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He'd made Nevada sleep in his bed the night before. Out of fear she would leave and never come back again. She'd spoken of Aria, her betrayal, and the fear she had of her life. She feared the former lead would come for revenge on herself and Stormy. She feared speaking with Otto would do the same for him. It had all been a surreal scenario. He failed to see why his own life was in danger. More so, he worried for her. He didn't want to lose anyone anymore. He couldn't bear it. He opened his heart to so few. It was so hard for him to do it. If Nevada left.. she'd be a member of a growing group of those who left him all alone.

He'd had someone die once before, when she was gone and out of his sights. No last words, no goodbye. No way to know she would even be in danger. Clerise.
He'd had someone die whom he'd thought he knew and could trust. He'd been tricked, betrayed, yet spared by the same woman before she died before his eyes. Sam.

Women who were close to him, in one way or another, seemed to be dying. Leaving him. Otto had made sure she'd fallen asleep that night right beside him. Anything happened, he'd be right there. However, it was only for a night. That was the deal. One night, and then the pillow pile sleepovers would come to an end. She needed to stay away, so she said. That's what she said but....

The next night his bed was empty once again. It was always empty. Every night he spent in Deus, he fell asleep in a room all alone. He'd ranked up over the years, gotten more things to surround himself in, more power to use with his added responsibilities to distract him. But in the end, he was still alone at night. At night, when things were so terribly dark he relied on pathetic sources of light from small night lights used around the room to ward off his fears. Probably the least attractive thing for a boy in his late teens to still be doing.

But that was another story altogether.

It wasn't fear that made him wish for a warm presence to sleep beside. It was loneliness. It grew darker and emptier with each passing month. Friends helped to fill some voids. Work helped to keep his mind occupied. But there was something special about sharing a bed with someone that he'd forgotten he knew. It wasn't even an issue about love, although that was another void that needed attention. He was loved, he knew. He had many friends who loved him, despite what nay sayers taunted him with on Twitter and in heated arguments.

But platonic love of friends, the motherly love fawned on him by Molly, these weren't the same as sharing love with someone. Be it an embrace, a kiss. A love he thought he'd have in Eva, which only turned out to be an infatuation. He loved Eva, but it was a distant love. He'd felt as if always on the other side of the fence with her. There was no connection. She was someone he could never touch. Someone he couldn't feel on a spiritual level. He liked her, loved her, but never really knew her.
He was on Earth, and she among the stars.

Maybe he would never know it again, to love someone and be loved in return just as he felt. That bond he once had with a girl long ago. Friends wouldn't fill that need to give affection. He was much too shy and awkward to seek such a bond. And the only other girl who'd shown interest in him, he'd...

...turned down, to chase after a shooting star called Eva.

Likely, she wouldn't feel the same about him anymore. She'd moved on to different partners, now and then. He started to wonder if... what if? What if he'd said yes to her, back then? They'd gone on a date. They'd kissed. They shared a bond that was deep and lasted all this time.

What if he'd said yes?

It didn't matter anymore. His bed was empty, as it always was. And it would remain that way, likely forever.