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 Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 7:09 am
Paris took her time brushing out her wet hair.
The length of her shower might have had some success in lessening the tension, the hot water easing the soreness of muscles wound too tight, but it hadn't made the prospect of facing Chris any easier. As the filth of sweat and sawdust, ash and smoke was carried down the drain, she had nothing left to think about but how to explain her lies and deception, which hadn't seemed quite so bad when she'd been in the process of upholding them, but which now seemed to her a huge betrayal.
Of course she regretted it. She'd known all along she would, whether Chris found out the truth or not. It was easier to regret, though, when he looked at her in disappointment and refused to speak with her on the way home than if she'd come home without him being any the wiser to what had occurred. She didn't like the idea of facing it but knew she had to. But if she could put it off. If she could just... figure out what to say...
What could she say? “I'm sorry” didn't seem nearly good enough.
Paris was quiet when she slipped out of the bathroom and kept her eyes lowered, bare feet padding softly along the rug laid over dark wood floors. She had her arms wrapped around herself, her hands fisted into the dull fabric of the old t-shirt she wore to bed. Her wet hair hung heavy down her back. It made her cold.
“Your turn,” she mumbled.
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Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 5:04 pm
It had been a long night, and there really wasn’t much Chris wanted to do aside from go to sleep. Of course he wasn’t going to go to bed covered in sawdust and ash, and he was a bit too mentally wound up to really manage it.
If anything, he would probably spend the night tossing and turning.
He waited for his turn for the shower sitting on the edge of the sofa in his and Paris’s large bedroom. Too large, probably. Too grand, too… too. Most of the time it didn’t bother him. He was used to it, he’d been born into it, he’d grown up to expect it… But looking around now, did they really need a glass cased fireplace in the middle of their room? Did they really need the rich furnishings and decor? Sometimes, he wished he could just live a simple life, especially if that meant away from all the fighting. Maybe in a house like the one Paris used to live in.
But even that wouldn’t make him happy. Being away from this war without the responsibility or knowledge of everything that happened. No need for lies and distrust…
He glanced up slowly as she moved closer to him, reaching out to take hold of the old t-shirt and pull her closer, close enough for him to rest his forehead against her chest, his hands against her sides and back, keeping her in place, but not forcing her to remain there.
She smelled of soap and roses — probably the fancy shampoo she used, or maybe the lotion she applied after? There was no trace of the horrors they’d just left, and he wished it could remain like that, but knew it wouldn’t.
For now, he just wanted to close his eyes and breathe in everything fresh and pure, wishing there was a way to cleanse the city as easily as taking a shower.
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Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2014 7:25 am
Paris hadn't expected it to be so easy. She doubted it would be, but she didn't argue or fight when Chris reached out to pull her close.
She wrapped her arms around him, slipped a hand into his hair to card her fingers through the dark auburn strands, ran her other hand down his back and gripped at him tightly. She lowered her face against the top of his head and ignored the smell of smoke to place a kiss there, rested her cheek there afterwards and felt like crying.
“I'm sorry,” she said, even though she knew it wasn't good enough. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry I... lied...”
And that was the worst of it, she knew. Not that she hadn't told him at all, but that she'd lied about it, made up some dumb story about being at Tallulah's and expected Chris not to question it. Of course he wouldn't have questioned it. He trusted her. And she'd used that to her advantage, knowing the whole time that he wouldn't approve of what she was doing. That he'd worry if he knew.
“I just... I didn't want you to be there, and... I thought if you knew about it you wouldn't let me go or you'd come along or... I don't know, I just... I need to know that I can do this without you.”
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Posted: Sun May 04, 2014 8:14 am
There were a lot of things he wanted to say, a lot of things that he would have said under different circumstances, but with Paris, and how they’ve gone through this before, there didn’t seem to be anything he could stay that wasn’t just repetition of everything they’ve spoken about before.
He was resigned at this point, having not spoken to her at all on the car ride home, having ignored her as she went to shower and even now he was tempted not to respond, because what could he say that she probably didn’t already expect.
There were times in the past where he’d lost his temper with her and her lies to him, times where he’d jumped to conclusions instead of letting her explain and try to give her another chance. Now…? He just couldn’t help but wonder how often she’d lied to him. Was this something she usually did? He hoped not, but now he couldn’t be sure.
“Where do you think I’m going?” he finally asked when she expressed her concerns, pulling back to look up at her with an expression mixed with hurt and confusion.
