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 Posted: Tue Jul 02, 2013 4:45 pm
[This is a Private rp between Tirokio & Summer Raven, Please no posting without permission]
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Posted: Tue Jul 02, 2013 5:02 pm
It had been quite a few blissful weeks since such dark times, so much so that the time could have been a little longer as Shadow was no longer keeping track. He didn't need to watch the horizons for when the golden mare would return to his side or leave depending on the time of day. Abattie no longer left, and each night he fell asleep by her side and woke in the morning to an undisturbed slumber.
To say it was nice was an understatement...Shadow was enjoying this so called 'living' the life that Maria had wanted of him. Happiness, Contentment, Love....these were things he not only began to learn from the dearest human to ever grace his life....but now the mare who in essence took over and excelled where Maria could not.
Much like this morning.
Returning as he did every morning since Abattie began the long process of healing he took it upon himself to take care of her like he promised that dreary morning. Day by day he could see improvement, wounds became scabs which turned into faint scars hidden mostly by the vibrancy of her golden pelt. Shadow had not gone far, always in hearing range but he would head each morn before she awoke to gather food for her, mostly consisting of apples or tender grasses. While they had no place to be, he figured that he should pay a visit to Bairn....and thank him for the talk he had given him. From there...who knew. Maybe find a spot of splendor to call their own?
Yet as he entered the small clearing they had called their home for the time being, he couldn't help but notice that although her health was improving...something was terribly wrong with her midsection.
Yet he dare not bring it up aloud.
While both giving love and attention and receiving it, he'd made sure to portion her meals appropriately....enough to give her body the energy to heal but not enough in her partially inactive state to well....make her physically obese. It puzzled him so why she was gaining weight in her belly and seemingly no where else. He worried it could be something serious, like an infection or growth...he'd seen giant lumps on soquili and humans alike and they were usually cause for concern.
Perhaps Lon had did more damage than he imagined and something was not healing in her abdomen.
Gritting his teeth he put his best face forward as he dropped the large leaf of goodies just in her reach, leaning down and nosing the femme with his nose.
"Good Morning Abattie....How are you feeling today?"
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Posted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 9:42 pm
Daydreams and fantasies could never compare to what the last few weeks had brought. She no longer had to pretend; she no longer had to lie to herself about how love worked or who she was destined to be with. There was nothing left but honesty, and real, true love. Shadow had stayed by her side day in and day out, since that fateful night, and he kept every promise he made to her. To say she was happy was an understatement.
Abattie was never the kind of mare to have a happy ending written in the stars. All her life she witnessed mare after mare fall in love, start a family, and begin to grow old with their loved ones. And yet, there she had always been....growing old, but alone. She had tried, over and over again; desperate attempt after desperate attempt, and still she failed. Lord was a mistake, and she knew that now......all of them were mistakes. Real love was never faked; real love did not have to be forced, or pretended. The mare never quite understood what that concept she dreamed about really was, until it came her way.
Shadow had been the one to save her, both literally and figuratively. He came to her rescue after Lord had attacked her, and nursed her back to health; he loved her, in every way the two of them knew how. He showed her what it was like to be loved, and to love right back. Abattie knew her gratitude for her best friend and her lover could never be expressed the way she wanted it to, but that didn't matter. They had each other, now...from this day on and forever.
They saved each other, Shadow and Abattie, and no one could tear them a part now. She had been foolish before when she left his side, and promised never to make that mistake again.
The healing process was rough at times, but his presence and his persistence made it all the more tolerable. He left her, very briefly, every morning before she woke (after it getting to be so routine, she sort of expected it, and slept in longer knowing he was always close by), and brought her food to help keep her strength. And she appreciated how much affection he showed her, even if he didn't realize what it all meant.
Shadow wanted to see her in perfect health again, and she was going to do whatever it took to grant him that wish. Her wounds had begun to turn into scabs, and her bruises and bumps softened, the color of her natural golden yellow returning. Abattie did her best not to stress her body out too much, and it helped with her process. She was regaining her strength, and the pain shooting throughout her muscles was significantly less.
Except for her belly.
