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 Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 9:47 pm
For a while, Tara had been withdrawing from the people she knew in her civilian life. It felt awkward to be with them, sometimes, knowing that they would never understand what she had gone through, and couldn't always distract her from the things she didn't want to think about. And then she would get lonely, and seek someone out, and things would almost seem normal for a while.
And then the people in her 'normal' life began getting sucked into her 'abnormal' life. First Laney, who'd already had enough to deal with without being a knight. Then Dana, who was far too young to be fighting and seeing death. That had really been the clincher. Once was a coincidence. Twice was a pattern. Two people being drawn into the war was two too many.
So she cut people out, rather abruptly. It was impossible to stop seeing Kent, since she lived with him, but she was considerably less open than she had been. And everyone else had to be let go, for their own safety. It was terribly lonely, shutting herself in her room day after day. Tara didn't know enough people as Aquarius to sate her hunger for human contact. But if the alternative was bringing danger to the people she cared about, it was worth it.
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Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2013 8:45 pm
It wasn't like Yvette to not call.
However, when the person she had been trying to call wasn't really taking calls, it was hard to tell herself she was going to give her friend a call to let them know she was coming over.
However, now that she had finally started up school again, the girl couldn't help but crave spending some time with her friend from high school. Sure, balancing work and school was hard enough to do, but today she had the day off from work.
After going to school and toting about a golden yellow wildflower wrapped in foil at the base, Yvette had one stop to make.
It wasn't long before there was an awkwardly quiet knock upon Tara's door.
Please be home, please be home, please be home, please be home...
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Posted: Sun Sep 01, 2013 11:48 pm
There was a knock at the door.
Tara paused the show she was watching, not sure she'd actually heard it. For a moment, she just listened to the silence, in case the knock knocked again. Which it did. Somehow, that quiet sound scared her more than the last youma she'd fought. Somewhere along the way, fighting had started to become easier than socialization. Now that was a true reversal.
She could ignore it, she knew, but what if it was something important? Maybe Kent forgot his keys, or a neighbor needed something, or there was a maintenance issue. Despite all of those innocuous possibilities, she had to force herself to get off of the couch, walk over to the door, and open it.
What she saw made her heart stop for a moment. Of all the people she didn't want to see right then, Yvette was right at the top of the list. She was so stunned, and horrified, and, though she would never admit it, happy to see a friendly face, that she couldn't think of anything to say. Instead she just stood there, staring and wondering how to make this whole situation go away.
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Posted: Wed Sep 11, 2013 8:24 pm
There were uncertainties that easily bubbled up within the quiet girl's thoughts. There was a good chance that her friend wasn't home. That was the most logical thought, no matter how much Yvette didn't want it to be true.
However, other possibilities crept in. It had been a long time since she had really talked with Tara. Maybe Tara just didn't want to be bothered by that older girl who didn't even really know much about Star Wars.
Briefly, a hint of a frown formed upon her lips, but when the door opened, she seemed to perk up noticeably.
"Oh, hi Tara!!! I'm so glad you are home! I... I wasn't certain if you were, and I picked this for you... a bunch of them grow by my place... I know it might seem a bit wilty... but we only had tin foil... but I am sure it will perk right up when you put it in water!"
Her cheeks flushed as she spoke, her words getting dangerously close to her flustered-speedy tone. Her fingers fussed slightly around the tin foil wrapped about the base of the flower, pushing the metal down a bit as if to smooth it out.
"...I'd love to talk for a bit... if... you know... you aren't... um... busy..."
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Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 1:25 am
The right thing to do would be to tell Yvette that she was busy, and close the door. It would be best for both of them. Yvette wouldn’t get pulled into circumstances beyond her understanding, and Tara wouldn’t have to deal with the crushing guilt of knowing she’d led another friend to her doom. All she had to do was close the door. A simple door, not too heavy, made of some sort of metal. It wouldn’t take much physical force.
Yet from the moment she’d opened the door, Tara knew that wasn’t possible. She couldn’t just shut the door on one of her best friends. That invited a whole different type of guilt, of knowing how sensitive Yvette was and hurting her anyway. That was inexcusable.
But the alternative was, quite possibly, a dead friend.
“Come in,” she said quietly, eyes downcast. “We really need to talk. But, uh, you start.”
If Tara was really doing this, she wanted to savor the last few moments of still having a friend to talk to about something other than stupid galactic wars.
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Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 10:20 pm
Like an eager puppy, the girl trotted into the room, then looking back to her friend to make sure she was following along. The girl couldn't help but hesitate since it wasn't her place of residence and it was probably a bit presumptuous of her to just barge in.
The way that Tara was acting didn't go unnoticed though. She wasn't usually so quiet.
It made the girl worry.
"I-is... is something wrong? A-are you not feeling well? I... Icouldjustleavetheflowerandgohomeifyouwant...I... I don't want to be a burden... we... we can just talk on the phone when you are feeling better..."
