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 Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 11:17 am
Preface: If you are currently feeling judgmental, stay out of this thread! (Or at least don't respond to other people's genuine thoughts!)Hi guys! The premise of this thread is to say whatever you want, however you want, and as often as you want. First: Close your eyes, and just breathe. As you focus your attention on your breathing, you'll notice that you are doing it neither voluntarily nor involuntarily. It is something that you do, but at the same time something that "does you". Just let go. Write whatever thought it is that comes to your mind. The first thing, the last thing, the most complicated thing, the most recurring question, the happiest thing. Anything. You may gloat as there is no need to be humble here. You may be angry, as you are rightly so. What you say can be a sentence or an essay. What you say does not have to make sense. What you say should be honest -- but only to yourself. What you say may or may not receive a reply from other users -- the expectation is that since this is your thoughts in free-form, not many will understand what you're saying *exactly*. There is no judgement in this thread. There is only you, your thoughts, and a place to hopefully find some release. Now, I leave you with the following quote: "When I wake up in the morning, I know that it's going to be the best day of my life. I never think about what I can't do. Make sure that positive thoughts are the first ones you think in the morning. And never procrastinate." Okami leaves you all with: Happy!
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 11:23 am
I'll start --
I never used to want to drink. But on Monday, I finally understand why people say, "I need a ******** drink".
What is so bad that we want to drink our sorrows away? I finally experienced something like that.
But drinking that night, and telling my best friend my problems -- I discovered that I had a lot to be thankful for.
Thank you, my best friend, for always being there.
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 2:52 pm
my life is pretty good, and i have no complains or problems. so i tend to worry about other people, currently i'm worried about my brother, i don't even talk to him or like him, but he's having his 4th kid. in a third world country.... 4 ******** kids. i have 4 cats and it's time consuming and expensive AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL! i can't imagine, how you pay enough attention to 4 kids. Anyway. that's on my mind right now. and for the drowning the problems with alcohol... well, those bastards know how to swim!! blaugh i hope whatever troubles you, resolves itself soon 3nodding
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 3:01 pm
MoMo~ I think it says a lot about you to care about someone who you're not very close to emotion_hug . I hope the wife is okay though~ 4 kids should really take a toll on someone >.~ Oh yeah, I can swim froggy style! So I should be okay!! But that was just once in a lifetime thing! No more... I had a big headache the next day x_x P.S. I hope your life stays good :3
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 5:37 am
I will work hard to achieve my dreams and after getting there, i can now have the option to kill myself.
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 8:23 am
Sphyxia I will work hard to achieve my dreams and after getting there, i can now have the option to kill myself. ... Please tell me you're joking. Please. neutral
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 8:31 am
Okami Ameras Sphyxia I will work hard to achieve my dreams and after getting there, i can now have the option to kill myself. ... Please tell me you're joking. Please. neutral I've been thinking about it for years. Trying to find meaning and reason why I'm sticking around. So I came up with long term life goals that aren't easy to achieved, becoming a doctor, publishing a book, learning how to program a game and other graphic artist functions that could fill in that void of something to do in life. Once I achieved them all or maybe go halfway and rethink again if it did made me think it had sense, then I can consider those options of taking my own life. I'm not thinking of killing myself because I'm sad. Everything is almost going great minus the trivial things of daily living. I'm blessed thankfully with a life fortunate. Not rich or poor, just plenty enough not to suffer economically. Whenever the thought that I've done it all comes into mind, I could no longer think of going further because those stuff are my superficial passion. I sometimes find myself laughing, why the hell would I work hard further when I can skip straight to hanging myself. But yeah, am just sticking around to see what its worth waiting for.
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 8:41 am
As for myself...
My first day or work is today. I'm trying to relax and loosen up, as I work best when in that kind of mindset.
However I have had... bad experiences working. The thing was, it wasn't caused by the workplace itself, rather at the time one of my "Roommates" liked giving me absolute hell.
How can one perform well if their home, their sanctuary, is not safe? If they worry about their physical and sometimes mental and emotional safety every time they stop into that place? It also makes it extremely hard to beo n your game when job searching too.