Her growing midsection was something that had gone almost entirely unnoticed. Since that fateful day and because of her injuries, the mare never thought twice of the pain or the sickness she was feeling. She had all together chalked it up to the healing process. While the rest of her body was swelled up as well, she didn't look too terribly off balance...but as the swelling went down, her belly grew and grew.
Abattie may have been a fool in the workings of her own love life, but she had been around these lands far too long not to know what was happening to her. The only problem was, with Shadow dotting on her, she paid no mind to her outward appearance. She was healing, and he was helping her. The swelling would go down eventually. "Good morning Shadow!" She peeped happily, yawning as her eyes popped open. "I feel better today, and how are you?"
The scent of the food in front of her was too much to bear, and her stomach growled, "Mmm, but I am starving....did you happen to catch any fish this morning, as well?" It was a strange request, and she let out a small gasp as the words came out, but she let them go. She was craving fish, for a reason she couldn't quite figure out, but she wanted fish.
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Posted: Sun Jul 07, 2013 2:41 pm
It was a wonderful feeling to see her smile again, to see the ease in her very body as she laid before him. The first few days had been nerve wracking for the poor stallion as he was not used to having to care for someone in such a grave condition - usually he had been the one to put someone in such a state let alone have to nurse them back to health. Yet this was Abattie, the mare who had taught him so much and showed him that much more.
He'd do anything for her, in a heartbeat.
There was still a lot for him to learn, so see and explore in this vast world, but he had no doubts he'd be happy to take the days at it came by her side. Perhaps he too could teach her what he knew...how do defend herself, assess situations and of course learn from the land. Their collection of knowledge was in vastly different areas...but perhaps that is why fate had pulled them together; it was the difference between them which had made the bond so much stronger.
Shadow was just thankful, for once in his life.
"That's good news..." He muttered on low tones, not because he was feeling off, but because he was usually not one to be over emotional - that motion of crying a while back had still taken so much out of him that he was afraid that if he exerted too much it would happen again. Yet as much as it was a good thing to have the capability to express such a raw emotion, as Abattie had put it....he didn't want to make it habit by any means.
"I am well....as long as you are well." It was truth, as he looked down upon her with ever searching ruby eyes. Yet....it caught him particularily off guard when she had not only piped up about being starving, but craving......fish? "....Fish?" He echoed, brows raised as he wondered where on this green earth that had come from. It was not only odd that she was starving this morning, since every other morning he had noted she was at an appropriate level of hunger for hours she spent sleeping and his timing to bring her breakfast...but now for....meat? Since when had she eaten fish...ever?
"Uh...." He tried to think, clearly his mind floundering for a logical explanation. "I...did not. I was not aware you....ate fish." As far as he knew from her father she was from a herbaceous lineage. Of course he would try and go get some if it was something she truly desired, as awful as it would be for a large bulked stallion with hooves to try and catch a fish. He probably would have better luck stealing from a bear at this rate.
Clearing his throat, he gave her a concerned look, truly hoping what he had to say wasn't going to backfire in his face and make her cry. "Abattie....I am concerned of your well being. I have noticed some.....areas....seem not to be healing in co-ordination with the rest of your body. Perhaps it would be wise to find the assistance of a unicorn? You look....awfully swollen for it being a few weeks since injury...." Of course, he meant her belly.
But like hell he would be stupid enough to say that exactly.
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Posted: Sun Jul 07, 2013 4:20 pm
His presence around her was so different from the very first time they met.
He was still her Shadow, her best friend and now her lover, but he was so much more protective and open around her. She could say or do anything, and he'd be there by her side.
Normally, Abattie would have pushed him further in hopes of bringing out more emotion, but after the last few weeks, emotion was the last thing either of them needed. The tears had drawn out their course, on both ends, and all she wanted was peace. With him. She was okay with Shadow being stoned-faced and stoic...it was him and only him. She had once seen him with real, raw emotion, and that was enough for her. As long as it was underneath all that rough exterior, she was alright. She'd be the emotional crazy-bag, and he'd be her rock.
