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 Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2013 6:39 pm
Transcribing music demanded nearly all of his attention.
With headphones donned and a well-worn notebook of staff-lined paper in his lap, Alois set to work hastily scrawling notes to match the melody playing through his ears. He mimicked its crisp charm and lilting tones through every measure of the piece, and often paused the music to catch up to its current beat. Despite the fact that his rests looked far too similar to a seizure-induced squiggle, and his notes appeared hardly legible, Alois made decent headway in converting the piece into proper piano music. With a bit of revision, he might find that piece easily playable.
The vocals, however... He may need to find someone capable of singing in German, for he wouldn't chance that venture on his own. Even with his expansive knowledge of music theory and the components encompassing a solid song, he didn't trust his own voice.
He neared the end of the song, and soon enough it repeated to the beginning, halting his progress momentarily. Soon he eyed his notes with a sigh, following along with the music and correcting any glaring errors. However, he eventually lost interest in revisions due to the movement registered in his peripheral. Despite the tunnel vision normally obtained during the drafting process, he easily perceived that minute gesture out of the corner of his eye.
Alois looked up from his work to see his roommate in a state that he'd only seen once. The boy stood before him, unabashedly naked and sopping wet, with a towel pressed to his hair and the midday sunlight reflecting quietly off his still-damp skin. His tattoo, still fresh with vivid ink, provided a heavy contrast to the rest of his pale body. Alexandre stood so delicately, yet so sure of himself. Perhaps that dichotomy in his disposition was what drew Alois' gaze the most.
Then again, he was gawking at a stark naked boy. There might be baser intentions present.
The music soon petered into silence, the pen fell out of his hand, and he temporarily forgot to blink. Alexandre looked so white in the light of day, yet not quite to the point of looking terribly ashen. His hair matched his skin, his eyes reflected his barely-pigmented body. And that tattoo... oh, how he wanted to lick it. But that could wait for another-
His roommate must've muttered something, so Alois pulled the headphones off his ears with undue force. "What?" He finally met his roommate's gaze.
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Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2013 8:43 pm
It was hot out, too hot, so when Alexandre had come in from outside he'd headed right for the bathroom and a cold shower. He had noted Alois in the living room, occupied with something, and figuring not to interrupt the other he drifted upstairs for his cold shower. Reaching the bathroom he grabbed a towel, for his hair, and set about grabbing shampoo, conditioner,a bar of soap, and wash cloth. Shower things ready and in the shower stall Alexandre stripped down before setting the water temperature.
The door, already shut, was locked and the blond went to take his shower, sliding the glass door closed behind him. Sighing in bliss as cold water beat down on over heated skin he let himself savor the cool water with closed eyes.
When he finally got out of the shower, dripping wet, Alexandre grabbed the waiting towel and went about drying his hair. Water darkened blond locks mussed fell into his face as he headed out of the bathroom, trailing water behind him, as he headed downstairs for a bottle of cold water. The house was nice and cool, the shower was cold, and he wanted cold water just to top it all out. So when he climbed down the stairs he was not expecting to see Alois still working on something, he still hadn't a clue what the other was working on. He didn't notice when Alois noticed him, as he had his head ducked now and was rubbing at the nap of his neck where he was still dripping water. When he looked up he found himself to center of the others attention and stared right back, cheeks flushing lightly.
"Alois?" Staring he shifted his weight for a moment, feeling odd under the others heavy gaze. Finally he turned his eyes away from the other, flush darkening, before he hurried for the kitchen. He knew he was pale, knew his much his skin tone stood out under the summer sun, but he also knew he didn't take color as he burnt under the summer sun. So he took care to wear sun block when he had to go out for a while. He kept his skin as fair as it was.
"I was just saying your name...umm you were staring." He spoke even as he stepped into the kitchen, still intent upon a cold bottle of water. Opening the fridge he continued on, while one hand grabbed the bottle he sought. "I didn't want to bother you before, you seemed busy - what were you working on anyway?" He had only been going to tell Alois, when he'd first come in, that he was heading up for a shower. The bottle was twisted open, the cap set on the counter top, and Alexandre came back into the living room. Still naked, not as wet as he was moments ago, and the towel he'd been using on his hair now draped over his shoulders and covered some skin. For someone as prudish as he was this was certainly an unexpected thing but at home he was comfortable with himself, and comfortable enough to wander around like this as he dried off. it just hadn't been something he'd done around the other, yet. Now he was.
