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Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 10:10 pm
.email logs.
----
It was loud and hot.
And it was so totally awesome. At the beginning of the evening Vanessa had had to shout in order for anyone to hear her above the rhythmic, electronic pulse of the music. If she wanted to talk, shouting was still necessary. But a couple drinks mixed with vodka had rendered any attempts at real conversation ludicrous.
Vanessa was underage. It was illegal for her to be drinking and dancing as she was in this club with it's pretty lights and fancy dance floor. At the beginning of the evening Vanessa had had reservations about using a fake ID to get inside. But Tracy, who was also a waitress at work, had eventually been able to convince her that everything would be okay-- they'd gone shopping for adorable dresses, and for shoes.
Vanessa had splurged, and it had felt good.
And then it felt even better on the dance floor, when men wanted to buy her drinks, and when men wanted to put their hands on her dress. Vanessa was flushed with excitement, enjoying the night, and trying not to think about the way Kam hadn't answered her text messages.
A night out had been just what Kamboja needed. A no-strings-attached, no girlfriends or lady friends allowed night on the town. It was hard for Kam to look down at Vanessa's text messages and not respond but after the whole diner incident he had decided it was time to put a little distance between them before she got more silly ideas in her head.
Every time his phone had buzzed, each time her name had flashed, he had simply ordered another shot and put it away. By now he was buzzed enough himself to forget about it.
He was laughing loud enough for anyone in the building to hear, though most people passed by without a glance. He was nearly doubled over with a dark, wide hand clasped on a paler man's shoulder as the skinny fellow regaled a crowd with what must have been a tale of a much younger Kam. Kam paused his laughter to interject a comment or two, sending the whole crowd into a fit of laughter and earning him a couple of sly smiles from women that he definitely noticed.
For Kam, he was dressed fairly nice. His long dreads were hanging loose around his shoulders, brushing across a nice black collared shirt that he had rolled to his elbows. His jeans were intact and clean and even his shoes were a little classier than his normal beat up vans.
He glanced up once when he thought he saw something out of the corner of his eye, but shook his head and played it up to the buzz. His charming smile slipped in place as he made another comment to a pretty brunette next to him, but then his companion launched into another story, involving the girl's locker room and fire alarms.
The shoes Vanessa picked out that afternoon were modest heels. Tracy had warned her against purchasing them, and swore that Vanessa would regret it before the night was through. But Vanessa was stubborn and had insisted that she would be fine. There was a modest heel on Super Vulcan's sandals, and she was used to wearing those.
But this was different, and Tracy was right. These shoes weren't meant for fighting or, actually, dancing. Somewhere beyond the effects of the booze Vanessa's feet ached very slightly. On the dance floor, moving as she was in the arms of a friendly stranger, it didn't matter. Vanessa was not unfamiliar with pain, and enjoying herself too much to let something as stupid as her shoes get in the way.
If worst came to worst, she could just take them off and go barefoot.
She was intoxicated, from the party and the alcohol. Vanessa wasn't the sort of girl who did anything half assed. The rest of the world had ceased, very temporarily, to exist.
Except for the sound of Kam's laughter.
It carried over and through everything-- the music, the vodka fog that clouded her mind, and the stranger's voice when he whispered in her ear. Vanessa shivered, ignored him, and seized his fingers suddenly where they crept near the hem of her dress.
"I need another drink," she said, and pushed him gently away without a care. "I'll be back."
She wouldn't remember him well enough later to keep that half-hearted promise.
"Barkeep!" She called, slurring her words on purpose and doing her best to sound like a drunken cowboy. Vanessa squeezed her way through the crowd of people gathered around Kam, without realizing that he was there, and slapped the bar. "Beer me!"
And then, a giggle, when the bartender finally addressed her, "Just kidding. Gimme another rye and coke!"
At the same time as one of the girls on the edges off the group huffed and cursed at being jostled, Kam looked up. He had seen that familiar shock of red hair in his peripherals once more but this time he couldn't convince himself it was just another girl - not when a noticeably intoxicated Vanessa slipped right by.
In a dress that made Kam stare like he had never seen her before. Instinctually he reached for his phone and checked to see if she had sent him any passive aggressive comments, but there were none. She really hadn't seen him yet?
Or maybe this was silent treatment.
As Kam stood staring after her vacantly, the girls around him began to try and drag his attention back. It wasn't that they weren't pretty or that he wasn't interested (he had intended to leave with at least one), it was simply that he was battling himself internally. One part wanted to play the hero and make sure she was okay, another wanted to get a better look at her dress, and the last wanted to run and hide before she DID notice him and scold him for lying.. or worse.
