[PRP] Dreadcitement (Al + Noah)

[Saliru]

Al made one last stop along his way. Still wet and dripping with clean, he clutched the small parcel tightly with his fingers. He paused, staring at the door. The last stop now. This was stupid. He was sure he was going to throw up. He slid his hair back as best he could with his free hand before hiding the other behind his back, surprise in tow.

He knocked. s**t! What is he doing?! He should run! He should-- s**t. He was frozen in place with fear.  

[prolixity]

"Just a minute," Noah called through the door, and there was a scraping sound as he got up from his chair, then some rustling and silence. He opened the door a moment later, smiling; the smile froze unnaturally as he saw who it was, then turned, slowly, into a frown of wary, guarded hurt. "Al," he said flatly. "What is it?"

Al hadn't sought him out for over a month. Over a month, and now he just ... showed up? Looking like he expected something? After the way he'd left? The leaden ball of panicky uncertainty that had dropped into Noah's stomach at the sight of his friend's face clenched tightly. Friend? Were they friends? He'd thought they were friends. A little flame of anger wisped into life, burning up the edge of wistful happiness that he'd felt first when he realized that Al had come to see him. Al must want something. What did he want?

The framed shadowbox with its three moths still hung on the wall over Noah's desk.

Saliru

 

[Saliru]

Al's fear quickly turned back to excitement the moment he saw Noah. Why was he afraid? Why had he been so scared? He turned all mushy at the sight of him. He smiled. He missed his best buddy so much. "Noah," was his only answer as he reached out. He was clearly going for a hug.  

[prolixity]

Noah stepped back, his elbows pulling close to his sides. He crossed his arms defensively, hands curling around his elbows, his frown deepening. "That's not -- that's not funny," he said; his voice started almost plaintive, but dropped to something more like a growl.  

[Saliru]

Al froze as Noah withdrew. His eyes growing large with shock. "Wh- what?" He physically wilted at the rejection. "I'm not trying to be funny?"

He approached again, far more carefully this time. "Noah? What's going on? I was just - doing what I said... I... I don't....?" He frowned deeply at him.  

[prolixity]

Noah's shoulders hunched up, and the look he gave Al was pure wounded betrayal. "Yeah. Sure," he said. "Just -- just tell me one thing. How long were you laughing at me for being a sucker? I mean, okay, I'm not that great, I know how it goes, but I really thought you meant it. I really thought you liked me. And then, and then," his voice cracked, "that happened, and you acted like, but then you got me to show you that it'd worked and I'd started liking you and then you just took off."

He looked away, blinking rapidly in a desperate effort not to give in to the tears making his eyes sting. "I get it. You've got better friends and they needed someone to laugh at. It's fine. That's happened before. No big deal. But you don't get to do it again."  

[Saliru]

Al gave Noah an incredulous stare. Disbelieving as he practically yelped out a reply. "I - I didn't laugh at you! Like, I wouldn't! Not unless you told another awesome joke." His voice came back down a few decibels, "Noah." He approached again. "I really like you? Why else would I go through all that? I would have just... dropped it. Whatever. No big deal. But it was a big deal."

He approached again with clear intent to close the distance, not hiding his own tears at all as his eyes burned violently red. "You're my best friend. I was never going to stay away. I thought you knew that?"  

[prolixity]

"You didn't even text me or anything, you didn't," Noah hugged himself tighter, "what was I supposed to think?" His voice trembled. "I waited a while, just for something. You don't, you don't have to be around all the time or anything, that's fine, other things are more important and you've been around longer, you've got stuff to do and people to talk to. That's fine." He looked away again. "I don't like, I don't like feeling like I'm disgusting."  

[Saliru]

"I'm sorry. I never thought... I'm stupid." He finally tried to hug Noah. "I didn't know what to tell you. I just. I had to have something concrete."

He looked at a nearby wall. "I don't know why you would feel that way about yourself?" Then back at Noah, unwavering as he added, "you're ******** awesome man."  

[Saliru]

Phones man  

[prolixity]

Noah didn't push Al away, but he didn't hug back, either, remaining tense and drawn-in, not making eye contact. "I said, and you ran away," he said, very low. "You were messing with me just because you could. That's -- that's happened before. They weren't my friends, they just pretended so they could get me to start thinking that, and then either, either they'd make me do things for them or they'd just laugh and leave, and. Nobody ever came back. Don't laugh, okay, it's pathetic." Defensive and resigned.  

[Saliru]

Al pulled back from the hug just enough to place his face in Noah's. "Does it look like I'm laughing?"

He looked down, ashamed of himself for how he left Noah feeling. "I didn't run away Noah. I'm right here. I want you. I know it for a fact. I don't expect to deserve you. But it's... it's a fact." His head curled down further. "I uh. Got you something," he mumbled.  

[prolixity]

Noah shook his head a little. "I can't, I." He winced at what he was about to say. "I'm sorry. I have a girlfriend now." There. It was out. He couldn't help asking, "Do you still want to be my friend?"

His mouth pulled down further at the admission that Al had brought him something. "I can't," he said again, barely above a whisper.  

[Saliru]

Al leaned in and attempted to run his fingers along the side of Noah's neck, brushing any stray hairs out of the way until it stopped just below his ear. If he got away with it, his touch lingered there. "I have to ask you something first Noah." His hazel eyes darted to try and meet the gaze of the other trainee. "Is friendship all you really want from me?"

It was a fair question. He needed to know right now what Noah felt. He had already revealed his entire hand to him. What he wanted. But Noah still had everything to his chest. He held all the power right now. A friendship could not exist under such circumstances.  

[prolixity]

Noah backed up, pushing the delicate touch away; not violently, not particularly firmly, but not hesitant about it either. "Don't," he said, and the set of his shoulders was determined. "I - don't know anymore. It wasn't. You're, I like you, you're my friend, I would've, but you. That hurt. It hurt and you didn't even talk to me once."

He swallowed and rubbed his hand across his eyes. "It's not an option now. I'm not the kind of guy who'd just, who'd go behind someone's back. Don't, please don't ask me."