It wasn't farfetched that Yvette would easily start to worry unnecessarily. Meekly, she asked as she approached her dark haired friend "...do... do you have some place I can put your flower?"
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Posted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 10:55 pm
So much for having one last normal chat. Tara looked at the flowers, trying very hard not to start crying. That she was so emotional was a surprise in itself, but when she had decided to do this, she didn't think it was going to be so hard. In a way, she felt the same way she had when Laney was still comatose. Her friend was right there, but at the same time, so far away as to be unreachable. And in both cases, it was all the stupid war's fault.
"Something is wrong," she started, her voice low. She took a seat on the couch, patting the spot next to her as an invitation. If she was going to do this- and really, what choice did she have?- she wanted to make Yvette as comfortable as possible. Because no matter what she said, this was going to hurt. A lot.
"You're not a burden. You never have been. You're one of my best friends, and I care about you a lot." Tara moved her hand, as if to touch Yvette reassuringly, but froze at the last moment. That would just make things harder still. She had to control herself, to do what she promised she would do. It was better for everyone that way.
To occupy her hands, she took the flower and set it in her lap, absently playing with the edges of the foil. Now was the moment of truth. "I'm the one who's a burden. I'm mixed up in something bad, and there's no way out of it for me." Not that she hadn't tried to find one. Not that she wouldn't jump on one if it was presented to her. But she was painfully aware that she was stuck with this problem for good. "But you're not, and I want to keep it that way. So I..." Tara gulped. "I can't see you anymore."
This was, in a way, one of the last strings keeping her tied to the life she'd made for herself. And she was cutting it on her own, and she hated it.
But she had to, and that knowledge gave her the strength to look Yvette in the eye. "Please say you understand."
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Posted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 10:11 pm
Yvette was an obedient guest, and like a lost puppy, she somehow managed to wander over to the couch to sit where Tara had patted.
She listened. Tara explained how they were friends and how she cared, but then she spouted out some really confusing explanation as to why they couldn't be friends. How could Tara be a burden? Even with the mention of bad things, the girl couldn't help but shake her head from side to side quietly. Tears rolled thickly over her cheeks, and it was starting to get difficult for Yvette to see.
"...h-how can I say I understand?... You aren't a burden... I mean... I know I haven't been able to keep touch with school... but... it doesn't make any sense..."
With a dainty sniffle, the girl went to wipe her nose against the side of her arm.
"...I don't want this, Tara..."
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Posted: Sun Nov 10, 2013 6:42 pm
Of course Yvette didn't understand. How could she, when Tara herself didn't really get it? And here came the tears, and she had to rub her eyes on the sleeve of her sweatshirt to keep from bawling. Before she met Yvette, she had been far less sensitive to the feelings of others. Not that she didn't care, just that she didn't notice. She had always felt that her increased awareness in that respect was a good thing, and something she had been grateful to Yvette for. Now, she was starting to have doubts. This whole exercise was riddled with doubts.
But if she doubted, she would waver in her resolve, and she couldn't afford to do that. Not when the stakes were so high.
"It's not about keeping in touch, not really. It's about me, and the fact that bad things are happening. Things I want you to stay out of, so you don't get hurt." Her sniffles were far less dainty than Yvette's, but she had managed to stop the tears for the moment. "I don't want this either, but if the alternative is bringing you trouble, I'd rather have it this way. It's not because I don't want to spend time with you or anything. I mean, this whole thing is because I care about you and want you to be safe, okay?"
The easy thing to do would be to ignore her anxiety and go on goofing off with her friend. It would be so easy. And one of the worst things she could possibly do.
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Posted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 9:47 pm
The girl was trembling as she listened to her friend justify breaking off their friendship. None of it made any sense to her, especially with how vague she was about the whole thing. Her heart hurt. It reminded her of Topher and how much she missed him. She was faithful, but every now and again she couldn't help but feel as if she had scared him away out of the city. Like somehow it all had been her fault. First Topher, and now Tara was pushing her away as well. Thick streams of salty tears ran down her face as her cheeks began to burn red. " ...nobody wants me around..." It was a rash judgment to just spout out as a small hiccup escaped her. However, the whole ordeal was already overwhelming her, so rational thoughts were flung out the window a while ago. " ...why... why do you have to be the one in trouble? I... I don't want you hurt either, Tara...." It might have been rude, but the girl soon enough put her feet up on the couch and was starting to curl up, somewhat shrinking in place to fit the proper size she felt at the moment. DivineSaturn
This had gone downhill much faster than Tara had expected. Not only had she completely failed to make her purpose in doing this clear, but she had made Yvette cry. If anyone else did that, she would demand that they apologize at the very least. Surely she wasn’t exempt from her own rule.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice wavered, but didn’t crack. That was a good sign. “I do want you around. I want you to be around for a really, really long time. But if you stick with me, you probably won’t be.” Zodiacs died young. Even in the modern era, she doubted that had changed. Advanced medical technology wouldn’t save her from having her starseed crushed. And she didn’t trust the Negaverse to leave her friends alone, even after she was gone. But if they weren’t her friends anymore, everything was different.
