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 Posted: Fri Mar 14, 2014 11:00 pm
Name: Melanthe Strauss
Nickname: Mel by very close friends, and Anthe by her fellow classmates
Age: 19
Birthday: October 31st
Sign: Scorpio
Gemstone: Topaz
Blood Type: B+
Fav. Food: Roasted lamb
Hated Food: Shellfish (allergic)
School: Destiny City University - Major in Biology, interested in research and development of biotech.
Hobbies:
Experimentation & Research Melanthe has a very unique passion for dissection, which better helps her to understand how living organisms work. Life and death are inexplicably intertwined and in order to solve some unanswered questions about these forces beyond her control, Melanthe looks for physical clues and signs amongst corpses and plants. The laboratory is her muse and it’s earned her some weird looks from her fellow students; not that she cares. Knowledge is power and she wants to know the answer to everything.
Reading Melanthe is an avid reader and book collector. Her interests include various topics, whether fictional or factual, low brow or high intellect. The majority of her favorites are science natured, including astronomy, biology, and anthropology. She’s a regular in the library at late night hours, and has accidentally fallen asleep there so many times that she tends to take a pillow with her, just in case.
Avant-Garde Fashion Melanthe's interest in non-traditional clothing stems from the fact that ever since she was young, Melanthe knew that she was different. She wanted to know more about things like physiology and anatomy when everyone else her age chose to ignore the more complex subjects, settling for the easier paths, and as she got older this didn't often change. To survive in a tough world you have to be smart and stand out of the crowd, and Melanthe chose Japanese fashion to better represent herself and her views. She's on top it of it all, from her high GPA to the perfect outfit she's carefully chosen to wear each day.
Virtues:
Fearless Being afraid is something that doesn't happen often in Melanthe’s life; nothing is allowed to limit this young woman, and certainly not a mere emotion. She speaks honestly (for better or for worse), acts without hesitation, and doesn't slow down just because somebody else tells her to. If you can’t handle the heat, go home, but Melanthe is here to stay in the game. Science has proven that only the fittest survive, and she's going to ensure that by the end of it all she's standing in the winners circle, even if she or someone else has to get hurt along the way. Melanthe's bravery carries her through situations as silly as dares and past obstacles more serious like needing to come up with a completely believable lie. Others applaud Melanthe for this advantage because it helps to rally their own spirits.
Poised Despite her somewhat eccentric tastes in the macabre, Melanthe is outwardly calm and collected. Her ability to speak about complex sciences without even batting an eye leaves others impressed by her intellect, as well as her genuine passion does. She’s confident and self-assured in all aspects of her life, and nothing seems to make her visibly bothered or upset. Should something manage to break through her thick wall of mental defenses, she prefers to handle her problems by herself. Melanthe doesn't want anyone to see that she is still prone to basic human emotions like loneliness, which might cause others to perceive her as something other than perfect, and anything less isn't tolerated. Her calm demeanor makes her more easily approachable to other students who want to ask her for help with schoolwork, and for the most part, she doesn't mind helping anyone who asks.
Intuitive Melanthe is a very open minded person, which leads her to listen and watch attentively to anything new or unanticipated that she encounters. Because of that fact, remembering even small details has become a habit for her, which leads to more experience when it comes to making decisions. Melanthe absorbs as much information presented to her as possible and frequently uses it to her advantage in many different situations. Because of her sociable nature, this often makes her more likable to those who do approach her. Even if it's your first conversation, she probably already knows your name and major, and can remember the last university function she saw you attending. This often makes her a source of knowledge that others can rely on, whether it's finding out the validity of a rumor or questions about serious life choices when asked to take on a counseling role.
Flaws:
Jealous & Vindictive Melanthe is the type to crave anything that is better than what she currently possesses; if a girl’s hair is longer and shinier, she wished she had it. If a guy scored higher than her on a test, then she wants to surpass his score on the next exam. This can become a genuine problem for those working around or with Melanthe because she tends to take ‘revenge’ on those with an advantage over her that makes her feel inadequate in some way. Whether it’s sabotaging someone else’s project just before the due date or stealing someone’s watch, Melanthe will do whatever it takes to screw over anyone she deems is belittling her. These accusations can be perfectly valid or entirely imagined. Her preferred methods are more underhanded than direct confrontation, such as stealing something from another student's bag when they're taking a bathroom break, but if Melanthe feels like she can make a complete fool out of you in front of others, she will. Public humiliation is a good teaching tool, and discourages the people who try to look down on Melanthe from getting on her bad side a second time.
