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[Q] Daran Moreau // Sarras, Page of the Cosmos (CRITS)

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ChibiGingi

Dapper Grabber

PostPosted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 12:38 pm


Introductory post, setting stuff up as we speak.

This is the twin brother of Richard Moreau.
PostPosted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 12:38 pm


Name: Daran Gaston Moreau

Nickname: Ran, Daran-Daran (if you really want him mad)

Age: 27

Birthday: December 5

Sign: Sagittarius

Gemstone: Topaz

Blood Type: A

Fav. Food: Steamed vegetables and rice, and game fowl like ducks and pheasants.

Hated Food: Candy or anything too sweet.

Occupation: Co-owner of Sugar Shanty / Work-at-Home Tax Consultant

Hobbies:

Sports and Outdoors - Daran spends too much of his time cooped up indoors thanks to helping his brother run his business and working from his home as a tax consultant, so on his free time, he’ll take to the woods, either to camp or go hunting. He’s not the best marksman by far and he tends to allow the animal to escape if he misses a shot, or lets them out if a sickly beast gets trapped in his cages, but he is more into the thrill of the hunt than enjoying the spoils, though bringing home a nice fat buck is definitely a worthy endeavor.

Taxidermy - Those he does bring home with him (most likely dead) will certainly be put to good use, either by cooking and serving them up on a nice platter, or getting the stuffed and mounted. Not that he goes to anyone in particular to do that. Why do that when he could do it himself? Daran learned the fine art of taxidermy while living in Sugarland, Texas and will often take commissions on his free time, though he’s more into showing off the trophy of a good hunt than to make a profit, if one can believe that.

Prankster - Richard likes to think of himself as the laid back and easy to get along with and claims his brother to be a bore, but that only makes Daran less suspicious when determining the culprit behind some harsh pranks that go on in the Moreau household. Truth be told, Daran enjoys a good prank, and he’ll often go through ridiculous lengths to set one up, all for a good laugh. Of course, most of them are harmless and are only meant for a quick, cheap laugh, though he has been known to get carried away from time to time. No one’s been hurt seriously.

Virtues:

Everything Has Value - Due to his job, Daran can look at an object and see only dollar signs, how much it’s worth or will be worth as time goes on, give or take a few dollars. For him, everything has its worth and he tried to make the best out of every item or circumstance presented before him, whether it be monetary in worth or relatable through time and effort. What could be another man’s trash could very well be another man’s treasure and Daran feels he does a good job in making it worthwhile, either to himself or another person.

Polite and Professional - Daran comes from his brother likes to think is a prestigious family, and one can always trust Daran to be polite and professional when it comes to handling guests and business. Like a respectable man, he conducts himself accordingly and will always thrive to set an example of how a true gentleman would act, and he takes much pride in his pleasant smile. He’ll talk in a calm and delicate manner, never allowing others to see or know what’s on his mind, and seldom does he raise his voice. To do so would just be rude and unprofessional, and someone has to keep up the reputation of the family name.

Discrete - Whereas Richard enjoys the company of others and allows his mouth to run a little more than it should, Daran has learned the fine art of keeping his mouth shut, but his ears open. He’ll smile politely, but unless directly addressed, he keeps himself out of everyone’s business and will endeavor not to disclose valuable information to just anyone. He chooses his conversations and battles with tact and will often go out of his way to avoid a conflict directly, instead choosing a more indirect and safer approach to the matter. Time is money, and he cares only for efficiency and cannot be bothered with such troublesome minutiae.

Flaws:

Hoarder - Because Daran sees dollar signs everywhere he goes, he finds it hard to let go of things, and one look at his home would clue others in on this trait. He’s not willing to admit that he might have a small, teensy-weensy problem with letting go of items that he feels quite attached to, but anyone can plainly see that it’s there, no matter how much he denies this. He keeps so much paperwork about that it’s easy for him to sometimes lose important documents, and anything that he might have collected over the years he keeps with him, even if its value has decreased over the years or its even broken. He just likes his things to stay where there are.