No friends. Except Laney, who it was too late to save. Tara felt guilty for the relief she felt from that. It was true that she would have one person she could talk to, but the cost of that friendship was high. She couldn’t pay it again.
It didn’t help that Yvette’s questions were ones that Tara had been asking for years. “I don’t know why I’m the one in trouble!” she said, her frustration evident. “If I didn’t have to be, I wouldn’t. But I am, and I always will be. That scares me, it does, but thinking about you being hurt because of me scares me even more. If that happened, I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
Because she was handling the situation so well now, obviously.
Yvette made an effective little hedgehog, minus the quills. It was as if she was trying to make a shield, but it was a rather ineffective one at best. It wasn't protecting her from all the hurtful, stinging words. Her knees would be rather wet after a while, but nobody would see that for a good while. The logical thing to do would be to get up and to march out of the room and out of the building. If she wasn't wanted, then she should go. She could justify and rationalize such actions all she wanted in her head, but there Yvette was, sobbing into her knees and refusing to budge. DivineSaturn
What had she done? How could she do this? And yet, there was nothing else she could do. The other option was far, far worse. Tara knew that. She still felt, in her head, that she had done the right thing. Yvette would be better off this way. Those were the facts of the situation.
Her heart, on the other hand, was practically wailing. Tears were still flowing down her cheeks. She hated making Yvette upset, even knowing as she did that upset was far better than dead. What could she possibly do to convince her that this wasn't some mean, spiteful trick?
A hug might be a good place to start. Not that Yvette was receptive to hugs at the moment, curled into a ball the way she was. Tara settled for leaning against her balled-up friend, wrapping her arms around Yvette's back. "There's nothing I can say to make this any easier." She had tried everything she could think of, and nothing had worked. "I promise, I'm only doing this because I care about you. But if you need to hate me, then hate me." Really? Was she really saying this? "I'd rather be despised than responsible for something awful happening to you." Not by much, but there were no good options in this scenario.
Her little ball prison she had created herself felt warm as Tara squeezed her. It didn't ease the pain, nor did Tara's attempts to soften the blow. However, it was enough to get her talking again. From against her knees, a sound escaped. " I won't hate you, Tara! I also won't say that I understand or agree with it... but... I won't hate you!" They were bold words, but they came from a timid voice, which made it very difficult to take the words seriously. DivineSaturn
Tara didn't doubt Yvette's words. Though her voice was soft, she had never done anything to put her truthfulness into question. Unlike Tara, who lied to the people she cared about every day. Even though everything she had said and explained was true, she was still lying by omission. What had she done to earn a friend like Yvette? No wonder the universe wasn't going to let her keep her.
"Thank you. That means a lot to me." It was a small comfort, but it was a comfort. Tara was moved enough to try making a claim of her own. "If I ever get out of this enough that you won't be in danger, I'll come and tell you."
It wasn't likely to happen. Tara doubted that she would outlive the war. But there was always that tiny chance that she would be able to end things without hurting anyone, or getting hurt herself. If that happened, having Yvette waiting for her would make things even better.
A pair of purple eyes finally peeped out, still quite wet. It was almost like a puppy looking for the owner to reassure it that it was indeed a good puppy. " ...you promise?" DivineSaturn
It was the tiniest sliver of hope. Tara almost felt it was cruel to bring it up, since the chances of her finding a way to defeat the Negaverse, and the Dark Mirror Court, and not end up dead in the process, were minuscule at best. If course, there was always the chance that somebody else would manage that. But she wasn't about to count on it.
Still, what did it hurt to promise that? If it made Yvette even a little bit happier, even for just a few moments, it was worth it. And it wasn't a lie. If Tara could, she would reinstate their friendship in a heartbeat.
"I promise," she said firmly, giving Yvette one last hug before drawing away. "But for now, it's not safe. You should... you should go, before it's too late."
It had taken a lot of work on Tara's part, but eventually the girl who had curled up on her couch seemed to finally loosen up. Perhaps Yvette's own self doubt was a gift in a sense. It made it so she was more willing to accept someone else's comforts. " I...I'm sorry... if I overstayed..." She rubbed at her eyes as her feet returned to the ground. Her lips were in a disappointed frown, which had no chance of leaving her anytime soon. She was confused and heartbroken, and even with that bit of hope her friend had spared her, it wouldn't help the corners of her lips to lift up for a while. She heaved in a huge sigh before she attempted to stand up and shuffle her way to the door. This wasn't the way she wanted things to go, but now it had happened, and she had no choice but to leave.
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