It was a wonder she had never thought of this before. All those months of pining and whining of loneliness, and she had the perfect guy right there. No more mistakes; not ever again.
Abattie smiled at him as he looked at her, silently thankful that he had the ability to express his feelings through facial expressions - it wasn't usually that hard - anyone could do it, without even realizing it - but with Shadow, his face said more than his words ever cold. A soft laugh escaped through her as he looked puzzled, and she joined him in the confusion. Fish was indeed, a very odd request, and she couldn't quite figure out why she had said it. But once it was out in the open, she wasn't willing to let it go.
"I don't, not once. When I was a young filly, my Papa said that eating meat was something the bad guys did. So I never tried it. I just.....", a pause, as her face scrunched up in wonder. When she had been traveling alone, fish were always an option...but she was much too frightened of the thought to attempt a catch. Instead she opted for the usual; grass and berries. And they were always a pleasant meal, especially when brought by Shadow. "....really want some fish? It's not really necessary I just feel the sudden -!"
Her words trailed off as Shadow spoke next about some parts of her body not healing as well as the rest. In combination with her desire for the meat, a lightbulb popped in her mind, and she gasped. No? Could it be? Abattie had been aware of her...situation with her belly, but it never dawned on her that it was because of that. They hadn't even been together for all that long, and she heard stories of something like that taking years for some couples. How could she be so lucky, after being so unlucky for so long? Was this the heavens way of apologizing?
The mare smiled, hoping that Shadow would understand once she told him what could possibly be happening.
"Shadow, will you take me to the closest watering-hole? I'd like to get a better....look." Her voice was shaking, with excitement, anticipation, and nervousness. It had just been a fleeting thought, caught in the moment of confusion, but it was one of the best ones she ever had. Being around these lands for quite some time, she'd be able to tell the difference in the way her stomach was swollen. Abattie began to ponder, wiggling her body as she waited for his response. It was true that her belly had remained swollen as the rest of her healed, and in fact, it had grown in size since the attack. It never once felt normal, she realized, as the rest of her body was returning to average length and width. This had to be the reason, it just had to be.
A glance down at her belly craned her neck, and she winced. Her muscles were not all the way up to par, and so she figured it best to stand beside water and look down at her reflection. "Hurry, Shadow, let's go now....this is important!"
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Posted: Sun Jul 07, 2013 4:50 pm
"I wouldn't say that..." Shadow piped up, thinking back. "There are many reasons to be omnivorous....foxes must eat meat but that does not make them back bad animal. I am sure some of us do have to eat meat...it is merely how we approach the situation which can determine out alignment. It is not as black and white as Skinwalkers...." That said, did he really want to go catch her a fish and see her try and eat it?
No not really. He imaged that would be messy and the thought of trying to chew through fish scales kind of made his stomach uneasy with such an awful taste.
When she'd spoken of the sudden impulse, he found himself more confused than ever. Since when did people just blurt out they wanted something they never had? It was the same as Shadow exclaiming on a whim he wanted to trot merrily down the road singing tunes for all to hear. Things like that just didn't come from no where. Wanting to suddenly run? Sure. Wanting to have some berries instead of apples, fine. Sink their flat herbaceous teeth into a slimy fish?
Not so much.
As she spoke of the water hole he felt a gentle grimace pull at his lips as he took it that she really, really needed that fish and he'd better get his game on. Yet when she spoke that she wanted a look he put two and two together and realized she spoke of her stomach. Fair enough, he just hoped she didn't take the opportunity of being close to water to really want that fish again. Struggling like a fool to catch a fish with blunt hooves seemed to him a horrible idea, but he'd try - if she required him to.
"Alright alright....Up we go." He nodded, moving over to her side and bent down only slight so he could place his head under her own; allowing her to use his body like a crutch and support in case she was feeling weak. The water was only past the clearing they resided in, it would take but a few steps to get there so he was comfortable to allow her to make the quick journey for something she seemed to think was so important. Even if he thought it might have been a better idea to use such energy to find a unicorn.
Yet he could run and find one as well, she didn't necessarily had to accompany him. "Just promise to take it easy....its not an emergency." While he wasn't sure what was going on, they weren't being chased by a monster so he knew it was something that they didn't have to rush to.
