Euanthe was used to being alone. She never knew any other way. To her it was strange to be around other people, it was strange to even hear her own voice. It was the type of loneliness that one would never even know existed. She was to use to not having someone stand by her. She really never even knew what it felt like to have someone by her side, someone who cared. She was strange. She felt sad, but she never knew the reason. Her heart always felt as though it was empty as though there was a void inside it waiting to be filled. Anytime she felt sad the tears would never fall they would just remain inside her building up to the day when they would finally be released.
She never noticed but she always had a habit of looking down at her feet. She stared at them hoping to move faster hoping that they would bring her some where she belonged. Not really caring where she went she walked and walked. She began to shiver but still carried on. She didn’t really know when or where she would arrive at her destination where ever that was. Euanthe felt as though she was walking to the ends of the world. She was trying to run away from the problems that were trapped inside, but that was not possible since you can’t run away from yourself.
She approached some location hearing the soothing sounds of crashing waves. For some reason she always found herself drawn to the water. Whenever she went swimming she felt as if the world was moving so slow as if it was peaceful. Under the water she felt as if no one could get her, not even her own thoughts. The loud and yet quiet voices of the world were finally silent. For once she felt truly alone. She didn’t have any explanation for it but even though she was alone nature, people, everything was around normally. By the sea, near the water, under it no one could get her.
The monsters of reality could not get her. She knew she would have to leave this state. She would have to leave her peace and return to reality. She couldn’t recall the last time she had even slept. The last time she ever had enough food to really satisfy her hunger. She sighed not even realising that she had approached the ocean. The water was over turning on her feet going back and forth ever so slowly.
She never knew why but she had always wanted to turn back time and relive her life. If she did that maybe everything would be better maybe she would be truly happy. Even though she hoped for this she still feared if it actually happened. She thought about how different she would be and how she wouldn’t even be Euanthe anymore. She would be a stranger to herself. She fought against herself all the time about things she knew would never happen. She couldn’t help but say to herself ‘What if they did?
How did she even end up like this not even she knew. She never knew her parents. She never really knew anyone. She would meet people from time to time but they would disappear and never return. She yearned she begged for someone to come save her from herself. She wanted someone who could make her smile for no reason. She couldn’t help but want someone who could make her laugh; just someone who could chase her loneliness away.
She felt as if no other could feel the way she did. She felt as though she was the only one in the world that knew what this type of loneliness felt like. She was always afraid when she approached a person. She always felt as if they would be to one who would save. She feared that they would leave her right after they did. She was afraid to approach people out of the results she though up in her head. She could only see failure in her eyes she could never she herself succeeding she could never she herself being happy.
For her being happy, not dwelling on every little thing was a dream ever so far away. She felt as though she was running towards it trying so hard to reach it but every time she got close it moved so far away once again. Did no one even know that she felt like this? Did no one even know that she was dying from the inside out? When she finally weeps she hoped it was out of happiness not out of sadness for herself.
It was too late to hope for anything else the tears already began to fall.”This is why I didn’t want to be alone!” She yelled out to the sea knowing no one could hear her. ”This is why I needed someone.” She felt the warm stream of water fall down her face remaining on her mint fur. She pushed her face in the water trying to hide the fact that her tears her finally fallen. She wanted it to be a lie. She didn’t want to fall so deep in pity that she felt sorry for herself. She didn’t want to pity herself so much that she would cry over it, and yet she did. She couldn’t help it. There are something’s you can hide from yourself and others, but this was something she could not hide from herself.
She lifted her head out of the water taken in breathes of air. She whispered to herself ”You’re okay, you’re going to be okay.” She convinced herself that she was fine. She began to be silent trying to match her breathing with the sounds of the soothing waves. She smiled to herself. ”You’re okay.” She said slowly believing this lie she kept on repeating. She thought she was crazy she thought that it was pathetic to feel this alone. It was not pathetic it was just common nature. Anyone who is truly alone such as she is will break just hoping and wishing for someone to save them. They will wait for the day when density will happen. They won’t try to make their own destiny these type of creatures will just wait and do nothing about it. That is their mistake.
