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 Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 2:01 pm
The Elvenking had responded to Otto's request via text message, and while you may think an Elvenking wouldn't know how to use a cell phone, you would be wrong. The Woodland Elves had invented cell phones, and anyone who said otherwise was a liar and deserved to be locked up in the dungeons.
In fact, if you asked him, almost everything was invented or improved upon by the Woodland Realm. Like, everything. They've been among the mortals since like, the Second Age, all right? All right. Don't question them.
Otto would find Kostya in the cafeteria constructing a crown, because crowns were Important to royalty, and all his servants had managed to make themselves scarce.
What was he making the crown out of?
Tinfoil.
"Hello," he said as soon as he was approached. "You may be fetching vine now."
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 2:04 pm
This was going to be priceless. For the sake of science and all that jazz, Otto decided to record his meeting with the "Woodland Elf King" with his cell phone. For science. And totally not for blackmail or his own personal amusement.
"Huh? Vine... Wine? Havin' a party?" Otto asked, strolling right on in to Elven Territory. "Whatcha makin' there, Lord Fancypants?"
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 2:15 pm
"Vhat else could be, is a crown--"
The Elvenking bruptly looked up to chastise him further, but.
Looking Otto up and down, he realised that Otto was so short. Really short. Way too short to be a man.His eyes narrowed, as was a common trend for this Kostya, because Kings were suspicious, especially of Hobbits. Okay, well not especially of hobbits. Only when they like, wore shoes. It was odd. He looked at Otto's face, then his feet, then stood up slowly to measure his own height to the blond's.
"You are not being a man at all," he mused, the squinting not letting up at all, "you are being a halfling. A hobbit."
He clapped a hand onto Otto's shoulder, and stared down at him. "Do not trust hobbit in any vine cellar. Sticky fingers. Guess you must stay. Sit. Not too close. Am royalty."
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 2:22 pm
A crown? That was one shitty crown. Guess Elven Kings scraped by these days too. Otto stared up at the man with a few screws loose, his brows furrowing as he seemed to be judging him for something. Something he soon came to realize may just be insulting. "Scuse me? Who're you callin' a halfling?" Was it his height? He was ready to slap a b***h if it was his height again. "I'm plenty of man enough as is."And now he was saying he was untrustworthy and a theif. Well, that was fine. He thought this was funny, but not enough to actually play as his little fetcher gopher slave. No thanks. "Right, right. Royalty. I'll just have a seat right over yonder while you fashion yerself a tinfoil crown." Otto slid away from the Russian, hopping up to sit on a table's edge. "Soooo since when do Elves rule over the cafeteria?" Would he have to bow in servitude every time he wanted some stale bread?
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 4:38 pm
You, Otto. You are the eensiest little halfling the world ever did see.
"Not Manfolk," Kostya replied, rolling his eyes and sitting back down, resuming the construction of his MIGHTY CROWN.
Briefly he wondered where he might procure a MIGHTY MOOSE to sit upon, too, but that seemed beyond the capabilities of a pitiful tropical island.
"Halfling. Young one, too. So small." He waved a royal hand. "Is not good replacement for real crown, but. Has to do."
Kostya scoffed all over again when Otto asked a silly question. "Since Second Age, vhen Silvan come to Woodland Realm." Duh. Duh. "Long before you are being born, child hobbit."
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 4:43 pm
Too young. Too small. Otto wanted to smack Kostya across the room with Tenya's pointiest end. He levelled his gaze at the bonkers man constructing a crown out of tinfoil. It was hard to take him seriously, but the insults were still insults. Maybe he didn't want to share this video feed.
"Uh huh. So uh, do anything weird lately? Hit your head? Eat something funky? Use something a Life Tech gave you? You know them ******** are wacko, right?"
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 4:49 pm
Kostya beamed as he held his crown up, placing it atop his head and turned to face the blond. "Gave help to awful dwarf. Red hair. Foul mouth. Vith his two fiance, blonds." His face grew dour. "Got very much lice. Use shampoo from Infirmary to remove all vermin. Is fine now, hobbit, not needing to vorry." A wave of the hand. "Euch. Dwarves."