But two beat one and he found his feet moving before he thought, winding around the pouting women as though they didn't exist. His wingman moved in to pick up the slack, expertly and gladly.
"Van", he was behind her in moments, trying to look unconcerned and attempting to hide his wandering eyes all at once. He ended up simply looking confused. "How the hell'd you get in here?"
His voice at her ear made Vanessa jump. She recognized it at once, because her name could only sound like that on one person's lips. Vanessa paid the bartender, and turned to face Kam with her drink. When she smiled at him, it was a little lopsided, and did not meet her eyes. Something uncomfortable squeezed in her abdomen.
Maybe it was the alcohol.
Maybe it was the way he'd ignored her text messages.
"I flew," she told him softly, sipped from her drink, and did her best to suppress the way it made her feel, to know that he was… out. When he hadn't found the time to let her know he had plans. There was no anger, not really.
But there was hurt. Kam had never ignored her before. Not, at least, that she was aware of. It was hard to think about the things that they had shared without feeling like he was trying to throw her away.
Still. He was talking now.
Vanessa cleared her throat and looked Kam up and down in an obvious sort of way; unconcerned, drunk as she was, about letting him know that she appreciated what she saw. The smile on her face turned tender. She reached out, took an unconscious step closer in those shaky heels, and smoothed the collar of his shirt with a careful hand, "you look good."
But he hadn't dressed up for her.
Vanessa wasn't good at this. She didn't pretend to be.
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Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 10:12 pm
He had been around her enough to know the subtle differences on her face, the way that smile said something completely different than it was meant to. Guilt swelled instantly in him, eating at his insides like a hungry youma. He felt like an a**. He was one.
"Thanks," he shifted his weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably as she smoothed his collar. These days he was interpreting everything she did as clingy but.. she looked amazing. Plus she was drunk enough that he felt his over protectiveness kicking in. It was an odd mix of feelings, knowing he was the kind of guy he wanted to protect her from. He should have walked away, known better than to make things worse.
But that damn dress.
His eyes dropped and skimmed the hems, knowing what was beneath simply taunted him more. Then he swept his eyes up to the bartender and made a gesture that had a drink in his hand in moments.
"You should be careful where you fly, little sparrow, this is a whole different kind of dangerous than you are used to." He tried to look stern, even as he took an unnecessarily large swig of his drink. "You shouldn't be out alone."
Somewhere behind him a girl from his group was calling out to him but he simply ignored it and set his shoulders like his back was a brick wall.
"But I didn't come alone," Vanessa explained, forehead furrowing, and tried to remember the last time she'd seen Tracy, "I'm here with a friend from work."
She hiccupped, and realized she didn't have a clue where they'd lost each other. Concerned suddenly, Vanessa thought harder about where she could have gotten to, and remembered the dance floor.
"We were dancing," she said, and turned away from the bar in time to spot the girl calling out to Kam. Vanessa couldn't help the way that she scowled.
This was what he'd meant, when he'd tried to warn her away before. He wasn't her boyfriend. Vanessa had never wanted to be his girlfriend. They hadn't tried, but she knew, without needing to try, that it would be too hard. Still, feelings persisted, and she had always been a passionate creature.
It confused her when he stayed. She wanted him to, of course-- because she enjoyed his company, and would have liked to spend time with him. But she didn't want him to stick around because he felt obligated to it.
It had never been this difficult with Gehenna and Vulcan.
"Kam," Vanessa hesitated, and tried to think through the booze cloud that hogged her brain "I don't need a babysitter. I... want to have fun."
She paused, and then pressed a little closer. On purpose, to drive that point further home. Her skin tingled where it brushed his through the thin fabric of their clothes.
"You should go with them, if you want to," Vanessa whispered, lips grazing the shell of his ear, "but if you stay I'll show you some of the dance moves I learned tonight."
"It isn't about that," he insisted suddenly, furrowing his brows even as he felt his pulse quicken due to their proximity. He was trying to be stern, responsible, but he was failing inwardly. The attempt to appear so despite that made him look very angry, like a storm cloud about to burst.
He motioned with his drink to the general direction of his friends. "You don't have to compete with them, Van." The ice in his drink sloshed part of it over the rim and onto his hand, making him glance at it as if it had done so in direct violation of some unspoken order. He turned just in time to see his tall, lanky roommate swaggering with a pair of the girls that had surrounded them.
Damn it. He had liked that one.