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Posted: Sun Jul 07, 2013 5:26 pm
"I was just a little foal when he said that to me, he probably meant to scare me. I don't want to eat it, not really...I just feel like it'll satisfy my hunger more than anything else you bring me will. That's natural," with a sigh, she thought of her father and all the things he had done for her throughout her lifetime. He had been there time and time again, whenever she felt down. Suffice to say, prior to Shadow, Bairn had been her best friend because of all the things he was willing to do for her. The stallion wasn't really of the protective nature, but he was also far from easy-going, which made for a perfect balance.
She suddenly realized how badly she missed her Papa. Perhaps she and Shadow could pay him a visit. Of course, Bairn's mate would probably be there too, and Abattie hadn't really gotten to know her that well...so it'd be a perfect little visit.
The confusion written across his poor face amused her to a great end, and she couldn't help but laugh at him.
Out of love and pure amusement of course, but it was still funny. Abattie hadn't quite realized what the request of 'fish' would do to him, especially after she had been so content eating what he had been feeding her. Was it so shocking that someone who had never given meat a second thought suddenly craved it? Oh, very much so. If she was right in her assumptions, he'd be in for a lot more confusing surprises.
Getting up and onto her hooves was the easy part. Shadow was, once again and like always, there for her to help her up. She leaned on him as she put all of her available weight onto one side of her body, wiggling to stand straight. Hopefully the water wasn't too far, because walking would be a whole different matter. Would she have to waddle, as well as limp? How could that be possible?
"I'll take it easy, don't you worry! I don't want to hurt myself." The excitement in her voice rang loudly as she wiggled and walked, using Shadow as a potential crutch if she needed to fall over. One hoof in front of the other, and it seemed to be going perfectly fine. As long as they walked slowly to begin with, her body would ease into the motion of moving, and she'd be able to pick up the pace. It was too much, all of it was just too much, and she needed to know, now. However, Abattie had to remind herself not to want to run in her condition, both ways: recovering from an attack, and potentially this. "Shaaaadow!" She sang, letting him guide the way.
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Posted: Sat Jul 13, 2013 1:25 pm
Flicking his ears as he too tried to remember things of his own foal hood; he found all too many sobering and rather depressing thoughts. While he knew Bairn had probably just meant to warn his daughter about the potential cruelties in the world....Shadow's lessons had been uncensored in everything he'd been told. "I'm sure Bairn meant the best." He concluded aloud, offering her a soft gaze. "I was told many things as well, but they held no fantasy or good natured whimsy...just the horrors of the world I was heading into." He could remember one thing vividly, the idea that he could have no remorse....be it human or equine, young or old, female or male....if they were enough to be mentioned and ordered of him then he would have to make the kill.
Everyone was someone's loved one....although some hurt way more than others.
Yet now was not the time to drag the mood down as she'd rose to her hooves under his careful watch. While he couldn't proclaim he was thrilled he would try and catch a fish; hopefully there would be some in the location just beyond the clearing. "Good." Was the simple reply to her conclusion to take it easy, he wasn't really looking forward to having the mare be hurt any more than she had with something as silly as heading to some stream. It was slow moving so hopefully she would be able to get a good reflection of herself she needed.
Folding his ears back from her high and rather loud voice; he was only left to wonder what on earth had gotten her so....excited?
Casting her a suspicious look (all in good nature mind you) he nosed her along to walk, slowly and steadily away from the clearing they had called home for the past weeks on end. Approaching a bush he held out his leg to let the pair slip through, doing everything in his power to keep her from even the faintest harm. As promised, the water's trickle began to reach his ears and the fresh scent wafted by his nostrils.
Turning around a tree he spotted the water right away, looking down to her as he anticipated her screaming or something...she seemed unable to contain herself and it left him eternally confused as to why. Loping to the edge he nodded his head in reference to the water; giving her the space to walk ahead the step or two to look but not far enough he couldn't leap in to assist her if she needed the strength or stability. "See?" He chimed up, while looking at the water himself to see if he could spot any fish in the gentle moving waters.
