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Megrez had not forgotten what had happened not even a week ago. The knife sliding into the lieutenant's chest, the blood on her gloves, the way he fell over dead. Between then and now, during a sleepless night, she had had something of an epiphany: she had to keep fighting. There was absolutely no backing out for her now. Now, more than ever, she had no choice but to put on the fuku and continue the hunt. She was more motivated to patrol now than ever before, if only out of a strange, lurking anxiety.

Tonight her patrols brought her to a park. There was a certain bench she always sat on at this park, mostly just to take a break from all the walking, but sometimes the stillness would help her track auras a bit better as well. And sometimes, things just seemed to come to her when she sat on this bench. She sat down on the bench and wondered who would come to her tonight. A youma? A Negaverse agent? Another senshi? Who knew...

So, she would find another Senshi today, would she? Cybele's appearance was a welcome reprieve for Megrez, who had come to expect danger around every corner. Megrez smiled a tight, tiny smile and extended her hand for a handshake. She had trouble managing more than small, strained smiles these days; a "real" smile felt so heinously ingenuine that it would fade from her face just as fast as she could put it on. "I'm Megrez, Senshi of Eggs. Nice to meet you."

There was something off about this senshi, Megrez noticed. She seemed a bit unsteady, a little out of focus. Something must have happened. Megrez decided to ask about Cybele's condition, though she wouldn't delve too deeply if the other senshi didn't want her to. "Are you okay? You seem kind of... out of it, I guess."

"Actually, I just guessed from the way you hesitated when you said your name. You don't look like a new senshi getting used to your name, so that was the other thing that came to mind." What Cybele said next struck home, and Megrez nodded and listened to her story. The conclusion surprised her; while she knew she wasn't alone among the "killer senshi," she never really thought she'd meet any senshi outside of Gunn who had killed. She reached out and and gently laid her hand on Cybele's arm. "I want you to know one very important thing: you're not alone. In having killed, I mean." Megrez hoped that Cybele would catch the implication so that she wouldn't have to come out and say it herself.

"But yeah, that's rough. I know that's an understatement, but... the senshi life is rough, isn't it?" Another tiny twitch of a smile came to Megrez's face. "Maybe someday you'll be able to find the person who killed your friend and..." And what? "Do something about them." Once again, Megrez found herself avoiding explicit mentions of killing. "Do something" was vague enough to imply a variety of options, she figured. But really, what was there to do other than kill that "monster?" One dead Negaverse officer meant bunches of lives saved... right?

"Yes, that's right... people are going to be killed. And yes, it's very different when you're the one doing it. I've heard many speeches about how one dead Negaverse officer means a bunch of lives saved... but even if you do 'the right thing,' it just..." It just something. "It just hurts, I guess. I know that, when it happened for me, I was stunned at myself and scared. I still am." Well, if Cybele hadn't caught on to the fact that Megrez had killed before, that was a fairly clear confession.

The offer for help or support left Megrez a bit unsure of how to answer, but she figured one out anyway after a moment. "I don't know what I need in terms of advice, but support... any support is welcome. I think we can support each other through this, you know? We're both going through similar things, I think." She hoped she wasn't too off base with that assumption. "So... if you support me, I'll support you, too."

Megrez nodded. "Yes. I... killed a Negaverse lieutenant a few days ago, during that event in the warehouse." She swallowed nervously and fiddled with the ends of her gloves. "A lot of people? Well... now that I think about it, it might have been more like a few people talking about it a lot." When you encountered senshi like Gunn and Penthesilea who were fairly vocal about killing, it seemed like sometimes they repeated their dogmas so much that they became true.

The mention of having talked to someone about killing before caught Megrez's attention. "Who did you talk to about it?" Such a promise seemed very Gunn-like to Megrez, but for all she knew she was way off the mark.

"Thraen, Thraen..." The name sounded very vaguely familiar for some reason, but it didn't meet any matches in Megrez's mind. "Hmm. I don't think I've met him." Cybele's emphasis on "we're" confused Megrez a bit; yes, she understood what it meant (that they, two senshi who had killed and spoken to others about killing, were out and about), but she wondered if it was hinting at a solidarity between them, something like the prior agreement to support each other.

"As for the people I've spoken to... I've met Gunn, Senshi of Wildfire, and Penthesilea, Senshi of War. One of the first things Pen said to me was asking what my morals were on killing the enemy, and Gunn talks a lot about how the Negaverse can't be reasoned with. But the very first person who talked to me about killing was a Page named Megiddo. She's a friend of Gunn's, and she talked to me about it when she told me about the first Order Boot Camp."

"Yes, that's right. Wildfire." Gunn had done a lot for Megrez, what with saving her from General Mica and hosting the Order Boot Camps, so she trusted her quite a bit. In fact, one might say that she was a bit starstruck by the Eternal Senshi.. She hoped that someday, she could wield power and confidence like that.

At that trace of sarcasm, Megrez frowned a little bit. "Yes... Penthesilea is a bit, um, violent." One of the first things Pen had done was kill a lieutenant right in front of her, for crying out loud. Yet she still felt oddly defensive; perhaps there was an unconscious need to protect her mindset and keep what stability she could in her recently-rocked world. "But the Order Boot Camps are great. You learn about all kinds of important things, inside and outside of combat."

When Cybele asked her the heavy question and spilled her true feelings, Megrez exhaled. It wasn't quite a sigh so much as a release of metaphorical nervous steam. "I... I believe them. I've been told there are no other options, and it doesn't seem like there are. Most Negaverse agents aren't open to negotiation when they're on the hunt for starseeds. I was nearly killed by a Negaverse General a little while back, and I'm sure that pleading for my life wouldn't have stopped her."

"I know... It's so painful, it hurts so much. When I think about it, I feel sick and scared all over again. But a few nights ago, I realized something. For people like us, there's no turning back. By killing someone, we've made our decisive entry into the war. Even if we stopped fighting, that wouldn't erase what we've done. We just can't go back to how things used to be." There was a hint of desperation or pain in Megrez's voice; it really did still hurt to think about what she had done, and she was quite certain there was no returning to any previous state for her.

Megrez felt slightly rankled by Cybele saying the decision was "simple" for her, though it was probably unjustified. It was kind of simple for her, after all. She had made a choice to fight and stuck with it. "I know what you mean about it being a mental thing. I felt the mental transition myself a few nights ago. It's like a switch turns on or something." Then her eyes went wide. "You saw someone fed to a youma? Yikes. If I'd seen something like that, I would have probably changed a long time ago."

The fact that Cybele had been spared by Negaverse officers (instead of fighting her way out of the situation) struck Megrez as curious; there were probably people on the other side who floundered and weren't quite totally committed to the fight as well. "Who spared you? Do you know their names?" The idea of an enemy who begged for mercy unnerved Megrez; she had absolutely no idea what she would do in that situation. None.

"I don't know what I can do for you. I think you have to make these decisions yourself. You need to get a firm grasp on what you want, and then march on with full confidence." Megrez felt a little lame saying that she didn't know how to help; helping each other was what they were trying to do, after all.