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 Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 7:42 pm
This was enough. It was it. He was done. Otto sat outside of Eva's dorm room. Since she never seemed to come to him, he'd have to wait for her. In his mind he allowed the poisonous thoughts he;d been harbouring to fester and take over. He needed them. He knew the second he saw her pretty face he'd fold and give in. He was head over heels for her, and it disgusted him. She didn't love him, nor did she trust him. She barely even spent time with him. Dating her was a waste of his efforts. It was only ever him trying for anything. He reminded himself of these points over, and over again. He'd need them. He waited there a long, long time.
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Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 8:29 pm
Trying to adjust back to life in Deus was harder than she had anticipated. After all that time spent practically alone on patrol at the outposts, Eva found that she had almost grown used to the feeling of isolation. Perhaps she had even grown to like it some, judging by the fact that she found herself spending a lot of time alone lately. Although in her heart she wanted to find Otto, Wilson, Saya--all of them--the young woman ultimately found herself spending more time alone in her room than anywhere else.
And although she genuinely felt bad about it, she still continued doing it for some inexplicable reason. Maybe it was because she felt guilty for avoiding everyone, and therefore found it easier to keep doing it than to explain herself. Or maybe she just wasn't entirely sure how to fit into things here anymore. In the time that she had been gone, things had changed--or maybe she had changed. In either case, she found it difficult to try fitting herself back in, the idea of socializing with any unfamiliar faces causing butterflies to overtake and flutter wildly within her stomach.
Which was silly. Eva, nervous about socializing? Surely not. All she needed, she tried to convince herself, was a little time. She just needed to get back into the swing of things was all. Head up, chin up! Things would get better!
After taking a quick meal in the cafeteria, Eva head back down the hall towards her dorm room, stopping only when she noticed a figure sitting against the wall by her door. Eyes going round, she faltered for a split second before continuing onwards. A wide smile curved on her lips as she broke into a jog, crouching down in front of him and throwing her arms around him in a hug.
"Puppy, hi!" She chirped, and though her voice was cheerful, there was the slightest tinge of guilt that she struggled to keep out, "How are thi--"
The woman abruptly cut herself off, an odd sensation--a feeling that something was wrong--suddenly washing over her. Slowly, the curve of her smile faded ever so slightly as she drew back and blinked at the blond boy before her.
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 2:04 pm
Otto heard her coming. He felt the anxiety rush through his heart, afraid of what would happen next. Her hug felt both beautiful yet venomous, her voice sweet yet evil. She was using him. Tricking him. She wasn't being genuine. It was the only way he could justify the seething hate he had for her and everyone else on the island. She seemed to sense his disgust. He'd not hugged her back, not even a word in response to her until she let him go. When she pulled away to look at him, he returned her gaze with a piercing glare. "So this is what I gotta do to get you to notice me, huh?" He started off, his voice clipped and unhappy. "I'm always the one chasing you. So much for this being a relationship, huh?"
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 5:24 pm
The look in his eyes confused her, but what shocked her more was the words that left his lips. They were surprisingly cold--nothing like the flustered or warm greetings that she was so used to hearing from the blond. Pulling back even further, she let her arms drop from around him, her lips curved in a weak, uncertain smile.
"Puppy...?" From the look on her face and her tone of voice, it was clear that she was hoping that she had simply misheard, or that maybe Otto would suddenly pipe up with a "just kidding!" and go back to how he always was. However, it quickly became clear that he was completely serious, and she felt that wave of guilt surge and rise in her chest.
Swallowing in an attempt to moisten her suddenly dry throat, Eva clasped her hands in her lap, struggling to look him in the eyes when her gaze kept trying to flicker off elsewhere. The ceiling, the floor, the wall directly beside him--anywhere but his face. She just didn't know how to deal with confrontation...and from someone as dear as Otto of all people.
"Is this...about the fact that I haven't really been around lately?" Eva asked meekly, her voice uncharacteristically soft and nervous.
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 5:36 pm
Always smiling.
Never not smiling.
He'd said something blunt and cold, and she still insisted she smile. Otto breathed in a shaky, deliberate breath in, as if he was having trouble keeping calm. "Oh, so you've noticed?" Otto sniped back, "You know, after a year of this, I think it's safe to say you just aren't into this as much I as I am. So how about you stop toying with me."
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 6:00 pm
The faint smile lingered, but it lessened with each word that escaped the boy's lips. She visibly flinched at the word "toying", round blue eyes only widening further. The feelings of shock, guilt, and anxiety in her chest soon made way for genuine hurt. Needless to say, it was not a very pleasant combination, and not one that Eva was usually used to dealing with.