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Posted: Tue Jul 16, 2013 11:07 am
The blonde retreated before Alois had time to finish staring. Though he couldn't see where Alexandre went past the arm of the couch, Alois surmised that he headed into the kitchen by the sound of bare feet on hardwood floor. Alexandre often enjoyed retreating at the worst moments, whether by intent or by accident, and it fueled Alois' mischievous desire to harass the boy with a plethora of tricks.
"So let me get zis straight," he began, sitting up slightly and half-turning to face the opening to the kitchen. "You walk around stark ******** naked, wis' all ze windows open and everysing, yet I'm ze strange one? If you're going to meander srough ze house in nossing but your goddamn Adamskostüm*, expect me to stare." Alois huffed. Couldn't the boy simply take it as a compliment and leave him be? Apparently not - unusual behavior must be some sign of a threat, or a malfunction of the mind. Sometimes he really felt the cultural difference between them, as every mile stretched a thousandfold in his mind. Perhaps it was his folly to expect them to relate to one another.
In a moment of capitulation, Alois tossed the notebook and his MP3 player atop the nearby end table. They skidded and nearly fell right off the lacquered surface, but it didn't faze him. Alois would've risen and followed the boy into the kitchen, but Alexandre soon proved that a pointless effort. Instead he sat up fully and shifted to face the boy. "Oh, you mean zis s**t?" He asked dismissively, pointing toward the notebook balanced precariously on the table. "I was writing sheet music." Speaking of sheet music, Alexandre would look good beneath his sheets right now. "Whenever zere's a song I'd like to play, I'll just jot it down. Makes it easier zan constantly listening to it and ******** up ze notes."
However, Alois wasn't terribly interested in his previous endeavors into sheet music or pulling all manner of tricks on the poor boy right now. No, Alexandre still sat adjacent to him, still without a shred of clothing in sight, and hardly covered by that towel. How could he possibly expect Alois to do something other than stare? Preposterous. Absolutely- ... wait.
"...Why ze ******** do you shave your legs?" He asked with a backward glance.
*Birthday suit
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Posted: Tue Jul 16, 2013 11:35 am
Peeking out from the kitchen the blond looked the other over for a moment before responding, water bottle just pressed to his bottom lip; as if he'd just taken a sip from it. "No, I didn't say you were strange - just staring. I wasn't sure if you were going to say something or snap out of the staring." He stated with something of a shrug before he did pad back into the living room, this time taking a sip from the bottle.
"You write your own sheet music?" Ok, so he was asking what the other had stated, but it was more of him parroting the others words than really asking. "I doubt it's s**t, I'd say it takes talent to do that. I'm not musically inclined in the least but even I know listening to something and writing the notes out takes some talent." Shaking his head as he sat himself in a chair and brought his legs up onto the couch also, it did wonders to hide certain things also. "Actually, when your done I'd like to hear the piece. I'm rather curious and highly interested." He liked music, a lot, but Alexandre was as he'd said - not talented in it at all.
That question from the other, about his legs, startled him though. When had they gone from music to his legs? Staring at his own legs for a moment he turned his gaze back up to the other. Before he even thought to lie, which he was also bad at, he found himself answering honestly. "Smoother skin, it feels better." Against his nice cool sheets when he finally curled up to sleep. He was, if nothing else, into comfort and what he found most to his own personal liking. "You didn't notice before now...I'm surprised. Does it matter though?" It shouldn't matter, no reason for it to matter. He was surprised the other hadn't snooped about enough to find out or notice it that night after the carnival.
