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 Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 7:52 pm
 Pacing. Or what equated to pacing at how far along in the pregnancy she was. Belvah couldn't help herself. She needed to come clean to her husband about a very important matter. And if the rumors were true, he already knew about most of it. Did he know her involvement in the matter? Great Earthen Spirits, she had been keeping it from him for far too long. Why hadn't she come to him sooner to tell him about all of this?
Chewing gently on one of her usually well manicured nails, Belvah was pacing outside of Rais' office, attempting to work up the courage to knock on his door. They really needed to talk. At the very least, she needed to talk to him. It had been so very long since she had been with him in any way that even resembled what she believed they were supposed to have as a relationship.. The silvery female didn't even know where to begin discussing things with him. Well, other than the obvious coming clean part. That was probably the most important thing. She knew how much he didn't trust the blood pae, and she'd kept a secret about one for Spirits knew how long!
That was it, there was no way she was going to let this get the better of her. She was stronger than that. Inhaling as much air as she could, Belvah stopped her waddling and raised a hand to knock. She called, "Rais?" accompanied by hesitant knocking. Surely he was in there right now. Right?
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Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 8:39 am
 The Chieftain of the Faun pulling long hours in his office was a common enough occurrence these days. Frequent meetings, Faun in and out of his office, the Chieftain behind his desk pouring over reports and updates from the field. He was studying one such scroll intently at the moment.
Of course, he'd read it three times in the last half hour.
There were simply too many concerns weighing on his mind. He couldn't concentrate, not with this much restlessness warring with his attention. A part of him hated waiting here, in the safety of Laisidhiel, while his people were out in the lands beyond the Tree, searching for those who would do her and her children harm. He should be out there on the search. Taking care of the issue himself, before any more Faun could be hurt.
That's what he kept thinking, though another, more rational part of his mind reminded him that that wasn't his job. He needed to be here, in the Tree, guiding those who remained, assuring their safety, and continuing to relay orders to those in the field.
Sighing in defeat, he'd started re-rolling the scroll about the time he heard the knock on the door. The voice reminded him that he had other issues on his mind as well, some even closer to home than this recent attack. Tossing the scroll to the other side of the table in an obvious gesture of giving up on it, he didn't respond to the inquiry at first, his thoughts turning to his wife.
His wife. Was she really? Was it anything more than a title? He saw more of his Council than he did of her. He'd wondered at first when this had changed and why...then realized, it had always been as such. At first, they'd been eager enough to try to find time for one another, but after some time, the excitement seemed to wane a bit...other things got in the way...business took precedent over free time...
Then, there was the news his mother had brought him. A warning of sorts...from Laisidhiel herself, implying that his Seer hadn't been the only one keeping secrets from him. For those who were supposed to be trusted with his confidence, he was starting to wonder at the number of women keeping secrets from him these days...
Well, one secret in particular in this case: that of the former Princess's unorthodox and unplanned marriage. When Celestia had asked for his audience and explained, he'd understood some of the hesitation she'd had in making the matter known given the circumstances. Especially with what she had learned of the Faun history with the Blood Pae. Of course, this was also the very reason he'd wished she'd come forward immediately instead of trying to hide such a thing. He had not been happy with the delay of this information, given what it implied. He had been more than a bit furious to learn that his Seer had also known of this bond and not informed him of the risk of such a thing. He had thought that was the end of the matter.
Apparently not so. Whispers from Laisidhiel implied that his wife too knew of this secret bond. As if this were not bad enough...there were implications that she had actually encouraged the former princess to pursue the relationship rather than immediately seek out a way to nullify it! Though there was nothing to say she'd known of Celestia's husband's true nature, Rais found it sad that he was hoping on some level. that she hadn't known...that she was simply foolish, rather than a traitor. Encouraging a supposed friend to pursue a relationship with a stranger just because they had been tricked and magically forced into a soul bond...this was not the kind of advice a woman of her stature should be giving to young, impressionable faunesses. This was not the type of role model Rais wanted for young brides to look up to. Marriage was a sacred act, a spiritual ceremony of deep meaning and solemnity. To show such disrespect for such a sacred act...
He could only hope she had been a fool, unknowing that the stranger had also been a Blood Pae'il.
Turning his eyes towards the door, he remained in silence. He and Belvah had seen little of one another for a long time. He could note few occasions where they had spent much time at all in one another's company. He excused it at first because he'd been busy. And he had been busy. Right? Of course. He wasn't...purposefully avoiding her or anything. She was just...never around. He noted with some confusion that while he had business tasks that took up much of his day...he had no idea what she did with her time. What did she do all day?
