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 Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 8:49 am
 It had been several months since Aquitaine had decided there was more to her life then living on a beach, several months since he had been forced to come to terms with her demands and several months to adjust to it. Agave wasn't sure that he would ever fully adjust to her leaving, to being alone on the beach for extended periods of time while she sought out and helped others like them..the different or as he liked to call it the socially challenged. No he didn't think he would ever adjust completely..but he had at least come to accept it, and to look forward to her visits home. It was true that absence made the heart grow fonder.
And it had given him time to think about his own future, which was a new and somewhat unsettling opportunity. While others started to think of such things at a young age Agave's youth had been filled with training and violence, his future had been pre-determined and unchangeable..or so he had thought and while he had managed to change the unchangeable he had , until now, been so preoccupied with simply adjusting to his new life that the future..aside from knowing he wanted to spend it alongside Aquitaine, had not been foremost on his mind. Until now, the time alone had given him time to search his own soul and the beach had proved to be a gentle and calming environment in which to do so.
Agave had come to a conclusion which he thought important..he hated what his youth had been, hated the endless thoughts of defense and paranoia of danger which even now plagued his thoughts from time to time. He wanted nothing more to do with fighting or bloodshed, he had already had a hoof in hurting to many creatures of this land and Agave had decided he wanted nothing more to do with it. Any of it.
No Agave had decided to do away with violence, he would stop training, would no longer spend time honing muscle or spirit in an art which did nothing but cause pain and suffering. A few brief conversations with those who lived nearby had given him a title for this way of life. Pacifist. Yes..Agave would become a pacifist..and he couldn't wait to tell Aquitaine about it, she would be proud of him he was sure. Now he just had to wait for her to return so that he could tell her.
Snorting at the water the green stallion turned away from the shoreline as the sun set, making his way back to the little grove that he and Aquitaine called home. It would be a lonely night tonight but he consoled himself with the thought that he had great news to share when next she returned.
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 9:00 am
 The last few months had been busy but overall productive. She had ventured out a great number of times in search for others like her, or those with children like her to help them. But it didn't end just there, she tried to education normal Soquili to not so quickly pass judgement on those that looked different. There would always be those out there that would see her and others as monsters and while she wishes she could change their minds to see the truth she had come to realize that not everyone could be helped, not every opinion could be shown as incorrect. And though in the beginning she was bothered by this, now she accepted it as the fact of life. What mattered were those whose opinions she could change and those she could help in order to feel and become accepted in society.
It was hard to leave her home each time, hard to leave Agave behind. He had accompanied her on a few of her trips, but for the most part she went alone. And nearly every time she left she had found someone who would listen to what she had to say, and hopefully had changed those individuals lives for the better. Over time Agave had seemed to accept that this was her life now, and while it didn't make leaving any easier, it was always nice to come home and tell him all about the others she had helped and have him ask questions about her travels. Of course he also always reminded her to be careful, that not everyone would be open to listening to her, but that was the way Agave was.
It had only been a couple weeks since she had last been home and while Aquitaine had originally planned to make this a longer trip - winter was on it's way and once the snows came she wouldn't be able to travel as widely as she used to - she found herself needing to get home sooner rather than later. How would Agave feel about this? Surely he would be excited, once he got over the shock.
The sun was setting when she had made her way to the beach she had called home. Her eyes scanned the sand to see if Agave was out on patrol of simply standing at the waters edge as he did sometimes while thinking. Not seeing him there she headed towards the line of trees that held the small grove they made their home in. "Agave." She called out hoping he would be here. She wanted to surprise him, in more ways that one.
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 9:13 am
No sooner had he gotten settled, eyes closed as he began to drift off to sleep then a voice called out to him...and not just any voice..but Aquitaine's voice! Agave was surprised..it wasn't often that Aquitaine came back so quickly..unless something was wrong. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind then the stallion had bolted to his hooves, ready to dash out and check on her, eyes blazing..until logic returned to him mere moments later. Aquitaine had not sounded wounded..or even worried. She had just come home and he should be happy about it not go around borrowing trouble before it had even happened. It was time like this, where his previous life and his previous training caused him to react without thinking that made Agave fearful of slipping back into what he had been..and made him all the more ready to embrace this new path he had chosen.
No he would not storm out there looking for trouble the stallion told himself, no he would greet his mate like a normal beast..with thankful love that she had returned to him. Shaking his head to clear the previous thoughts from his mind Agave let out a low nicker of welcome before trotting out to meet her "Aquitaine! I wasn't expecting you back so soon but what a lovely surprise." He called out, biting back the urge to ask if something was wrong. It wasn't...he was just being paranoid and he needed to stop.
