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 Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 8:58 pm
The usual humming nonsense that so often cheered Roses up was doing nothing for her spirits. Where typically the doe smiled, she felt… melancholy. Lost. There was a persistent cloud that hung about her person, following her across the swamp. And it wasn’t even a real raincloud!
Just the terrible, foreboding doubts of her relationship.
For a time, she had felt Walking Root was simply… teasing her. Leading her on to laugh about their own silly game. But the more she thought on it, the more she wondered. Did Root care at all? Or was she really nothing more than a fawn to her? A silly girl with no real dreams or aspirations. Just someone to laugh at, not with.
Roses’ ears drooped at the mere thought, and with a sigh, she lowered her muzzle into the river. Not to drink, but just to let the water rush at her chin. It was… comforting. In a way. Not quite as comforting as another kin, but there was no way she could go to Boundless in Beauty on this!
The other doe would just laugh at her. Call her stupid for feeling like this, and tell her she needed to make better friends. But… Roses didn’t want better friends. There wasn’t a thing wrong with Walking Root, so how could there be anyone better?
(And really… Beauty had terrible taste in friends. Roses could readily admit her friend was very, very snotty.)
“Oh, Roses,” she sighed softly, letting her eyes lull shut. “Whatever will you do with yourself?” Her humming was of no comfort. Her beautiful night sky was of no calm. Even Beauty, her typical go-to, was beyond helping at this point.
Once more, the doe sighed. Oh, what a woeful state to be in!
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 9:44 pm
Where Roses in Bloom could feel such a dichotomy of emotion, Last Night tended towards gentle contentment, neither happy nor sad. Rarely did she feel such feelings, or rather, even when in situations that might illicit them, she simply moved them to the side while in the present to look back at in the future when the distance of time kept them from resurfacing. This habit did not arise from a disdain for emotion, but a lack of desire to feel so much because the detached calmness that seemed always to be with her was comforting. This was not a conscious thing though and truly, there were very few things that could swing her emotions in either direction.
She was heading towards the river not to find company, though company was often found at open water, but simply to take a drink from the source of the cool rushing sound. Coming out from behind a large tree, Last Night tilted her head at the sight of a doe simply standing at the edge of the river, maw in the water but not drinking. She considered the other doe for a moment with calm, distant eyes, unmoving. However, it was not in her place to judge, so she blinked away before simply walking up to the river, on the opposite bank, and dipping her head down to drink. She did not attempt to strike up conversation for the other doe seemed lost in thought. The cool burn of water going down her throat settled any stray thoughts in her mind and quenched her thirst. Water was easy to find anywhere in the Swamp, most of it drinkable, but still it was worth finding a river to drink from every once in a while.
She would leave the doe to her thoughts and her silence.
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 10:02 pm
So lost was she in her own thoughts, it took Roses some time to acknowledge the newcomer's presence at all. It was not a gradual realization, but one that came upon her all at once. Her ears flicked up and her eyes snapped open, and every muscle in the doe's body tensed. With shame and embarrassment clouding her better judgment, the doe sprang into action, hoping to remove herself from this situation as quickly as possible.
As she stood up, Roses in Bloom bowed her head in apology. She was a rather lithe doe, and certainly not one built for tussles- and she was rather inclined not to upset the doe with such grand horns. An apology was past her lips, practically lost in the gentle babble of the creek, when her foot caught across an untimely branch. With a simple twist and an "oof", Roses in Bloom was upon her back.
Yes, that had gone just splendidly. Under the lighter spots on her fur, it was clear that shame colored Roses In Bloom's features. Had she not been on the verge of crying before, this string of events pushed her even closer to the edge. The one saving grace was that Walking Root had not witnessed the mishap; thus, she would have nothing to be scolded for. So long as she kept her mouth shut in regards to the story, her dearest friend would never know.
"G-gracious me, I am ever so sorry! Typically these sorts of situations don't befall me. I've been in a rather persistent melancholy as of late... Though it's no excuse to have behaved so inexcusably!" Here, she rolled onto her stomach (as to not flail about like an idiot,) and offered the other for a bow as means of an apology.