Dismissing the thought before it could wander, he considered his actions for the moment. He'd let the silence hang for some time now. No, he wasn't avoiding her. Of course not.
"Come in."
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Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 12:10 pm
Time was passing. Surely he was within, stressing over something. He had been so busy lately and she'd been just... Vacant. Belvah was certain she would go down as the worst wife in the vast history of the faun. Not to mention the secret she had kept from Rais. Exchanging her nail for a lip, she continued to nibble gently, trying not to stress herself out too much. It wasn't good for the babies.
And that was all it was about anymore, wasn't it? A glance downwards confirmed as much. She had vastly neglected her usual toilette simply to care for the little ones growing within. They were part of Rais, and they would be important to the faun. Even if she was a recluse. There would be no reason for their children to be so. The thought of a little Rais underfoot brought a smile to her face. He deserved to know everything she had kept from him.
Gently patting the swelling of her abdomen, Belvah turned to leave. Surely he wasn't here if he hadn't answered by now.
"Come in"
She blinked, half turned away from the door when his voice came. So he was in there. And suddenly she was panicked again. There was no way this was going to go over well at all. But then, it was only one thing she had kept from him. Right? Emerald eyes closed, steadying herself for whatever was to come from this conversation. Surely, it would be nothing good aside from a singular cleared conscience.
Without further hesitation, she opened the door and entered.
"Rais..." The fauness was attempting to pitch her voice just so. He must have known something was up. Apologetic? No, that couldn't be the right word for what she was going for. Concerned and shy? It was closer, but still not just right. She probably just came off squeaking rather than any tone she might have been attempting. "I think we need to talk. Or at the very least I have something I have to tell you." Eyes downcast, unable to truly look him in the eye. She was ashamed of what she had kept from him, no matter how little it had seemed at the time.
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Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 9:14 am
The appearance of his wife at the door confirmed what he already knew, however, her words were what caught his attention. 'I think we need to talk.'
Had anything good ever followed those words?
Not usually.
Still unsure of exactly what to expect, he decided to go along and see where this led. Gesturing her in, he repeated, "Come on in then. And close the door behind you." Clearly, whatever this was about, they would both appreciate some privacy. He stood and though he didn't go to her directly, he moved around the sturdy wooden desk to pull out a chair for her. Even if things had been well...cold...between them for a few seasons, she was still a woman, as well as his wife. And carrying his children.
He waited until she'd had time to be settled before moving back to his own seat. Though he'd been wrestling with concerns before she arrived, a different sort of tension seemed to have settled over his shoulders. No...he wouldn't start anything...she came here with something on her mind. He'd let her lead and respond as appropriate. There was certainly no need to respond to a visit from his wife with any sort of aggression.
Even if the statement that she had something to tell him seemed to start a churning in his gut.
Taking his seat across from her, he folded his hands on the desk calmly. "You...had something to tell me? Are you...alright?" he questioned, gaze flickering towards her belly. There...wasn't a problem, was there? "I mean...nothing new from the healers...right?"
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Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 1:23 pm
Belvah nodded in agreement as she shut the door. She had no desire for any of the faun to know what was being said behind that door, though surely they would wind up leaking out in rumor soon enough anyway. Laisidhiel was tricky like that.
Hesitantly, the fauness seated herself as comfortably as possible. When Rais voiced his concerns she couldn't help but smile. "No, no. They're alright." Her gaze dropped, gently rubbing the protruding stomach. "Happy and healthy little fauns. Clearly or they'd be here with us in person already." An attempt to add a bit of humor to their impending conversation. It did nothing for her own twisting and frayed nerves.
"This time..." She bit her lip, trying to gather the courage again. This wasn't the way she was supposed to behave. He was the Chieftain for crying out loud! How scary could he really be? Inhaling a deep breath, Belvah started again. "IhavesomethingtoconfessRais." Whoops, too fast. She winced a bit, more at her own rushing than anything.
"I'm sorry, let me try that again." She was blushing this time, trying to keep eye contact with him. This was a serious matter, the least he deserved was eye contact. "I have something to confess to you Rais. I feel absolutely terrible keeping it a secret so very long. I know you're not going to be happy, I meant to come to you about it right after I discovered it, but you were so busy, you still are, I didn't want to burden you with any trivial detail of the fauns." She paused, glancing down at her lap. It wasn't a trivial matter though. She truly had no idea of how important a detail it was until after the fact. "As it turned out, it was no trivial matter at all if the rumors are to be believed. Please believe me when I say I had no idea of how grave a matter it was Rais." Finally she had managed to work herself into telling him. It was really now or never.
