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Their clashing forces were undeniable, two opposite and individual existences pushing so hard against each other that it felt like Clerise was defying the laws of physics by being near her. If anyone could break those laws, it would be her - not for her nonexistent merits, but for the fact that she could destroy anything she touched. She was the embodiment of an infectious disease, a cancer, a threat that needed to be eradicated before it ruined everything.

Therefore, it was an established fact: nine-year-old Mimsy's cousin was nothing good and everything terrible. ooc<(ilovejenn)

For that reason, the curious girl had every intention of avoiding the aforementioned relative for the entire duration of the picnic. For many other reasons, she had every intention of avoiding all of the rest of her relatives for the entire duration of the picnic.

Before they left, her daddy told her in his calm, steady voice that this would be a good experience for her, and explained that family gatherings were among the safest of outlets for social interaction. He clinically braided her hair in two perfect plaits as he helped her practice her greetings, and addressed proper subjects for a superficial type of conversation that he called 'small talk'. He told her that it was acceptable to excuse herself if she felt too uncomfortable. She agreed, because he was the most intelligent person that she knew - he didn't know everything, because no human could know everything, but he knew so very much. If she could trust anyone, it was him.

So she tried, because it was logical.

But everyone made her feel anxious.

The adults spoke to her as if she were as idiotic as her cousin, and the other children called her gross and weird when she tried to be friendly by showing them her pet. A girl she didn't recognize shoved her away and nearly crushed Teslarachnid. The boy beside her expressed his amazement that she was too dumb to know how to be a girl right.

She excused herself because she felt too uncomfortable, because daddy said she was allowed.

This experiment was just another failure that she didn't want to report, but she knew he would ask anyway, and she never could lie to him.

It was difficult to accept the weight of this failure. Teslarachnid helped to soothe her, eight fuzzy legs carefully exploring the length of her arm, and she had just calmed enough to stop picking at the raw, bleeding skin on her thumb when she felt the insistent weight over her shoulders.

"Excuse me. I do not feel well enough to talk right now," she recited, shrinking towards the ground. The tarantula stilled, determined they felt threatened, and began to lift its front two legs in preparation of a magnificent display of superiority.

Three deep breaths as she mentally recited the digits of pi. Two slow, fluttering blinks. One twitch of her lips, now pressed into a small line of restraint.

None of it worked. Everything still seemed so wrong. Her chest began to hurt, and her face began to flush. She did not want Clerise to touch her, but that was all that she seemed to do. She had not given her permission to touch her. This was not what she was supposed to do.

"I know," she mumbled, forgetting the importance of enunciation. "I know nobody cares, but I don't need them to."

Still, the insinuation that her daddy was as disinterested in her existence as her mother was an unnerving one, because she could not disprove it with any immediacy. The current evidence did, in fact, indicate that he did not care. He had brought her here, despite her reservations, and he had left her.

Alone.

Prior knowledge suggested that Clerise would know if that was how he felt, because she was the daughter of her mother's sister, born of the same genetic material that had already unflinchingly abandoned her. She faulted all of her mother's family, because they had to know how to change her mind, but they didn't. That alone meant that none of them had any interest in ensuring that someone was interested in her.

"I know you are not special, too. I know all of these things, except for the ones that are lies, because those aren't true. And I only know facts. Like...such as...you aren't really nice at all." Her voice was soft enough to encourage Teslarachnid to begin crawling up her arm again. She didn't touch him, lest she direct attention towards him.

"You can go for a walk. I already did all of my exercises. Morning exercises. They help my body remain healthy, and that is important because a healthy body with the right nutrition makes it so I can exercise my mind for the whole rest of the day."

The words brought a false confidence to her words, masking her fears over the actuality of this situation. Clerise was stronger. If she wanted her to move, she would move, even if it was not on her own volition.

"It is not morning now, Clerise. No exercises, except for my brain."

All of the hostile negativity momentarily subsided as Mimsy stared quizzically at Clerise, mouth opening in awe. Was she teasing her? Was it not obvious? It felt as if everyone could tell by simply looking at her, as if it marred some outer layer of skin that only they could see. No love in her heart, it must say, over and over and over, warning everyone to stay away.

"I cannot be stupid, because I am brilliant. One day I can take a test to say I am a real, actual genius." She shifted uncomfortably, and began to absently pick away the skin of her thumb again. "Well. What you said isn't true. It is a lie, like I said. You make a lot of lies. The actual fact is that nobody who knows anything thinks that is why I am so broken. I am not supposed to need someone to care about me, and I know it because they say I can't...I mean, um. I mean I am broken because I came that way, like I'm missing a part, and it makes me special because not many others come this way. They..."

Her nose scrunched up as she tried to recall exactly what she had heard. Making the expression in Clerise's direction reminded her that she had gotten far off track, which she immediately attempted to rectify, disappointed in herself for ever attempting to have an actual conversation.

"Anyway, you don't have to be special to join the circus. The circus is people who have all run away, and leaving is not a skill. That is not a special thing. That is wrong. The circus is made of wrong people who weren't good enough to do what they were supposed to and so they ran away."

She tried to just sit and stare pointedly to ensure proper shaming, but she couldn't help it - as soon as she mentioned Teslarachnid's intended fate, imagining it was inevitable. The tarantula slowly crept onto her shoulder as she theorized what the sound would be like. Not a squish, surely. That was simply inaccurate. A wet crunch, perhaps.

One little leg tapped her cheek. He decided against scaling that surface, and moved to rest against the base of a braid instead. The arachnid's fidgeting as it nestled into her hair calmed any worries over his imagined demise, to the potential detriment of its safety.

"Stop hurting me," she softly insisted, after another tug on her arm. Glossy eyes glared at her through thick glasses, voice quivering with frustration. She begrudgingly took one and a half steps towards her, assuring herself that it was her own choice to do so. "Stop it, or I am gonna hurt you back."

Only idiots believed that leaving meant being free. Mimsy knew it was the opposite, and she looked very smug with her knowledge between each wince as she was tugged along.

"See? You are the stupid one. They make people who run away to the circus live in boxes and they use them like toys and only pull them out when they want to play, since people who run away end up like that. That is not what stars are like. But I am a genius and I am someone and..." There was no way that she could speak with that same certainty and claim that someone was going to love her. Not after what she'd done. "And...I will be a scientist that everyone talks about forever and everyone will forget you, 'cause you will be gone and you will do nothing impressive at all."

The rapid motion that knocked Teslarachnid away caused her to recoil defensively, body stiffening. She didn't move, but her eyes searched for her pet until she found him. The tarantula was weakly dragging itself in a crooked line towards her, several of its legs bent in the wrong direction. She waited very patiently, until he was within reach, then hurriedly snatched him up with cupped hands.

"It...um, it's okay. I am not a baby, but if I was, even babies grow up. I am a monster and not a baby and not a Mildred, but I still have to discover how to grow like a monster grows, because when I grow up and learn better ways to be strong..." With a frown, her fingertips brushed across the tarantula's twisted legs, assessing the damage. The severity was not promising. There was only one thing that she could do now.

"I am gonna make you afraid."

She pinched one of his legs near the base, held it firmly, and pulled until it came free.

"I am gonna hurt you back for how you keep hurting me."

She selected another and pulled it off, the motions of her hand more fluid than the first attempt.

"I am gonna take away your pieces too until you know what it's like to be broken, so you can know the real truth. Not your lies."

She removed one more leg before she tilted her head up to look at Clerise again, expression blank, matter-of-fact. There was nothing more to say; I am gonna kill you was coiled up inside her, but telling her would ruin the surprise, so she offered a vacant look and another slow blink in its place.