"T-toying? Puppy--Otto. Otto, please, you know me better than that, right? I would never--I..." She was fumbling for words, her mouth voicing the jumble of thought that had amassed in her mind. In the back of her head, she could hear Chara's voice trying to reassure her--trying to calm her down--but it was faint, drowned out by the suddenly wave of panic that was plaguing her.
"I know," She tried again, a hint of pleading seeping into her voice, "I know I haven't really been around, or supportive, or...or..."
She lost her voice then, because it sunk in that she really didn't know what to say after that. No, she hadn't been around, and no, she hadn't been all that supportive. There wasn't really room for a "but" behind that--although she had had her own, unfounded reasons and doubts for having isolated herself, they didn't seem like appropriate excuses.
Or maybe she just didn't want to admit her own insecurities about being back here. Pressing her lips into a tight line, she clamped her mouth shut, wringing her hands in her lap uncertainly. When she finally spoke again, it was a weak--and almost inaudible--"I'm not toying with you."
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 6:23 pm
Eva's hurt didn't show for Otto. His eyes barely saw past his own pain. Nothing else mattered to him anymore. At the very least, she knew enough to stop using the nickname he loathed while he was this angry.
"You're not? Then what ARE you doing?" Otto griped, his arms crossed tightly across his chest. "Am I just some distraction you can conveniently use when you remember?"
"Maybe I'm just so insufferable you can only handle me in small doses. After all, you're always in happy Eva land, where everything is gum balls, sunshine and lolipops! I obviously just blow this whole Island of Suffering thing way out of proportion! You think you can fix me with a hug and a head pat and get back to silly little chats about cakes?" Otto was turning as little red, visually becoming more upset, "Why did you bother becoming my girlfriend if all we ever do is hang out once every few months?"
He huffed and shook his head, standing up suddenly. "Sorry! You know, maybe I'm just too <********> needy!"
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 7:01 pm
Eva couldn't handle this--she didn't know how to handle it. Although she knew that she should say something, she found that she had lost her voice, her lips parting but not a single sound leaving them. Trembling fingers curling tightly in the fabric of her skirt, she shrunk backwards in the face of his anger.
She needed to say something. Anything. Did she apologize? Did she plead with him? Or...
"I just thought--I'm sorry, I know I've been insensitive, and dumb, and horrible, but--"
Eva was clearly struggling. Her head snapped up when he suddenly stood up, her whole body flinching at his harsh words. Without really thinking about it, she pushed herself up onto her feet as well, matching his height perfectly with hers. Between all the confusion and fear, she suddenly felt the need to defend herself from his words.
"Look, I never said that!" She cried back, her voice growing louder as she felt her defensiveness rise, "I've admitted to being absent, but when have I ever called you needy or a bother, Otto? Name one time!"
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 7:09 pm
Surreal was one way to describe Eva raising her voice. He'd never heard her yell. It was almost refreshing. She seemed more genuine somehow. But she was calling herself dumb. That hurt. He didn't want her to depreciate herself. He just wanted her to give up on him. He never thought of Eva as dumb, even if he was mad at her.
"If you don't think that, then why do you stick around? I don't get it!" His voice rang painfully in the empty hall. "The very few times we've spent time together, I've been depressed over something! You never say it, but how can you satnd there and say it doesn't bother you? Do you enjoy having a boyfriend you rarely see? Do you not miss me? The only thing that makes sense is that you're avoiding me!"
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 8:32 pm
Eva didn't really get angry. At least, not outwardly--when she was upset, she typically turned her anger in on herself or held it back. That was just how she preferred to do it--keep her bright and happy persona up on the forefront while keeping all her negativity inside. Occasionally the latter would leak out, but for the most part, she managed to do a pretty good job at boxing it up.
Except for now, apparently. She could feel the fire in her chest flickering, a hint of frustration crossing over her expression at the blond's words. His voice made her ears ring but she resisted the urge to wince, hands balling into fists at her sides.
"Because it doesn't bother me!" She yelled back, her voice growing to match--if not exceed--his own in volume, "The only things that ever bothered me was my own guilt and the fact that all I could do was smile stupidly and try to cheer you up. At no point did I even think that you were needy!"
Her throat was starting to hurt as it was unaccustomed to all the yelling, but she continued on despite knowing that she would be reducing her voice to a croaking mess. "And of course I miss you! I just--" She let out a loud, sharp exhale before continuing, "Look, I have my own problems too, okay? If you think I'm avoiding you because I think you're annoying, then what? Do I think Wilson is annoying too? Saya? Gale? Ami? Because lately all I've been doing is isolating myself in my room, so I'm pre-tty sure the problem lies with me!"
