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 Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 3:05 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 3:26 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 3:28 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 3:29 pm
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Puppet on a String Theory Vice Captain
Philosophizing Bibliophile
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Posted: Wed Dec 11, 2013 2:56 pm
Good day. I will be the one to review this profile. Let us begin.
In terms of technicalities, everything seems to be in order. However, while this is true, there is some amount of your wording which may vex readers. Some contemplation would clearly be required by some of those passersby who are interested in your profile in terms of comprehending your purpose, so that's what will be primarily observed. Other than this detail, more explanation will be required in some areas. I'll begin with the former of these.
The first bit of confusion is emanated by the biography. There is a bit of- what appears to be- contradiction, making your point somewhat unclear.Sinna, Captain of the Sixth Division Sinna was a member of a mercenary group who appeared to be against the law and it's corrupted forces in the city of New York. [...] Sinna cursing them as she was killed [...] Born from a combination of Gigai and Artificial soul technology, including a strand of DNA from one of his subordinates; Sinna's birth wasn't what most would call natural.
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Other than this, there is one major bit that I require you to elaborate upon.Sinna, Captain of the Sixth Division -PhysiqueBody Modification: The squad 12 Captain implanted various modifications and chemicals within Sinna to use against his opponents. She possesses within herself an augmentation chemical which can ultimately result in one's defeat.
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Once this all is done, reply to me in a quote.
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Posted: Wed Dec 11, 2013 3:21 pm
Puppet on a String Theory
Sinna, Captain of the Sixth Division Sinna was a member of a mercenary group who appeared to be against the law and it's corrupted forces in the city of New York. [...] Sinna cursing them as she was killed [...] Born from a combination of Gigai and Artificial soul technology, including a strand of DNA from one of his subordinates; Sinna's birth wasn't what most would call natural.
You didn't read the entire bio. This is not Sinna's past but implanted memories. As stated and I shall requote from paragraph 3:
These were the memories implanted in the experiment created in the lab of Squad Twelve. The head of the experiment and creator, none other than the Research & Development's Captain. Born from a combination of Gigai and Artificial soul technology, including a strand of DNA from one of his subordinates; Sinna's birth wasn't what most would call natural. However, wanting the girl to have a chance to be "normal" and have an identity of her own, she was given a fake past in order to hide the fact that she was artificially created and believe she had arrived to the soul society like everyone else. How she came to be as a captain, she attended the academy like everyone else and was placed in division twelve as an unseated member for several years. Thanks to the captain who pulled a few strings to have Sinna in his squad in order to keep an eye on her; throughout the years, her skills in combat grew at an incredible rate, to the point where her growth far exceeded the expectations of an unseated member. With time after her growth had been noticed by the captain, she was promoted to his vice captain and served loyaly at his side for over 200 years.
Sinna, Captain of the Sixth Division -PhysiqueBody Modification: The squad 12 Captain implanted various modifications and chemicals within Sinna to use against his opponents. She possesses within herself an augmentation chemical which can ultimately result in one's defeat. As for the modifications, because she was artificially created, her immune system is stronger than that of the average person, which would render her immune to poisons that would be lethal to the ordinary person like mustard gas, carbon monoxide and smoke inhalation. Though she's not immune to natural things like the pox, or phenomena. I've taken out the whole using toxins as a weapon thing out. She just has a strong immune system.
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Puppet on a String Theory Vice Captain
Philosophizing Bibliophile
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Posted: Wed Dec 11, 2013 3:52 pm
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Reply