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Posted: Tue Jul 16, 2013 1:08 pm
"Of course I write my own sheet music. I'd be stupid not to." Alois slowly became more animated in his dissertation on music; an opportunity to speak of his passions rarely occurred these days. "If you're trying to play by ear, it's easy to get lost in certain details zat you normally won't overlook when drafting ze music. For example," he leaned forward and gesticulated the fine movements in playing piano. "If I try to play zis piece wis'out a written copy, I might become ensralled wis' ze melody and completely neglect ze harmony." His right hand moved religiously, while the left remained predominately still. "Already I am learning to play ze piece wrong, because I am not playing it wis' all its parts.
"Zat's why I write ze sheet music first. I can just listen to ze song, pick out bos' ze melody and ze harmony wis'out straining myself over trying to interpret zem at once. I can pause and replay wis'out ******** myself up. And perhaps most importantly, I can write out ze nuances, like pieces of ze song dropping to piano, or ze pace slowing to andante." He snorted and smiled; for once, it carried no ulterior motives. "Besides, haf' you ever written a sixteens' note bar? It's fun." Finally he realized that he embarked on too great a tangent. Instead, he simply slouched back against the couch and gave up on his attempts to explain the intricacies of translating a song across instruments.
"Yes, I can show you when I finish it. Wis'out ze long-winded explanations." Alex already asserted that he lacked all musical talent; what possessed him to explain himself so thoroughly?
Must be the good mood.
And that good mood remained until Alexandre pointed out his dismal failure in noticing that the boy shaved. As much as he tried to stifle it, Alois could not prevent the heat scathing his ears. "Wh-what?! Since you don't remember, I was busy wis' ozzer sings. Your girly legs weren't very high on my to-do list." How embarrassing... called out on his own failure to identify key characteristics of his lovers. Maybe the starseed had more to do with it than he realized. "Of course it doesn't matter; drop ze subject already." Flustered, he shifted his gaze to the window on the far side of the room; he didn't want to set his sights on Alex right now.
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Posted: Tue Jul 16, 2013 1:56 pm
Was it really that important to write your own sheet music? Though from what Alois said it did make sense, and seem like the best idea. "I see...it makes sense now that I understand." Gesturing to the other, who had just demonstrated things for him. "How do you not get lost when writing it, with something else or get derailed?" How did he not wind up paying more attention to the music than what he was writing down and keeping track of it all? Plus picking out the piano parts from the whole. It seemed like a lot, at least to him. But he supposed people like Alois, Lily, and Xander could do these things. It took a talent he didn't posses and never would. But he would always admire their playing skills and the music they produced.
As Alois went into it all he found himself understanding little of it but the other seemed caught up in it; and that was enough to keep him listening. Actually when the other stopped talking he found himself smiling at Alois. "I may not understand much of what you said but it seems like it takes a lot of skill, or talent - perhaps both. It certainly takes a certain passion though. You've also given me gift giving ideas." He added the last part with a waggle of a finger, and a bright smile.
Still in a good mood he found himself laughing softly. "Oh I do remember, trust me I remember just what you were busy with." His own cheeks warming as he spoke with the other he tilted his head a bit, took a sip of water, and continued on gently. "No, I dare say they weren't. In fact, I know just what was high on your to do list and they were far more worthy of those places on your list." Was the other embarrassed? Or was he perhaps was he hiding something? "Are you by chance...blushing?" He asked softly, staring at the other.
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Posted: Tue Jul 16, 2013 2:17 pm
"No," he answered abruptly.
Alois elaborated further on his stunted response. "You'f' lived wis' me for how long now? Haf' you ever seen me blush? Zat's what I sought." Finally his golden gaze settled on the blonde again. "You. however... I don't recall a day when you didn't blush." Given all his sarcastic comments, carnal quips, and horrendous pranks played on the boy, he was actually quite surprised Alexandre hadn't kicked him out. Somehow he appreciated that infinite patience, though it was never a virtue he coveted.
"You know gift means poison in German, right? Are you planning to poison me, Liebling?" He flashed the blonde a mischievous smirk. He'd continue manipulating his roommate's words, but he relented in lieu of his good mood.
"Semantics aside..." He couldn't resist. "I knew you liked it." Alois punctuated his statement with a laugh. Though it seemed an obvious point to state, confirming his suspicions aloud felt liberating.
