had hurt Preacher, a lovely and lively young woman much smaller than himself, and the fact that Preacher had started it by jumping on him and trying to claw his eyes out didn't seem to matter. Axel's face fell. He was crushed. He had never hurt a woman. He didn't think women were weaker than him, certainly not, but he had always seen himself as a protector of his mother and sister and by extension women in general. "I-- yeah, I enlisted."
It was almost torturous to speak to Preacher when he wanted nothing more than to flee to the safety of his dorm. "What -- why -- why did you lie to me? I wouldn't've fought with you, I -- you lied to me! You're a girl?!"He wasn't making much sense, but to be fair, it had been a long day. "I'm nice looking?"
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 7:38 am
Her golden eyes peered intently up at his face, searching the spaces in between his words and trying to identify, to gauge each emotion that flickered across it. She flushed a little. Was that... relief and then... something that looked like horror or disappoint or something that was not on the positive side of things. Preacher's smile faltered a bit. Well, he hated her, was probably just mad she was here too, that she had dared to reach above herself. This was nothing new. It changed nothing. It still stung. "A girl?" she drawled out. Shrugging, Preacher fell back on her old friends: sarcasm and cheekiness; they were shields against the world, against Axel. Screwing her mouth up as if concentrating, she slid her hands deliberately up her shirt to her chest and slowly squeezed. "Oh~ guess I am, huh." In a rare moment of extra cheekiness, she bit her lip and winked at him. Anything to get a normal reaction. Preacher was more than a little perturbed that he seemed to take her disguise as a personal affront. And, oh, ******** s**t hell walls, had she actually said he was good-looking? ********. "I never said ya was easy on tha eyes, dun get a big head!" Except she had, and they both knew it. Desperate, she latched onto his earlier sentence. "Hah! I didn't lie jus' ta you, oh so special Axel. I lived like this; it's safer. But ya wouldn't know a thing 'bout not being safe. Hmph. You saying I can't fight as well cuz I'm a girl or summat?"
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 7:54 am
Axel took a step back when Preacher squeezed her chest and winked at him. He felt absolutely terrible, and her taunting was making it worse. He felt stupid on top of everything, stupid to have never noticed that she was a girl, not even when he kissed her. Granted, he had been drunk, and she had a certain feminine quality about her at the time, although Axel had convinced himself it was all a hallucination drummed up by his brain to protect him from his own suddenly blossoming gayness. Oh, yeah, there was that too. She thought he was gay. Axel wouldn't have cared if the whole world thought he was gay, but Preacher couldn't. No. No! He was suddenly panicky. He locked eyes with Preacher, blue on gold, suffering through the intense hawkwardness as Preacher tried to backtrack over her compliment and explain herself. "You can fight better'n me and you know it!" Axel snapped, outraged that Preacher was trying to put insults in his mouth. "I don't hurt women -- and yeah, yeah, it wasn't safe for you!" He was stupidly angry at Preacher for tricking him and the why of it made it worse. Now he was thinking about Preacher beaten, how bruised and miserable Preacher had looked, and the guilt of not helping her somehow was crushing. "You could have been killed in the slums, you could have been ... hurt, you should have told --" hawkward pause "-- someone!"Axel hadn't thought he had a death wish when he first signed up for the military, but there he was scolding Preacher. Maybe he was destined for the Scouts after all.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 8:23 am
When he took a step back, she followed him, step for step. Oh no, he wasn't going to run from her. This, this.... thing they had, this emotional current, this kind of impossibly muddled hate: it was exactly what she needed right now. Preacher was fully ready to spar, no, to brawl with him right there on the soft grass, to pull hair and not pull punches until they both felt better. But it saddened her a bit to realize he wouldn't want to. There were many things Axel was that were made complicated by her femininity: mainly that he was both gay and a gentleman... sort of. Even though his tone was infuriating, Preacher was briefly mollified by his utterance that she was the better fighter. Briefly. "Ya don't hurt women? Too bad! Ya fought one, ya punched one, ya pinned my wrists 'til they bruised. Ya sayin' ya wouldn't fight me now on account of me being a girl? I kin beat ya down any day. I got strong n' I got fast. I had to." Her fingers plucked at her pants fitfully, unable to stay still, but her hot yellow eyes never strayed from his. When she flushed, her scar stood out in stark relief. "O' course it weren't safe! It's tha ********' slums! D'ya think I wasn't hurt there, d'ya think I wasn't nearly killed afore? I flirted with death so many times it shoulda bought me a ring!" Her face looked haunted briefly, and she rubbed one wrist. Preacher's breath was coming quickly, the rise and fall of her chest a testament to her continuing frustration. Axel could never understand - he hadn't lived like that. And that, she realized with a start, was why she hadn't wanted to see him working in the slums. He was too good, too full of some kind of stupid ideals for the slums. They were ingrained in him just like the dirt from the slums was probably still ingrained in her skin like a wasting disease. "N' who exactly was I supposed to tell? Tell 'em what? Tell 'em to help out a guttersnipe b***h from tha slums? People don't do that, Axel!" Her hands curled into fists at her side, but surprisingly, instead of the overwhelming urge to fight, she just.... she wanted to know his answer. "Jus' who... who was I supposed ta tell?"