"I... Will excuse myself now. I am dreadfully sorry for sullying your time at the river."
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 10:10 pm
Last Night had looked up at the sudden movement from the other side of the river, staring, perhaps unnervingly with her quiet eyes. There was nothing for her to do to help the doe, they were on two sides of a river and no amount of swimming could have brought Last Night over to the doe in time to save her the tumble onto her back. Even before the doe began to babble her apologies, the event was already forgotten. Last Night did not dwell on events that caused others pain when they were so inconsequential. Some things must be dwelled on because they cause deeper harms, but there could only be more embarrassment if Last Night made this unfortunate fall to be anything greater than it was.
Standing unmoving, Last Night listened to the doe's words silently before nodding her head, accepting the apology because it must be done to soothe and to show reciprocation, but when she spoke it was to dissuade the doe from the notion that her time at the river had been ruined, "Please don't leave on account of my presence. I would not have approached if I minded having company on the other side of the bank."
"A fall and your presence is hardly something to apologize for, the Swamp is an unpredictable place and we cannot control our limbs all the time," she said while smiling a faint, distant smile. "We are all fools at times, slaves to the limitations of our bodies and victims to things we cannot see."
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 10:25 pm
"It is not very kind of me staying, though, as I've already distracted you from your initial goal. You've likely places to be," Roses countered, ears now pinned as the embarrassing debacle played again and again in her mind. Too often the doe was privy to these sorts of accidents, making a fool of herself in front of others. It was no wonder her darling Walking Root held no semblance of returned affections for her.
At the mention of being fools at times, Roses in Bloom nodded along sadly. Oh, wasn't that true? She returned the smile as best she could, if not tinged with a bit of sadness as her thoughts once more drifted to her friend.
"I believe I play the fool more often than I would be inclined to. Particularly as of late," Roses admitted, folding her legs daintily before her. She observed the other doe with some curiosity, noting the calm she seemed to project. What a lovely soul! And how very different they were. Despite her delicate nature, Roses could never have such a serene aura about her. She was too prone to wandering, too enchanted with everything and everyone around her to be so centered. Would Root be more inclined to fondness if she, too, were to behave like this...?
"Might I inquire your name? Seeing as I've stayed my welcome and struck up some semblance of intelligent conversation, I feel it only polite to learn of my company." At this, Roses managed a genuine- if not a bit subdued- smile.
"I am Roses In Bloom. And though the circumstances aren't entirely of my choosing, it is wonderful to meet you none the less."
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 10:37 pm
"We all have our places to be, and perhaps both mine and yours is to be here at this river," Last Night responded evenly. She was the picture of stillness, moving not a ear or her tail. It suited her to be still, a reflection of her inner self on the outside. "It is for me to judge if I have been distracted and to come across another kin is not a distraction, but a welcome detour. We only know ourselves truly through each other, for it is impossible to recognize the truth in ourselves without seeing it in others."
She blinked in acknowledgement of what the doe said, turning and rolling the words in her mind, paring away the edges and the skin that led to the meaning in the center. She watched the doe cross her legs and contemplate without interrupting. Conversations were not to be had if one did not also think when speaking; they would become a pointless volley of words.
"Roses in Bloom," she said quietly, but with a strength that carried it across the water, "Well met."
"From being to self, from self to name, these words carry much power to some and very little to others. Politesse says that we share in some instances and stay hidden at others." Those words were said with a touch of jest before she continued, "My name is Last Night, the one before and the one at the end, and the one that last forever."
In response to Roses' earlier words, she said, "We are only fools so long as we allow ourselves to see those actions as foolish. The perceptions of others we can change, but only by first changing our own."
