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 Posted: Sun Jan 05, 2014 4:19 pm
Who: Cesc, Shepard, Iorek
When: Early September, afternoon
Where: The Maevin house
Weather: Autumnal, a chill in the air but the sun still out.
"Hey, Rhede, where are my keys?"
Rhedefre stayed still on the couch for a moment after he heard Shepard's words. His head hurt and his eyes stung, sensations he had grown used to. The creep of autumn chill was slowly biting away at the humid heat of July and August that the stag was all too ready to banish from his head, but it was slow going.
He still woke with pain. Still rose and looked for Vivi and Shepard. Still had nightmares where he would wake in the jungle, on a slanted tree branch, with an arrow pointed at his skull. A hunter he could not see with a bow, the string taut, ready to fire.
Cesc pushed against the couch with his still-rough hands, pulling his face off the pillow. His hair was lengthening awkwardly from where he'd cut it, curls twisting in odd directions. He hadn't shaved. The stubble prickled against his hand as he rubbed his face and tried to feel more alert.
Foggy. His head was foggy.
He looked around. Was Zurine there? No, she'd gone home...
"Rhede!"
Cesc turned his head. Shepard stood at the top of the stairs, his motorcycle jacket on, his fists balled in his pockets. His eyebrows were knit as he looked at him, the grey-green of his eyes glinting.
"I'm sorry," said Cesc, rubbing his face. His eyes felt bruised, felt like they would never heal. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"Lost my keys. Gotta get to Iorek's. Find 'em." said Shepard. It was the most brusque he'd been with Rhedefre since his return, and Cesc felt bewildered at the sharpness in his tone. For weeks now he'd spoken softly, even when the rage in his eyes looked like it might burn him from within.
"Ah..." Cesc said slowly, blinking, his hands falling from his face. He frowned and shook his head. "I don't know."
Shepard exhaled through his nose. "C'mon."
"Did you check in your other jacket pockets?" the stag ventured.
Shepard's shoulders dropped and his jaw tightened. "Why are you being lazy? Just tell me where they are."
Cesc stiffened. "I can't ... do ... that."
A snort left Shepard. "Yes, you can."
The stag shook his head, quickly. Inside, it felt like water sloshing around his head, like his brain was absent. His skull ached. "I can't."
Shepard ran his fingers through his hair, nodding, and for a moment he turned toward the stairs like he meant to go back down them. Cesc hovered at the couch, still low as though he meant to lay back down, his neck corded with discomfort, his shoulders taut. He was unsure where to look, his eyes trailing from Shepard and to the floor, his heavy eyelids trying to keep him from looking up.
Then Shepard whipped back again, his fingers in his hair, the anger back in his eyes. "Yeah, Rhede, you can. It takes you four ******** seconds and you don't even think about it."
"I'm sorry," said Cesc.
"No, you're not!" Shepard pressed. He took a step toward Cesc. "You know, I don't get you. You sit around here all day like a goddamn puddle and it isn't you. Why don't you get mad now and then? Why do you just ******** float around like some kind of ghost, like you got the life sucked out of you? I'm sorry for whatever happened in there, Rhede, I'm sorry. Holy s**t, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry you got hurt, that everyone got hurt. But goddamn it, Rhede, why don't you just get mad? Get some of it OUT instead of wallowing in it all day?"
Cesc swallowed dryly, his shoulders tightening as he pushed himself further up. His heart began to thud in his ears, and his fingers felt cold.
"I don't want to get mad," he managed, his voice dry and thin.
"Why not?" Shepard took a step into the room. "Why the hell not? What's it gonna do?"
Cesc's heart sped. He could feel it rising, like a wave, rearing up within him. "I don't want to."
"You keep saying that. You keep saying that about everything."
"I don't want to!" Cesc's voice climbed. He staggered back, trying to put distance between himself and Shepard, but the Aussie stayed forward, his eyes on Cesc's. "It doesn't -- it doesn't help!"
"What the hell does that even mean?" spat Shepard.
"I GOT MAD THEN!" Cesc yelled, and the sound of his own voice startled him. He gasped as though trying to pull it back in, stunned, but it wouldn't stop. "It didn't help! I couldn't use it -- I couldn't protect--"
"You couldn't protect who? Yourself? Anyone else?" Shepard continued forward, unperturbed. "I hate to break this to you, Rhede, but nobody protected anybody! You keep saying you failed, but it doesn't ******** look like anybody else succeeded, you ever notice that?"
