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 Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 8:41 pm
It had been one of those nights where her mind simply would not shut down. She was an Alumni now, and that meant she needed to eventually leave the school, get a stable job, and build a life; but after everything she had been through, how was that even possible? Where would she even start? Did slaughtering hunters or surviving field trips look good on resumes? How did you even make a resume? Did she even have a skill set that was appropriate for places that weren't battlefields?
The nights where she worried about her future were easily the most terrifying of her unlife. Worrying about tomorrow was scary, but trying to plan a month, a year, or five years down the line? Terrifying. That night, however, she recalled one thing: the day Professor Emrys pulled her aside in the hallway, outside of the Student Council lounge, and claimed she had potential.
Potential for what?
It gave her mind a whole new thing to worry about, and in between her fears for the future she tried to determine whether or not having potential was a good thing, if you didn't know what kind of potential it was meant to be. There was a big difference between being potentially good for something and being potentially delicious to flesh eating bacteria. She really did worry about a lot of very random, out-of-proportion things.
One thing was for certain, it bothered her enough to want to know more about it. What he meant by that, and, perhaps, it would ease the rest of her worries from that night. So she waited impatiently for the morning to come, and for the school to open. Eventually she moved her waiting to outside of the Professor's office, unable to wait much longer to actually speak with him.
But first, just to be sure he hadn't beaten her there, she knocked on the door. "Excuse me, Professor?"
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Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 10:03 pm
A voice sounded behind her, "Good morning, Amrita." The professor didn't sound surprised to see her, and while not precisely cheerful, there was no irritation at her early morning presence either. It was as if she was exactly where she was supposed to be and when. Reaching past her, he opened the door to the office and gestured her in with a mild, "Take a seat and we'll begin."
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Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 10:51 pm
The voice startled her, but she did her best to turn as nonchalantly as possible. No, she totally wasn't surprised to hear the voice behind her and no, he definitely did not catch her off guard. Not at all.
"Oh! Um. Good Morning, Professor! It's a dismal day, isn't it~?" She meant it in the best way possible; it was bone chilling out there, and beautifully so. When the door opened she stepped inside the office, taking a quick look around to get her bearings and taking a seat as offered.
"You sound like you've been expecting me." She started conversationally, feigning amusement. Truth be told she had found his choice of words a little strange; even to her it sounded like he had expected her to be here, or as though he were carrying on a conversation she wasn't sure they'd ever had.
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Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 11:03 pm
Emrys gave her a brief smile, but ignored the small talk, instead seating himself at the desk across from her. "Of course, weren't you expecting to be here as well?" He held a mug of some steaming beverage but didn't drink from it, instead simply resting long, boney hands against its warmth.
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Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 11:16 pm
She gave the question some thought, her gaze shifting to the side and her fingers toying with the end of her braid.
"I guess it was an inevitable trip..." Amrita agreed hesitantly. "It's not every day someone tells me I have potential, after all." There was that one time, but he had been her enemy - and it had not ended well whatsoever. Then again, the memory had been replayed in her mind so many times she wasn't sure what was actually said, or what was an exaggeration from her angry thoughts.
"Though I suppose coming today was a surprise." To her, anyway. "But...here I am."
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Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 11:21 pm
"Yes," his eyes settled on her in a distant, bland stare, though he did offer the suggestion of a smile. The professor was, as always, unremarkable in nearly every way. "You've graduated," he lifted the mug and inhaled deeply, eyes closing for a moment before placing it down and staring once more. "Why are you still only a potential?"
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Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 11:41 pm
"Yes." Amrita confirmed and agreed, though his follow up question made her gaze drop from his. That...was a great question. One she wanted to think on at length, and yet was denied doing so because he was staring at her.
"Just because I've graduated doesn't make me suddenly perfect, Sir." Her hands remained in her hair, worrying the curly ends between her fingers; it was an old habit, and a comforting one. Leaving it at that was out of the question, and after a moment's pause she continued.
"I used to know what I wanted, but..." Now she didn't want those things, for fear she would become a threat to the things she loved or, even worse, her past misdeeds would surge forth and tear it from her in the future. She simply shook her head slowly. "I don't think I can any more. All that's left is uncertainty, that's why I'm here. You can apparently see potential where I can't...I thought maybe this would be a good place to start."
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Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 11:51 pm
"Graduating means taking a step out into an uncertain world, and becoming something," Emrys voice remained neutral. There was no real judgement in his tone, even as he continued, "You're still just potential. What are you waiting for?"
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Posted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 12:07 am
For only a moment, it was her turn to stare. Damn him and his good questions. At the very least it was comforting to not feel judged. It took away any guilt she had about taking her time with her responses.
The truth was, there was something holding her back, and she didn't think she could be anything more than what she was while it was still around. What was left of her lips pressed together and she looked away from him again, still in thought, and didn't return her gaze to the entirely unremarkable Professor until she had something of an answer.
"I'm waiting to be free, I guess."
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Posted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 12:13 am
The professor simply sat and looked at her, patiently waiting for Amrita to continue.
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Posted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 12:28 am
It soon became apparent to her that he wanted her to elaborate, and that just made it all the more awkward.
"There's this...thing." Amrita started lamely, releasing her hair to instead twist her hands together. She had never spoken about the tag to any other Professor; the only ones she had ever told were her closest friends and her Council Members, and only because she was worried about them.
"I didn't want it, but I couldn't stop it from happening and now I can't escape it - ever - but I'm trying to. I'm even trying to make amends with Red because of it, because I think she can help me, which I guess is a good thing but ah - I just can't imagine a future at all while it's there. I don't think I can be anything more than potential until it's gone." Sadly, rambling was another one of her awkward old habits.
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Posted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 12:32 am
The professor looked thoughtful before continuing gently, "You either can't escape it ever or you simply have not, yet. You'll need to decide."
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Posted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 12:41 am
"Have not yet." She answered, the quickest response she had given him so far. "I am going to get rid of it, one way or another." On this she was certain; she wasn't going down without a fight. "I just don't know how, yet."
"...But that won't solve my confusion, you see. My plans all end there. Every time I think about it, of finally being free, I can't think any further. I don't know what I'll do after that. What I can do after that. It's like it all just...ends."
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Posted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 12:52 am
Emrys stared quietly at her for another long, drawn-out silence, but before she could awkwardly try to break it, he finally asked, "Which is more important to you, Amrita, your freedom or your future?"
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Posted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 1:18 am
She had actually been about to say something pointless when Emrys finally spoke up, freeing her from her need to speak. Instead she was made to think again, but the more she thought about it the more the answer was obvious:
"My freedom...because even though I currently can't imagine my future in either instance, I'll at least be free to do what I want when I get there." She couldn't help but feel a little disturbed over having to choose one or the other. It didn't sit right, so it felt important for her to justify her answer to him and insert the idea of a future in either scenario.
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