The world outside seemed still and quiet as the sun began to rise over the city. The new light made Genesis lift her head from the book she had been reading by candlelight for hours now. She let out a sigh and leaned her head against the wall bordering the window she was curled up next to. The teen hadn't been sleeping for a few nights now, at least if she had been getting any sleep it was restless. The sigh... was her checking off in her mind another sleepless night.
The weight of failure had been weighing heavy on Genesis. Two missions now... counting the mission that was not really a mission... failed. She was a squire of the order of light that meant something... and right now it felt like light was the losing side. Not that it mattered... lose or win... she was faithful to the guardians no matter the outcome. Too often, it felt like the darkness was growing stronger and this only made Genesis feel weaker. That was a burden as well... and another sleepless night.
The first assignment she had ever been given by the guardians... that was another matter all together. It was the cause of most of her uneasiness. If her mind was ever still for a moment, it was short-lived, and she'd quickly begin walking through the scenes of the last mission wondering what she could have done differently, how she might change the outcome. It was driving her insane, and in her mind it came down to one thing: she wasn't strong enough.
Genesis was a protector, a defender, but when it came down to it... it wasn't enough. At least that was what she was starting to believe. It was too passive just to protect her ideals. Genesis thought of her peers, pae like Lailah, she wasn't passive, she was strong enough.
She was back in those thoughts again, whenever she stopped reading it gave time for her own poisonous thoughts to seep in. Maybe that was why it felt like darkness was growing, her hope was fading, and so darkness was growing in herself. Genesis glanced at her sword, laying on the ground beside her and then turned her solemn, sleepy, golden eyes back to the book. "If you're listening... if you're there... I need to know." Her words were vulnerable, unmasked by her typically eloquent way of speaking. "Where am I supposed to go from here, what do you need me to do?" Genesis did not expect any answers.
Genesis read the same sentence about thirteen times, trying to hold onto the words to keep her mind at ease, but it was no use, she had gotten herself on that train of thought again. She slammed the book shut, wincing after she did so, she knew better than to treat these old books like that. Genesis picked up her sword. The sun had risen and it was time to start beating on one of the training dummies.
[This RP is mostly for me to further develop Genesis, wake up her/my muse, etc]
