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 Posted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 4:32 pm
Not again. He'd never be rid of her. That b***h, always pouring coffee grinds in his bed. Making everything reek of that vile brew. It's scent now sent him into a frenzy of anger. But worser yet, she crossed a line. All of his candy stash; skittles, chocolate, m&ms... all of them were now tainted, now swimming in coffee grinds too. There was a lot that made Otto angry. He already felt helpless and bullied by her, but she did something now that made him want to both scream and cry. Made him want to kill her. His sweets, the thing he loved even more than naps and pillow piles (which had also been littered in grinds). It was the thing that kept him mildly calm, besides Eva. And now that was no longer safe. Otto now stood in the training field, wailing on a training dummy with Tenya summoned. Posted on the dummy's head was a big picture of Kat, plus a crudely drawn crayon drawing of her on the torso that read 'THE b***h'.
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Posted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 5:57 pm
The cries all the way from his office (secret lair of doom) could be heard at the highest ramparts of Deus Ex (where His Majesty was probably standing in the very highest place for absolutely no reason at all other than to reaffirm his position at the top of Deus).
A second later, a disheveled looking man burst of the secret lair of doom, carrying an empty action figure box. Empty. He had just ordered this special release vinyl '20 figure of Iron Man (Avengers 2013 edition) and it was gone.
Cradling the empty box in both his arms, he had finally, after much crying, interwebs passive aggression, and more crying, decided to tell Dwight about this bad news down at the Life Labs in person. He knew it was her. The demon spawn. It had to be. Only demon spawn would be so evil as to steal such a limited, rare masterpiece. Only demon spawn would connive such a perfect plan. Only demon spawn would-
- Have their face plastered on one of the training dummies as what looked like a hipster version of Gale holding a giant surfing board was busy beating the s**t out of it.
Mark stopped in his track, still clutching the box. He looked at Otto, slowly, trying to put two and to together before he suddenly sidled a little closer.
Safety in numbers.
"So," he finally said, casually, sidling over, "Have you discovered the secret."
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Posted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 6:02 pm
With another loud scream, he swung Tenya again at the dummy, stopping to catch his breath. His gaze flicked quickly to the side as he felt a scruffy, hobo-esque presence looming nearby. It was Mark. Why was he here? Bothering him? Otto was obviously busy beating up fake Kat since beating up the real Kat would only prolong his suffering. "Secret to WHAT!?" He yelped as he punched the dummy in the face suddenly.
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Posted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 6:09 pm
"Well if you're going to be like that I'm not going to tell you," Mark replied huffily, suddenly annoyed. This not-Gale had very little Jedi potential. "I sense the Force in you young padawan, but you must accept it."
Mystical jazz hands, or well with one, since the other was holding the box.
Silence. Awkward silence.
"Okay, god," the Death assistant continued, "I'm talking about her." He pointed to the picture. "The devil's spawn. She who secretly terrorizes Deus Ex. I'm talking about banding together to finally defeat this evil Sith Lord. With my ability and powers and intelligence and smartness and cleverness and resourcefulness and your-"
He paused, giving Otto a once over.
- "Your.... thingy." Vague point to oversized surfboard.
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Posted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 6:13 pm
Otto gave Mark a flat look, staring at him with blue eyed judgement until he finally explained himself. Join forces? Wait, so Mark was also the victim of the Vixen of Evil? Otto's judging gaze became a little more open to ideas, his posture relaxing slightly. While he didn't agree that Mark held much power at all outside his position (since he too was bullied by Kat), he had to admit he was desperate for help. He narrowed his eyes at him after referring to Tenya as a thingy. Tenya was bitching loudly in his head. "I'm listening." Otto replied suddenly. "I'll team up with you. That b***h is going down."
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Posted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 6:27 pm
"Now see here I have some perfectly good excuses as to why-" he suddenly stopped. "Wait what? Really? You'll team up with me?" He sort of did a hobo's equivalent version of looking at Otto with grateful hobo eyes. "I knew you were the reliable type, I knew I could count on because we are now bros. Jedi bros."
He sidled a little closer, and at that point, the other Hunter might have caught a good whiff of what they were dealing with, namely a Death Hunter assistant that hadn't showered for two and a half weeks. The result was pungent enough to exorcise minor cleanliness demons. "That's the spirit, that's exactly what I want to hear. But we shouldn't discuss things like this in the open-" he suddenly looked around the training fields shiftily, "-One might never know when demon spawn are lurking nearby. The first rule of hunting demon spawn is to never talk about the hunting of the demon spawn. From now on we shall give it a pet name. Project.... project... demon.... Project Kill Demon Spawn, Namely Kat, Because She's Evil." The title was said with air quotes. "Yes that is the name of the secret project that no one will ever know about which you may only speak of by using its code project name."
He sized Otto for a bit. "Come to my lair, we must pool resources. Share information. Deathly division stuff. If we know her weaknesses we can get the jump on her. One can never be too over prepared when facing an invincible opponent."
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Posted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 6:39 pm
The smell was horrid. Otto made no attempt to hide his feelings about it, quickly covering his nose and mouth with his hand. He may have gagged a little bit. This whole "no showering' business was getting to be a biohazard. This dude was too close for comfort on his own, let alone that rank stench. "That's a dumbass Project name..." He mumbled, muffled by his hand still blocking the stench. It was inefficient and too long and so obvious. Very Mark. Maybe he'd just refer to it as 'the project' and hope Mark wouldn't whine too much. He resigned a sigh and agreed to follow Mark to his 'lair', which he severely prayed did not smell as bad or worse than Mark did. "Remind me to buy you soap for your Birthday, dude..."
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Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 12:43 am
Mark looked puzzled. "What would I do with soap?"