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 9:22 am
Aquitaine couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief when she heard Agave's voice and saw him coming to greet her. She wasn't sure what she would have done had he not been here when she had returned. But that was a silly thought Agave was always here, he may go out on patrols and walks but he was always here whenever she returned. Stepping forward Aquitaine gave him a soft nuzzle before nipping at his neck playfully. "I hadn't planned on coming home so soon, but I thought it might be fun to surprise you." She paused so she could take a step back and look at him. "Besides I've been missing you so much lately, I've been spending too much time away from here." It wasn't a lie, she did miss him terribly while she was gone and so he shouldn't pick up anything from that. But Agave often had a strange way of reading her even when she thought she was holding it back.
"With winter coming I won't be traveling as much anyways." They had both agreed on one of her last visits that traveling long distances in the winter wasn't the best idea. Weather could be unpredictable and so it would be safest and easiest to spend those months at home until spring came once more. Of course now she had another reason to stay home for the next little while. "I've decided to come home for a bit, take a break from traveling, get some rest and most importantly spend time with you and my family." Her parents had supported her idea of going out to help others but being separated from them was just as hard as being away from Agave for a long time.
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 9:29 am
Despite his inner determination to not be worried Agave none the less blew out a small breath of relief when she told him she'd simple come back because she missed home. It was good to know that nothing sinister lurked in the background of her decision, just as he had told himself i wouldn't. Things were fine just as he had said they would be....although..was she holding something back? Did something unsaid lurk in the corner of her eyes as she spoke? Stop it! The stallion mentally chastised himself, there he went again trying to borrow trouble, his paranoid mind trying ot find problems were there were none.
"It is getting late in he year..and I can't say that I'm going to complain about it if it means that we will spend more time together." The stallion remarked with a soft chuckle. "I would make it winter year round for that pleasure." He told her sweetly. "I'm glad your home, come into the grove, I have something I want to tell you, I think you'll be happy."
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 9:36 am
A wide smile crossed her lips. "Just remember I still may need to travel during the winter months." She warned him, though given what she had to tell him Aquitaine doubted that would actually happen, but for now she was willing to keep that quiet, at least until she found the best way to tell him. All those ways she practiced on the way home would likely elude her or come out jumbled if she attempted to say anything now. Best to enjoy the moment, feel at home once more and then drop her surprise on him.
"I don't think I would like for it to be winter all the time...even if it meant being here with you. The cold is fine for a few months but after that I crave summer and the chance to swim in the ocean." It was too cold to swim in the winter. Her brows arched at his next words. Just what could he have to tell her? "Alright." She said in a curious tone before heading into the grove.
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 9:56 am
Agave bobbed his head in acceptance of her warning - though it would have to be a rather dire circumstance he wasn't going to deny the fact that something could come up that would require her to do so. He wasn't about to make her promise something that she wouldn't be able to keep - that would simply be cruel.
"I'm sure the cold would wear on me after a time" He relented "But it would take a while." He stated as they made their way into the grove, where could settle and talk in comfort. "I've been doing a lot of thinking while you've been gone." He started out "And I think I've decided something..regarding my future. Every time I train or work on our defenses I remember what it was like back..there..and those are not memories or times I want to continue thinking about, paying homage too. I don't want to be that stallion anymore, I don't want to be Agave the Warrior, Agave the..killer, the bringer of pain and terror..I want to be something better, something that I could have been if I have been born away from that terrible place..to a normal family. I'm going to stop training, stop preparing for fights that I don't want to have. Perhaps I will learn to heal, I know how o use herbs to hurt things and I've picked up some of how to help by watching you but regardless of what path I take from now on I've decided that violence will not be a part of it. I'm going to become a pacifist."
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:42 am
It was so good to be home and returning to their grove Aquitaine felt more happy than she could explain. Well...she could explain why that was, but right now Agave had something to tell her. She turned to look at her mate as he began to talk. It shouldn't have affected her, but hearing the words 'I have been doing a lot of thinking while you were gone' had her worried for a moment. Of course that could just be the side effect of what her surprise was and so she pushed the feeling away and listened to what he was saying.
A small smile spread on her lips. That was a surprise to hear him wanting to change away from his old life style completely. "Agave I think this is wonderful. I know it was hard for you to adjust to things when you first got here but you have no idea how happy I am to hear that you have found a new purpose in life." She wanted to warn him, as he had often done to her, that the world was not without dangers and completely giving up fighting may not be the best idea, but she did not want to ruin this moment. Agave had finally fully turned his back on what his mother had made of him. She stepped forward and gave him a loving nuzzle. "And if you wish to learn more about healing herbs I can share my knowledge with you."
