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About to submit first run of an independant youth mag to the unsuspecting public. I'm an assistant editor and also sort out the poetry section.
These are a couple of mine I'm considering for the run next week- please
UNLEASH!!!



MORNING

She was watching the morning
He'd said 'hey babe, it's a new day"

Looking for a sign, a clue
a break in the silence
to let yesterday through

The birds have no memory
each song sung anew
- so she does too

Whistling down the garden path
in a green coat
Smiling at an old song

Its a new day








HERE

Her hair winds on the pillow
Binding them to this,
Golden, Together
Soaked in the bright morning.

She sighs, sleeps
He breathes her
There- catches the scent
of something rotten.

Resentful, he rises
A drunk in the gutter
vomits a torrent
of ugly abuse.
A corner girl turns
Painted, Lurid
Answers in kind.

He pulls the faded curtain,
a shield and thinks
Love isn't blind,
But sometimes she has to shut her eyes.




Thats the two I'm thinking of putting in. Its not just my stuff, anyone can submit. You guys can too if you like. Just post me if your interested and in the meantime please give me your comments!!!!

Not really my kind of poem, but that doesn't mean they're not well written! I liked the second poem more then the first though. If this is going to be in a youth mag (and therefore shown to the public) you should check the spelling. I didn't find any errors in the second, but in the first poem there are some errors. I've corrected them for you 3nodding



I know they're are really small errors, but I just can't ignore them... sweatdrop . But overall, these are nice poems! I bet your readers will enjoy them. Good Luck!

i liked the second one much more than the first also...i love to write poetry...anyway they are both well written

Well, guys, it's gone to print....sooo
we'll see what happens!!!

Even though I guess you already sent these off or whatever I am still going to critique them. Just because I can.



This one almost doesn't fit with the rest of the poem. The rest is about a new day and this one is about yesterday. Who is looking for a sign? Who wants to let yesterday through? It's almost like she was wanting to let yesterday in, even though she decides not to. I don't know, maybe reword or rephrase somehow...



Just a side note, are you using any particular rhyme scheme? I can't really find one. Usually that's a problem, but your poem still flows really nicely so I wouldn't worry about it. I was just curious. I like how you are talking about the morning and then you talk about birds. A new morning is usually associated with a bird outside the window and all that jazz. Whether you did that on purpose or not, it works.


The imagery in the last part is really good. HAving the green coat not only adds to the character, but gives you an image of green grass. But I like how you have the birds singing new songs, and her smiling at an old song even though it's a new day. Hmm. After reading this and critiquing it and analyzing every bit, I am pseudo puzzled as to what this is about... Is it a girl forgetting the past, forgetting the guy and listening to the birds, while still smiling benignly at the past and realizing the value of a new day, or is it a girl refusing to start the day anew and still remembering the old. hmmm. either way I like your poem. You are a very good writer. Now, onto the second poem.

Wow eek I am totally blown away you gave these poems so much thought- thankyou!
I'm really glad you liked them - and you gave constructive criticism, which is hard to come by....thank you thank you!

If anyone is interested- the second run of the mag (the first one went down well biggrin ) has to be in by friday of next week. I will post my poems for the issue here when they are done and would appreciate your opinions. Also, if you want to put a poem here for us to consider, I'd love to see them. In case you were unsure, it's a non profit street mag, so I can't pay you- but you will be getting your stuff read, and you might move a complete stranger with your words- so give it a go!!!
The theme of this one is - "out of control".

I don't know if that's written in time for the magazine or even if it's worthy, but there you go. I don't know how it is, because like I said, I just made it up. It probably sounds like every other poem, but oh well. Either way there it is.