"I knew Celestia had found herself married. That he lived away from her. Never once had I imagined she wasn't married to a faun. I only came to know of the union through an extremely lucky guess. She had made me promise not to tell another soul. If I had known that her husband wasn't a faun I would have told you the instant I left that room!" Green eyes pleading, trying to will him to understand. This was not something she had ever intended keep from him this long.
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Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2014 1:05 pm
Rais' expression remained eerily calm as the words spilled from Belvah's lips. Sure, his eyes were narrowed sternly, but to be quite honest, if he were just learning this, he'd have reacted much more explosively. As it were, he was only hearing what he'd already known, but finally with the details from his wife's lips rather than the whispers of Laisidhiel. In a way, it was a relief to hear her admit ignorance of Celestia's accidental husband's true nature...yet, his anger was growing slowly with some of the other possibly accidental admissions she was making.
Only after she finished her plea, looking at him in desperation, did his stern expression shift. One eyebrow lifting slowly, he leaned forward, carefully keeping his tone as even as possible. "Let me get this straight. Putting the stranger's true nature aside for the moment...you learned that one of our young women found herself married...against her will...to a stranger...by magical means beyond our understanding...and you considered this a trivial matter?!?" So much for keeping his calm.
"Tell me exactly how how this played out, because I'd like to understand," he leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest. "When you...'guessed' at this horrible secret, and realized that she was afraid enough to not want anyone else to know about it, clearly not something she had wanted...what did you tell her? Did you offer advice to this scared young woman, still new to our lands and trying to settle in, suddenly finding herself in such a dire situation?"
"I don't know what things were like where you came from," he started to say, then paused and added partially to himself, "perhaps that is some of the problem. But here, marriage, or soul bindings, are a sacred ceremony. A tradition that is not to be taken lightly nor mistreated. The binding of two souls is a solemn pledge to support, care for, and love one another for eternity. Lives are connected and intertwined, and both parties understand this and make this decision knowingly."
"Or at least...they're supposed to."
For an event he thought handled and in the past, this discussion was stirring up other thoughts far closer to home than the foreign princess' strange situation. Uncomfortably pushing these thoughts aside for the moment, he continued his earlier train of thought instead. "As my wife, the other women look to you as a role model. Especially young women who are unsure and need advice in matters of the heart, as well as the mind and spirit. And this," he paused, waving his hand in the air in a gesture meant to implicate this entire situation, "...is this the message you believe should be delivered to impressionable young women? To treat a sacred ritual as a trivial matter and disregard the consequences?"
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Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2014 9:11 am
He was far too calm for this to be going well. Even if she had only heard of the occasional tendencies to get loud and... Scary. He always had a reason for it, didn't he? Oh Spirits this was going to go horribly wrong. Surely there was some serious anger brewing behind those lovely eyes of his.
It wasn't until he started speaking that she realized just how deep in trouble she was. This was far worse than she had originally imagined. And worse yet, she had done it all to herself. It was all she could do to not cower in the chair that she found herself in. He had every right to say far worse things and ask many more questions of it.
Belvah waited a moment, letting him finish for the moment. She needed to figure out how to phrase her next few words. "I was not aware it was against her will at any point in time. I believed her to be embarassed to have been found married so quickly." And it was true, never once did it cross her mind any of what occured would be even remotely possible. "It seemed trivial only because it sounded like a union that would have occured naturally, she and I never discussed it that greatly." Belvah paused, taking in a deep breath. Rais wanted to know what exactly had happened. It was by no means something she liked to readily recall.
"Marriage is equally important and sacred where I'm from as well Rais. I don't believe it could be any less in any land. When I say it was an extremely lucky guess, I mean it." This was absolutely true, at the very least to her. "She asked if you and I were married, when I said yes Celestia responded with something along the lines of, imagining a marriage to a loved one would be amazing? I don't like to admit it but it was so long ago I don't recall the exact wording." She looked down at her lap for a moment. Fidgetting. Deep breath, she could do this. Green eyes returned their gaze to his. "I offered her the advice of trying to work any issues out before dismissing it as something disdainful and hopeless. After that she asked me not to tell another soul and the subject was changed. Looking back now, I see where it was obvious something was terribly wrong..." Belvah did regret she didn't come to Rais immediately, at least on the matter of telling him that one of his fauns had found themselves married. Even if that regret had come late, it was better than nothing. Right?
