They both had changed a lot during their time part. Clearly. That's what happened naturally as time progressed...people aged physically and mentally due to the things that happened to them and around them. There was now a year's worth of time and experiences that neither of them could share in save for photos and talk. It wasn't just the loss of youthful pudge or the addition of muscle, it was a whole world of things: likes, dislikes and decisions...experiences good and bad. Sure, they'd probably end up talking about a lot of it, sharing with each other what they could of things missed, but it wasn't the same as having been there.
Björn was...different. Very similar to the man Colin had kissed good-bye before, but with more hidden layers that might never reveal themselves save for a tic or twitch, a turn of phrase or a behavior changed from then to now. At the very least he was quieter, more thoughtful. Even knowing that time changed people, his brain wouldn't shut up. Was it just time that brought that changes about, or was it something - or someone - else? Say...Andrew Collins? Thinking about him brought forth a tide of varied emotions, not all of them easily understood.
If he was being honest with himself, he would've admitted that knowing Björn had slept with their red-headed former PE teacher bothered him. More than he really wanted to acknowledge, let alone admit to anyone...even just to himself. It wasn't as though he had much room to talk...while he'd be in Battlesea, he hadn't exactly been celibate (at least, not the whole time). It wasn't as though he hadn't been propositioned or asked out or anything while he'd been away - the fact that none of them had been what he wanted didn't change things, because eventually he'd given in. Sure, it had taken nearly seven months before he'd even started paying attention to anything beyond dancing and sure, he hadn't been the one to make the first move. But eventually he had started seeing - and fooled around with - Holly Norman. Of course it hadn't lasted...as nice, smart and cute as Holly was, she just hadn't been the one he really wanted. Colin was just too nice a guy to use anyone as a replacement for someone else.
When Colin had told him about the doomed 'romance', Björn had actually said it was a pity it hadn't worked out. Pity or not, the dancer's knee-jerk reaction to having his ex-lover say that had been to grab the bigger man by his shoulders and try to shake some damned sense into him. He'd kept from doing so, however, because it wouldn't have worked. He knew better than to think that Björn just didn't give a s**t or hadn't missed him at all. Hell, his remark was probably tied into that whole "Colin is Special Snowflake" BS that Colin had always found endearingly cute...but sometimes obnoxious ("You know I'm not slumming, being with you, right?") Of course, this was said while he was still mentally reeling from hearing that his lover - former lover - had taken up with their old PE teacher (whether Drew was hot or not, it was still painful to hear). Jealousy was an ugly thing and he'd tried very hard to squish it down and choke it to death right then and there. Björn deserved better from him, dammit.
Even so...there was a sharp pain in his gut whenever he thought about Björn with Andrew Collins.
Knowing he'd been with another guy made Colin wonder about things, worry about things, that he probably wouldn't have stressed over otherwise. They were dating again...would Björn compare him to Drew when they were in bed? Not a matter of if so much as when; Colin knew himself well enough by then that he didn't bother trying to envision some sort of chaste relationship with Björn. It hadn't been 'chaste' when they were at Hillworth and it sure as hell wasn't going to be now that they didn't have to sneak around.
Colin removed his shoes and coat, tucking one under a long bench and hanging the other up on a long peg-board style coat rack meant just for that purpose before scrubbing at his face in frustration. and mutter, "Jeeze...when did life get so complicated?" When his mother peeked out from the kitchen, he gave her a distracted little wave and started down the hall towards his bathroom. "Hey Mom...I'm gonna take a shower and head to bed." He pressed a light kiss to her cheek when she insisted on affection and then continued on, not noticing the questioning look Rebecca Hargrove gave her son.
"See you in the morning..."
***
Hot water sluiced over the lines and planes of a body that was - and wasn't - familiar. If he closed his eyes and felt it was just...him. Just Colin Elias Hargrove...but if he were looking in a mirror - or hell, just looking - sometimes he was surprised by the maturity in his face, in his body. He'd changed quite a bit - a year was enough to change anyone drastically. Not just physically either, though the changes there were plentiful, but he was pretty sure that at the center of it all...he'd remained mostly the same. Still him, at the core. If Björn was like that too, then it would be fine.
wouldn't it?
Colin closed his eyes and let the water beat down on his head and shoulders, the sound comforting even if it couldn't completely drown out the voices in his head that gnawed and chewed and made him question everything. He washed up while thinking about how much bigger Björn had gotten. Rinsing down was accompanied by flickers of Drew Collins from memory. And while he was brushing his teeth he kept having to shake dirty thoughts from his head. "Oh come on brain, will you quit it!?" But of course not, so while he was still in the shower he just gave in, leaning against the wall with the water thudding against his squeaky-clean skin as he thought of Björn, Björn and Drew, Björn, Drew and himself; out of long habit, he bit his lower lip to keep quiet. When he was done he tiredly reached out to turn the water off and to snag the fluffy towel he'd readied before.
The blond toweled off briskly before wrapping it around his waist and peering at the fogged-up mirror; with a careless hand he wiped some away and gave his reflection a wry look, "Don't be jealous kid, he wants to be with you...isn't that enough?" Colin's reflection had nothing to offer and after a moment he stuck out his tongue, pushed away from the counter and headed off to his room to sleep.
Oh now tell me
Was he the one while I was gone who kept you busy?
Did he come in my place?
Could he make you dizzy?
Was he the one while I was gone who kept you busy?
Did he come in my place?
Could he make you dizzy?
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