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Posted: Wed Sep 11, 2013 8:35 pm
“What a lovely thought that is. To have been meant to meet…” tilting her head in thought, Roses considered the notion. She had not gone out to meet Last Night, by any means. Considering they were strangers, there was no way she could have planned such a thing. But to consider it a fortuitous circumstance, rather than a misfortunate occurrence… Roses rather liked the thought of it. She hadn’t made a mistake. She hadn’t embarrassed herself. Rather, she had just gone a roundabout path to making a new friend. Smiling to herself, Roses looked to the doe across the stream.
At the jest of names, Roses flushed a bit. Was it really not wise to so openly give one’s name? Goodness, she had never heard of such a thing! But her new friend seemed rather lighthearted with her teasing, and thus, Roses in Bloom decided to pass on that issue. She did have a rather terrible tendency to overthink things… particularly concerning her own behaviors around other Kin.
She nodded slightly at Last Night’s commentary on foolishness. To change her own perception… what would that take? Humming slightly in thought, Roses wondered if this doe- while still a stranger- would be worth speaking to on her concerns. She seemed friendly enough, and certainly wise…
“There is… a kin I know. Her fur is a wilder purple than any deep violets you have seen, and her eyes sparkle like the dew in an early morn’s meadow. She is wild, and lovely, and unafraid…” Roses took a trembling breath, at this, attempting to steady herself. She had not- dared not- spoken these words aloud. But… perhaps it was time.
Fate, she thought, might be playing its hand.
“I am completely and utterly in love with her. But I fear she spurns my advances because she finds me unsuitable. I am… always kind to her, and show her the upmost respect. She is the world to me. I just… don’t know if I can bear her spurning me any longer. It hurts me. I know it is selfish, but…” Roses shook her head, and let it fall to lay on her crossed hooves.
“Whatever am I to do? Remain silent, and break my last remaining spirit day by day? Or speak up, demand and answer, and risk losing the greatest friend I have ever known? I am lost, Last Night. And that is where I am the fool.”
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Posted: Wed Sep 11, 2013 9:18 pm
"Fate, coincidence, and nature, three things that can bring about the same thing, but they only gain meaning through the depth and emotion that we subscribe to our lives," she said calmly, tone a touch distant, but even and clear. She seemed far away and very much there at the same time. Lit in the moonlight, she cast a shadow like an old, barren tree, reaching up and away as she stood there gazing without pity or sadness at the doe, only a strange kindness, like the barely there warmth of the moon after emerging from the shadows.
Her thoughts were still, the low, deep pool with movements hidden beneath with just the barest ripples sharing the barest impression of what lay within. The other doe, though, was the rushing river, nothing hidden, thoughts like the rocks jutting from the surface, emotions that white foam that looks like snow in the moonlight. Last Night listened, without offering judgement in the form of a nod or a narrowing of the eyes, and waited. The other doe had much more to say, much more to feel and to express. On the other bank, Last Night was a witness and then offering, nothing more, nothing less, saying the things that needed to be said without determining right and wrong, without the pressure or need to be right.
She took a step forward, bring her front hooves even to the edge of the river, just barely touching with the spray leaping up to speckle her chest. She spoke when the doe fell silent, final, calling upon the fool with her head down, defeated by herself more than anything else. "We can only live for ourselves. To love and to serve are both worthy endeavors, but only if done in expression of one's self."
"If to you live in a way that is not true to yourself, then you live not at all." Last Night looked up and away then, peering at the moon, past the dark canopy. "Is she really spurning you or is she trying to make you see her differently? Does she not love you or does she love you enough to give you final contentment rather than simply offering you easy comfort?"
"Perhaps, what she is doing is not turning you away but having you look first at yourself rather than at her." There was no force in her voice, no demand to be believed or even considered right, only a request for Roses to think and then decide on her own. "You, caught up in what you see to be imperfections, only certain in your love. Maybe you must first love yourself so that you may then understand the nature of her feelings for you for how can you see the love others hold for you when even you, knowing yourself better than any other, doubts your worthiness."