Aquitaine reflected for a moment that Agave's change of life was almost perfectly timed with her little announcement. Which if she didn't tell him soon she might burst. She took a step back and lowered herself into the grass, it wasn't as soft or as green as it had been during the summer but so was the fact of fall and soon snow would be creeping into their lives. Aquitaine motioned for Agave to lay down as well, it was getting late, she was tired, not just from traveling either, but she just couldn't wait until morning to tell him. "I have a surprise for you as well."
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 11:22 am
Agave had waited somewhat nervously after his statement for Aquitaine's response..but when it came it was just as he expected it to be and the final confirmation he needed to really truly give himself over to this new lifestyle. Returning her nuzzle with a contented sigh he gave her a slight nod..perhaps he would take her up on her offer to help him learn of healing but he wasn't sure yet. It was an idea but one he was still mulling over.
He was about to ask her about her latest trip when she lay down and motioned for him to join her, which he did quite willingly. The night were getting chilly and it would be nice to share the warmth of two while they slept tonight. Before he could go back to asking her of her trip however she surprised him with a statement of her own. "Oh? Something good I hope." He teased her "Do tell"
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 12:15 pm
"Very good." She assured him giving him another nuzzle. Aquitaine took a small pause then. She wasn't entirely sure how to broach the subject. Had she had the time she might have sought out her mother to ask the proper way to tell Agave but then doing so would mean he wouldn't be the first to know, which she wanted. As before, when she had first told him many months ago of her plans to go off and help others, all her well rehearsed versions of what to say completely left her mind. She would just have to treat this as she did when encountering strangers on her journeys, let her instincts guide her.
"I had intended to stay out for a few more weeks before returning home. I wanted to help as many as I could before winter set in and cut my travels off. That life has given me so much joy, and yes it has been difficult at times but I don't think I would trade it for anything else in the world." With one exception of course but she was getting to that. "Agave it wasn't just me missing you that brought me back early this time. I came back early because I had to, it was the best decision for all of us." She gave her head a shake. "Listen to me rambling on without getting to the reason." Nerves and fumbling brain be damned she was telling him now. "The real reason is that I shouldn't be traveling, not for some time, not given...my condition." Oh just spit it out, she scolded herself. "We are going to be parents Agave. I'm pregnant." There she said it and looked closely at her mate to watch his reaction.
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 1:50 pm
Agave wasn't entirely sure just what he had been expecting to hear bu as Aquitaine rambled on his heart sank lower and lower, a small pit of dread began to form in his gut - she'd come back because she had too..her condition..had she contracted some sort of illness, she didn't look sick. At least to his fearful gaze but what else could it possibly be?
And then she spat out that reason and Agave went still,a look of stark terror managing to cross his eyes before he hid it behind the blank unreadable mask he'd learned to perfect almost before he could even talk. He knew, knew without a doubt that Aqutaine wanted him to be happy about this, he could tell by the way she'd said it, by the look in her eyes..but how could he be happy? It might have been better if she'd been sick, you can heal from being sick but you couldn't exactly heal from being a parent now could you? Well..maybe if they left the baskets somewhere..but Agave doubted that Aquitaine would go for that plan and despite his misgivings he doubted that in the end he could live with himself after doing such a thing anyways.
"I see." He stated because he knew he had to say something. He couldn't just sit here in silence forever and although he didn't want to disappoint Aquitaine he couldn't bring himself to plaster a fake smile on his face either. "I uh..I don't..I mean.." I'm sorry was what he wanted to say, oh Aquitaine would tell him that their foals would be fine , that he would be a great father..but how could that be? With his mothers blood in their veins and her wretched example of child raising for him to go on...it would be better for the foals and likely Aquitaine if her family and her family alone had a hand in raising them. Certainly nothing good could ever come from his side of things. Agave fell silent again, there was no way he could voice these thoughts to Aquitaine, no way he could say what he felt without her getting angry..even though he already knew what was best for her and his children, deep in his heart a wrenching pain began to throb but he plastered that fake smile on his face now anyways. There was no point in upsetting her more then he had too. "That's great..I mean. Shocking but ..great." He managed to say in a fairly convincing voice. Agave was good at lying a talent he was not proud of but which had it's uses from time to time - even if he hated himself for using it now.
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 2:28 pm
Aquitaine had to admit she did want Agave to be thrilled at the prospect of becoming a father. But even she knew his reaction likely wouldn't match her hopes. Of course seeing the look of terror on his face, followed closed by that unreadable mask hurt. But nothing hurt more than hearing him say 'I see' as his first vocal reaction to the news. She had known deep down that he wouldn't get up and jump around in excitement, but she had thought there would be a more positive reaction once the shock passed.