On his way to his lair of doom he continued to ramble about strategies and hidden codenames and superhero jedi names, but he got to be Obi Wan Tony Stark because he claimed it first, and his lightsaber was green but like he could dual wield, and maybe shoot lasers from both palms of his hand and oh, his feet too, but they had to have like special rocket gear that-
-Needless to say, the trek to his office was a little too far. By the time Mark got there, he sat down in his throne of computers, papers, action figures, beer bottles and singular lava lamp as he pulled out a few random sheets of paper that had gotten jammed in his printer, flipping them over. "So", Mark leaned over on his desk. "Weaknesses first. To know an enemy you must know their weaknesses, says I! Mark wan Kenobi Stark the Jedi Avenger. Also you need a Jedi Avengers name."
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Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 7:27 am
Otto face palmed. He'd never get Mark clean unless he pushed him into a washing machine. Tempting, but it maybe wouldn't help him get revenge on Kat. But Hell, it would make him feel better. The trek was long. Too long. Otto started to tune Mark out, replacing his ridiculous ramblings with white noise. By the time they reached the lair, it took a moment to wipe the look of complete and utter brain dead-ness off of Otto's face. "I don't want a ********' Jedi name. Otto works just fine." God he needed his sugar fix. He was crankier than usual. But maybe that was from having to team up with Mark and nod at all his weird references. He tried to decide which was worse; teaming with Mark, or Allen. "I don't even know what the ******** a Jedi Avenger is." Otto made no attempt to hide his lack of interest in Mark's nerdiness. "Are those Avenger dudes one of the weirdos in Bix's comic books? Annnd... Jedi's are them funky bathrobe wearin' tools I see on bedsheets at Walmart?" He mumbled aloud, mostly trying to stir Mark up. Habit, he supposed. "The only weakness I know of is she ******** goes nuts over her damned coffee. Can't even insult it without getting everything you own covered in ******** rank-a** coffee grinds." He felt the urge to punch one of Mark's screens, but thought better of it for now. "Pranking her back don't work, yanno. Tried that...."
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Posted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 4:40 pm
"Okay, hang on, hang on, backtrack," Mark was writing onto his paper with chicken scratch, which was a glorified version of his handwriting, "Weakness: coffee." He stopped, putting his pen down, because writing was hard, and noone did that anymore, not with the invention of the far superior keyboard. "What if we poisoned the whole supply of coffee," pause, "with anti-dark rays. Like beams of purified light energy and then POW." He did a little action effect with his hands.
"Also it's pretty obvious why you haven't succeeded in defeating Kat, the Sith Lord," said Mark, not having succeeded into defeating Kat, "You didn't use the Force. If you don't even know what it is how can you like, harness it. Basic principle and all that stuff you know, good versus evil, good guys always win." Pause. "We're the good guys, just in case that wasn't like, clear."
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Posted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 5:27 pm
"I'm pretty sure Kat isn't the only one who drinks coffee in this place. So I mean if you don't mind poisoning half the island too, then knock yerself out." Otto remarked with a disgruntled leer pointed at Mark. Poisoning people didn't really sound like Good Guy objectives. "The Force? All this Jedi nonsense sounds a lot like Allan nonsense. Are you like... related to that goon?" Otto leaned back, his shoulders hunched defensively. "Did you drink his goon juice? Did you drink the fukin' Kool-aid, bro?"
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Posted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:40 pm
Mark, deep in coffee poisoning with anti-dark matter rays thought paused and dropped the pen he was holding, staring at Otto with a horrified expression. "Look- look here, I am nothing like that big lumbering, oafing-" Mark spluttered- "Not to mention my clearly superior intellect and charm and well, this." He gestured to himself, as if that was supposed to all make sense.
"Also," he sniffed, "just so you know there is a huge huge different between a giant nerd and a connoisseur of the arts such as myself. I have class, I have style, and these are more than just hobbies, it is my one true calling. Now are we going to contaminate the coffee with instant anti-dark matter rays or not, if you knew anything about the Force, you would know it only affects Sith Lords like Kat and leaves normal civilians unharmed. Mostly, this part is still subject to trial and error."
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Posted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 10:07 am
"Ya got about as much charm and intellect as a beard on garbage." Otto gave the Death Assistant a haughty look, followed by a roll of his eyes. So Mark was gunna taint the coffee anyway. Otto was divided between protecting the coffee drinkers from harm, and not giving a s**t what happened to anyone but himself. "Soooooo this anti-dark matter is an actual thing? Not somethin' ya made up in yer head?"
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Posted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 12:26 am
Thankfully, Mark's ego filter made him think Otto was actually just confirming what the Death assistant already knew and reaffirming his genius. "Yeah I made it up in my head because I'm a freaking genius," Mark started with a sort of 'no duh' expression to Otto. "You know, for a minion, you sure catch on slowly. I blame the Death division midget gene." He shrugged and then forgot that topic altogether.
"Anyway, going back on hand, even if I could make anti-dark matter rays, I would need a minion to fetch me the proper supplies seeing that I'm banned from ninety-percent of most public, open, and entirely usable resources because people cannot appreciate my pure intellect." He locked onto Otto at the word minion.
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Posted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 4:30 pm
Oh crap. Mark considered him a minion. ********. How far would he allow this to go on? Watching Mark fail was fun and all, but now that he was associated with him, this meant Otto might get blamed too. Risky...
"Right, right. Minion. Fine, Whatever, but if you call me a minion, I'ma kick yer a** into next month." Otto grumbled, huffing in annoyance. "Wait, if you're banned from... I.... ********, never mind." If Otto had more clearance in Deus than a Division assistant... wait how was Mark even still a Lead assistant anyway?
Otto's head hurt.
"Whatever. I'll do it." It was all in the name of defeating Kat. If it even worked...
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