Alois stood with a light wince; lately his leg improved at a decent clip, and its ornery protests dulled to a minor bemoaning. Lately he preferred walking around the house without the cane, to his doctor's dismay. Even though those actions precipitated a pronounced limp, he found it more to his liking to endure the pain and walk on his own than begrudgingly use a third leg. If anything, it appeared a sign of weakness, and lacked that hint of self-destruction that he found strangely enticing. Unfortunately meandering around the house without the appointed cane would likely garner protests from his mother hen roommate.
Luckily the distance between the couch and the linen closet was negligible at best, so he managed the trek with relative ease. Upon throwing the door open haphazardly, he selected one of the few light blankets within, which felt close to some sort of soft cotton. In fact, he doubted Alexandre owned much of anything that wasn't largely organic. With the blanket in hand, he closed the door as roughly as he'd opened it, and limped to the chair where Alexandre sat. Without a word, he tossed the blanket over the boy, to finally conceal at least some of his body.
Maybe now he'd be able to concentrate.
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Posted: Tue Jul 16, 2013 3:10 pm
Really, gift meant poison? Somehow he didn't believe that. But rather than doubt the other, out loud anyway, he shook his head. "No, if I wanted to though I could. But no I do mean gift, in the way I mean it." He stated. "And no, I have never seen that. But there is a first time for everything." Could he held it? His own bodies reactions? He doubted he could fight those off and win. Alois was better than Dustin, easier, in a way. He wasn't the same and the differences where why Alexandre could handle the dark haired German transplant where he had failed with the other.
"Now what does that other word mean? What you called me?" He asked, wondering just what the other had called him this time. He couldn't even trust what the other told him the words meant and yet he stilled asked, hoping the other was giving him some correct translations.
Watching the other get up and move across the room he considered telling him to sit, that he'd get it for him, but right now his drying body was stuck to the leather chair and he was comfortable as well. So rather he twisted and turned in his seat to watch the other and wondered what he was getting in the linen closet. A blanket...why? Tilting his head he kept curious, questioning, eyes on the others limping form. He knew Alois was prone to walking without the cane, as much as the doctor disliked it, and he figured not to fight him on it right now. The other seemed to be in a good mood - that was what the blanket was for? As it landed on him he shifted to sit properly and curled up as he situated it to cover only what he supposed the other wanted covered. "Was I really that distracting?" He questioned with the most innocent look he could manage, though judging by the blanket about him he did already know the answer. He simply had to ask though, as he was sure the other had blushed before. "Am I that appealing Alois?"
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Posted: Wed Jul 17, 2013 9:29 am
Alois leaned on the back of the chair to take the pressure off his leg momentarily. He wasn't surprised when the blonde solicited him for a translation of his earlier phrase. That was typical by now; considering how often he defaulted to his native tongue when speaking to the boy, he should've carried around a dictionary by now. "Oh, I don't know," he replied with a sly wink. "As far as I know zere's no direct translation to English for zat one. You wouldn't get it if I tried." Oh, how he loved to press Alex's buttons.
Alex can stew on that one for a while.
"Yes, you were really zat distracting," he responded idly. Soon he had both elbows atop the chair and rested his chin on laced fingers. Was that really so difficult for the blonde to believe? Alois doubted it. Alexandre had an ego with a gravitational pull, so he naturally viewed himself as unconscionably attractive. Was this a bait, then? Was he trying to coax idolatry out of him? What a preposterous notion... Alois never coveted anyone, not even his ex-girlfriend. There had to be something more to it than that. Perhaps he was trying for another round. Even if that wasn't the case, Alois decided on the final possibility.
A thin smirk disrupted his normally stoic countenance and he leaned over the back of the chair. Its leathery surface threatened to stick to Alois' hands, but he paid it no mind. No, Alexandre pried for his opinions, so he would receive them in turn. Like the tide, all things swept off must return.
Thus he would indulge the blonde.
"Was denkst du*, Alex? Would I haf' <********> you if I didn't? Hmm?" He leaned in closer to the boy's ear. "Natürlich I find you attractif'. Or are you deaf to my praises?" Closer yet, Alois whispered into his ear. "Kannst du mich hören, **Alex? Bist du taub?***" He grinned, and laughed against the shell of the boy's ear before finally straightening up.
