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 Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 5:09 pm
The idea was the first coherent one she had in a couple of days, the first one to actually be normal, albeit normal for her. It wasn't killing, or killing herself. It wasn't about how dirty the Island made her feel. It was a promise between herself and Otto.
If she was to fulfill any of them, then this would be the one.
She knew he had gotten his stereo runic'd, so now she could take the music she practiced dancing to with her. She had dressed lightly, A tank top and leggings. It didn't hide the fact that her skin was taking on a parlorish color. A gray white. Her hair was pulled into at least a pony tail.
She was still mildly pretty, her teeth still white, she had some fat still at her cheeks and face. She wasn't sunken in yet....yet was the key word. It was still evident that her downward path was just that....downward.
She tapped on Otto's door, before letting herself in.
"Otto?" Her voice was oddly quiet, timid even.
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Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 5:14 pm
Surprise, surprise. The stereo was blaring with rock music, and Otto was laid out in one of the pillow piles. He turned his head backward to find Nevada standing at his door, looking at her from upside down. "Hey! C'mon in." He waved at her lazily from his spot on the floor, rolling over so her could sit up. Apparently he wasn't working at the moment.
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Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 5:16 pm
She hadn't even thought to make sure he wasn't working, nor to politely let herself in. Instead she went to where he was, in the pillow pile and proceeded to climb on his lap, making herself comfortable.
She didn't even mind the rock music...for at least a moment.
"Can you turn that down?" She whispered in his ear, "I've a surprise for you." She pulled back, looking at him seriously.
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Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 5:18 pm
He really liked how forward she was, climbing right into his lap the moment she stepped in. His hand automatically came to fall on his waist. turning down the music with the remote in his free hand.
She was looking sick, pale. But she was still herself. Maybe not as energetic, though.
"A surprise?"
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Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 5:26 pm
"A surprise." She murmured along his jawline, sighing softly. Otto grounded her in a way, made her relax and not so angsty.
She didn't know why, it could be that he never betrayed her. It could be that she saw more of him then others or...in the end, It could be that between him and Stormy, they were the only line of sanity she managed to hold on too. And even then, The line for Stormy was breaking, crumbling under insecruities and grief and hate.
But that was not for here. She nuzzled him again, rubbing his scent over her because she wanted it all. All of him for herself.
"We made a promise remember..." She started, "I remember, it's one of the few things I remember recently. I remember because it matters..." She told Otto, "It was a promise I could fulfill, so I remember." She got up and went to his stereo.
Mechanically, she went through the process of setting up her music, letting it play low as she studied Otto.
"I will dance for you, and you'll play drums for me.." Her brow furrowed as she took a position, pointe toe forward.
And she danced for him.
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Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 5:36 pm
Otto smiled against her touch. He felt safe, secure and loved when she was holding him. He belonged to her, and he liked it that way. He felt needed, felt wanted. Felt desired. All by a girl he trusted. He didn't know how much he needed someone like her until he finally had her. He thought he didn't need to be touched, held, loved. Now he wondered if he could ever go back to being alone again.
A promise. His mind searched, trying to remember what it was they promised exactly. Slowly, it came back to him. The deal they made at the campsite.
Otto watched as she stood, taking her stance. Before his eyes, she went from sickly Nevada, to a beautiful dancer. She was like a whole other woman now. Almost brand new. He'd never seen her dance. He'd never seen anyone dance like this, and never so close. Years of practice and skill formulated into movements that matched with the melody ad rhythm of the music she played. He was entranced, mesmerized. He loved seeing this. He loved to watch her dance.
"Wow.." He murmured softly as she finished, "You looked.. beautiful." She always did of course, but this was a whole other side of Nevada he'd never met.
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Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 5:42 pm
She danced, She danced for him and it made her happy. She danced, and she forgot the world was tearing her away from this, danced and felt the slow movements. His room was by far, not big enough to contain the movements she wanted to show him, to small to contain the feelings that came with them...but she made do. She would circle around him, lifting one leg high, while bringing the other down low.
Small pirouttes, tumbles and turns. She didn't feel sick, she didn't feel dead.
She felt so alive when she danced. It was fleeting, addictive and short lived. She didn't feel hunger or pain, or lack of sleep. She felt invigorated, inspired...and tragic.