My work performance suffered. Majorly so. I wasn't safe, anywhere, and if that roommate snapped (like she threatened she would), then there would be bloodshed. Whether it be from my hands or someone else's.
I'm very glad I'm out of that situation now. I moved back in with my parents and I'm very grateful they've been as caring as supportive as they've been. They're military, so it's not the classic "It's okay sweetie, it'll all be okay." But it's what I grew up with, and it's the life I'm used too.
What I wish the most is, I wish my Fiancee was here with me. I miss him, and I wish I could cuddle the man. He was my one rock, my one anchor, my one safe person that entire time (now that my two other friends refuse to talk to me from that time of my life) even when I didn't treat him as nice and lovingly as I should have.
I may be back at square one, but I hope I go farther for the setback... better to be back at square 1 then to be at square -30.
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 8:44 am
Sphyxia Okami Ameras Sphyxia I will work hard to achieve my dreams and after getting there, i can now have the option to kill myself. ... Please tell me you're joking. Please. neutral I've been thinking about it for years. Trying to find meaning and reason why I'm sticking around. So I came up with long term life goals that aren't easy to achieved, becoming a doctor, publishing a book, learning how to program a game and other graphic artist functions that could fill in that void of something to do in life. Once I achieved them all or maybe go halfway and rethink again if it did made me think it had sense, then I can consider those options of taking my own life. I'm not thinking of killing myself because I'm sad. Everything is almost going great minus the trivial things of daily living. I'm blessed thankfully with a life fortunate. Not rich or poor, just plenty enough not to suffer economically. Whenever the thought that I've done it all comes into mind, I could no longer think of going further because those stuff are my superficial passion. I sometimes find myself laughing, why the hell would I work hard further when I can skip straight to hanging myself. But yeah, am just sticking around to see what its worth waiting for. Well... Ok... then. sweatdrop
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 9:09 am
Also, because I thought it was relevant. biggrin Happy!
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 4:11 pm
Sphyxia I will work hard to achieve my dreams and after getting there, i can now have the option to kill myself. They do say that: If you're not living to live, then you're living to die. My hope is that you never run out of dreams to achieve, no matter how many you have already achieved 3nodding
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 4:16 pm
It's actually very interesting to hear from your perspective, because I'm the exact opposite. I don't like making goals and I'm not a big dreamer. I feel like as soon as I open myself to some sort of expectation, I am also opening myself to let downs. But I try to find meaning in the little things I do. The people that I talk to. The job that I am doing now. Why am I doing it? Because I want to! To me, that's what makes my life meaningful. Maybe it's a little selfish, but it's my happiness, my freedom, my choices that makes life worth living.
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 4:22 pm
Okami Ameras Also, because I thought it was relevant. biggrin Happy! Thank you for sharing ^___^! I've added it to the first post~ emotion_hug I was going to reply to what you said -- but it seemed like I would be out of line so I just want to say I acknowledge what you said and am very glad you are in a better place now 3nodding Because the people here at this alchemy guild totally need you 'o wonderful Crew who helps keeps the guild running ^~^
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Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 3:46 pm
I think I follow the mantra of Living to Die.
Each day, for the last month or so, suicide's been a strong contemplation in the back of my mind. I don't have any long-term goals, nor any short-term ones. Any dreams I do feel that I have feel hopelessly crushed by the monotony of everyday life.
Like for example, I want to become a Veterinarian, but to go to Vet School, I need a significant sum of money. I've tried discussing it numerous times with the school, and there's no financial aid available, at all. Either I can pay the whole enchilada, down payments, or in loans. It's extremely frustating, beyond any sort of belief.
Even if I did achieve my dreams, it's not like it'll make me feel better. Every attempt in the past to better myself, has ended in a sort of failure that didn't even leave a mark on my self-esteem/self-confidence/self-worth. I go to Job Corps, that gives me about 1200 dollars of nothing. I try to use that money to go to college, and I give myself debt for one semester. And the major I was shooting for wasn't even something I was really good at. I simply was fooled by Job Corps to try and better myself, from the trade I had spent a year in.
