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 Posted: Wed Nov 06, 2013 5:48 pm
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Posted: Sun Dec 01, 2013 2:58 pm
Good day. I am the person of whom is attasked to reviewing your Quincy profile. Let us begin.
The majority of this character seems to be perfectly in order, however there is one major detail that I've noticed, and I cannot approve of your OC until it is changed: plagiarism. Many aspects are in direct relation to "Ashe, the Frost Archer" of the computer-based Massive-Multiplayer-Online game known as "League of Legends".
While one or two simplistic and seemingly unimportant details are not to be justifiably classified as plagiarism, there are several accounts on which your character noteably defies the provided rules. The first of these is the OC image. Alone, it is perfectly fine. However, I request that you alter to following if it is that you desire to retain the appearance: the motto/quote "My arrows fly true", as well as the abilities "Hawkshot" and "Enchanted Blood Arrow". If it is that you were unaware of these similarities, I will provide yourself with a comparison of sorts:Ashe, the Frost Archer AttackingPlay "My arrows fly true." Temperance, the Ice Motto/Quotes: "My arrows fly true." Ashe, the Frost Archer HawkshotPASSIVE: Ashe gains bonus gold each time she kills a unit or destroys a structure. ACTIVE: Ashe animates a hawk to scout for her, granting sight for 2 seconds as it flies towards a target location. Hawkshot grants a 1000-radius area of sight for 5 seconds when it reaches its destination. The sight extends into brushes. Temperance, the Ice • [Hawkshot] - Temperance can activate and send her Hawk Spirit on a scouting mission. The Hawk is a sprite animal that can last in role play for two days before having to return to the world in which it came. (Half a day cool down) Ashe, the Frost Archer Enchanted Crystal ArrowActive: Ashe fires a giant arrow in a straight line. If it hits an enemy champion, it will deal magic damage and stun that champion for 1-3.5 second(s), based on the distance the arrow traveled. Additionally, enemies within a 250 radius of the impact take half the damage and are slowed by 50% for 3 seconds. Temperance, the Ice • [Enchanted Blood Arrow] - Temperance fires a arrow of ice in a straight line. If the arrow collides with an enemy, it deals damage and stuns them for up to two post but it take two post to charge up the attack. In addition, surrounding enemy units take damage and are slowed by half their speed. The arrow will explode at Temperacne's will. Shoot shards of bloody ice in 360 degrees and 10 feet around.
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Puppet on a String Theory Vice Captain
Philosophizing Bibliophile
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Posted: Sun Dec 01, 2013 3:59 pm
Puppet on a String Theory Edited.
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Posted: Sun Dec 01, 2013 4:55 pm
Simply for the sake of closure, it might be preferred that you alter the aliases "Frost Shot" and "the Frost".
Besides this, there are some historical details that are inaccurate. For your character to have been alive prior to the World of the Living becoming destroyed and overrun would mean that she would be a minimum of three-hundred-fifty years of age. You speak of her happenings prior to this demolition on multiple occasions, and with her being listed as twenty-six years, there exists contradiction. These are the sections that should be affected by that:Temperance, the Frost Hobbies: Temperance had many hobbies before the, 'end of the world.' Being she would blog, play video games, cook, go out with friends and even shop. Now all she really does is prefect her skills, hunts and is commonly found at the target range. Temperance, the Frost Intelligence: Temperance is what most would call a genius while she herself doesn't like to brag about it. Having three Ph.D's which include Anthropologist, Forensic pathologist, and Kinesiologist. Temperance, the Frost Swordsmanship/Accuracy/Other: Only using a blade as a last resort. Temperance however has incredibly accurate, as all Quincy do. Not to mention her three Ph.D's allow her knowledge of the human body and its weakest points or in other terms, kill points. Prizing herself in her skills of accuracy as she is able to clear a marksmen course of 300 targets in under 30 minutes. Being as most humans take at least two hours to complete.
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Puppet on a String Theory Vice Captain
Philosophizing Bibliophile
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Posted: Sun Dec 01, 2013 5:12 pm
Puppet on a String Theory I changed the names. I haven't seen the history of the Quincy's as I was told it was still being worked on BUT for the the world having ended. I was really just amusing as best I could at this point as I picture an end of the world situation. Going from the current year in bleach you know, with cars and such but with an end or the world twist. That's how it was explained to me and not that we were in the middle ages.
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Posted: Sun Dec 01, 2013 5:15 pm
You are right on that behalf. The current year of the Guild is 2363. However, the "end of the world" occurred approximately three-hundred-fifty years ago, being more toward 2013. For your character to have been alive prior to this occurrence would mean that she would have to be a minimum of three-hundred-fifty years of age.
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Puppet on a String Theory Vice Captain
Philosophizing Bibliophile
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Posted: Sun Dec 01, 2013 5:18 pm
Puppet on a String Theory Okay. Thanks for clearing that up. Can you explain to me how much the word has change from three-hundred-fifty years ago to current time? Would be Ph.D's be a problem still? Has the world not developed?
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Posted: Sun Dec 01, 2013 5:22 pm
My face is reflected in the water...
It's a shining grin full of hope... The World of the Living has been practically entirely destroyed, and is currently overrun by Hollows. It is thought that no life exists there beyond these entities.
The Quincy currently are located within the Schatten Bereich, the canon realm that is technically, though not physically nor visibly, located within the Seireitei.
Your character may have been educated by parental figures or other members of the Sternritter, however a PhD would not be possible to be acquired, as there are no colleges to be attended. ... Or it could be a look of somber silence struggling with fear...
What do you see reflected in your face???
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Puppet on a String Theory Vice Captain
Philosophizing Bibliophile
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Posted: Sun Dec 01, 2013 5:44 pm
Puppet on a String Theory Edited
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Posted: Sun Dec 01, 2013 5:48 pm
My face is reflected in the water...
It's a shining grin full of hope... I approve of this profile. ... Or it could be a look of somber silence struggling with fear...
What do you see reflected in your face???
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Puppet on a String Theory Vice Captain
Philosophizing Bibliophile
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