Cesc stammered. The sound of his own voice shouting still echoed in his ears. "I could have been stronger--"
"So this is how you get stronger? Ignoring the power you've got? Laying on the ******** couch? Iorek's pretty strong, was that strong enough? You think cause you got a power, you don't have to cultivate it? You think cause you weren't born with muscle and strength, you can just throw in the towel?" Shepard yelled, his hands going up, his eyes dark. His face was growing a livid red. "Cause let me tell you this, Rhede, none of this means you won't ever be called on again to do something. And that next time, you can either be ******** stronger or you can lay down and die, cause nobody else looks like they were riding in to save the goddamn day!"
He stopped, the silence punctuating his last syllable deafening and overwhelming. Cesc stood stock still, shock etched on his face, his jaw slack and his eyes wide, staring.
The fog in his head had been pierced. His heart pounded so loud it felt like it could escape him. He stood that way, just staring at Shepard, as the Aussie's words slowly absorbed in his head.
Shepard's shoulders dropped. He sighed.
"I'm going to Iorek's," he said.
"Wait."
Cesc paused, clearing his throat. He still looked pale and wan, his eyes now too-alert and half-panicked, but he spoke anyway. Spoke through it.
"They're under your nightstand," he croaked. "And I ... let me go, too."
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 1:47 pm
Inside the Maevin home, the situation wasn’t much better. Lillian, Tyson, and Iorek were all sitting in the living room, each occupied with their own activity. But unlike the usual mundane day, just sitting in the same room felt like a challenge. The air was thick and no one was saying a word.
Since Iorek had returned from the jungle things weren’t the same. Suddenly, everyone’s relationship was strained. It wasn’t just because he and Tyson had lied to Lillian and gone against her wishes. She had been angry but all in all they had been forgiven. That was in the past now.
Now the problem was with the person hovering by the window.
After Reks returned from the jungle all the Maevins seemed to do now was fight.
For a while Lillian had feared that Iorek might have brought back some kind of sinister ghost from the jungle. But there was no other activity around the mansion that she could point towards it being a ghoul.
It was just Iorek and his fierce temper. The more the family fought, the more Lillian began to realize, with utmost dread, that Reks had come back alone. It was all his doing.
He was the reason behind the shouting matches and the contagious anger.
During one of their fights, Lil was nearly brought to tears when she glared into her wards eyes and all she saw staring back at her was a twisted version of her dear friend.
She glanced over the magazine she was reading and looked to where Iorek had stationed himself.
Today Shep was supposed to visit but he was running late.
Iorek’s frustration with the man’s tardiness could be seen as he paced back and forth.
“Why don’t you come play a game with Tyson, Iorek?” Lillian gently suggested from her spot on the couch.
Iorek didn’t respond back but Tyson visibly froze.
For a moment he actually seemed a little afraid but did venture to invite Reks in, “Yeah…I’m playing Smash Bros. Want to have a go?”
“No thanks.” Iorek grumbled from his spot. He stopped in his pacing and just crossed his arms and leaned against the wall.
Tyson smiled gently and tried again, “Come on, it’s been forever since you’ve played. Kirby’s getting pretty sad that you haven’t played with him.”
“It would be fun to watch you demolish Tyson, Reks. He’s gotten so cocky with that game lately. Put him in his place.”
“Oh please…”
Brother and sister shared a little laugh but Iorek was not happy. The sound of sharp nails running across stone made them both shut up. Neither wanted to fight today. The air around them grew even thicker.
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 1:48 pm
The ride over was slow and silent. Shepard was still bristling and Cesc still lingering in his shock, his hands taut over the seatbelt.
Shepard wasn't sure what he was going to find at the Maevin's household. From all he'd heard, things were just as bad there as they were at the bakery, and it pissed him right the ******** off. The two Raevans he trusted the most, had the most faith in, had been reduced to rubble in that jungle, and they weren't exactly bouncing back the way that Shepard always thought they would.
For Cesc, his breath caught in his chest and he wondered: was Iorek as much of a ******** wreck as he was?
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 1:49 pm
By the time the two reached the Maevin house Iorek was already outside and waiting in the driveway. He was sitting on a tree stump and waddling away at a tree branch with his index claw. He looked to be in deep concentration and mumbling some choice words under his breath.
What the boys missed was another loud argument and the loss of a poor helpless vase from Greece. It had happened so fast that by the time they got there the three were off doing different things to take their mind off it.