Controlling Melanthe’s family wealth and her high IQ encourage others to give her leadership positions when in groups. Melanthe welcomes these roles, equally efficient when she’s responsible for others or just herself alone. However, when others work under her several complaints have been given about her strict guidelines and ‘it had better be done right the first time’ attitude. Perfection is always what Melanthe expects and anything less than that is unacceptable. She may even become physically or verbally aggressive when things aren't going according to plan.
Secretive While Melanthe is a straightforward person that others usually find easy enough to trust, she doesn’t often disclose more personal information, such as her family history or who her crush might be. It often leaves those who know her well more distant, and those that don’t typically assume she’s just a know-it-all b***h. In her life there's never really been anyone around that she could completely put her trust in; after all, most people she meets just use her as some sort of informational resource and then walk right out of her life. She thinks it's easier this way not to get emotionally involved with other people, but those who have been lucky enough to experience her physical affections would say that's got her needy side, too.
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION
Eyes: Ice blue, round eyes
Hair: Wavy waist length snow white hair, with long bangs covering her left eye like this.
Face: Heart shaped face with no blemishes. Makeup follows the gyaru style, giving Melanthe a more doll-like appearance, with false eyelashes included. Melanthe’s expressions usually leave her looking neutral, but she does give small appreciative smiles easily.
Clothes: Anything that falls into alternative fashion, gyaru or kuro lolita works perfectly for Melanthe. She likes pastels just as much as she likes edgy and darker outfits. A mix of both is even fine.
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Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2014 1:13 am
Negaverse Alias: Lieutenant Elbaite
Challenge: “Does it hurt?”
Uniform:
Top - A black or grey long sleeve button up blouse with a ruffed collar and a light blue underbust cincher.
Bottoms - A high-waisted skirt with torn lace along the bottom, lace or any piping/designs can be light blue
Gloves - None
Belt - None
Shoes - High heels with ankle straps, and stockings
Shoulders - Possibly a bolero or short (mid-torso) jacket
Accessories - Bows and/or lace, and maybe some kind of brooch. Think gothic!
Weapon - I’m going for a voodoo theme for Melanthe, but I've thought of proper limitations for her weapon to make it more believable, although it is still "magic" based.
Lieutenant Weapon: A torn up or dirty ragdoll/stuffed animal, probably found from a garage sale or somebody's attic. Aside from possibly grossing someone out from all the dirt and dust on it, the only way Elbaite can use it as a weapon is to hit someone with it. How effective that is depends on how much of the doll's stuffing is in tact. Pieces of the doll may possibly break/tear off in combat, possibly rendering the weapon less effective with more use.
Captain Weapon: A higher quality doll/stuffed animal, with pins sticking out of it. Elbaitee's attacks are based on the properties of voodoo; by inflicting wounds on her doll, she can transfer them to an enemy target. As a captain, these attacks are still rather weak and can only cause numbness, or a brief sharp pain wherever the doll was struck. This is better as a distraction tactic than an offense at this stage.
- Limitations:
1. To attack, Elbaite's opponent must be fully visible to her.
2. Elbaite must concentrate to use her attacks; by focusing on the 'aura' of her enemy, she can then use that same energy to inflict wounds on her target by damaging her doll. If her concentration is broken, any afterward injuries to the doll will not transfer to the enemy.
3. If the doll or object used to injure the doll is taken from her, or the doll is destroyed, Elbaite has virtually no power
4. As a Captain, Elbaite can only fight one enemy at a time, since she only has one doll.
5. Her attacks do not cause physical wounds to her enemies; the pain and numbness is just imagined.
General Weapon: A collection of four dolls/stuffed animals strapped around her waist, with pins or other small sharp objects stuck in them. Elbaite's voodoo attacks have improved with her rank. She can now fight multiple enemies at once, although the concentration required to use her abilities still limits her to focus on one enemy at a time when attacking. Damaging her dolls now inflicts minor physical wounds to her enemies, leading to cuts or small punctures in the skin, although the main power behind her attacks is still a heightened imagined sense of pain. It can now be wielded offensively, in addition to its distraction uses.
-Limitations:
1. Opponent(s) must still be visible to Elbaite in order for her attacks to works
2. When fighting multiple enemies, each enemy can only be represented by one doll. (For example, Doll A is only 'connected' to Target A. Elbaite stabbing Doll A will only wound Target A, not Target B or C. She can't switch the 'identity of the doll' once it's already been made.)
3. Separating Elbaite from her dolls, taking away the weapon used to harm them, or destroying the dolls will leave her powerless.
4. Elbaite is still prone to distraction, which renders her attacks null.
Note: Her color scheme is primarily black (with gray variations if necessary with layers), with light blue highlights. Please interpret that as you would like! I want the artist to create something that suits Elbaite, but I’d be more than happy to pitch some ideas their way if needed.
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Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2014 5:24 pm
I really really like her civilian personality, she sounds like a neat character and I think her persona would work really well in the structure of the Negaverse.