When she stopped, she stopped in front of him, lowering herself to her knees, her breath catching, heaving with effort and movement from before. And she laughed, reaching over to pull him in a deep kiss.
"I felt beautiful." She murmured against his lips. "I feel beautiful, It's so hard to feel beautiful now and I did." She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, "Will you do the same for you Otto? Will you play your drums for me?" She moved to switch places with him, pressing her her foot to his back to give him a playful push. "Show me what you look like when you do something you love!"
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Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 5:57 pm
He cherished her kisses. Deep, passionate and honest. He could melt from them if he wasn't careful. He smiled at her words. She felt beautiful, and he couldn't be happier to hear it. She deserved to feel beautiful, to feel good. And he was so thankful he got to see it happen.
He smiled bashfully, getting to his feet after her playful push. "It won't be as pretty as your dancin', I'll say that much." But what he could show her was passion, if nothing else. Her dancing, and spirit, invigorated him. He could play with all the feeling and emotion he used to fuel his drumming knowing Nevada wanted to hear it.
Otto sat at the drum set, the candy orange gleaming in the florescent light. His heart was already racing. From nerves, most likely, but he could feel anticipation too. Excitement. He spun the drumsticks in his hands, already putting together a beat in his head.
When he began, it started as almost tribal with a prominent use of the base drum and double pedal. A deep, dark beat that hummed along quickly. Pitter pattering and quick to bring the heart to the edge of it's seat. As soon as he hit the symbol the fist time a few rotations through the opening beat, it changed into something more intense, steadily rising in pace.
His hands and feet knew what to do before he even had to think about it. Beat, pace and rhythm were second nature to him. With each complicated succession of beats and movements his grin widened. Everything made sense while he drummed. It was world he knew inside and out.
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Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 6:09 pm
She loved the bashfulness, even now after knowing each other so long and being together like this. It was a treat, and one she knew was almost reserved for herself. What other woman would see Otto like this? Defenses down, shy but eager. Totally hers.
"I'll be the judge of that you." She felt normal again, it felt normal to tease him, to not think of darker days. She was so eager for it, so ready for normal that at least with him, she didn't feel the urge to scream, to shout. To be angry that he was living and she wasn't.
She saw with her legs out in front of her, resting on her hands behind her in the pillow pile...and she listened. She had no familiartiy with drums, much like he had none with her dancing.
What she looked for was his small smiles, the flash of his eyes when he did a beat he liked, Just like her dancing, it was feeling alive. Each beat that he did echoed in her body, the crash of the cymbal, the long drown out complicated movements.
And like her, she saw the pleasure of doing something you loved play across his features. Like her dance, she knew they were showing each other the very core of their persona's, the most emotional they could get.
So when he finished, she let a loud whoop and clapped. But her eyes were full of tears, ones she hadn't known had started, that dribbled down. It wasn't from sadness, It wasn't from pain though she knew it should be.
It was from this moment of being alive and happy.
"and you stopped playing drums what, you are amazing!?!?" She waited for him to come to her, "Why are you so amazing Otto...?"
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Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 6:17 pm
Her whoop and clapping boosted his confidence. Lifted his spirits. He smiled widely, though he still tried to hide it by ducking his head low and rubbing his neck. His heart was still racing, pounding within his chest as he sat back down with her. His eyes lifted to see the streams of tears from her eyes. There were a few guesses to why they were there at all. He didn't have to pry.
His face beat red at her astounded compliments, a red that flushed all the way to his ear lobes and burned. "Amazing, huh?" He laughed a bit, tugging on his bangs as a means to fidget. "Well.. that makes both of us." Because she was just as amazing. Just as much now as she ever had been. He smiled at her, rubbing away some of her tears with his thumb, cupping her jaw softly with his hand.
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Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 6:24 pm
She moved her hands up to clutch at his shirt.
"I'm going to miss you so much Otto, I'm going to miss you." She shook her head, "But I'll watch over you as much as I can, Love you as much as I can from where I go too." She cupped his cheeks in return.
"You'll have to be strong when I leave you, I hope you know." She hesitated, "Please be strong for both of us, don't stop doing things and doing stop loving..." She shook her head.
"I'll miss you so goddamn much."