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Posted: Wed Sep 11, 2013 10:22 pm
If Roses in Bloom were not so sure she was awake, Last Night might have struck her as a dream. She still barely struck as a corporeal creature- it almost seemed as if she were made of mist and morning dew. Perhaps that was what put Roses at such ease around her; the doe’s nature made her seem more a part of the world around her, than another living being. Even her eyes- a hauntingly pure silver- lent to the illusion that Last Night was not entirely of her own kind.
For a moment, when she had finished her confession, Roses in Bloom wondered if she might have scared the other doe off. Bored her to tears, with her pitiful excuse of a worry. What optimism she had fooled herself with, thinking someone else might be interested in her foalish fears. Of course someone with their mind and their words so well put together would think little of this.
Silly, silly girl.
At Last Night’s questions, Roses snapped her head up to regard the other doe. To regard herself…? What sort of thought was that? The blonde headed doe was, admittedly, confused by this different perspective. Her gentle brow furrowed in thought, trying to process what she was being told. To regard herself, and love herself…
“Everyone… has said I am unlucky. Mistake-bound. I am not quite certain of… how to see past these, like you advise.” She admitted, ears drooping by the tragic admission. What good was there to her? She did not have Beauty’s… well, beauty. Nor did she possess the strength of will of Walking Root. Roses herself was a fair thing, practically bent to the whims of the winds. Sometimes she thought herself unsuited to the marsh, unsuited to the company of other kin…
“I do not know how else she would wish me see her. If… if you knew of her, and her strengths, you would know what I mean. It is not merely her appearance I find striking, no. It is her heart, her essence, the way she fears nothing and knows no limitations. Is there something wrong in this view?” Her question was earnest and uncertain. Was there something wrong in thinking so highly of someone.
Roses practically wilted at the thought of Root simply… humoring her. Spurning her affections because she loved her as a friend, and not the way she desired.
“This is quite a bit to consider, for one evening…” Roses murmured softly, more to herself than to her companion. She wasn’t entirely certain she would get all of this sorted in her heart and her mind tonight.
If she was ever going to get it sorted at all.
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Posted: Wed Sep 11, 2013 10:52 pm
"Relationships are a give and take, sometimes one pushes harder and at other times the other, but in the end, if one can only give and the other only take, then what relationship is that, except for one kin rather than two." Last Night softened then, more gentle, less simple softness quieting the strength that rooted her so much in half-caught thoughts, an ethereal world made up of perception and imagination. Her eyes settled lightly on the doe, silver in the moonlight that gave the whole Swamp a subtle glow. She shook her head, just the barest, at Roses' description of the other doe. "There is nothing wrong with recognizing another's strength, admiring their traits, reveling in their beauty, and finding comfort in fearlessness. That is seeing and feeling, responding to what you have found in her."
"It is natural and no perception is truly wrong, but to love and be loved is for two kin, not for one. You have shown her that she is everything and nothing all at once. You give her everything, but by doing so, you have left no room for her to give you anything back, left no room for her gifts to have meaning, so dwarfed by the size of your selflessness, the disappearing doe that she might love." Last Night paused then, feeling a vague sadness for the doe, like a wind slipping past leaves. "You say that others have told you that you are mistake-bound, unlucky, unworthy, but every kin's perception of worthiness is different."
"When one focuses on oneself too much, they might miss what is right in front of them." Tilting her head, just to the side Last Night considered the other doe for a while. "Take comfort that you have been able to remain by her side. If she loved you not at all, no amount of cruelty, would have allowed you to be by her side for so long."
Plenty had been said tonight, plenty more could be said, but it shouldn't be, so Last Night nodded then. Perhaps one day they would be led back to each other, to speak again, but now their lives were diverging just as it had briefly met. "The night is long, long enough for you to begin to consider your thoughts more clearly, like moonlight illuminates the smallest blade of grass or the sun spotlights a tiny beetle, turning, and turning, thoughts into thoughts into action."
Quietly, as if walking on moonlight, she walked away, carrying the shadow branches of her antlers with her and entering the dense foliage lining the river once again.
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