She waited as he stumbled over words, she wouldn't rush him into saying something, but the longer he took the worse the ache in her heart became.greater. While she had mentioned wanting a family they had never truly talked about it before. Could it be that he didn't want children? When he finally smiled at her and said that it was great she wished she could feel happiness then, but there was obviously something left unsaid and she wanted to know now. "Don't lie to me Agave." She said in a quiet voice with a hint of pain in it. "It's clear you aren't entirely happy with this. Please tell me what is bothering you before you hurt me any more." She paused and looked at him. "For my sake and that of our children's you must tell me the truth."
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 2:46 pm
Agave was sorry that he had hurt Aquitaine with his reaction - of course she wanted him to be happy, what mare wouldn't? And he certainly didn't want her to think that this had anything to do with her, the pain in her voice tore at him fiercely and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment,taking a deep ragged breath to steady himself before speaking.
"I cannot think of a better mother for any foal." He finally told her, opening his eyes as he did so and offering her an apologetic nuzzle. "Your family is good and kind and loving, truly I hope their blood shines through...but mine, no matter that I am different..mine is wicked and terrible, my mother is a vicious creature as we both know and from what little I know of my father he is not much better, a swamp beast who lures others to their death in the murky gloom. My own foalhood was hardly anything to brag about - it was hard and loveless and cruel...what could I possibly offer a foal of ours? What sort of father can I possibly be with that sort of example to go by? What if our foals grow up and inherit the cruelty of my mother or the manipulation of my father..I have cast such things aside but I am not foolish, it is still inside of me, there are times I have had dark thoughts, considered the easy and terrible path to get what I want, it is a battle for me to be who I want to be and not who I was bred to be...I fear that our foals might sense or see the darkness within me..take that as an example and grow into something I don't want...if our foals are to have any sort of chance at being happy..maybe..maybe it's better that only you and your family have a hand in raising them. Maybe surrounded by such things they will have a chance to grow up good and kind like you...and not like me."
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 3:02 pm
Of course it made perfect sense. He was worried that his foals would become like what he had been, like what his parents are. She leaned into him, knowing that his past would always haunt him, it would haunt her as well but to a much lesser extent. Agave had known nothing but cruelty for so long that it wasn't any wonder it still floated in the back of his mind, that he still fought with it even to this day. And yes, Aquitaine had to admit, that she did worry that that bred cruelty would appear in their foals, but so too could her own families love and understanding. She should have thought of all of this when she had seen the terror in his eyes, heard that hurtful words, but she hadn't and now she felt almost foolish for forgetting his past. Agave was changed but his past would always be a part of them no matter what they did.
She had been about to say something when he said it might be best if the foals were raised without his presence. Aquitaine had to take a few long breaths before she could speak. "I know your past was terrible, that your foalhood was wrought with things no foal should ever know. But you have changed Agave, were you not telling me earlier that you have made the biggest decision in your life, that you are becoming a pacifist. What better example for our children than that?" She paused for a moment before continuing. "Yes, there is a chance our foals could inherit some of your father or mothers blood. I am not afraid to say that I hope that doesn't happen. But not being a part of their lives? Agave do you truly think that is the best thing to do? You are the best example for them, you have cast aside your old ways, ways that were not only taught to you but are in your vary blood. My family may exist on love, but you can show them many things I cannot. And think, would it not have a negative impact on our children to grow up not knowing their father? They could learn to hate because your presence isn't in their lives." She nuzzled into his neck. "Our children will be happy, they will be loved, and well educated and respectful and know how to be good because of what you and I teach them. They need you in their lives, as do I."
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 3:13 pm
This was all too much of an unknown, Agave didn't like the unknown and yet he could already see that having foals would be braving exactly that and while he didn't think he was ready for it there was little choice in the matter now..Aquitaine had pressured him into talking and would almost certainly watch to make sure he didn't steal away in the night as his knee jerk reaction had planned for him to do...and some of what she said even made a little bit of sense.
No there was no way to tell what their foals would be like but he supposed at least if he was nearby he could try to curtail any sort of ill behavior before it took hold of them..while they were still young and impressionable. "How long? I mean..I haven't had much exposure to pregnancy...how long does it take? Should we stay here or find somewhere more sheltered? Do they need anything? Do you?" Fine..fine if he was going to stick around he had better figure out just what had to be done. His fears were still there, but he would just have to face them..perhaps in time he would be able to do so and be happy about this but for the moment acceptance was about all he could muster.
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