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 Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 1:14 am
Well, I've just recently joined the guild and this my first real post. This is a poem I wrote a long time ago, but just recently found again and decided to edit it to my satisfaction. So, I beseech you, while I am still in "change mode" tell me how to make it shine. whee
You are careful
in how you make your move:
languidly somehow, but alert.
Your burning finger, dropped,
turns to icy chills down my spine.
Pooled desire in your darting
dead pink eyes and
want falls upon me like a wave.
the devastation that follows it
is the monster of my addiction.
Thick tentacles encircle my limbs
the chains that bind me to you.
Gnashing teeth tear at me from the inside,
the needles that rip into my flesh.
Dazed I spin, whirling around your light,
waiting for the fall.
Your eyes are
blood-shot now, instead of
the healing pink I am accustomed to,
the callousness there is the same,
no softening in those eyes.
Your knowing touch is still cautious
but now as well it is
slow, sweet, and soothing.
You are gentle with me now
because you know you have won.
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Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 5:35 am
Yeowch!!! sounds traumatic.
This has some very effective lines I think, but the imagery is maybe a little loaded? Seems to be a very personal poem, maybe it just needs a little explanation so other people can better appreciate where you are coming from when you write it.
good stuff biggrin
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Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 8:26 am
Well, I covered both drug and alcohol addiction if you can "find that metaphor." Neither of these are actually an addiction I have, but they run rampant in my family, so I'm surrounded by such things. That's all, really. sweatdrop
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