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Posted: Sat Jul 13, 2013 1:52 pm
She listened to his story of his past life, for a moment forgetting about her own excitement. There had been so much he told her, and yet there were holes and gaps everywhere. Abattie realized she didn't know everything there was to know about the stallion she loved. How could he have survived in such a place, only to come out the way he had?
Abattie was glad for it, however. If not for him, she wouldn't be here today. "There aren't any horrors right now, only me and you. We should remember that, and we'll always be happy." The mare nuzzled her strong beloved softly, in hopes of comforting him if and when he ever went to the dark place. She'd always be there to comfort him when he went there.
Just as she knew he would be, when the nightmares took her.
As the pair of them approached the water after what seemed like an eon of walking (hey, she was injured!), her yellow orbs glistened with potential tears. Did she really want to know? If she was wrong, it would put a rather large damper on her happiness, and then she'd have to explain to Shadow why she was suddenly sad. Did she really want to bring that on him now, after all this? Oh...but she couldn't not know. It was too much to bare not to know.
So she waddled over to the edge of the water, and looked down. At first, her over all appearance caught her off guard. Had her injuries really been that bad? By now they were almost completely healed, but their ghostly scared remained. How could Shadow bear to look at her everyday?! The appalled question was brief, though, as her eyes gazed over onto her belly. It was oddly shaped compared to the rest of her, and stuck out in all the right places. If it was swollen, she noted, it wouldn't be round like a smooth rock...it would be bumpy and red. If she had gained weight because of her eating habits, she would have gained it elsewhere as well.
There was only one other logical explanation, it had to be true.
"OhmygoodnessShadow!" It was barely more than a breathless whisper.
"I was right! Oh, Shadow! My belly," she wiggled her undercarriage for emphasis, "isn't fat because I'm sick. I'm gaining weight because I'm pregnant!!" A squeal, as high pitched as one could muster in her condition, escaped she and she looked at him, filled with love, shock, excitement and adoration all at once. "I'm not too terribly far along, but I'm far along enough to where the shape of my belly is clearly the shape of pregnancy. Oh, Shadow...we're going to be parents."
Was this really happening, or was she dreaming? The desperate mare blinked her eyes a few times in attempt of waking up, and nothing came of it. This was real - it was all real. Shadow was real, she was real...their love for another was real. And now they had someone else to share it all with...
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Posted: Sat Jul 13, 2013 2:17 pm
A faint smile stretched over his lips at her gentle nuzzle, he'd gotten through everything life had thrown at him...and often so desensitized from the world he was un phased from so much.....as horrible as it sounded. It hadn't been till Abattie that he'd pushed past those walls and had something hurt him as much as that ordeal had.
It was good...to feel alive in such a sense.
"Horrors or not...I will always be happy when you are at my side." Shadow would do anything in his powers to keep it that way too. There was little he wouldn't do for the golden mare at his side and he was aware she knew this. While it may not seem on a daily basis just by looking at his usually stoic expression he was happy....it was simply because he wished it to remain beating strongly in his heart rather than tiring the muscles on his face.
...or something like that.
Perking to attention as his eyes flew back to her as she whispered, he took a step closer as she began to wiggle...hoping the action wouldn't cause her to lose her balance. While his eyes trailed to her belly as she spoke he remained oblivious, momentarily relieved she wasn't sick.....but in the next moment his eyes widened significantly in what only could be described as a silent horror. Parents......oh dear lord.
"I...." He choked out, his mind running miles a minute as he just stared, openly, and silently. How could this be? He was infertile, was he not? While remembering their conversation from what seemed so long ago that she was sure he could have children....and he was sure he could not....things were just not adding up in his mind.
What was worse was that although he truly hated to even think such a thought....he wondered a breif second if they were even his. Could something had happened between them to create such an outcome? Had he done something unthinkable before he found her? No....he was a monster but that was just completely and utterly evil. Abattie had said they were parents....so in theory that would include him as the father....but parenting wasn't just biological....perhaps she was presenting he would play this role? Yet...would she be this excited that she was having his children and ones not from himself? He wouldn't put it past his wonderful mate to accept children from unfortunate circumstance...it wouldn't be the foals fault....but would it be something she would have kept from him since that dark time?