Lillian was dragging the vase and a sack of garbage out to the corner of the road when they drove up. Usually this was something Iorek would do but today his back was turned and he just continued to shave away the bark. She waved to the them and mumbled ‘Thank god’ under her breath. Maybe this would cheer Reks up?
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 1:50 pm
Alas -- Shep was still not in a sunshine-y mood when he came out of the truck, and the tall Aussie approached with his brows knit and his hands in his pockets.
Behind him, Cesc was quieter, more alert. He spied Lillian and lifted his hand in a wave.
There was no mistaking the change in Cesc -- he was grey and stubbled and lined, he wore a baseball cap and there was something not-quite-right about the color of his skin. Bruises and scrapes were nearly healed but not entirely, and so there were spots of yellow and pink where they shouldn't have been. And he looked tired, exhausted, his eyes sunken and dark.
"Hey," Shepard said, approaching. He noted Lillian at the last moment and nodded at her. "Hey, Lil."
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 1:50 pm
Lillian shivered at the sight of Cesc. He looked awful and for such a normally beautiful and cheerful raevan that was almost unbelievable to say. She knew Iorek going to the jungle was a bad idea. Everything that went into that place came back looking like their lives were sucked out of them. Poor guy.
She headed back towards the house, giving Iorek plenty of distance and space as she walked around them. “If you guys want anything to drink I have water and lemonade inside.”
There was no real greeting other than that and none of her teasing. Tyson was no where to be seen and usually he raced outside to hang out with the guys.
It was eerie and quiet all around them. Just the sound of the waves rolling onto the shore could be heard.
Iorek looked up at them and frowned. “You’re late, Shep.” His voice cracked and it definitely had the worn tone of being recently used to shout.
Just like Cesc he looked tired and his eyes had lost their usual enthusiastic shine.
He glanced over to Cesc and grimaced. “You look terrible, Cesc.” He said bluntly with zero sugar-coating. Another trait of the usual Reks gone. As Iorek looked him over he could picture all the fear and panic they had gone through together. Some of those bruises were probably from him and their mishaps. He smiled ever so slightly and snapped the branch in two, “By your color I’d say you’re starting to look like me.”
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 1:51 pm
"Yeah," said Shepard tersely, still frowning as he looked at Iorek. He looked like a mess, too -- angry and sullen and not at all right. There was anger in his normally-gentle eyes, and clearly that anger had been used a lot more than Cesc used his.
It seemed like they needed to trade, Cesc and Iorek. A little more anger and action to Rhedefre, a little dampening to Iorek.
For his part, Cesc smiled very gently, like it would break his face to stretch his mouth more. "I look about as good as I feel, then."
He paused, and floated toward the gargoyle. "How are YOU?"
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 1:52 pm
Iorek huffed and shrugged his heavy shoulders, “I don’t know anymore.” He chucked the pieces of wood off into the garden and rose from his seat on the rock.
“I uh…I think…” He raised a hand and pinched the bridge of his nose as if that would alleviate the ache in his head. He took a deep breath and a growl rolled down his throat and thundered in his chest.
He lowered his hand and looked between Shep and Cesc. A part of him wanted to question and badger Shep over his tardiness but then the other part knew that it wasn’t such a big deal. Shep was here now and even brought Cesc. Reks was supposed to feel happy about this. So why did he feel agitated?
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 1:53 pm
Shepard watched the twinge between Iorek's eyes with darkness in his own.
"You look like s**t," he said, just as bluntly.
"Shep --" Cesc interrupted.
"Naw, he does. You both do," said Shep. He shifted his weight, looking back over at Iorek. "So it's true, huh? You both got your asses handed to you in there?"
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 1:54 pm
Iorek blinked with surprise at Shepard’s words. He could understand Lil and Tyson being this way towards him but Shepard? He had no right.
“What?” Iorek’s face darkened and he drew closer to Shepard. The hair looked to take on some volume as it slightly rose up like a cat’s when it was angry.
He scowled as he floated a little bit higher over Shep. How dare he say that to him. “Did Cesc even tell you what we went through? What happened to us? While you were sitting on your a** at home we were chased and nearly killed!”
Reks balled his fists and the sound of the rock crushing against each other was sharp and splitting. “We had no idea what was going to be in that jungle and when we did it was too late. Stalked, chased, threatened, I fell off a cliff and nearly drowned! Cesc was chased, a-abandoned and…”
He couldn’t even look at Cesc and just glared at Shep as if he could burn him just by glaring. “You have no IDEA what he had to do in there.” He bristled and loudly cursed, “********!” Iorek drove his fists together to stop himself from throttling Shep.
