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 Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:11 pm
Tallulah followed Finn down the stairs, concern growing in the pit of her stomach. He was being sort of marvelously vague (ha!) about what had happened, but she got the basic gist - the topic had come up, so he’d filled Nick in on the whole oh, yeah, you used to be evil thing. Great. Just great!
“We were going to ease him into that,” Tallulah groaned, as they rounded the second-floor landing. “We were going to give him time to adjust!” So much for that - this was happening now. She galloped down the last flight of stairs.“Wait in the lobby,” she barked agitatedly to Finn. “I’ll let you know if I need you.”
And then, switching gears, she gently opened the door to the apartment. “Nick?” Tallulah asked. He was huddled on the floor, more or less where Finn had mentioned leaving him, and in a few quick paces, she was kneeling by his side. “Nick,” Tallulah said, putting a soft hand on his shoulder. “What’s up? I’m here.”
Carefully, she set the glass of water further away, so it wouldn’t get knocked over. She rubbed the space between his shoulder blades. “Hey,” she said softly. “Hi.”
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:11 pm
He heard shouting outside. Or well, he heard Tallulah. Was she mad at him? He was mad at him. He was disgusted by him. And he wasn’t sure what to do. Most of his first-thought solutions weren’t the sort of thing he actually wanted to do, but they were… certainly things to think on. They had a certain amount of, of, of absolution, or just… ending… in them, like a loose tooth that finally falls out. Or a thread that finally breaks.
“Hi,” he said to her, lifting his head minutely to make sure it really was her. He wasn’t sure how she could even stand to be around him--did she know what he’d done? He didn’t see how she could know, because she was… she was good. Nick reached up, caught her hand in his, and clung. She was very, very real, and because he could, he reminded himself of all the little things he knew about her. Her favorite color was orange; she loved gerbera daisies; when he brought her Starbucks she always asked for a chai latte with a shot of espresso. He knew her sushi order and her favorite crime shows. She was a good person and he remembered her and she remembered him and would she have fallen in love with him if he hadn’t been a good person somewhere in all that Chaos morass?
He wanted to hold her, but didn’t know how to ask. Instead, between shallow breaths, he asked, “Did you know? About. The thing. Where I was evil?”
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:12 pm
Tallulah sat beside him, and squeezed his hand in a way she hoped was reassuring, and she thought about the question for a while. “Yeah,” she said, nodding slightly. “But not until - the night I figured it out that you were Spinel was the night you left for Gunn’s comet. Before that, I just knew that you were Paul, and you were sweet and you took care of me when I almost passed out at the pool and you made sure I didn’t spend my birthday alone and I was falling in love with you.”
She scooted a little closer. “Anyway, by then - you were committed to purifying, and when you saw me standing there with Gunn - Europa, I mean, you saw Europa and you didn’t know that she and I were the same person but anyway, you told me that all you cared about was that I was safe, that nothing else mattered to you as long as I was okay.” She might have been cherry-picking the details, but she figured no one was ever going to call her on it and it was true in spirit, if not actual exact quotations.
“I was going to tell you about it all when the time was right,” she sighed. “I just wasn’t sure when that would be. So Finn, he kind of - he jumped the gun a lot.” Tallulah shook her head. She’d deal with him later.
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:13 pm
“Okay,” he said, because--because at least he’d cared. At least he’d always cared. He squeezed her hand again, tried to match his breathing to hers, and after a long moment, lifted his head enough to see her. “I believe you.” He had no reason to doubt her or to doubt Finn, but Finn… wasn’t… he wasn’t… he wasn’t Tallulah. Her opinion meant more to Nick than Finn’s did, and if she thought…
She felt reassuringly real, her fingers laced through his and her at his side. It was easier to ignore that treacherous little voice in the back of his head when she was there to refute the things it said. “You shouldn’t yell at Finn. He didn’t know I’d… that I would… It’s my fault.”
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:15 pm
Tallulah leaned over, pressing a careful kiss to his forehead. “Okay,” she said, and while she still felt frustration with Finn over taking a conversation that rightfully should have been hers - what was done was done, and she knew him well enough to know he wasn’t the kind of person who acted out of malice. He’d told Nick about the Negaverse because he thought it was the right thing to do, and ultimately, that wasn’t something she could hold against him.
“I was just frustrated,” she said, settling back down and leaning her head against his shoulder. “I was trying to make a plan, trying to micromanage every little thing - and then it all kind of got away from me. I’ll tell him I’m sorry in a minute.”
But back to Nick. Tallulah took a deep breath, trying to collect herself. “What about you?” she asked, rubbing his back. “Are you okay?”
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:16 pm
I’m a murderer, thought Nick, and if his voice went from indoor to outdoor in the course of those words, he hoped she wouldn’t blame him. He thought, I killed people! He still couldn’t believe it himself. Didn’t want to believe it, not really. I’m not okay, he might have said, but he didn’t. He nodded, not trusting his voice to keep his secret.
Tallulah had enough to be going on with. She didn’t need his bullshit too.
“I’m fine,” he said. “You, uh, should probably go say sorry to Finn. I’m going to go lay down, I think? Could you tell him I’m sorry, too?”
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:18 pm
“Finn will still be there to be apologized to in half an hour,” Tallulah said, not reassured by his long silence. “Do you think I could stay for a bit?” she asked. “Lie down with you?” It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Nick to be okay - but she wanted to make sure. She didn’t want to leave him alone to beat himself up, which was definitely a possibility given what he’d just learned about his past and the state she’d found him in.
She stood, pulling him gently up after her, and picked up the glass of water to set aside. She glanced at the food on the table, debated whether she should let Finn in long enough to get his burger, and decided against it - she could faintly hear him deep in conversation with Kaatje, out in the lobby.
“I’ll stick with you for a while, okay?” she asked again.
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:19 pm
He didn’t particularly want to get up, but he’d told her he was going to go lay down, and he couldn’t exactly out himself as a liar. Tallulah wanted him up; up he would get. He tucked a hand at her cheek, felt how--warm and vital and real she was. “Yeah,” he said. “I’d like it if you stayed.”
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