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Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 3:16 am
Otto was a little scared, somewhere inside all his anger. He'd never seen Eva so mad. He was voicing his hurt and frustration, and Eva was mad at him. It just made him even angrier. His heart hurt to hear her yell, but this was what he wanted, right? To push her away. Push everyone away. What happened after that, he wasn't sure. "And that's another thing!" He bellowed, "You don't trust me! You don't trust ANYONE." As if he was one to talk. "If you have problems, why don't you ever talk to me about it? Do you have any idea how it makes me feel knowing you might have been upset and I did s**t all to help? I'm not a ******** child, Eva! But that's all you ever treat me like."His voice started to shake. He hated doing this, but he also hated the way his life had turned out. Eva never treated him like a boyfriend. She only ever treated him like a friend or a child. That was enough to set him off again. "You know what? You're right, Eva! The problem DOES lie with you!"
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Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 9:03 am
She struggled to swallow the lump in her throat, shoulders squared and gaze even as she refused to let herself flinch at being yelled at but--gods. Gods, did it ever hurt, each and every word sinking into her chest. It wasn't just the fact that Otto was so furious with her that made her heart ache, but the fact that she had never truly understood how he really felt this whole time until now.
Forget girlfriend. She hadn't even been a good friend.
A part of her--the defensive part--reared up at his accusations, but his final words stunned her into silence before she could even dream of opening her mouth to retaliate. She thought that she could feel her throat tightening, her breath shaky as her hold on her composure gradually fell away. She promptly dropped her gaze, unable to look at him for any longer.
"Isn't that what I just said?" She croaked in a hushed voice, her bottom lip beginning to tremble, "Everything. Ultimately the blame for everything we've been yelling about for the past few minutes lies with me." Her hands lifted up to grip her head and she took a step back, and then another.
"Because I've been oblivious. I've been insensitive, and blind, and--and stupid, and this--all of this--has been my fault!" Her volume had grown in a crescendo, accumulating at the last two words. When she spoke again, her voice was faint again. "Is that what you want to hear, Otto? Is that what you came to make me see?"
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Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 2:36 pm
Is that what he wanted? To hear her blame herself for everything? Otto liked not being blamed, but he'd expected to be yelled at. He expected to have to defend himself. Eva was faulting herself. He should have known she would. Eva was sweet, kind and selfless. She deserved so much better than someone like him. So this was for the best. Upset her enough that she'd not want to be with him anymore. She didn't need him. "Pretty much." Otto replied, unable to come across cold even though he tried. His voice was shaky. He was upset. Upset at himself that he was hurting Eva, and upset that he felt so alone all the time. No one could spare him the time, and he was too untrusting and afraid to ask. He wanted affection, attention, and company. Needy. He was needy. "If I wanted to be alone and ignored? I can do that all on my own."
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Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 3:00 pm
She didn’t pick up on the cue on the boy’s voice, her heart drumming too loudly in her ears and her chest aching too hard for her to focus on anything else. Had she been of clearer mind, perhaps then she’d notice the quiver in the boy’s voice, the unhappiness—but she didn’t. Her breathing was becoming labored, hands clenched so tightly that her nails left red crescents in the palms of her hands. The temptation to push through the blond and escape to her room was strong, but she resisted the urge for now. Eva didn’t want to run, not from a conversation like this.
It’s not like running ever fixed anything, as she had just come to learn.
”So,” She laughed, her voice pitching a little, ”What now? Would you prefer to be alone on your own, then? Is that what you think is going to make you happy?”
Grasping at her arms, she kept her gaze fixated on the ground and took a shuddering breath as her composure finally came crumbling down around her. ”I doubt it. Even if it’s not me, at least keep some company with you. Find someone kinder, someone more selfless—someone who will be a better friend and girlfriend than I’ve been.” Her throat was starting to burn, as were her eyes. Fingers digging painfully into her arms, she stood there hoping that he’d leave—hoping that he’d give her a chance to flee into her room before she crumpled in on herself.
"Are you done?" It came out as a whisper, cracking on the last word.
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Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 3:15 pm
It wouldn't make him happy. He hated being alone. Hated it. It was why he was so miserable at home in Louisiana. It was why he'd been so miserable when Eva wasn't around.
But he deserved to be miserable. He was garbage.
There would be no better girlfriend. No better friend. Eva would never be replaced. Could never be replaced. But this would be the last time she'd have to hurt because of him. The only time. He was sure of it.
"I'm done."
He replied quietly. He took one last look at her, not able to see her beautiful eyes while they were cast so far down. His heart began to break as he turned away from her. Each step he took down the hall ripped his soul from his heart. His eyes burned, tears filling up so high he was blind. She couldn't see him now, so it was okay. It was okay to be weak again.
He turned to climb the stairs, her sad form no longer visible to him, as he was no longer visible to her. His throat felt sore and raw, and he'd not even uttered a whimper yet. His limbs felt weak. Everything hurt.
It didn't matter if what he'd done was right or not now. It was done, and could never be taken back.
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