"That tastes like what?!
I'm sure you've met at least one individual who's uttered the phrase "This tastes like ****!" to which someone's replied, "You've eaten poop?", followed by a hearty round of laughter from the table. Have you actually thought about how many individuals can back up their claims though? Here's some unusual flavors for your palette you may not have discovered, but could certainly ask about.
:Engine Oil:
Popular offenders include flat soda, oily food, or something that dentists assure you will destroy teeth and clean engine parts. Those in the field of engine repair, those who've attempted to change their own oil, or someone who's long given up cleaning their hands promptly after they've changed engine oil can all lay claim and have certainly suffered enough to back that claim up.
:Gasoline:
This can include greasy food, burnt coffee, or even air. For much the same reason you can taste body odors such as a fart, you can taste the gasoline. It goes up your nose and into your taste buds of your tongue. Mechanics, Gas station attendants, those who overfill their tank or fill up almost to full, and even those with a weak seal on the gas tank can all most assuredly claim that coffee you served them is better used as a cleaner, as they've had tastier gasoline. Women, as they get older, gain a refined sense of smell. If your grandmother complains the car reeks of gasoline, you may actually want to get your ride looked at.
razz epper Spray:
The following have all had a good dose of this substance, intentionally or not...police, gardeners with jalapeno peppers, criminal offenders, military police, and correctional officers. If your boyfriend once got sprayed by some little old crone, he can also back up that claim. It burns the mouth, nasal passages, and eyes. If you've ever had a unproven cook force an experiment on you that included hot peppers, you have a good idea of what been claimed.
:Wood chips:
Alcohol, coffee, tea, bread, a number of candy brands, and even chicken can taste like wood chips. If you've ever cut up, carried, smoked, manhandled, or stacked wood, you know what I'm talking about. It's akin to a bonfire for excess kindle while you're cleaning the yard of debris. The air around the fire carries a very similar taste.
:Brick:
Can one safely eat a brick? No, but you can certainly lick one however. Anyone who's ever fallen on pavement, cleaned a dusty work site, or accidentally slipped on the steps and nearly lost a tooth can back up this claim. A brick has much the same consistency of too much good food. Depending on how sensitive one's stomach is, rich food has this instantaneous reaction. Others, with iron stomachs, can end up "eating a brick" by their 24th Nathan's hotdog.
:Vomit:
If it's too spicy, too bland, or too sweet, your cake may be the culprit. Stomach acid leaves a rancid flavor coming up that leaves a super sweet taste, just bordering sour. Depending on the victim's experience, they may have actually eaten something that came up better then what's on their plate right now. Unfortunately for aspiring cooks everywhere, vomiting is an experience that automatically ends up in permanent memory without having experienced it seven times. While it saved us in ancient times, it's now a constant reminder there aren't enough humans with iron stomachs.
:Housepaint:
Nontoxic or otherwise, it has the ability to fill in any little crack or edge and stay there. Anyone who's painted the walls of a shed or a house can attest to this. The reason we can can compare your alcoholic drink to paint is this; it takes days to leave.
Clean your nails? Still there.
Dish soap? Nope. It's there.
Nail clippers? Still firmly attached to the underside of your nail bed.
Paint has the innate ability, both oil and liquid, of staying far longer then anyone will admit, and depending on the brand and purpose of that paint, will require sandpaper and three layers of skin. At some point, we may have actually eaten safe doses of paint chip, so if we compared your fruity mix to paint, time to find a new drinking buddy or improve that drink.
Throughout history, our memory of foods we eat and prefer are very likely to stick with us far longer then the twenty-four hours required to digest it, two hours to make it, thirty minutes to eat it, or hour to spread the good word on how good it was. It's not only a survival instinct from forever ago, but it makes master chefs millions in money and reputation. The next time someone says what they've just eaten tasted an awful lot like asphalt, you may want to hold back on the gaffs and obnoxious jokes. Depending on what they spend their time doing, they might have been serious. wink
Inspiration: Waffles from Wafflehouse