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Posted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 7:17 pm
Rais' stare never wavered, though he took in every tiny fidget, every glance, every forced calm breath. Yes, she understood she'd made a mistake...but he was slowly realizing that she wasn't the only one to blame. The thought did not settle well with him, but it was one he'd started to entertain reluctantly as of late. It had always been a nagging feeling at the back of his mind, one he brushed off for more 'important' concerns. Everything would work out fine. Just push through and make it work.
Though...was that really fair to her?
"...it's always easy to look back and see mistakes. To see clearly what should have been done instead. To judge good ideas from bad," he finally spoke in an even tone, arms crossed over his chest and eyes focused thoughtfully on his desk top. A deep breath. His eyes closed for a moment.
"I feel like a hypocrite." He sighed. "Though the situation was different, I can't help but draw lines to the similarities as well. Rushing into a solemn commitment unprepared, assuming that one can make it work out, develop the relationship after the fact...doing it all in the wrong order and assuming one can force the issue, or that it will happen on its own with enough time..." He opened his eyes, glancing up towards Belvah.
After a moment, he held out one of his hands, palm up on the table in invitation for hers. "I don't think...that expectations were presented clearly...that you understood what it would mean to be my wife. The wife of the Chieftain. And...that was never fair to you."
"And it was never fair to either of us to enter into this, assuming we could make it work, if we just rushed in and tried to make the details work as an afterthought."
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Posted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 6:51 am
Her confession was finished, she'd laid it all out for him to judge. The weight off her shoulders had been immense, but it didn't take the worry of what was about to happen away. Rais had every right to be angry with her on this matter, every right to throw her away from the tree. Yet he sat there, quietly for just long enough to make Belvah stress herself out again.
When he spoke, she'd almost jumped out of her seat having expected fury or anger. An even tone like this was almost worse. Almost. The silvery mare watched him as he spoke, listening carefully. Without hesitation she slid her hand onto his, not wanting to admit to herself the truth in his words.
"It..." She paused, trying to gather her thoughts, "We had been a match in the beginning. Perhaps a bit foolish and eager to have something between us. I've made some grievous mistakes, causing an already great distance between us to grow even larger." Belvah frowned, looking to their joined hands.
He seemed willing enough to forgive her for this mistake, but what happened the next time she messed up? or the time after that? This needed to end before it hurt either of them anymore.
"Rais, I don't think we belong together. You're so much... No I'm not suited for this in any sense. You seem to be willing, at least a little, to forgive me for this massive mistake. But what happens in the future when I mess up even bigger?" She shook her head, "The faun don't need someone like that at your side. It's not good for them, it's even worse for us." The female looked from him to her swollen stomach. "We will have little ones joining us soon, I would not have their futures dictated by my failures as your wife. If you wish to see us still wed, if only for the children, I won't oppose you. But for our own selves, I don't believe it's right."
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Posted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 2:18 pm
The growing tension between Rais' shoulders seemed to knot...then slowly begin to unravel. He'd feared her reaction to what he'd been about to propose...but it seemed she understood and even seemed to agree with his line of thinking. Even before he spoke the words aloud. Perhaps they weren't meant to be together, after all, but at least they could agree on a course of action.
He reached out, placing his other hand over hers. "How could I give lectures on the sanctity and meaning of such a bond, if I didn't respect it as well? A good leader should lead by example. I haven't been doing that well in this." He glanced up from their hands towards her face. "It is one thing to make sure that one's children are taken care of. However, to live a lie, using that as an excuse? I don't believe we should do that."
Still holding Belvah's hand in his, he stood, moving around the desk to stand next to her. He released his hold with one hand, reaching up to brush her hair back. "You'll all be well taken care of; I'll be sure of that. Don't worry. And...don't take this the wrong way. I think you understand though. You're a wonderful woman, Belvah. I'm sure one day, you'll find some Faun perfect for you. Someone far better for you than me." He finished with a half-smile, then bent at the waist to place a chaste kiss on her forehead.
"I'll...make inquiries on how we go about this exactly," he continued quietly, glancing away. "We can try to keep things as quiet as possible, though, it will have to get out eventually, of course." Somehow, he felt both...relieved and just a bit saddened at how things had turned out. Of course, it could have been handled worse...but a nagging voice at the back of his mind kept telling him that it could have been handled much better too, if he had spoken up from the beginning with his true thoughts. Would have saved them all so much pain.
"I am sorry this didn't work out."
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Posted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 2:36 pm
A small sad smile managed its way onto her face. They had made one another put up with a lot of pain out of rushing things. This really was for the better, and no matter how happy they would both be in the long, it was still a sad moment for her.