Oh, how he loved to press Alex's buttons.*What do you think?
**Can you hear me?
***Are you deaf?
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Posted: Sat Jul 20, 2013 11:34 pm
How could one use a dictionary if one couldn't even begin to guess the spelling for the words which spilled forth from the others mouth? Alexandre had no way to look them up, even with the help of Mariam Webster, he would need to still question the other for the spelling of the words, and try and remember it whilst searching the thin pages of a thick pocket dictionary. No, it wasn't worth it. If it were he'd actually carry one around the house, keep it in the waistband of his pants somehow or other.
He really did wonder how often the other lied to him, just because he could so easily get away with it. He did hope it didn't extend to the other males answering of how distracting he was. It wasn't a matter of ego but confidence. For all his arrogance, and confidence, that was an area he lacked both things and took them from the words he could pull from Alois so easily. They gave him a confidence he didn't have - hadn't ever needed. Some people were naturally confident in their sexuality and abilities and others gained it with experience. He had no natural confidence in the area as he had till recently avoided it like the plague and treated it as a dirty little nothing. As for gaining it...well he'd only been with three people so it was a work in progress - thus the fishing for the words he sought from Alois. Did the other have a clue he was helping Alexandre? Giving him what he wanted and needed? Somehow the blond doubted it.
He knew it might seem like he was looking for a repeat, and honestly he would have been if he weren't dating someone, but he was looking for words which he needed as much as a man in a desert needed water. He knew he was attractive, he had confidence in that, but in the bedroom...no such confidence existed - yet. Alois' words helped though, gave a boost to what was budding and would eventually bloom into the confidence and even the ego he was known for and seemed to wear about him like skin was worn by bone and muscle.
As the other hung behind him, loomed there right behind him, he tilted his head back and to the side as the other spoke into his ear. "Perhaps they are simply words one needs and wishes to hear?" He whispered his answer before twisting to turn in the chair, sheet sliding down to his waist as he looked up at the other. "Were I not dating someone I would seek a repeat performance - Alois." And he would, he knew it. He hadn't regretted it and still didn't. He was growing comfortable with certain, new, aspects of his life and who he was. It seemed like an end to a long night, the sun finally rising, as he came to be more comfortable with himself and certain parts of himself. While the small part was indeed a part of himself, of the whole that was Alexandre Evans, had been neglected - ignored even - or shoved to the back and into some little closet when it broke free and took what it wanted. Now though it was out and he was seeing certain things in a new light and wanting certain things and all without viewing himself as some sort of male harlot.
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Posted: Tue Jul 23, 2013 10:29 am
Alois regarded the boy with the same stony gaze. It didn't falter, didn't tremble, didn't quake.
Yet his fingers curled into the leather with white-knuckle force. His jaw tensed and his lungs boiled with each breath.
But he did not want to dwell on such rejection. For if he did, what would become of it? Ruination of a tentative friendship he'd built somehow? Unabashed assault?
But it would only mirror his ac-
No.
Alois breathed an even sigh in his attempt to dispose of his spurned rage. Loyalty and monogamy escaped him; the blonde's decisions didn't make sense. It fell short biologically. It faded historically. It hurt currently.
He relinquished his deathgrip on the chair and forced his trek toward the couch. It still welcomed him with the same minor sink of the cushions, but he no longer harbored that good mood. Instead he seized his notebook and feigned surveying the accuracy of his notes while he spoke. "You already got ze words you need and wish to hear, Alex." And in turn, he received an answer he didn't want.
What the hell was monogamy supposed to do for someone, anyway? What the ******** was the point? Did it benefit him in some way to say <******** you, I'm already seeing someone? Was it some sort of status symbol? Everyone knows Alexandre is full of those and flaunts them at any available moment. Or was he just looking for a reason to torment Alois? He never seemed like the vindictive type before, but... People change in the breadth of an instant. Did he even know the blonde anymore? He had seemed so interested in Alois before, but now? Nothing.
All because of ******** monogamy. Loyalty.