The only suggestion/critique I have has to do with her weapon. How do you see her being able to use it as it progresses to higher states. Most Negaverse weapons are physical versus magical, but a voodoo doll would probably have to be magical to work. If so it'll have to do something minimal (maybe numb a body part temporarily?) and you'll probably need to have all the details explicitly stated before this can be stamped.
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Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2014 5:27 pm
Hey! I saw you asking for feedback in the main thread and figured I'd stop by. None of this is official and if you disagree with any of what I say, feel free to tell me that I'm full of s**t. smile GeneralWhat is Mel's major? HobbiesBoth of these look really great and are really well explained! I don't think that you need to expand these any, as I'm already getting a really great sense of Mel, who she is, and what her priorities are based on these, but if you wanted to give her an additional hobby, you'd have room to. VirtuesThese all look really good overall, but I have a few questions here and there that I'm going to go through. Fearless: Does Mel have a sense of self-preservation? Does she put herself in danger in order to prove her mettle, or does she only take necessary risks? Does she have a sense for when a situation has become too dangerous to continue, or is she stubborn and sticks things out? Poised: Mel keeps all her emotions bottled up, which is a really relatable thing for her to do, but does she decompress in private, or does she just never loosen up? Intuitive: I think you might be able to say more about how this impacts her socially. How do people respond to her tendency to remember really tiny details? Does she never forget birthdays? Does she flaunt how good her memory is, or does she downplay it? Flaws:These are also looking great! I just have a few questions. Jealous & Vindictive: What is her definition of "whatever it takes" ? Is she someone who fights passive-aggressively, with displays of one-upmanship and bragging? Does she sabotage her rivals? Is she catty to them? Does she confront people directly and fight them? Secretive: What is Mel's reasoning behind not sharing personal details? Does she like the air of mystery, or does she have trust issues, or something else? Appearance: Mel is presumably a pretty serious, no-nonsense person to be around based on how you've written her. Have you considered how her fashion choices feed into how other people perceive her, and how she may be trying to present herself? While you, as the player, might want Mel to dress in frilly Japanese street fashion, what is Mel trying to achieve by dressing the way she does? How did she get into this fashion (it might be a hobby to add)? NegaI like the idea of her weapon, but I am curious how she employs it in a fight. Is she just blugeoning people with the dolls, or is there a magical effect (especially at higher stages)? You might want to, in addition to just listing the progression, describe what Elbaite's fighting style will be like, since she has an unconventional weapon. Your quest is already in really great shape, so these are all really tiny nitpicks - good luck! smile
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Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2014 10:59 pm
Thank you both so much for critiquing me! I really appreciate it, because I really would love to get an approval stamp on this quest. I took everything you both said into consideration, and fleshed out her weapon much more, including limitations. I had all these ideas in mind, but just hadn't put them into her form yet, just to see if the idea of voodoo might even be acceptable in the first place. @Silverah: I went along and added a bit more information to Melanthe's flaws and virtues, and added a section for fashion. Hopefully what I said makes sense, but basically everything Melanthe does has to do with her 'survival of the fittest' attitude. If she wants to be the best, she has to be perfect and so everything she does keeps that in mind. Please let me know if there's anything else you think I should add/revise.
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Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2014 3:40 pm
Nothing major I can point out that hasn't been said already but one thing did stick out - astrology isn't really science-based, but astronomy is! I dunno if you want to keep astrology in there but it's definitely not in the same realm as biology and anthropology!
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Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2014 7:08 pm
Thank you! I took that into consideration, and decided to change it. C:
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2014 9:36 am
Hello Hope,
Kao here to give you crit and get your girly stamped. She is a very well done fleshed out character and I do not have much to say. Just a few things. Her first two flaws don't really showcase why or how someone might like her for them like the third. If you could expand them a bit to include that, they would be perfect.
For her doll/dolls is very interesting and very well thought out, the main thing I have to say for it as at general there needs to be a cap on how many voodoo dolls she had attacks to her bracelet.
Quote me back, when you are ready for another look through.
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Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2014 8:41 am
Thank you so much for the feedback, Kao! I wasn't sure if you meant virtues or flaws in your comment (since I wasn't sure that people would like her for flaws? Wouldn't they rather appreciate her virtues?), so I've added a bit more information to her virtues. Please let me know if you really did mean flaws and I'll also go back and add more to that section also. I decided to set the cap on her general weapon as 4 dolls. My reasoning behind this is that while she has more dolls, Elbaite can still only really attack them one at a time. She can't have her hands overly full while trying to fight, so in my mind that number made sense. If you would like, I can also add that bit of logic to her limitations.
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Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2014 6:01 pm
Everything looks good, good luck winning your girl! 
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