My current home life feels like it's in shambles. My girlfriend, I love her, yet I feel like I am a failure. I feel like I can't support the two of us, and it depresses me to no end. I look at some of my friends from some of the other cities I lived in, and they're at least making it. Not in the best way, but they are attempting to be happy and make their lives work.
Is it that I miss the feel of social interaction with people I haven't seen for a very long time? Is it the crippling jealousy of seeing others succeed in areas where I've completely failed, time and time again? Is it the fact that no matter what I've currently done in my life, that nothing feels like it was successful, or meaningful?
I feel like there's no point to living, these days. You wake up, you feed the body, you make waste, and you try to join the Rat Race long enough to sustain yourself. It feels like a drag to pull myself out of bed every day. I truly feel as if Living to Die is the only thing I do these days. I don't feel any sort of motivation to make myself better at something, to be the best at any sort of thing. Everything that I would like to be the best in, there's already someone ten times better than I am. Be it they put in the practice, or naturally had the luck, it frustrates me further.
I can't see myself living past 50, anyway. I'll be lucky to make it to 30, with how I feel these days.
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 5:42 pm
Mage The Red I think I follow the mantra of Living to Die. Each day, for the last month or so, suicide's been a strong contemplation in the back of my mind. I don't have any long-term goals, nor any short-term ones. Any dreams I do feel that I have feel hopelessly crushed by the monotony of everyday life. Like for example, I want to become a Veterinarian, but to go to Vet School, I need a significant sum of money. I've tried discussing it numerous times with the school, and there's no financial aid available, at all. Either I can pay the whole enchilada, down payments, or in loans. It's extremely frustating, beyond any sort of belief. Even if I did achieve my dreams, it's not like it'll make me feel better. Every attempt in the past to better myself, has ended in a sort of failure that didn't even leave a mark on my self-esteem/self-confidence/self-worth. I go to Job Corps, that gives me about 1200 dollars of nothing. I try to use that money to go to college, and I give myself debt for one semester. And the major I was shooting for wasn't even something I was really good at. I simply was fooled by Job Corps to try and better myself, from the trade I had spent a year in. My current home life feels like it's in shambles. My girlfriend, I love her, yet I feel like I am a failure. I feel like I can't support the two of us, and it depresses me to no end. I look at some of my friends from some of the other cities I lived in, and they're at least making it. Not in the best way, but they are attempting to be happy and make their lives work. Is it that I miss the feel of social interaction with people I haven't seen for a very long time? Is it the crippling jealousy of seeing others succeed in areas where I've completely failed, time and time again? Is it the fact that no matter what I've currently done in my life, that nothing feels like it was successful, or meaningful? I feel like there's no point to living, these days. You wake up, you feed the body, you make waste, and you try to join the Rat Race long enough to sustain yourself. It feels like a drag to pull myself out of bed every day. I truly feel as if Living to Die is the only thing I do these days. I don't feel any sort of motivation to make myself better at something, to be the best at any sort of thing. Everything that I would like to be the best in, there's already someone ten times better than I am. Be it they put in the practice, or naturally had the luck, it frustrates me further. I can't see myself living past 50, anyway. I'll be lucky to make it to 30, with how I feel these days. Ya'know, I used to feel the same way, honestly.
I've failed at nearly everything I've done. Well, everything I can do in terms of supporting myself/ helping support someone else.
And then I found out something I'm... kinda good at. I say kinda, because I am good at it, I'm just not sure what to make of this particular set of skills I have.
Ever since I started to learn how to use these skills I have, things have been looking up for me. I have been (slowly, mind you) getting better at stuff in general, like keeping jobs and getting somewhere.
Also, I have my fiancee to keep me going. I don't know what I would be doing without him.
But there's one thing I've learned from what I've been through. Don't give up.
My suggestion? Don't quit. You never know when things will turn around for you. It might be instant, or it might be agonizingly gradual, but the darkest part of the night always comes before sunrise.
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Reply
