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The Serene Artist

Friendly Dabbler

PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 6:13 pm


I guess this issue is a mix of 2 issues. One, which is friendship. Two, which is about my life. This may be long so bare with me if possible.

First of all, my fiance and I are friends with a family. I will give them names of candy since its Halloween. (Sorry for the munchies, haha):

- Reese's - she is female friend who is halfway through pregnancy, always highly sensitive due to abusive past and she is an attention seeker to find ways to make life revolve around her. Always like that, pregnancy hasn't changed her attitude, she has self control with the baby (I've been monitoring it closely).
-Snickers- he is the brother of Reese's, mutual friend of ours as well. Laid back, carefree, fun to be around, a lone wolf
-Kitkat- she is the grandmother of Reese's and Snickers. She fights Reese's battles for her. Highly devout prideful Christian. She has a temper to bite back if messed with that is dangerous. (Personally dealt with that).
-m&m- she is my closest best friend, ex of Snickers, hated by Snickers family though Snickers broke up and had cheated on her, my fiance and I are her only friends besides one girl from her town.

Okay, now that the hunger is out of the way, I will begin on with the issue!

Alright, so a couple weeks ago I was bored and missing m&m. Hadn't seen her since snickers and her broke up. My fiance suggested she come down for the weekend so I could spend time with her and she could help with our yard sale. So, I went an hour away and picked up my Bestie and it was glorious reuniting with her. The next day we go to the mall and before we leave who else should appear but Kitkat and Reese's. What I was hoping wouldn't happen. No confrontation, just asked how my fiance and I were doing, but I could tell by the body language and looks what they were thinking. The next day after that, was the yard sale and we were on the side of the road having an awesome time dancing and sign shaking to get business. They passed by us m&m noticed on their way to the fall festival. Then I posted how happy I was on Facebook for once and what a good time I was having with m&m and my fiance. And that on its own I rarely do because it was big for me considering I have low self esteem and usually am depressed. Reeses and Kitkat don't talk to me much. We have been over to the house and Kitkat ignored me when I told her hi. Then right after my fiance says hi and she tells him hi back. Kitkat always ignores me when I don't hang out with Reese's. She makes me feel horrible and obligated to. When Reese's talks to me she never tells me anything other than finding ways to interrupt about something about the baby and when someone interrupts her she throws a huge fit. Its getting so out of hand. There is a fine line between updating people and trying to get noticed. Hers is more about getting noticed. But here is where it all gets interesting.
I have had issues for the past 3 years since I graduated highschool. Tried community college, tried vocational school twice, and had a job for almost a year, then have been unemployed for over a year while trying to go back to a different community college or find a job, and now finally I have decided to go to cosmetology school to pay my own way through. 2 years ago Reese's went to this cosmetology school and she failed the final part of her licence twice, the performance part. Then, went to this community college called National college with Kitkat. Now, in the past year no matter what ideas I've tried or fully decided on trying to the point I enrolled in them, I tell them I have enrolled. Then after I have enrolled they always persuade me to go to their college finding negative things about my heart set on choice. I always decline them several times but politely as possible or humor them by saying I've looked into it but have already made my mind up.....yet they continue. This has happened I assure you 30-40 conversations and each conversation I tell them about 3-5 times I'm not interested in their college.
So, one day I had been struggling in self esteem to the point it had been getting dangerous to me. I saw m&m like this modeling page on Facebook so I looked through it and it just hit me to be a cosmetologist. It was like a calling because for 7-8 years I've been immersed in the fashion world trying to find a way to embrace my passion and I just felt so wonderful and happy for once. So the next day I enroll, text Reese's saying I was enrolling into her old cosmetology school. She just says "okay". And when I asked her if she was okay she gave me one word answers. A few days pass and I'm having a great experience with this cosmetology stuff. Then we visit Snickers and Reese's appears and starts her attention seeking stuff. Then she mentions the cosmetology stuff so I give light comments on it. Then she asks why don't I go to national college and starts saying how bad the career is and how I wouldnt do well at all, that I should go to national college. I found this quite insulting because I had posted how happy I was on Facebook before about it and how well it was going with enrollment. I told her 3 different ways in a row I wasn't interested politely as possible. The last one I said was, "national college isn't for me. I take after my dad more because he did well with vocational school as I had been doing. That my passion is doing this. Even if I eventually go back to school it won't be national college because I have other options and even then I still wouldn't go because it doesn't serve me a purpose". Pretty much like that. Right after I told her that she made an excuse saying she left Facebook up and left the room.
Thing is, my past has been rough and finally get some self confidence and she shatters it. After that happened and since then it has caused doubt in my mind and my depression to set in. Right now and for the past couple years ive had chronic sicknesses from digestive issues and with unemployment problems bad finances, a pushed off wedding, and more it made me have a shicidal depression problem like i had no wilk to live but was a zombie with no interest at all in my life. This cosmetology stuff ended that completely. Then Reeses shattered it. Reeses has known about my problems and how I was. And it has dealt a horrible blow to me. She just got engaged yesterday and I'm sure next time I see her eyes expecting an answer. I've known about the engagement thing for a while so I'm just going to be honest and tell her it was expected and going to happen anyways.
In the past kitkat has said to go to her first to talk about problems with Reese's. Last time I did it calmly with no bad will, I was attacked and insulted and I had to steady my voice and hold back the tears she was so rough and making me feel like a horrible person when I hadn't done anything at all to Reese's, just ask why Reese's was mad at me. I learned quick.
Now? Well, my patience is wearing thin. After that huge blow to something great that finally happened in my life, I have felt stressed, hurt, and annoyed. I want to just openly talk with Reese's. Just put it to her straight. Yet, if I do, her family except for Snickers will hate me and I'm on good terms with her family other than her and kitkat. I don't want that to happen but I'm tired of being talked down to.

