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 Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2013 1:36 pm
Everybody knew Lou wasn't the most modest person in existence, so when a giant hole was made in his door, the vampire had possessed no real intention to fix it. If people wanted to check out the goods, well why the ******** not? He had nothing to hide.
But complaints started rattling in, and it looked like he would be forced to cover up his less than savory lifestyle, so Lou dragged his a** down to the local hardware store, Home Creepot. Wood. He needed a good firm piece of wood, and some screws.
Yeah, he needed some good screws.
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Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2013 2:01 pm
Hel had gotten a thought. Christmastival was in a few months, and she had wondered what she was going to make for Mac…she felt the need to outdo herself. She needed to make something better than custom leather boots…and the answer wasn’t another pair of even more detailed boots. Mac had enough boots as it was…
She had tossed this thought around in her head for a while, then finally an answer came up. She should make him a boat. Yes. She knew he had a handful already, but, he didn’t have one built in a Viking style yet. Yes. Awesome. Hel was so stoked for this, actually.
But she was lacking some things…
Like the right tools.
That’s why she was at the hardware store, too.
Hel casually strolled down an aisle, enjoying the hardware store smell along side her Mega-chicken, who was actually with her today. It just cocked its head, and looked around at the wide array of items…
Hel on the other hand, paused, when she caught sight of a familiar looking boil.
Now…others would probably go well out of their way to avoid Lou…but not Hel.
“OI!” She cried, and then waved her arm at the boil.
It probably helped that she was the one getting under his skin the last time they talked.
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Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2013 2:22 pm
Lou had grabbed a piece of thin ply wood as he heard a loud of acknowledgement. Surely it couldn't have been somebody calling to him. That usually didn't happen.
The boil tilted his head in the direction or the call and seemed almost surprised, then pleased. "Well if it isn't shortstop." But, what was behind her? "... And... A big fat c**k?" Lou's brows raised. "I didn't know you had a c**k. Do you walk it in public all the time?" A childish joy overcame the vampire as he realized the endless potential for dirty puns with this creature. He didn't know the significance and frankly he didn't care. It was brilliant.
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Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2013 2:28 pm
Hel couldn’t help but roll her eyes at the nickname as she approached the vampire. Between him, Titus, and Mac, she had an array of ‘short’ nick names going. Bastards. As he brought up her mega-chicken…and then asked if it was her c**k well…
WELL THEN…
The dirty train has left the station.
She jabbed a thumb at it. “Ya, fairly recent, actually. Pretty big, eh? Most are only about this size.” She made a vague measurement of her torso. “I do walk it out fairly often…when its not spending time with its lady friend.”
Yes…Hel could roll with this.
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Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2013 2:48 pm
Oh, and she was playing along. This was delightful, especially considering all the 'innocent' bystanders just here for their own wood. "Definitely. It's one huge c**k." The vampire took a step forward to examine the bird, tapping his chin with his free hand. "It has a lady friend? You don't say."
Practically biting his lower lip, he looked at Hel with hopeful eyes. "Can I... Pet your c**k?" Lou stifled a laugh.
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Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2013 2:55 pm
“Oh, I do say. She is a little petite thing…and it is a tight fit…getting the bird in through the window of my boilfriend’s room sometimes when his door is not open to visit.”
When asked if he could pet it, Hel looked back at the familiar, who just quirked its head at her.
“Suuuuuuuure.” She drawled. “Make sure it is a firm stroke…or else the c**k will not feel it…and if it bites you…I take no responsibility.” Not that she thought it would…but uh…she never knew. It was Lou after all.
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Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2013 5:17 pm
Lou couldn't keep from laughing anymore. Hel was good at this game, and the boil greatly appreciated it.
Lou did indeed pet her c**k, doing his best to keep his hand a decent distance from the beak. He wasn't rough, though. For all of his bad qualities, he had never felt a desire to spite animals. "So, what brings a lady to this man store? Looking for some... Wood? Hard wood?" It shouldn't need to be said, but the vampire was grinning like an idiot.