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Posted: Mon May 05, 2014 3:09 pm
“When you graduate,” Paris elaborated, as if that explained everything.
Stubbornly she looked into Chris's eyes when he pulled back to stare up at her, though she would have rather averted her gaze and avoided the look of hurt on his face. She didn't enjoy the thought of what she'd done, didn't like thinking that Chris was questioning his trust in her. It'd been so long since it'd even been an issue between them. She'd thought they were past this. She'd grown up. She was better than this. They were better than this.
In reality they were barely more than children playing at being adults. Being married and involved in a war didn't change that, however much it might make it easy to forget.
“You don't know where you're going to end up. You could be drafted anywhere, end up stuck across the country while I'm still here, and please don't say you don't need to play baseball because if you give up on that because of me or because of this stupid war it's not going to make either of us happy,” she said. She swallowed through the strain in her throat. “I've had you with me all this time, I need to know that I can handle it when you're gone. Even if it's just temporary. I don't want things to be like they were when I awakened. I don't want to fall apart again, but I don't... I don't trust myself not to...”
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Posted: Wed May 07, 2014 4:30 pm
”Paris, you know you can handle yourself,” he frowned, staring at her helplessly. “I know you can handle yourself. I’ve never doubted your abilities. You’re not going to fall apart. That’s not the problem here,” he explained, his voice becoming desperate for her to understand.
“Did you know what was going to happen? Did you know you were fighting the Dark Mirror Court? Did you really agree to team up with the Negaverse to kill them?” he asked, trying not to sound too distressed. “An ambush? Using hostages and drawing them there to kill them? Is that was it was?”
It wasn’t a matter of her going to fight youma on her own, but for her to be involved in this… he didn’t like the idea of blood on her hands…
“If you knew I would be upset or not want you to do something… did you ever stop to think why?” It wasn't fair. They were all too young... they had so much more to deal with than this mess, and yet there they were, trying to fight a war. His hands gripped tighter to the shirt she wore, his head tilting forward to press against her chest once more.
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Posted: Sun May 11, 2014 8:30 am
Confident as Chris had always been in her as a Senshi, Paris had never been that confident in herself.
“Yes, I knew what they were doing,” she admitted. She shifted her gaze away now, her face the picture of shame. “But I didn't... I didn't actively participate. I'd never planned to. I just wanted to be there to observe and... make sure things didn't get too out of hand. I don't care about the Dark Mirror Court one way or the other, but... I needed to know what would happen, who the big players are, who to watch out for, how much I could handle.”
Because no matter what Chris said about her or her abilities, she knew she had limits. They'd changed over the years, of course. That was only natural. Yet she hadn't spent much time determining what they were now. She was always cautious, always on her guard, always kept herself as removed as her sense of duty would allow her to. She needed to know that she could handle herself without the comforting presence of Chris always at her side. She needed to be able to trust herself.
Most days she didn't. She knew who she was as Paris, but as Ganymede she'd spent too many years stumbling around in the dark.
“I wasn't going to kill anybody,” she insisted. “You know I wouldn't do that. I just... I was stupid, okay? I didn't think it through ahead of time, and by the time it was all happening there were people there I wanted to make sure got out okay. Tallulah, Christa, your brother. I couldn't just leave.”
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Posted: Wed May 13, 2015 8:12 am
“Of course I know that,” he assured her, shaking his head when she told him so. There were too many people involved that he cared about, and the fact that they didn’t bother telling him until it was actually happening… Was it because they didn’t trust him? Or because he would hinder them…? Was he too weak to be relied on?
“You need to make sure you can do this without me, but I can’t do this without you, Paris. If something happened to you and I didn’t even know where you were…” He would be devastated. Every time Paris left on her own without letting him know how long she expected to be gone, if not where she was going, it caused him more anxiety than he cared to admit. Some people might think it was rather controlling of him to want to know what she was up to, but in the world they lived in… one of monsters and chaos and death… it was only so he could sleep at night.
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2015 7:39 am
“I'm sorry,” Paris apologized again.
It didn't sound like enough. It never was.
“I'm sorry, I promise I'll never do something like that again.”
And she wouldn't. She'd learned her lesson. If the danger hadn't taught it to her, then Chris's disappointment in her had. She could hardly bear to look at him when he was so upset with her. Paris was surprised the conversation hadn't devolved into an argument. She'd been expecting one. She'd done a terrible thing...
“I love you,” she said, “but I needed to know that I could do it on my own and... I didn't want you getting hurt.”
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