I don't know what to do you guys. Its driving me bonkers. I shouldn't have to deal with this but I can't find a way around this to stand up for myself and keep peace.
PostPosted: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:46 am


Aura Gorealis


It sounds like you are worrying and stressing over your choices due to lack of self-confidence. It shouldn't matter what your friends tell you and they should respect and support your decision to pursue your dream. I think it's great that you found a way to make your passion your career. Don't let what other people say bother you. In the meantime, relax. Try taking hot baths, sip tea, read, exercise, stretch before bed...anything to help calm your mind and let go of those things that are bothering you smile Good luck!

Spicy Camel
Crew


The Serene Artist

Friendly Dabbler

PostPosted: Sun Oct 20, 2013 12:11 pm


Spicy Camel
Aura Gorealis


It sounds like you are worrying and stressing over your choices due to lack of self-confidence. It shouldn't matter what your friends tell you and they should respect and support your decision to pursue your dream. I think it's great that you found a way to make your passion your career. Don't let what other people say bother you. In the meantime, relax. Try taking hot baths, sip tea, read, exercise, stretch before bed...anything to help calm your mind and let go of those things that are bothering you smile Good luck!


I stay naturally stressed because I've been that way constantly for many years. So triggering a panic state is like flipping a light switch except it stays stuck in the on position. But, its hard for me to let things go in general. I have tried a couple things, but I don't know how to let things go. I've given it thought and I think I just have so much concealed anger that it builds and I don't realize to where it overflows into other areas of life. I can forgive and mean it, but I can't let things go. I don't hold grudges but its still there. If only I could find a way to ease that inner anger. Then, maybe it could flow into the rest of my life.

But, they should respect my dreams and I'm happy, but they make me feel so bad and it just makes things worse on me. I'd hope maybe a congrats would be nice because I've always said that to them to show respect and support. But to show me negative things about it when its a passion, I'm just appauled by it.
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:15 am


Aura Gorealis


First of all, I want to say congrats on finding something you want to do with your life and pursuing it!

Next, it sounds like no matter what you do or how hard you tried, every interaction (read: confrontation) with them turns out badly. It hurts you and just makes things worse with them.

My advice is: Focus on school and your fiance. Enjoy them! I'm not saying avoid Kitkat and Reese's. I just mean, don't go out of your way to talk/hang out with them. They don't even sound enjoyable, let alone friendly.

When you do talk with them, just nod and smile. Fighting back isn't doing anything. You don't have to agree with them. They sound so stubborn! Just... okay, I almost said let it go, but I know you said that's hard for you. Just don't take them that seriously. Let them talk and get it off their chests. I know people like that.

Be polite and noncommittal and don't give them an opening to continue the discussion. "Okay," "Thanks," "Good point, I'll think about it." Then change the topic.

Also, hang out more with M&M. Do things you guys enjoy. Talk more. She's your best friend! Wouldn't it be better to keep her in your life than to stay on good terms with this other family?

Let Me Live
Crew

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