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 8:36 am
For the first time in his life, Axel was actually tempted to hit a woman. To hit Preacher. There was something infuriating and invigorating about fighting with Preacher. He wasn't violent by nature, but when they fought there was nothing but pure clean aggression that scoured away everything else, that burned away his confusion and frustration and all of the things he couldn't understand. Now, more confused and frustrated than ever, he could have used a scuffle. But they were in the military now. They wouldn't just be dragged apart, they would probably be forced to run laps all night before waking up at the asscrack of dawn to get busy. Fortunately Preacher seemed to be thinking along the same lines, and though her fists were ready she wasn't hitting him. Axel blew out a frustrated sigh. The thought of Preacher in the slums was somehow agonizing. The knowledge that he could have done something and hadn't was worse. No, instead of helping like her precious parade marshal Saga he'd just fought with her. He winced when she referred to herself as a guttersnipe b***h. Some pretty dark thoughts about Preacher had run through Axel's mind a time or two, but he wouldn't have called her that, no matter how much he hated her. "You could have told me," Axel said. "You could have lived with me, I don't have much, but I could have ... I could have married you or something!"haaawwwwkwwwaaardddd...
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:05 am
"Told you? Say 'oh yes big strong manly Axel I'm actually a girl n' wouldja please ever so kindly take me away to your house forever and ever'? Hah! Don't make me laugh!" And she wasn't laughing. She wasn't even smiling. Her face was carefully blanked, a mess of emotion roiling inside. Preacher couldn't believe the sheer audacity of his white-knight syndrome. Suddenly, her eyes narrowed. Axel looked uncomfortable; good. Let him think about how ridiculous he was, how powerless it felt to be in the slums. She never, never wanted to go back. And that was why she would not fight him here and now. Still, her lip curled up in a sneer of self-loathing. "Thank ya ever so much for tha offer. Boys like you don't marry girls like me. Like this." She gestured to herself, sliding one hand down her hip. Preacher was dirt, dirt that just got lucky, that just found a guy so wrapped up in his fantasy land that Preacher was the damsel in distress. "I want ya ta think, long n' hard, about the whys n' hows of my necessity. D'ya know what would've happened ta me iffin I'd been parading around as a girl? I knew, I knew since afore I could talk exactly what life would be for me. N' you, sayin' you're different, hah! You'd be tha same as any man takin' his whore in tha slums. N' then, you'd drop her like a used up dishrag." Preacher had seen it happen, once or twice. A man bought a girl, used her, threw her away. Kaile had been thrown away. If you were lucky, you lived. No, living as a boy had saved her so many times. Preacher had been careful to talk like a man, think like a man, dress like a man. "Sayin' you would marry me? What a ********' cruel joke!" With that, Preacher sat down hard in the grass, mortified to feel tears sting the corner of her eyes. Ever since that night at the tavern, no, ever since the festival, her life had been a roller coaster of ups and downs. Mostly downs. And for him to just blurt out that he, of all people, Axel could've save her, could've taken her like she was a prize to be won...? One traitorous tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it away angrily. She would not cry, Preacher never cried, especially not in front of him.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:28 am
As soon as he blurted it out Axel was mortified. He hadn't meant to say that, it just ... happened. He stood there, letting her furious tirade roll over him, feeling stupider and smaller with every word. Okay, so he had kind of proposed to his worst enemy in a fit of insane foot-in-mouth-itis. Right. Okay. So, THAT happened. Better move past it, although this moment would haunt him until his dying day. He definitely didn't want to marry Preacher, not in a million years, but it still hurt being berated and rejected by her. Especially the way Preacher informed him that he wouldn't marry a girl like her. Axel didn't see dirt when he looked at Preacher, he saw a ferociously fiery, beautiful person who could cut him to ribbons with words and fists. He was, as she had so often told him, clumsy and impossibly stupid next to her. The accusation that he would use her stung the worst, making him blush. For one thing, he wouldn't do something like that. For another, it was preposterous to imagine anyone doing such a thing to Preacher, who was a wildcat in human form. "I wouldn't drop you," Axel said, his voice low and miserable. "I'm not like that."Axel rallied when Preacher sat down on the grass, trying to remind himself that he hated her and would never have dropped her because he would never have taken up with her in the first place. He was just terrible with words, that was all. And why would Preacher think he was such a horrible person, anyways? He reached a hand down to Preacher, not looking at her. He didn't trust himself to look at her. "Come on. Get up. We've gotta get back to the dorms before the bell." And before anyone else left the dining hall and stumbled across this terrible scene.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:45 am