Maybe living here was a mistake.
"I ******** up a measure." He stated to himself. No longer did Alex and himself maintain a sort of harmony; their song fell into a discordant chaos. There were fits and starts of allegretto and pianissimo and andante and forte and staccato and... He felt so far detached from the blonde right now. So tired. So pointless.
Alois stood, though it pained him to do so. "Seek out a 'repeat performance' wis' your date, Alex. I don't care. Find yourself between ze sheets. You're already drowning yourself in your own trite views of societal norms. Do what you want for once." After rolling his notebook up, he tried starting toward the stairs, but it hurt terribly to do so. He shouldn't be on his feet after ripping his stitches, he know that; after a secondary visit to the hospital, he refrained from telling the blonde the specifics for that reason. Alex didn't need to know he'd injured himself twice.
Alex didn't need to know he injured the misanthrope.
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Posted: Tue Jul 23, 2013 12:29 pm
Alexandre might miss some things, or read things wrong, but he did catch those fingers curl tightly into the leather under them. He had been watching for the reaction, and it wasn't because he sought to hurt the other, he actually was hoping for understanding and the other to maybe - just maybe - know that Alex held some sort of torch for him. What color those flames were, and what the torch looked like, he didn't know but Alex would freely admit to it being there. Whatever they had was beyond friendship - that was for certain. It wasn't that he was dating Quenton to replace Alois, since he didn't know what they had or were, but because he was interested in Quenton in a dating sense. Where as it was different with Alois, it was something he couldn't put a label to. But with those curled fingers, the white knuckles, he wondered if he'd said something wrong and upset him - again. It seemed to be something Alexandre did often and never on purpose either, how could a person accidentally hurt someone so much verbally? It seemed to be a talent he possessed although he wished he didn't.
Watching Alois, carefully, Alexandre felt a certain clenching in his stomach one which accompanied guilt most often. He felt guilt. But why did he feel guilty? Was Alois upset, angry, what? Alexandre had seen people do this before - distance them self from what bothered them by occupying them self elsewhere. It as like a female upset with her husband and him not getting it so she walks across the room and with her back to him while verbally accepting whatever he's said, all the while hiding her sadness and grief. Was that what this was? He wasn't sure he could safely pin this to the reason for Alois moving over to his notebook to look it over, but it felt right. It would make sense but only if there were some feelings there, even if they were minuscule, was there something here he'd missed or maybe over looked on purpose without realizing it?
So the other did know what eh'd been doing. The guilt grew and now it felt like something was twisting his stomach tightly. Bending, one arm moving to pull the sheet up as if to guard against his own feelings, and against the others words, the blond brought one arm about his middle, glad right now for the covering the sheet offered, as if that would alleviate him of the stomach knotting guilt which gripped him.
Had he hurt the other that much? He was sure at this point that he had hurt Alois, oh so unintentionally, by simply telling him he was taken and rejecting the other. He hadn't meant it like that, never would he seek to hurt someone he was close to much less Alois. He had merely been trying to turn him down and give a reason, everyone wanted a reason for being turned down - right? And trying to tell him that were it not for that he would be accepting of a repeat of that night. Had his wording been what upset the other? That he was so casual about it, maybe even a little blasé? Was that what had upset the other? He didn't know and he was sure it wouldn't be good to ask, not right now at least?
Sometimes it felt like he was walking on the thinnest sheet of ice with Alois and the slightest misstep could cause it to shatter into millions of icy little shards, which would all melt, and other times he felt himself on solid ground. But it never felt solid all the time - where he knew his standing with the other and was sure of it. It took work, and effort, from Alexandre to talk to and deal with the other, more than it had with anyone else, and the fact he could keep up with a fair amount of success was a matter of pride really. But right now he felt guilt, upset, and even a hint of frustration but none directed at the other. Rather it was all directed right at himself. It seemed it took more to maintain this friendship with Alois than it did with anyone else he knew, it was easier to maintain his friendship with Lily, but he enjoyed Alois company and so the effort was poured into it and Alex secretly smiled whenever they had a moment of close friendship - like moments before he'd opened his mouth and ruined it all. He would just have to wait this out and let this blow over before pouring more fuel into their friendship.