Passive-Aggressive - Don’t be fooled by that sweet and polite smile of his, though. Daran might look the part of a charmer, but part of the Moreau family curse is that he will sugar coat his words, even if they may be venomous or acidic in nature. Of course he’ll sound nice and saccharine when he addresses someone, but it’s all to make his criticism easier to swallow. This often causes some trouble within the family as well as others who might prefer a more direct approach, and to those that do see through his false sincerity and hear the hidden meaning beneath them, it really makes him come off as a bit of a douchebag. Not that he’ll admit to meaning to spread ill feelings- perhaps he merely thinks of humans as dogs and think that masking it behind a happy tone of voice would be enough to fool them?

Distant - There is a time for talk and a time for action, but Daran seems to have forgotten exactly when he should participate in either of these. He spends so much time staying out of a conflict that when the times comes to act, he might as well not be there at all. Daran does a good job in distancing himself from a situation gone awry that he often gets accused of being neglectful and in turn sometimes causes the situation to get even worse. By then, someone or something big will have to force him into action, and in doing do, Daran feels as though he’s more akin to cleaning up someone else’s mess as opposed to helping someone else solve their own problems. He simply doesn’t think that it’s his responsibility to fix someone else’s problems, that’s all, even if his distant nature helped cause the problem in the first place.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Sly-looking eyes, iris is a dark, crimson red in color.

Hair: Sleeked back, shoulder length hair, dyed a dark blue with red eyebrows and red roots.

Face: Slender, with a pointed chin. Nose is more pronounced than most of his other features and is rather pointy. Has a five o’clock shadow and a stubble on his chin, just below his lip.

Clothes: Casual business attire, favorite dark blues and blacks.

ChibiGingi

Dapper Grabber


ChibiGingi

Dapper Grabber

PostPosted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 12:40 pm


Knight Title: Sarras Page of the Cosmos

Challenge: You chose poorly.

Uniform: Star themed French baroque/Les Miserables upperclass inspired attire, with the color theme of Sweetie Belle.

Top --
Bottoms --
Gloves --
Belt --
Shoes --
Shoulders --
Accessories --
Weapon

Page: Simple clay cup
Spell: N/A

Squire: Fancier clay cup
Spell: Nectar of the Cosmos
Sarras can channel water in the clay cup, it can be consumed by either Sarras or another person. The consumer will taste something sweet and upon consuming the drink, will experience a brief, blissful sensation, as it is a power to protect their new life. The effects of this drink will last as long as Sarras is channeling the magic and the magic pool will last for 30 seconds.

Knight: Glazed clay chalice
Spell: Divine Drink of the Cosmos
Sarras can channel water glazed clay chalice, it can be consumed by either Sarras or another person. Once it is consumed, the sweetness of the drink increases in potency, and the side effects of the drink leave the consumer in a blissful and wondrous daze, taking their minds off of their pains and troubles for a short while to reward their new life. The effects will last as long as Sarras is channeling the magic and the magic pool will last for 45 seconds.
PostPosted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 12:41 pm


Annnnnnnd, open for crits.

ChibiGingi

Dapper Grabber



Strickenized


Garbage Cat

PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 8:03 am


not really a crit, but your hair ref isn't working!

also you might wanna update richard's age lol cuz it's looking like poor victoria was in labor for a year...

i could say more things but i don't want to crowd this so good luck on your quest!
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 8:10 am


Strickenized
not really a crit, but your hair ref isn't working!

also you might wanna update richard's age lol cuz it's looking like poor victoria was in labor for a year...

i could say more things but i don't want to crowd this so good luck on your quest!


XD Yeah, Richard's journal needs updating in general. And I'll trying to remember where the hairstyle went... because I don't remember at the moment. Thanks!

Edit: And both the link and Richard's age is updated. Thanks!