He didn't know what to think....but at least the stallion had come to one strong and unshakable conclusion.
Even, if by chance they were not his and was spawn of such a monster...he would love them anyways. They were obviously a part of Abattie - and he loved her unconditionally. If they were indeed his....well, he would have a lot of thinking to do; and many questions of how. Realizing he had been silently staring for some time now, he shook his head and allowed a curl of a smile to stretch on his face, moving forth and pressing his forehead against her own. "Well I am relieved you are not ill....you will make a wonderful mother, Abattie..." Perhaps it was not as bold and exciting as her own sense of wonder...but for Shadow; it was no less a big deal.
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Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 6:49 pm
His mind seemed to race faster than her own. It took a few solid minutes to get any type of reaction out of him at all, and so she stood there with a ridiculously goofy grin on her face, just watching him. Her body swayed on instinct, willing the foals to wake up and move around in her belly. Since both of them knew of their existence...perhaps it was time to wiggle?
When he finally spoke, Abattie nodded, knowing full well what kind of a mother she'd be; she had wanted this all her life and for a time, it consumed her. "And you'll be a great father, Shadow. I am told children open up a part of your heart that you never really knew existed."
"Aren't you excited?" Abattie huffed at her mate, jokingly scolding him for staring. He looked...shocked, to put it nicely, and well, frankly, she coulnd't blame him. Parenthood was always a touchy subject among new lovers. "You're supposed to be excited! These foals will be a part of you, and me combined. Isn't it wonderful how nature works? Oh!" Her eyes lit up in wonder and adoration for everything that was to come. "Imagine a little girl with my spots and your hair!" And then a giggle, more lively than she usually allowed. Was this really happening? Could she finally picture her life with sons and daughters? They'd have her spots, wouldn't they? Oh she hoped they would! And she hoped they'd have their father's strong will. "I've wanted this for so long, I'm so happy it's with you."
And then a fleeting thought crept it's way into her heart and soul, and the atmosphere surrounding them changed. What if...what if he didn't want this? What if all he wanted was her, and that was it? A child was never supposed to be a part of his grand design, he told her once, but what if he said it because he didn't really want one? In her experience from watching those around her, the stallion always reacted - be it negatively or positively - there was always a reaction. Shadow...didn't. Or at least, by Abattie's standards he didn't. What if Shadow was just trying to be polite?
The previous notion of him lacking a grasp on emotion had escaped her in this moment of panic. It wasn't about whether or not he was capable of feeling - it was about the fact that just, didn't. Did he? He commented on her being a great mother, but said nothing of himself. He said nothing of the children now growing inside her. Was he able to separate himself from what was happening between them? So many questions raced through her mind as she stared back at him, her expression changing from the frantic, loving smile, to a solemn, much more terrified frown. Abattie could imagine this was how her Papa felt when her Mama told him they were pregnant - that cold, unfeeling b*****d he could be - but she never imagined it could happen to her too.
No. Shadow wasn't cold and unfeeling. He was simply just Shadow. He didn't know the extent to her words, did he? It also didn't help that she never once thought of what he could be thinking; about him. Of course the foals weren't his, but she never expressed that to him. She never told him that it didn't happen. So how could he know? They've been through so much together - anything was possible now. But her thoughts skipped over all of this, and instead focused on his lack of emotion.
And her excess of it. Unwanted tears began to appear at the edge of her eyes, and soon the river flowed. It was like it had always been - once she started it was hard to stop. And this....this was too much; much too much. Abattie heaved in and out as tears poured down her cheeks, burning a mark along their trail. "Aren't you happy?" She choked out, vision blurred.
He was supposed to be happy...
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Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 10:34 pm
....And then, as his resolution had been solid on its foundation, his world began to crumble around him once again.
