|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 8:20 pm
Time to show that I'm actually part of this guild and actually post a story o.o It's very short, like most of mine are. Advice is always good. If you understand what it means, I'll give you a cookie. I love symbolism. A lot. 3nodding I first posted it on my livejournal.
Excuse me if there are slight spelling mistakes. My word program is kind of old >_>;
~~~~
Everyone was watching me.
All of the eyes glazed over my fragile frame, pulling it apart to see what was underneath.
"I can't feel my legs," I made a point to say, as if it was important. But it wasn't, and they knew that.
Yes, they know. It's pointless to pretend they don't. They just don't care.
"I'm going to sink away here," I spoke again, my voice strangely calm. Because, why shouldn't it be? It's a fact. I liked to sound indifferent when stating a fact. After all, it's important to focus on what's being said more than how it's said.
Right?
A boy pushed through the crowd. He was the first that moved, but he still watched over me like the others. His eyes stared at me blankly, before nodding in approval and taking my arm.
"Come," was what he said. He told me that he liked me, and he wouldn't let me fade away.
I shook my head. "You'll take me anyway." I looked over towards the others.
They had not moved.
"I promise," the boy spoke softly, tugging at my sleave.
I didn't believe him. After all, his eyes were still empty. But I followed him anyway.
I followed him until we were far away from the others. We sat on a hill, watching the sun set. The sky darkened, and soon the stars appeared. Suddenly, the boy was a man. He touched my chin, and whispered into my ear that I was safe.
And then I was gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 8:34 pm
I really liked this. In all honestly, I was really moved by it. I can't quite put my finger on what the symbolism of it is, but I really love it. My mind keeps tracking to a religious symbolism there (but that may just be me and my mind... pay it no attention...).
Anyways, I realy like this. It's a great piece 3nodding
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 5:41 am
Theres a real sense of fear at the beginning of this- it reminds me of a piece a friend of mine did for a uni publication a few years back. She took the seven deadly sins and the three virtues (faith, hope and charity) and wrote a little snippet on each. Writing that is "distilled" like this can be powerful, but as a reader I want more! If you write like this often you should do a collection so we can read more of your work in one sitting.
great stuff biggrin
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 12:05 pm
Mara-ani Theres a real sense of fear at the beginning of this- it reminds me of a piece a friend of mine did for a uni publication a few years back. She took the seven deadly sins and the three virtues (faith, hope and charity) and wrote a little snippet on each. Writing that is "distilled" like this can be powerful, but as a reader I want more! If you write like this often you should do a collection so we can read more of your work in one sitting. great stuff biggrin *nods* I often write like this. Maybe I'll make it into a collection thread sometime. Thanks a lot. 3nodding
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