"Don't lie ta me, Axel. I ain't s-stupid." Oh, she hated it, hated that tiny tremble at the end of her words. Preacher knew that when Axel said he wouldn't drop her, he just meant any girl. He was so ******** noble and high-and-mighty and everything she wasn't and, walls, it stung. He had this way of inadvertently reminding her that she was nothing, worthless... it was insidious, slipping into her ears and her heart and wrapping ugly black bands around it. Of course, perfect Axel was exactly the type she feared the most. She sniffled. When he offered his hand, she looked up. Axel wouldn't even meet her eyes. He was probably too embarrassed to be seen with her. ********, she'd be embarrassed too. And Preacher didn't care about the damn bells. Well, she did, but it seemed a distant, far-off worry, like wondering what tomorrow's breakfast might be. She put her slim hand in his, wrapping her fingers around that broad palm. Her nail cut sharp crescent into the palm of her other hand. And suddenly, she remembered everything, every last excruciating detail about the ditch, about the tavern. Preacher felt something inside her twist painfully. With all her might, she yanked on his hand, hoping to send the b*****d tumbling to the ground.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 10:02 am
That was a sniffle, definitely a sniffle. He had made her cry with his dumb, dumb words. Something inside him crumbled and he felt even worse, which was impressive because up until that moment he thought he was about as low as a person could get without sinking into the center of the earth itself. If Axel had been able to read Preacher's thoughts about him being noble he would have been so astonished he might have laughed. As it was, he only saw a girl, a girl he had hurt with his own stupidity. Talking about marrying her had been a tremendous mistake. Hell. Talking to her at all had been a mistake. Preacher had somehow found her way here, out of the slum, and Axel should have kept his mouth shut and stayed far away from her. He knew she hated him. He shouldn't have bothered her. The hard yank on his hand did send him tumbling, falling nearly on top of Preacher. Axel cursed under his breath, scrambling away from Preacher and springing back to his feet. They couldn't fight. Fighting on their first day? They would probably be thrown out. He couldn't do that to Preacher, not after she so eloquently described her position in the world. "I'm not fighting you," Axel snarled, backing away. "You want to get kicked out -- fine. Go back to the slum." He was hurt and angry that she thought so little of him, and even angrier that she was willing to get in trouble just to fight him. "Don't worry. I won't be asking you to marry me. I won't even look at you any more."And with that, Axel turned his back on Preacher and stomped off to his dorm. If Preacher wanted to sit there and be miserable, someone else could cart her off to her dorm. Someone she wouldn't want to brawl with.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 10:47 am
Axel's words stung; hurt piled on hurt and Preacher was frozen even as he scrambled away. The echo of his words rung in her ears like constant bells. Well, if she had wondered before, she knew it now, that Axel hated her with a true, strong passion. He had been weak, she guessed, when he had said those nice things: a gentle heart trying to cheer up a girl he didn't even like. "Fine. Go back to the slum." Another tear rolled down her cheek and briefly, she folded in on herself, hugging her knees. She had just wanted... wanted.. Preacher didn't even know, but it wasn't this. It wasn't this feeling of maybes and could-have-beens and wasn't she supposed to be happy? She was here, and not in the slums, no matter how much Axel wanted her gone. But everything hurt.
Abruptly, she realized she was still there, in the clearing between dorms. Anyone could come along and see her, sitting there about to cry like a child. Shooting up, she rubbed an arm harshly across her face and ran. Her legs carried her past her dorm - she couldn't go back, not just yet, not with her eyes red and brimming with unshed tears. Finally, she collapsed a little ways away from the buildings. Preacher sunk down and pulled her knees into her chest. In the slums, she had learned to hold back her tears, and, if she couldn't, to cry silently. So she sat there, back snug against the fence, and cried. And, except for the occasional sniffle, she made no sound. Even when she was alone, she refused to be any weaker than she already was. She refused to hate herself any more than she already did.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|