He sighed heavily and glanced back at Vanessa, back to the dress and the sight he would have stared at all night if he hadn't been too busy trying to make a point. "This isn't about girls, it's about time with my friends. Time for me." He thumped one hand against his broad chest, trying not to show how very much he wanted to see her dance.
Instead he just sighed yet again, partly at her and partly at his fuzzy brain, and held out his free hand. "At least let me help you find this friend of yours. As much help as a drunk girl is in a bar, it's better than leaving you alone."
His anger surprised her. Vanessa took an unsteady step away from Kam, fingers tightening around her drink, and narrowed her eyes at the stormy look on his face. The frustration in his voice, combined with the things that he said, plucked at her heartstrings and made them hurt. He was the one who'd ignored her text messages. He was also the one who'd come to her now.
All so that he could tell her he needed space?
This idea was like an explosion in Vanessa's head. She stared at him for a long moment, and struggled to understand this change in their relationship. Before-- he'd never seemed to mind the attention she gave him. He'd even encouraged it, by taking her hiking up the mountain, and asking her to spot while he worked out his rage on a punching bag, and getting her to walk him home when he was too drunk to walk straight.
Vanessa swallowed, and her throat felt tight. She forced back the tears provoked by his temper, and was furious. With him for being so dumb, and with herself for being so emotional. Kam had told her more than once that he wasn't interested in her that way. His actions had, until now, suggested otherwise.
"Take all the time you need," she snapped at him, bright eyes flashing. She gestured in the general direction of the girl who'd called to him, and her voice warbled a little when she spoke next. "Go be with your friends."
Once upon a time, her name had fallen under that category. What were they now?
Vanessa slammed her drink down on the bar, ignored his outstretched hand, and disappeared into the crowd.
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Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 10:14 pm
Kam opened his mouth to argue with her and then simply snapped it shut in stunned silence as she stormed off into the crowd.
He wasn't sure what he had said but he suddenly had an overwhelming sense that he had ******** up. With a grimace, he tipped back his cup and drained the glass, then set it empty on the counter with a clink loud enough to alert the bartender. He was aware of a few awkward glances from close strangers who had been listening to the altercation. He chose to simply not acknowledge them.
In the time it was taking for the bartender to refill his drink, Kam's thoughts were flying. He needed to make things alright with Van somehow, but he wasn't sure.. how. He didn't know what he wanted from her. It wasn't until one of the girls from before approached him with a nonsense baby voice to inquire what was wrong that he realized he was simply sitting at the bar with his drink in hand, staring at nothing.
That was all it took for him to snap out of it an, leaving both bimbo and drink behind, he darted into the crowd with a stony look on his face. He was a man on a mission.
"Vanessa!" He didn't know where she was, but even he knew there would be dire consequences to letting her walk away like that.
Sometimes when Hairy Pete was was drunk and lonely Vanessa would sit and listen to sad stories about the mistakes that he'd made and the love that he'd lost.
Booze. Heartache. These things tended to walk hand in hand. Vanessa wasn't much for talking, the way Hairy Pete had been, but she had a hard enough time putting a lid on her emotions when she was sober. The liquor had robbed Vanessa of much of her ability to filter. She managed to walk away from Kam with her head held high, but boiled with a quiet rage, and wiped at her eyes to keep the tears at bay.
She desperately wanted to hit something, and struggled to keep her composure in the darkness of the bar where curious strangers followed her with their eyes. Vanessa was oblivious to them, and stopped in the midst of a group of dancers long enough to stomp her foot and swear loudly.
Kam had ignored her text messages. Kam had looked so angry, and said that he needed time to himself, but with friends. Away from her. Except for when he'd agreed to meet her at the diner, they had not spent much time together since the night she'd discovered he was Gehenna. Vanessa remembered the way he'd pressed her into the sofa cushions, after they'd talked that night. She'd felt how much he'd needed her then, and didn't know what she'd done to make him wary of her now.
"Hey," said a familiar voice at her ear, "You look sad, Vanana banana. Tracey told me I'd find you somewhere over here."
"Mmmm, I'm okay," she said, heart lightening a little when she recalled the identity of the speaker, and turned to face him with a half-hearted smile. They knew each other from work. Vanessa noticed that he looked good in blue, and liked that he seemed happy to see her. "Just something in my eye."
Tyler looked skeptical, but knew better than to push, and endeavoured, instead, to distract Vanessa from whatever it was that had upset her by appealing to her competitive nature. There was enough time for two shots, and Tyler's hand kept fluttering over Vanessa's lower back, before they both heard Kam calling her name.