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Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2013 5:28 pm
The bird cocked its head, swiveling it around to stare into the depths of Lou’s soul…or lack there of…with one squinting eye for a long moment. After a moment, it did nothing, which was good. It accepted the pettings, making a ‘kweh’ sound as it shifted its weight from one leg to another since it was waiting. Hel scoffed, and rested her hands on her hips. “ Excuse you.” She replied. “This is not a man’s store! No, I am not here for hard wood or morning wood or wood of any kind! I am here for some tools…but then I… saw—“ She pointed to the wall of saws nearby—“You and decided to come over and say hello.” She paused. “What are you doing here? Because you do not strike me as the handy capable type.”
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Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2013 8:02 pm
Lou chuckled at the sounds Hel's c**k made when he stroked it. How's that for a sentence.
"I'm excused." Lou promptly replied and turned his attention back to the reaper, and looked to the wall as she pointed.
Oh.
Oh it was gonna be one of those days. Okay, well...
Lou kept a straight face through Hel's bad pun. "I'm fixing a hole in my door, and while I'm not on level--" The boil gestured to a box of levels that were sitting on the floor nearby. "--With most craftsman, I can repair simple things." Let the puntastic day commence!
"And what are you doing here, oh well-endowed one?"
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Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2013 8:13 pm
Hel’s c**k stood erect as it was stroked. Hel was just glad it didn’t bite. This time anyways.
The reaper snickered as Lou punned back at her. “Why is there a hole in your door?” She asked. “Were you plying with yourself and then punched a hole in it?” She grinned, and when the question was turned back on her, she rocked on her heels.
“I told you already! I am here to get some tools…I am going build my boilfriend a boat for Christmastival!”
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Posted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 10:29 am
"Hah!" Lou couldn't help but appreciate that gem. "No, but that's a good one. There's a hole in my door because I was literally punched through my door." The vampire figured that was the best explanation for the situation. Who and why wasn't of particular importance. It could have been anyone, really.
"But you never said why you needed the tools. For all I know you could be hammered." Okay so that one had been a stretch, but it still worked OKAY.
But a boat... A boat, really? Lou looked a little confused. "You know... Most women just give their man a screw for Christmastival." There we go. That one was better.
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Posted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 11:07 am
Wow…whoever punched through the door must have been pretty strong… “Who punched you through your door?” She asked, genuinely curious. Not that she doubted that anyone would…but who actually had the balls and the fist apparently. “Oh, ha, ha, ha.” Hel replied. “I may have a few screws loose—“ She tapped her head— “But no.” She then threw her hands up into the air in exclamation. “Ya! And he will! But I still want to give him a gift too, so a boat and screwing!”
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Posted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 1:25 pm
"Some snaggle-toothed a*****e. I gave him ghoul advice and that was his thank you." Lou offered, obviously hard-pressed to remember anyone's real name.
"Wow. A boat and a screw, huh? What a catch you are." Lou laughed. "Hopefully he doesn't use that boat to fish for another ghoul someday." He smirked and turned to look at some screws. He didn't need a really big screw. Maybe just a couple little ones.
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Posted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:22 pm
“Titus!” Hel exclaimed. Wow…it’d been a while! Not that she missed him, but it had been a while. She wondered what that asshat was up to. “Can not say I blame him…your advice is not reliable I am sure.” The reaper beamed proudly as Lou said she was a catch, and then immediately blanched at his next words. “HE IS NOT!” She exclaimed vehemently, coming closer to the boil and staring up at him, clenching her fists. “ I am going to—” But here she paused. She had a thought in mind, but then she couldn’t finish it, and she didn’t know why. It was like she couldn’t recall or remember what she was going to say… “I am going to…” Hel’s brows furrowed. “…I can not remember.”
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Posted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:39 pm
"Yeah, that guy!" Lou exclaimed. "I'll have you know my advice is sound." Certainly got him though some 'adventures'. Lou had opened his mouth to relate some recent happenings in his own personal life to the valkyrie, but the fact that she was now up in his grill kept him quiet as she stumbled for words.
"... Going to?" The vampire mimicked, tapping his chin curiously. "Going to... Kick me in the nads?" His head tilted, and subconsciously his body shifted a little to make such a thing a little more difficult. "Going to... Eat a whole chicken when you get home?" Hmm... What could be so important that she wanted to remember?
"Oh well. These things happen." Lou gave up on trying to help her and continued with the previous conversation. "You know if you don't want your boil to run out on you, I suggest a good ball and chain, otherwise known as marriage." He said jokingly and ribbed the ghoul.
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