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 4:56 pm
Rep. Rep was the dwarf. oh this was great. He remembered that tweet too. Something about bugs in the basement. Damn he was glad he didn't like helping people. He lucked out.
He could almost forgive the short comments for how unfortunate Kostya's situation was. Almost. Kostya would pay for it later. "Lice, huh? Gross." He continued filming nonchalantly, "Yeah, dwarves are super gross too. Especially Rep. Like, the King of the Gross Dwarf Kingdom." He didn't know his fiances enough to make judgement besides the fact they had terrible taste in suitors.
Shampoo. Likely it was rigged with side effects. Maybe it wouldn't last long.
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 6:09 pm
"Am glad even a halfling can understand," the Elvenking replied haughtily, in a way that would haunt him for the rest of his days. Or at least a good few months. Maybe Kostya just won't ever come out of his room ever again, and become a literal basement dweller that doesn't want to show his face because of SHAME. SO MUCH SHAME.
"Rep cannot be king of anything," he hissed, slamming his hands onto the table. I tried to tell him not to do his best king kong impersonation, but noooo, he doesn't want to listen to me. "Not even of gross dwarf kingdom."
He tossed his head, as if he had beautiful, luxurious golden locks. (He did not.) "So much bug. Just everywhere, crawling little leg, squirming little body." Kostya wiggled his fingers. "Eugh. Gross is being very much right."
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 6:18 pm
Every time Kostya called him a halfling, Otto mentally counted down how much he needed to make Kostya pay. What made it better was Kostya's apparent hair flip. Oh, this was gold.
However, speaking of bugs so much made Otto flinch involuntarily. It made him itchy just thinking of it, making his scar burn in protest. It wasn't any surprise why he didn't rush to help the basement dwellers in their time of need.
"Are you gunna take that, King? Are you gunna allow such scum to crawl on your kingdom?"
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 6:26 pm
By the end of all this, Kostya was going to owe so many people so many things. Be it money, minutes spent grovelling, or favors. Or worse yet: all three.
"Am not going to take. He demands 'no vun touch anything' --" the Elvenking grew triumphant speaking of this, not aware of the fact that he had almost faced the wrath of a charged up fear ability, and if Tracey hadn't been constrained because of many reasons (mostly suffering, but also Marie reasons), he might have become a Shiloh 2.0.
(Dead.)
"So I touch. He start screaming, like little angry birdie. Vhat is call? Harpy?" Did they have harpies in Middle Earth? You're breaking character, King Kostya. "Much yelling. Point axe at me." A sniff of derision. "But no desire to go back. Have to move all thing, or angry dragon girl vill burn up. She threaten flame thrower, tomorrow."
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 6:44 pm
And we all know how well Kostya handled the "Do not touch" rules of Deus. Otto nearly ruled his eyes. Actually, he did. "Wait, angry dragon girl?" Kostya's
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 7:02 pm
"Yes. America." He did not know that she also actually thought herself to be a dragon, but what other fantasy character actually liked fire? No one, that's who. Only dragons. And Gandalf, if he was making one from fireworks. Magic fireworks. And Sauron, I guess, but America wasn't evil, just kind of greedy.
"Said if room not clear, she burn. Is very true."
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 7:14 pm
America? Maybe he'd worked with her once, but somehow it wasn't ringing a bell. How was he supposed to remember every name to every face? Apparently this girl breathed fire or something. Seemed legit.
"So this Dragon girl wanted you toooo clean the Dwarf King's room?"
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 7:49 pm
"Dragon not care who does clean. Am not going to help dwarf much. Do not care if she burn. She can burn all if she vant, as long as in one room. Stone not easy to set fire to."
He pondered a cape. Perhaps a sheet? He squinted around the cafeteria in hopes of a table cloth, but no dice.
"Originally vent because bug vere threat to KINGDOM." Kostya carefully grabbed the crown, because it was almost falling off.
"Come, halfling. Ve go to laundry room. Need to liberate sheet from machine so can have cape. Maybe find vine on vay."
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