"Do you know that guy?"
Vanessa, who'd wanted to have fun as badly as Kam did, hesitated only a moment before waving at him to show him where she was. His approach sent adrenaline rocketing through her veins. "I'm here, Kam. "
A flutter of movement caught Kam's eye and he followed it to her waving hand. He turned in that direction and even took a few steps before he noticed the boy hovering around Vanessa. His steps faltered only a moment - just long enough for his jaw to set into a painful clench.
The anger and frustration he had felt before was magnified and so obvious that it could have been a physical fire blazing around him. In that moment he wanted to embrace Gehenna and give the guy a mouthful of metal. Instead he simply settled for flexing his fingers in and out of a fist. When he finally drew up close, it was a wonder he could even talk.
"Can we go talk?" His jaw clenched tighter as he bit off the words. Then, shooting daggers with a glance at Tyler, added "alone."
Vanessa could not help the way she tensed when Kam came near. This made Tyler take the defensive. He was smaller than Kam, but larger than Vanessa, and puffed up a little behind her. She did not notice, and had eyes only for Kam and the rage that he radiated. For the life of her, Vanessa couldn't figure out why he was so ******** pissed, but she wasn't afraid. She was excited.
And confused, because he'd made it pretty clear that he wanted to be without her tonight.
Had he changed his mind, or was he upset that she'd just… left? She pursed her lips at him, and was not intimidated. Tyler's little game with the shots had only distracted Vanessa from her own frustration, and not really diminished it. Her temper lingered, red-hot, under the surface and shone like a torch on her face.
Tyler opened his mouth to speak, but only managed a couple sounds before Vanessa cut him off.
"Yeah," she agreed. Her voice was soft, but not timid. There was a hint of fire at the end of it. "We can."
Tyler reached for Vanessa's arm, but she shoved his hand away without a care, and led the way to the nearest exit door. Somehow, even though she'd consumed more than her fair share of alcohol, Vanessa still figured out there was nowhere inside where they could talk privately.
The air outside was cool compared to the atmosphere of the heated, sweaty atmosphere of the club. Vanessa swayed a little when she stepped out the door, into the alley, but turned to face Kam with some dignity when she caught her balance. She stared, and might have spoken herself, if she was not so sick with anticipation. Or quite so drunk. Her tongue felt weird in her mouth.
Kam's eyes narrowed dangerously on the smaller guy as he reached out for Vanessa and she actually had to shove his hand away. It was a mixture of jealousy and protectiveness and it was all danger. If Vanessa hadn't been leading the way to the door, he might have stopped to give the guy a good punch. But he followed, squared shoulders and stiff stalking, behind her until they had slipped through the doorway.
When the cool air hit him, he felt some of the tenseness leave his body. Not all of it, but it wasn't possible with her staring up at him the way she was.
"I didn't.." He stopped with the half formed apology in his mouth but clamped his teeth down, baring them in his frustration. "I don't know how to ******** explain anything,Van."
He drew a shallow breath and leaned back into the brick wall behind him. The night was already more drama than he wanted. "But don't just walk away like that. Especially not with sleazy bastards like that guy around." He jerked a thumb back towards the club, then crossed his arms over his chest. It looked intimidating but it was a symbol of his nervousness.
Vanessa stood as still as a statue, and watched Kam through narrowed eyes. She took in his defensive posture, and his expression, and the way he struggled with his words. There was an apology on his voice. She knew him well enough to be able to hear it, even though he hadn't said it, and was soothed a little.
It was impossible to stay mad at him very long.
Vanessa was proud and stubborn, but it wasn't in her to drag out either of their suffering. It would have been different, if he hadn't come to find her with Tyler. If he'd just let her walk away. But he was there, and he was trying, and everything about this told her that he still cared.
"I know Tyler from work," she said, "he was happy to see me."
Kam was not.
Vanessa tried to swallow the lump in her throat, and found that it was too big. There was too much feeling. Not enough room inside. She didn't' know what to do with all of it and regretted, not for the first time, her decision to leave her henshin pen at home. But there were no pockets in her dress!
"Kam," she stared at the road, crossed her arms over her chest, and dug her fingernails into skin. It helped a little. Distracted her from the pain of wanting him. ""I don't… I don't know why you're so mad at me."
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Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 10:17 pm
"I'm not." It was a quick, simple answer. He said it without thinking, simply blurted the truth out. But then his voice hitched and he couldn't find words again. Instead he leaned back against the wall behind him and put a hand up to his head, brushing back heavy dreads hanging across his face.