Iorek knew this was a terrible way to act around his friends. To just explode as soon as they drew near but he couldn’t stop himself from feeling so angry! He could feel the heat flowing in his veins and poisoning him. But something was thriving on the angry. It was pushing him to do more, be more, take more.
Reks drew a shaky breath and his shoulders momentarily sagged. The shifting of emotions was an exhausting roller coaster. “I thought you were here to be with me. Not to say s**t!”
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 1:55 pm
Shepard stood stone-still. There it was -- there was the anger he was expecting from Rhedefre, the volatility. THAT'S what he'd have been like if it were him. He didn't move, his own face still in its contortion of frustration and upset. He waited for Iorek to finish.
But Rhedefre -- he jumped immediately. He floated quickly, putting himself between Shepard and Iorek, his eyes wild. "No -- don't -- stop, Iorek. He knows -- he does know."
"I do know," repeated Shepard. "I know you guys weren't prepared and that they shouldn't have ever let you go in that shithole. I know what happened. And I know you need someone to be with you, sure. But you've got your own guardians for that."
"Shepard, you're being ---"
"-- no, I'm here for something else," said Shepard curtly. "I'm here because it looks like you both aren't getting any ******** better with someone just being there for you. I'm here cause it looks like you need something else. You need to do something with that anger you've got, Reks. And Rhede, he's got to do something that'll keep him from sitting and staring at a ******** wall."
The Aussie's jaw set. "I'm here because we're going to start teaching you two how to ******** fight."
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 1:56 pm
Iorek froze when Cesc got between them. He had done enough to his friend in the jungle. The need to take out his anger on someone disappeared and he was left with the familiar sickening feeling of emptiness. His eyes burned and he looked away from them to shake away any need to cry. He’d done enough of that when he got home.
The gargoyle winced at the mention of his family but he didn’t add to it. He needed to just keep his distance from them right now. They just didn’t understand.
“Fight?” That brought Reks back to look at Shep, “That’s your big plan? Seriously?”
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 1:56 pm
"Yeah," said Shepard. "That's my big plan. This guy keeps talking about how useless he feels and it looks like you're just aching to punch someone, so why not do it right? We've weight trained forever but you've got no combat training, and it looks like you need it. So we're gonna do it."
Rhedefre gaped at Shepard, blinking. After all the violence they went through, the last thing he wanted was to know how to /do it properly/.
... but then a strange and hollow feeling came over him.
Standing in the jungle watching Rivener try to go to his death. Tackling him but not knowing what else to do, how to disarm him. Watching the hunter with no knowledge of how to keep them safe, keep Anya safe, other than pleading.
He needed to know. He needed to know something better than what he knew.
Rhedefre swallowed.
"... okay," he said, his voice quiet.
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 1:56 pm
Iorek looked uncertain and just stared at Shepard like he had grown a second head. If he learned how to fight…wouldn’t that make him more skilled to hurt someone when his anger got too much? Wouldn’t it just be empowering his temper?
“I-I don’t know Shepard….” He looked over at Cesc and grimaced as the hollow feeling began to ache. “If I do that I could really do damage, couldn’t I?”
He was already a powerful frei but he knew his offense style was far more animal than pro. Before the jungle he would of loved to learn to fight from his friend. He’d been wanting to do it for ages but was too shy to ask. And now the joy of this opportunity was not there. Instead fear sat and was watching for something to go wrong.
“Why didn’t you do this sooner, Shepard? Before the jungle?” Reks looked back in the direction of the house to see Lillian watching from the window. “I don’t know if I can anymore.”
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 1:57 pm
"Look," said Shepard, lifting his shoulders. "If yeh lose y's**t on someone who doesn't know how to fight, does it matter if yer losing your s**t and know what yer doing or if you don't? That's not the point here. The point is -- I..."
The anger left the Aussie in a whoosh, and for a moment, he looked as tired as the other two, as defeated, as deeply and truly frustrated. "... I didn't think you'd ever need anything like that. I thought you just wanted to be strong, athletic, that's all. But now..."
He paused, the muscles in his jaw working. "When I was in a shitty place, hell, this is what I did. I took combat classes. Got rid of some of the anger. It worked itself out. An' I felt like I could handle myself if s**t ever came my way again."
Cesc swallowed, looking down. His hands were clenched tightly at his sides.
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