Today's Guest: Shadow.
Shadow is seen directly looking into the camera, sitting in a white room with the BBW logo hanging on the wall. He is seen a bit distressed and pissed that he's here.
"Hi. I'm Shadow, your OECW Seasons Champion."
He sighs.
"If you've ever wanted to be like me, well you're... in luck."
A bigger sigh that is followed by a big eye roll.
"Because I'm going to show you how to be as successful as me in just three steps I feel pretty neutral about."
Hey looks between two unseen objects to either side of the camera and leans over and whispers to what one would assume to be the producer.
"Why the f*** am I doing this?" Muttering is heard. "Ok, fine."
He looks back to the camera. He begins reading like he's looking at a teleprompter.
Shadow: "Step one: make sure your lipstick is the right shade of black. You don't want to look too angsty. Unless you do, but I don't care about you."
The murmering producer is heard as Shadow looks at him.
Shadow: "What? I don't."
More muttering is heard as Shadow resumes his talk.
Shadow: "I prefer this brand called Blackheart Poison Kiss, because it tastes just like two shitty rock bands put together on each lip. That would make anyone want to cut themselves. You can get this at Hot Topic."
A message flashes as a lower third: BBW DOES NOT ENCOURAGE RECREATIONAL CUTTING OR SELF HARM
Shadow is then seen talking to someone off camera, presumably the producer again.
Shadow: "Wait, you actually think I'm going to put make-up on?"
He stands up in a threatening matter as a loud *BEEP* is heard before an obvious cut is made to Shadow sitting back down.
Shadow: "Step two: if you're old school, like me, you deck out your music list with bands like Dashboard Confessional and The Cure to get you in the mindset of not feeling things. If you're want to feel things, I might suggest recreational Nyquill"
A voice is heard off camera faintly saying, "I give up."
Shadow: "And finally, Step three: To be as emo and successful as yours truly, Shadow, your OECW Seasons Champion, you must take Vitamin D supplements, anti-depressants, a men's mult-vitamin, and two asprin down with a glass of Alkiseltzer each day in order to fuel your dreams that died out years ago when you realized you were nothing special."
He sighs a third and final time and finishes delivering the last line that actually appears scripted instead of the off-the-cuff remarks made for the entire production.
Shadow: "This has been BBW's Know Your Superstar. Please tune in next time to see who you'll get to meet next."
As the camera fades to black, Shadow can be seen looking back at the director, jabbing his thumb towards a door off screen.
Shadow: "Ok, can I go now? I have a Bingo tournament in like 5 minutes..."
"Hi. I'm Shadow, your OECW Seasons Champion."
He sighs.
"If you've ever wanted to be like me, well you're... in luck."
A bigger sigh that is followed by a big eye roll.
"Because I'm going to show you how to be as successful as me in just three steps I feel pretty neutral about."
Hey looks between two unseen objects to either side of the camera and leans over and whispers to what one would assume to be the producer.
"Why the f*** am I doing this?" Muttering is heard. "Ok, fine."
He looks back to the camera. He begins reading like he's looking at a teleprompter.
Shadow: "Step one: make sure your lipstick is the right shade of black. You don't want to look too angsty. Unless you do, but I don't care about you."
The murmering producer is heard as Shadow looks at him.
Shadow: "What? I don't."
More muttering is heard as Shadow resumes his talk.
Shadow: "I prefer this brand called Blackheart Poison Kiss, because it tastes just like two shitty rock bands put together on each lip. That would make anyone want to cut themselves. You can get this at Hot Topic."
A message flashes as a lower third: BBW DOES NOT ENCOURAGE RECREATIONAL CUTTING OR SELF HARM
Shadow is then seen talking to someone off camera, presumably the producer again.
Shadow: "Wait, you actually think I'm going to put make-up on?"
He stands up in a threatening matter as a loud *BEEP* is heard before an obvious cut is made to Shadow sitting back down.
Shadow: "Step two: if you're old school, like me, you deck out your music list with bands like Dashboard Confessional and The Cure to get you in the mindset of not feeling things. If you're want to feel things, I might suggest recreational Nyquill"
A voice is heard off camera faintly saying, "I give up."
Shadow: "And finally, Step three: To be as emo and successful as yours truly, Shadow, your OECW Seasons Champion, you must take Vitamin D supplements, anti-depressants, a men's mult-vitamin, and two asprin down with a glass of Alkiseltzer each day in order to fuel your dreams that died out years ago when you realized you were nothing special."
He sighs a third and final time and finishes delivering the last line that actually appears scripted instead of the off-the-cuff remarks made for the entire production.
Shadow: "This has been BBW's Know Your Superstar. Please tune in next time to see who you'll get to meet next."
As the camera fades to black, Shadow can be seen looking back at the director, jabbing his thumb towards a door off screen.
Shadow: "Ok, can I go now? I have a Bingo tournament in like 5 minutes..."
