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| Total Votes : 5 |
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 Posted: Fri Oct 25, 2013 7:32 am
Hey y'all I'm doing a class assignment and part of it involves writing a fan fic. So if y'all could please read it and give me some feed back! Archive of Our Own-Fan FictionI've only written the first chapter and will be posting more later. Thank you!
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Posted: Fri Oct 25, 2013 7:33 am
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Posted: Fri Oct 25, 2013 2:27 pm
I was surprised how short it was. The term "chapter" seemed to imply something longer, but length isn't the main issue. You set up the scenes pretty well to where it paints a distinct mental image, but that's all you did with them. As soon as the scene was set, you exited and entered another scene. In that page and a half of text, you went through three different scenes and by the end I'm left wondering what the hell was going on in any of them as they look completely unrelated to each other.
My suggestions:
Flesh out your scenes more. After you've set them up, play through them rather than find the fastest possible way to exit.
Think carefully about how your scenes are related and tie them together in a manner that the reader can understand. Just because it makes sense in your head doesn't mean it makes sense to the reader.
Smooth out your scene transitions rather than abruptly jumping from one scene to another.
While there are writing styles out there that do jump around and everything seems unrelated until you know the whole story, it's a tricky thing to get right and easy to do wrong. And when you do it wrong, readers won't be able to get into your work because they won't understand anything about it or the characters.
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Posted: Sat Oct 26, 2013 10:38 pm
I agree with Tes. I expected something longer... even after reading his comment. It's not just that, I agree with his whole post, actually. I was left wondering if it's even the same person in the three scenes. One simple way to connect them would be a name. I'm assuming that it is the same girl, at least. Your imagery is good, but since nothing really happened, I can't say much else.
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Posted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 6:27 am
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Posted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 7:01 pm
I redid chapter 1 and will be posting chapter 2 soon
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Posted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 8:30 pm
I'm glad you fleshed it out some. It's much easier to read now, and makes a lot more sense. I can see now that the section that's in the past is a memory. The change to first-person point of view will probably make it easier to write. At least, in my experience it does.
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Posted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 3:59 am
That's so much better that I was actually amazed. Only input I could give on the revision is a few technical flaws. Story wise, it looks great. Everything is connected, understandable, and it flows nicely.
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Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 6:06 pm
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