((OOC: YES I GAVE IN. DAMMIT, TITLE.))

Tuesday after reading the R.A.D letter; later....


The scene played out just as he'd thought it would, with Björn telling him he must go and even offering to help pack, to see him off at the airport.

Well, okay. It didn't play out exactly as he thought it would, but that's because he hadn't realized just how sick he would feel while they talked..or how scared he really was. Not just about attending RAD or leaving everything he knew and loved behind, but because in saying the things he'd told himself he must say, he was - in a big way - breaking up with the one person that he felt he needed in his life.

But not for two weeks. He had a little over that much time to get packed, get ready, before he'd be on a plane headed for the future. Colin had curled himself into the safe shelter of Björn's arms, trying to stuff the misery down under the excitment of being scouted by the Royal Academy of Dance! It was hard for him with the warring emotions; he knew it must be hard for the blond strongman too, though it seemed like Björn took things more stoically...which only made Colin feel worse. In the end, he turned to a tried and true method of distrating them both from distressing thoughts: sex.

And after, when Colin was laying half on Björn's chest and half snugged against his side, they talked again. Colin said one thing while thinking another - he wouldn't ask Björn to wait for him while he was gone. He wasn't that selfish...except that he was! In Colin's heart of heart's, he knew that if he came back and found his lover in another's arms he might just have to break every bone in their body. Björn, being the wonderful sort of guy he was, assures Colin that he wasn't worried if the dancer found someone that he liked while overseas, that he should feel free to "fish the sea" while they were apart.

Colin had pushed himself up so that he could look down into Björn's eyes, fingers tapping at the other man's skin lightly, "Thanks, but I'm pretty sure they'd pale against you... So I'll safe a few broken hearts and stick with dancing, not dating." Sure, it was kind of a stupid, sappy thing to say, but he was nothing if not more than a bit of a sap (and a dumb bunny) when it came to such things.

Without missing a beat - and clearly without any input from whatever filters usually kept mind and mouth separated, Björn said something that had both of them blushing once the meaning soaked in. "Well...probably not size anyway..." Colin almost choked, eyes wide as he watched his lover scratching at his head with one of those 'Hmmm, I wonder' sort of expressions.

"--Oh for the love of--" Colin shoved at his boyfriend's shoulder and flopped onto his back, eyes searching the familiar ceiling absently. "That was not what I meant, perv." It took a moment before he was back on his side, eyeing Björn contemplatively.

"True though." Björn made a sound that was sort of like 'mmphmm', which he took to mean "yep" or something like that. Watching him, Colin couldn't help the thoughts that kept at war in his brain, even as he settled back on Björn's chest with a sigh. Thoughts of ripping the faces from anyone that touched this man...thoughts that he was being an idiot and unfair to think such things...so many annoying thoughts when he just wanted to enjoy the time they had.

***


Two weeks went by far too quickly. Colin found himself panting for an extra hour here or there, wishing there were some way to call to the sun to make it stop in the sky, like in the Bible. For every minute he spent, he felt five more sliding through his fingers, never to be seen again.

He tried to spend the time with Björn as much as possible; sure, he was leaving his Mom and sister too, but they were different. They were used to him going off like this - and, more importantly, they would be there when he got back. Björn might not. Or if he were, it could be as someone else's lover, as someone he didn't know...or worse. So they spent time together as they could and when the calendar said they had but one day left, they took it to mean that they had a whole day and night with with to say their good-byes. Dinner, some quiet time together...whatever they wanted to do, until the morning came.

Exhausted and leaning back against Björn's chest as they sat in the rumpled ruins of their bed, Colin was never so angry to see the first pinking of the sky through their bedroom window. His expression was of extreme displeasure, his fingers laced tightly through the Swede's. "Never have I hated the coming of dawn so much as I do now." Words he might have said aloud, words with meaning doubly shared. Against his ear, Björn's voice rumbled softly, warmly; he didn't say that they should sleep, though they should, he spoke in his language. Words Colin could only sometimes pick out, but meaning understood.

They could sleep after he was gone, perhaps. The short catnaps taken while wound in each other's arms didn't count. Once more he turned from the streaks of colour breaking into the sky and to the man he'd soon be leaving behind.

***


Mrs. Hargrove and Miriam met them at the airport, they too wanted to give Colin a proper send-off with hugs, kisses and well-wishes. But they didn't take up much of his time; it seemed his mother's keen eye caught the undercurrent of emotion between the two youths and tried to give them as much time together as possible, even here. Miri tried joking with Colin, but he had a hard time reacting properly; either excitement or dread keeping him fairly close-mouthed, even if he did smile. Plus, he was really freaking tired!

Dressed in jeans, a t-shirt layered under his jacket and a pair of sturdy boots, Colin had his carry-on - a backpack - settled securely on his shoulders. He had an mp3 player in one pocket, the cord and ear-buds hanging around his neck. He was ready for the trip, tickets already in hand and suitcase already checked...all he had to do was board when called. Long before he had to go, he gave his mom and sister a big hug and kiss on the cheek; he didn't promise he'd write or call...they'd already been informed that he would likely not be able to do so much for a while. Short missives to update his health or whatnot, but no long letters or whatever until he 'earned it'. Letting go of them wasn't too hard, they'd been through this all before and he didn't have to worry that they wouldn't still care for him when he got back.

Now Björn, Björn was the one that he clung to, not wanting to let go...lingering with his lover until he absolutely had to leave.

"Um...hey...whatever happens...I love you." He drew himself up and put a c**k-sure grin on his face, "And take care of yourself, or so help me I will kick your a** when I get back." A quick kiss that forced him up on tip-toe, a wave to his family and then he was gone from view. Mrs. Hargove and her daughter would wait to see the flight actually take off; if Björn wanted to wait with them, they would welcome him, if not...well, that would be understood too.

On board, he settled in and put his ear-buds in so he didn't have to talk to anyone or think about anything; music would distract him until he fell asleep, keep the sadness at bay until excitement or sleep could take over. Either way, the journey of a thousand [dance] steps was begun.



They won't see the fire you have lit inside of me.
They look up to the stars and wonder where you might be.
They look up.
Without realizing they're standing in the palm of your hand.
I can't explain or understand.
I just love you.
Blindside - Silence


Word Count - 1,405