He didn't know how to handle this. He hadn't ever had to deal with this kind of situation.
"I'm mad at me, Van. I'm.." he trailed off and grit his teeth. The words felt like he was speaking through razorblades. It was difficult and the strain shone physically on his face. "I don't know how to handle this. Us. You're making me.. break all my rules."
He wasn't mad at her. Vanessa was pretty sure his actions had proven otherwise, and opened her mouth to argue with him. But he kept on talking, and Vanessa was glad that he'd not given her an opportunity to speak. The things that he said surprised her. The pained look on his face broke her heart.
Vanessa couldn't bear to see him hurting.
"Hey," she spoke gently, and took a tentative step closer. She wanted to reach out to him-- to touch him, somehow, but he'd said that he needed space. Vanessa meant to be respectful of that. "It's okay."
Vanessa took a deep breath to steady herself, because one of them needed to be, and then threw caution to the wind. She closed the distance between them, but did not press up against him. She simply stood in front of Kam, so that she could look him in the eye, and offered up a friendly smile. It was genuine, and tender.
"Try to relax," Vanessa's hands were careful, where they found his waist. This was not a hug, but the contact was supposed to be reassuring. "We used to have fun together."
He worried so much.
She bit her lip, cheeks glowing pink because he'd referred to them as an 'us,' and whispered, "this doesn't have to be anything you're not ready for."
He watched her move closer but, for a wonder, didn't try to stop her. Even as he felt the brush of her hands across his waist he managed to stay still. After a moment he simply sighed and pushed himself away from the wall, letting his arms wrap around her shoulders and crush her into his chest.
"This is already something I'm not ready for," he mumbled over the top of her head. His fingers brushed over her bare arms and he tried to remember this was a serious conversation. All his buzzed brain wanted to think about was her dress.
"I am going to act stupid about it, all I can do is apologize. It was simple with Vulcan, and we were simple as friends, but together.." he shrugged, pressing his fingertips lightly into her arms, "together it is a dangerous chemistry for me."
He was so strong.
A pleasant warmth started in the pit of Vanessa's stomach when Kam wrapped her in his arms. She made a soft, contented sound and was relieved. The night felt like it had been very long, and it wasn't over yet, but at least they were no longer standing apart.
It made her nervous, to hear him admit that he wasn't ready for this. Vanessa didn't have a clue what they were doing, but she dealt in the present and had never much been one for what ifs. She wasn't ready for this, exactly-- but she wasn't afraid of it either.
"I don't think you're stupid," she murmured and had to banish jealous thoughts of him spending quality time with other women from her mind. Vanessa sighed, and enjoyed the feel of his hands on her arms. His touch raised goosebumps.
"Do you wanna know a secret?" There was a playful note in her voice. They were having a serious conversation-- they had been having a serious conversation, but Vanessa wanted to have fun. That was the point of her outfit, and of the booze. Drama was exhausting. She wanted to make him laugh.
Vanessa pulled away from Kam slightly, chilly hands sliding underneath his shirt, and looked him in the eye. Her lips twitched.
"These shoes really ******** suck."
Maybe that wasn't such a secret.
He had simply nodded idly at her playful question, but the booze coupled with her admission made him laugh and with it came a sly grin. The weight wasn't gone from his mind but for just a moment it lessened. He could deal with that.
His teeth grit in a startled way as her hands found his bare skin and he automatically tensed his mucsles at the touch. He gave her very little time to react before he stooped down and swung her up bridal-style into his arms.
It wad time to forget the world for a while.
"Well, you just have to wear them a little longer, since I'm pretty sure you owe me a dance."
There hadn't been very much room in Vanessa's life for fun since she'd taken up Sailor Vulcan's mantle. After the catastrophe of Operation ROTA, and the things that she'd let happen, she'd felt-- off. Without a centre. Her world was flipped upside down. Kam had no way of knowing, at the time, but he'd helped her flip it right side up again. Vanessa was protective of their friendship, because it was once so easy, and hoped that they could keep it intact.
She gasped, bright eyes widening, when he picked her up and slung an arm instinctively around his shoulders.
And then his words made her flush.
"I've been told I'm a good dancer," she whispered, voice a breath against the softness of his lips. Vanessa smiled and was excited to show him the things that she'd learned.
He simply nodded his head at her words and turned back toward the door they had slipped through. The inside was dark but even through the shadows that lop-sided, sly grin was clearly evident across Kamboja's face.
The night was a lot more promising.
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