ChibiGingi

Dapper Grabber


Iris_virus

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 8:24 am


I just wanted to note real quick, that Cosmos outfits are supposed to be inspired by 'Alphonse Mucha' style, so you might not be able to get something completely like your reference image. As long as you're open to some small changes and tweaks though I'm sure you and the artists can work out a middle ground.
PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2013 1:49 pm


Iris_virus
I just wanted to note real quick, that Cosmos outfits are supposed to be inspired by 'Alphonse Mucha' style, so you might not be able to get something completely like your reference image. As long as you're open to some small changes and tweaks though I'm sure you and the artists can work out a middle ground.


I'm completely willing to work with the artists. Also, I think I got Cosmos and Venus knights confused in their attire, which makes so much more sense in my head now that I think about it.

I'll look into that a little more, thank you for the head's up.

ChibiGingi

Dapper Grabber


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 8:08 pm


ChibiGingi


Hey Chibi! Dropping by with some quick crit to get Daran all stamped up~

ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE:

Nothing to say here, actually! Looks great!

ON THE POWERED SIDE:

Right now, I'm not seeing the tie between Sarras's magic and Cosmos's themes of eternity, rebirth, and stars - could you make the tie-in clearer for me?

Also, his magic should be pulling from a pool of channeling time, not lasting for a specific duration - so, for instance, he could channel for thirty seconds total in a battle, but could divide it up however he wanted, and whatever effects his magic produces lasts only as long as he's channeling.

Quote me once you've made changes and I'll come back for another look!
PostPosted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 8:54 pm


Die Fluegel der Freiheit
ChibiGingi


Hey Chibi! Dropping by with some quick crit to get Daran all stamped up~

ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE:

Nothing to say here, actually! Looks great!

ON THE POWERED SIDE:

Right now, I'm not seeing the tie between Sarras's magic and Cosmos's themes of eternity, rebirth, and stars - could you make the tie-in clearer for me?

Also, his magic should be pulling from a pool of channeling time, not lasting for a specific duration - so, for instance, he could channel for thirty seconds total in a battle, but could divide it up however he wanted, and whatever effects his magic produces lasts only as long as he's channeling.

Quote me once you've made changes and I'll come back for another look!


Okay, I went ahead and revised it. For clarity, the reason I chose this particular magic for a Cosmos knight is because it plays in with the Holy Grail and rebirth. The drink gives Order characters a surge of power to protect their new life; Chaos characters get a distaste because they've squandered their new life.

I tried my best to explain it in the description as well, if that helps? Let me know if there's anything else I need to clarify.

ChibiGingi

Dapper Grabber


Noir Songbird
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 9:14 pm


ChibiGingi


Looks good to me!

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A GM will be by soon!
PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 1:54 pm


ChibiGingi


Hi, Gingi~! For the most part this looks great, I just wanted to go over one thing about his magic! :3

Generally Senshi and Knight magic is not supposed to have different effects that depend upon the alignment of the character it's being cast on! There are a couple of exceptions, but the one that comes to mind immediately is Princess Iris's crystal magic, which is allowable considering her power level. Certain other exceptions could be made, but it would really depend on how well the powers reflected the sphere of a Senshi or the themes of a Knight.

As it stands now, it doesn't seem as if Sarras's power would even be used on a Chaos aligned individual all that often considering they'd have to drink it willingly if it wasn't being forced down their throat, and while the Order part definitely reflects Cosmos's powers well, the Chaos aspect of it runs opposite of that. So just remove that effect, and this'll be ready for a stamp!

Sunshine Alouette

Eternal Senshi


ChibiGingi

Dapper Grabber

PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 2:42 pm


Sunshine Alouette


Alright, I went ahead and removed all of the effects in regards to Chaos members drinking it. Let me know if anything else needs to be looked at.
PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 3:16 pm


ChibiGingi


Everything looks fantastic, Gingi, thank you! :3

The only other thing I can think to note is about the uniform ref, but Iris mentioned that already and that's something you can discuss with the artist when you get him!

So this is APPROVED!

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Sunshine Alouette

Eternal Senshi

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