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Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 6:34 pm
She as saying goodbyes. It wasn't what he wanted to hear. He wanted to keep pretending she wouldn't die, that the whole thing was just a dream or misunderstanding. He didn't want to lose her, or give her up. He couldn't bear it. With each word she spoke, he felt his heart sink and drown in pain. He wasn't ready to accept this. Stormy said she had a plan, an artifact that might fix Leroy. But would something that mends bond be able to fix a bond that no longer existed?
He frowned as she held his face, his eyes narrowing as he fought the burn of threatening tears.
"I don't want you to go.." As if his selfish wish could fix it. As if she actually wanted to die. He couldn't be making it easier. He must be making it harder for her. But he couldn't ease her worries and just say he'd live on, move on, and continue to open his heart for another. It was a future he wasn't able to face as he was now. He rested his forehead to hers, his eyes shutting tightly.
"I'm sorry, Nevada.." His feelings would hurt her. His needy nature would smother her as she struggled to cope with dying. He was sorry. Sorry for what he was saying, and sorry she was suffering.
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Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 6:59 pm
"I know Baby, I know. I don't want to leave you..." She shook her head, "I've been waiting so long for you, so long to feel like this. No one compared, no one could ever fulfill me like you did..." She wrapped her arms around his neck. She couldn't say she loved him, because it was too short, she didn't want him to think this meant nothing to her. A year of friendship compared to a couple of weeks of being together.
She didn't want him to mourn what he lost.
"I'm sorry..." She repeated back to him, "I'm so sorry Otto, I'm so sorry I am so selfish..." She hugged him as tight as she could. "I don't want to leave you, I don't want you to find anyone else, I want you to be mine forever..." She closed her eye again. It wasn't his neediness that was stifling, it was her own.
All her needs, all her wants crushed her under the already heavy weight of dying. It was as if everything got smaller, everything became so clear.
"I'm so selfish to you, my feelings Otto..." She shook her head, "I want to make promises with you, I want to stay and sit in the sun or go on missions, fight with you again...." She broke around him...."I keep thinking how people will cope without me, I'm not the center of people's universe, I'm not the center of people's world..." She squeezed him. "This is important, because you'll know what to do." She hesitated, "In my room, my old one, in the dresser is gifts for you and Stormy. Items you guys can have, specifically for you two. So when I go...when I leave, I want you to get them and keep them." She nodded, pulling back to cup his cheeks.
"And I want you to play the drums more."
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Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 7:14 pm
She'd been waiting for him. Longing. And he'd chased after someone else. Someone who ended up not really being for him after all. If he could meet his past self, he'd have clocked him in the nose. It should have been Nevada. She was easy to talk to, fun to be with. Easy to open up to. She felt so good to be with. He looked forward to every night that came so he could see her again.
And he'd only found her again because of this... this circumstance.
"No, don't. You're not selfish. I'm so glad we have this now. Any pain I might feel down the road is worth it." There were things they'd never get to do, years they would never see together. But if she had simply died without him ever knowing her love, he wondered if he'd ever have felt what he did now for anyone. She gave him something he thought he'd lost long ago.
"I'd rather have you briefly than never at all. You were there when no one was. You showed me love I haven't felt in my whole life. I feel wanted when you look at me. With you I can give all of myself. And... I'm just so thankful." His throat hurt, like a marble was stuck there and digging holes. "Thank you, Nevada."
He looked into her eyes, wondering what it was she felt she needed to leave behind for him and Stormy. He still hoped he'd never know, that everything would simply be okay one day soon.
"I will." He assured her, pain obvious in his voice. "I promise."
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Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 7:35 pm
"I hope you feel that way Otto, god I hope you do..." She shook her head, "I hope you won't ever think you were better off without us being together, I hope it's not that painful." She didn't want it to be for nothing like she originally wanted.
He said thank you, he was crying and he said thank you and she just couldn't take it anymore. She did her best to wrap herself around him, kissing him where ever she could. he was thankful for her, he said thank you.
"I'm so sorry, Oh god Otto, I'm so sorry again. I love you so much, so much so very much." She didn't know what else to say, "I didn't want to tell you, I didn't want to hurt you more, oh god Otto." She didn't know what to do now, she didn't know what the next step was.
Was there a next step? Where did she go from her, the same path, fight, what did she do.
She struggled with herself, continued to struggle while holding him, letting him cry.
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