Welcome to Gaia! ::

"It is of the utmost importance you go unnoticed," Superiors had drilled into her brain from Day 1. Which, to a young scareling's mind tended to mean: "Shut Up and Keep Quiet."

That was all there was, wasn't it? She shouldn't make any sound ever. Silence was important. Silence was key. Silence kept you from being noticed.

Or so she was led to believe.

In time, she learned how wrong this belief was. It was a painful lesson, to be sure, but if it didn't hurt it wouldn't stick as much, would it? Silence was what got her noticed. She wore it so thickly she instinctively muted every trace of noise. In the dead of night, in a cement building devoid of chirping crickets or settling foundations, perhaps the complete lack of sound would have meant success.

But the faint crackle of flickering lights and the tapping of venetian blinds made a rhythm her target was a comfort. The audible lack was what prompted her quarry to summon their weapon and strike her when she least expected.

The scar had faded over time but in total silence it would throb. Just hard enough and just long enough to remind her of what had happened.

It does not do to bottle up one's feelings.

The words echo in her head, in the familiar drone of Superior that Ruth resented, respected, rebelled against, and obeyed. She could never understand why it had that effect on her when any other being spoke in that exact same monotone simply bored her. Was it the harmonics? Was it that her FEAR was so attuned to her fellow Agents that the mere promise of an inflection caused haywire?

But it also does not do to let it all hang out.

The admonition was evident in those words, in icy tones that meant significance and disappointment and a whole plethora of feelings that caused Ruth varying degrees of discomfort. But it was part of the lesson. Part of the test. Part of what made Agents what they were. They tap into it and build upon it and nurture it when others were concerned. The self on the other hand...

Feelings should not be ignored.

The urgency was palpable, thick and smothering, she could feel it on her skin. She was doing everything in her power to stay where she was, to keep her face the careful blank expected of everyone, and to her personal pride she maintained it because it was expected of her. Up until it wasn't.

They should be embraced but not to the point of being consumed.

Ruth woke in her quarters, drenched in sweat, muscles aching, and filled with the desire to run but couldn't.