"You're right. As always. Using the children as an excuse is pathetic." She shook her head, only breaking eye contact with him for a fraction of a moment. "You're an amazing faun Rais, I hope you find the woman that's perfect for you too. And when you do, I hope our children can be as happy for you as I will be." And, the funny thing was, she meant it. She herself wasn't suited to the job she had married into. There had to be another faun out there that was not only suited for it, but could make Rais happier than she had ever been able to.
The silvery mare was tearing up as he offered to make the inquiries. It would certainly give her a bit more time to attempt to have their children. "Thank you Rais, but I think we should wait until after the little ones are here. The stress of whatever will happen couldn't be good for them." She offered, hoping, if only for herself, that the children would be born soon. It felt like she'd been pregnant for forever. "I agree with keeping it quiet. Rumors will leak out soon enough, and hopefully we'll both have some peace from it." Belvah looked up to Rais, giving him a smile.
"Don't be sorry Rais. We gave it an honest shot, what happened happened. We're fixing it. That's what adults are supposed to do right?" Her smile never faltered, though a tear did leak out of her eye. And a.. rather strong kick told her it was about time for her to be going. "Could you help me up, Junior here says I need to use the restrooms." Belvah laughed, placing her free hand on the swelling of her abdomen.
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Posted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 9:52 pm
Rais had been relieved that Belvah was taking this so well. Things could have gotten complicated if he'd faced resistance with his 'suggestion'. He'd started to help her up, but hesitated, frowning at something she'd said. Well, there it was.
Though he did help her stand, he did so with a frown and a shake of his head. "I'm sorry if I was misleading earlier. When I assured you that I'd take care of you, I said that with the belief that you might think there were some sort of...punishment in store. However, you would retain none of the privileges of your current station. That goes for the little one, or ones as well," he said pointedly. After pausing to make sure she followed, he continued, "I'm afraid that now that we've decided to do this, we need to do so as soon as possible. I realize the situation will be stressful, but...it is necessary. I said you'd be taken care of, but...I meant that as I would provide for any Faun under my care. You...and any children...will be normal citizens of Laisidhiel and nothing more. You'll retain no special privileges for your former station. Which is why, to simplify matters...we'll need to do this before you give birth. They'll be born as normal members of the Tree, the same as everyone else with no disruptive change to their lives."
Given the remote possibility that Belvah were to give birth to a young boy...well, there could be no room for any Faun to mistake the child for his heir. Even if it would be his genetic child, it would not be a boy raised to be his heir. That would have to be made plainly obvious. "You do understand...yes?"
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Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 9:15 pm
She paused, frowning a bit. Deciding to separate meant not having a hand in his children's lives at all? That seemed a little wrong.
"Rais, the entire time I've known you, you've had to make difficult decisions and be a leader for a wonderful society. You've only ever done what was necessary for all of the faun, why on this island would I believe there to be a punishment for being honest with you?" Belvah shook her head. "If you believe it's best, let us finish this quickly. I'm bound to give birth any time now." She could overlook him wanting their child to be a normal member of faun society, or not having a hand in raising their babies, but if this process jeopardized the health of the little ones... Surely she was going to be one angry fauness.
"I understand Rais. You need to be free to have a real heir." This was going to be really awkward no matter how quiet it was kept. The faun would find out sooner or later and then all the talk. That was so not a good environment to raise children in.
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Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 8:29 am
So...she did understand.
There may have been a deeper meaning to the comment than at first interpretation, but neither were any less true. And he wasn't about to push. She understood and that was good enough. The whole arrangement had been a bit rushed, for whatever reason his mother wouldn't disclose. Perhaps it was nothing more than her wish to have grandchildren. But the truth of the matter was, not only were their still no children as of yet...but the entire situation was just not working out. It was clear that no matter how they tried, this simply was not meant to be. Belvah wasn't suited for the life as the wife of a Chieftain...and that was not something that could be forced upon her. The wife of the Chieftain had many duties, only one of which was bearing the future leader, the Chieftain's son.
There's no guarantee that this one will come to fruition either, not after all the others... His gaze flickered briefly over her swollen middle. If she can't produce a viable heir...
In either case, the healers had warned him the excessive stress could endanger her own health at the least. There was no need to set all that out in the open right now. They both knew it; no reason to voice it aloud. There was little more to discuss now anyway. Offering his arm for support as she stood, he nodded solemnly. "...thank you." For understanding. For giving this a shot, even if it didn't work. For many things included in those two simple words. He kissed her forehead chastely, then escorted her to the door. Hopefully, they could get this done as painlessly as possible.*****
[FIN]
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