Good morning, everyone. I just woke up. It's now 1:15a where I am.

WARNING: Depressing and slightly controversial on the life after death issue. You don't have to read this part.

I've just had a very therapeutic dream where my father came to visit for the holidays (out of the blue and without warning, as per usual). Also like normal, he wanted to spend the day with me, so we went out. I then finally spoke up about everything and ranted at him for what a terrible and selfish person he is. I finally said everything that's been building up for nearly 14 years. He finally looked as if he was sorry for the things he had done to me, my brother, and my mum. Then I told him I just needed some space and that he shouldn't go anywhere so I'd know where to find him for once. That I'd be willing to start over with him, but I just needed some time. We both did.

As soon as I said that, I woke up feeling better, but also feeling like something was in my room watching me. Then I heard a few strange noises and it was gone. I'm shrugging it off and chalking it up to the neighbors upstairs.

But I can't help but wonder... I haven't really had dreams (or even thoughts) about my father in years. Lately, he's been appearing in them, but only in small glimpses. And now this dream and that weird but real moment when I woke up, feeling as refreshed and awake as if I'd slept weeks.

I mean, I hear about this kind of thing happening all the time when a person dies. They appear in their dreams, they visit... And as it stands, I wouldn't know if my father is alive or dead. He just sort of pops in and out of my life whenever he likes and when he leaves, he drops off the face of the earth. So it makes me wonder... why out of the blue? Why now? Why so vivid and real?

I wonder... has he finally died? He is in his 50s and he smokes and drinks a lot. It's entirely possible.

But still, I am relieved to have the small piece of mind that this dream brought. I feel better. I know eventually I will have to actually say all this to him, but now that I've dreamed myself doing it (though even in the dream it was so difficult to do), I know that I can do it. I am strong enough to stand up to him.

And that's what matters.