As Alois spoke and broke him from his internal thoughts he wanted to ask if he really had messed up a measure, to ask where and for the other to point it out even f he wouldn't understand a thing he saw or was told. But instead he simply watched and bobbed his head. As he did this he felt the distance between them so keenly and felt it growing, as if some sort of earth quake had taken place and cracked the earth between them and turned the crack into some great gorge with them on opposing sides of it. It was a feeling which sent a stabbing feeling through him as his chest tightened momentarily. Why was he feeling like this? This was new to him and he didn't understand it, and that bothered him greatly. This shouldn't be, not over a friendship - no matter how close it was...right?
Shaking his thoughts away, for the moment, he focused on the other as Alois was again speaking and the words were anything but kind. They hurt, stabbed him like little needles. And again he felt like he should respond, defend himself, and instead he bit his lip as he worked out what to say and just how to say those words. He would tread carefully here, he had to.
"You make it sound dirty..." He whispered, though he cursed himself for his tone of voice. He sounded so submissive right now and not at all like his usual self. Were was his confidence right now? Where was the arrogance? Both were no where to be found, and he wished they were both wish him right now. He didn't like the lost feeling he got whenever he felt on thin ice with someone, especially Alois. "Maybe I am drowning in them...but it's one of the few normal things in my life." As if that was good enough, was anything he could say good enough? Swallowing past the lump in his throat he jerked in his chair, went to push himself up to his feet, as he watched the other heading for the stairs. Surely he should help Alois up them but would the darker haired male even allow it? Somehow he envisioned the other slapping his hands and followed by some scathing words, what they would be he wasn't even sure, perhaps some words in German as the other seemed apt to switching languages on him often enough. So he settled for some middle ground, something to help himself and not seem so uncaring. "Do you want help?" Not do you need help, because that could be taken as implying Alois incapable of the simple task. And right now he didn't need, or want, to insult the other as it seemed enough damage had already been done.
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Posted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 11:27 am
"You can hold zis," he responded in kind, tossing the notebook at the floor near Alexandre. It wasn't an action born out of fury, but out of tired capitulation. It hurt to be in pain all the time, and Alexandre's curious ways of constantly exacerbating the situation only deepened his exhaustion.
He didn't want help. Didn't need it. Wasn't used to it.
Didn't want to be.
Alois started up the stairs in a painstaking measure. Each step pulled at the stitches, no matter how gingerly he moved. And he knew, in that moment, that should they rip one final time, it would be out of his hands, out of his power to stop it. For he wasn't meant to have any power in the first place, was he? It made sense - both in physical and spiritual aspects. He wasn't offered a position in the Negaverse, he was forced into it - by Benitoite, or Alexandre, no less. He suspected Alexandre had more to do with it than Benitoite, for it was a human effort, a compassionate effort.
And sometimes he forgot the deep understanding and willingness to help offered by the slight blonde.
But without being offered that sense of power, by essentially drafting him into the Negaverse, it confirmed that he had little choice in the matter. Even if he was given that ghost of a decision, in some alternate universe, he would've accepted regardless, for it was his fate to end up as an officer within their ranks.
And spiritually... Every decision he made amounted to little. It did not alter the direction of the world, it did not change the universe's path, and he understood that with a great measure of relief. Powerlessness was freedom, in a way, and he seized upon that aspect with far more willingness than he could afford. Still, it hurt to be denied the minutia that he sought with such great fervor, but that was part of being human, was it not?
And these stairs afforded no luxury.
The banister creaked beneath his weight, both hands pressed against its top while he sought to take the pressure off his damaged leg. A long climb, it was - one rife with thoughts unsolicited and the last dregs of utter rejection urging him further. Useless, perhaps, was a greater word to describe him now. Unable to perform Negaverse duties, unable to manage coherent relationships, unable to surmount a staircase in a typically mindless task. How fitting a fate for someone as nihilistic as him - to lose even his freedom to such adverse circumstances.
Yes, a fitting fate indeed.Sleet Tempest Snape We can end it here or continue it further, up to you!
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