Eyes widened as the mare seemed to have done a double take, clearly what he had expressed was not good enough...it quite possibly could have been labeled downright abominable to the golden femme before him. While he'd taken in her compliment on how he'd be a good father, whatever good feelings he'd gotten from that statement was long gone moments later...left desperately trying to find some kind of life preserver in a churning sea of chaos.
"I am!" He was quick to say, too quick as panic arose to burn at the back of his throat; looking down at her as all he could do was stand unmoving while his mind raced miles ahead of him. Too bad this was only a joke, what was to come...was not.
Yet....the breakdown came anyways. She said nothing aloud but he could see it in her face, in her eyes as her moods began to shift in the blink of an eye. Shaking his head quickly he could feel his hear give a painful wrench in his chest as those tears he'd hoped to not see in a long, long time were back with vengeance....and not because of some tragedy....because of him.
"Abattie..." He tried, so very hard to get his point across; but with each tear which slid down her cheeks the more panic welled in his heart. "I am happy.....every damn moment I can spend with you....brings me joy. Can't you see...?" Shadow wasn't sure where it was going to end up....but he wasn't one to blatantly lie; it just wasn't in his nature and she didn't deserve it. "Remember when I said....I didn't think I was capable of having children?" He spoke, his tone changing to one a little darker...a little sadder than before. "I worried...I choked....Something like this wasn't supposed to happen....you know why?" He didn't wait long, he didn't want her to get any ideas on the rest of his confession. "Because I thought...this was as good as it was going to get, I couldn't possibly deserve to have love...and to have children in the life i've lived...the sins stained on these hooves..." He took a breath; looking down this time. "I want the best for you....always. I took you as the best blessing life would gift to me, and couldn't ask for more......"
Yet...that was not all.
"I also....worried..." This....this was hard and it was clear he was truly struggling - even a blind fellow could tell clear as day. "What if...he did something to you? You were so vulnerable when I found you....did he really turn into that kind of monster....Please don't take it the wrong way, Abattie...thats not what im getting at." He wanted to look at her, so badly....but between her tears and the gravity of what he said....he was also afraid to look at her.
"Between never knowing if I could have kids.....to him.....to now...It took me a moment to think. No matter what....I want this. I wanted you to be happy....I wanted more than what I thought was the best already. If they're mine.....well even better....just please understand. I love you....and them...no matter what happens. I want to be there." A deep breath rattled his voice a little, and his train of thought. "Its more happiness than I ever deserved...but not you Abattie....I have a feeling someone is smiling down on you and granting your deepest desires...."
He'd said it.....and almost as if by instinct; remained vigilant for any kind of impending backlash he was sure was heading his way.
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Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 11:47 pm
There was no lesson in the world that could have taught her how to prepare for something like this.
The waterworks had exploded on her end, but the emotion surrounding the two of them took a turn with him.
Almost childlike, she stomped a hoof into the ground. It didn't matter that the action sent a small jolt of pain through her body - what mattered was the stallion before her, pouring his heart out like she'd never seen. And yet, he wasn't getting it. Could he not see what she saw? What Maria saw? "But you saved me. You're more stallion than anyone I've ever met - you deserve to have children. This was....they are a gift to both of us, not just me. I've wanted this, truly, but my wish would have never been perfect without half of you." In all her years, she wanted children with almost any and every stallion she met, simply out of desperation. But what would those children be like? Her thoughts flickered to ghosts from the past, each one less important and meaningless than the one before it. She realized, it wasn't the issue of children and a mate, not anymore. Was it ever about that? When she was younger it's what she wanted, but now? If Shadow ever left her, she'd never go looking again. It was never about finding a mate, it was about finding him. Her soul-mate. The other half of her. The mare used to fear, if she had never met Shadow, she'd still be at square one, loveless and childless, but that was better than spending an eternity with someone other than Shadow.
"You shouldn't - you can't, doubt yourself, in anything, not anymore." Again her childlike demeanor shined through, as a pout appeared on her quivering lips. The river of tears had stopped, but they left their evidence all over her coat. What remained was strain, and frustration. Did he really not see? "What will the kids say, if they see their father doubting his worth because of something he did in the past? I don't care about the past - the heavens surely don't care about the past, and these kids, they'll love you for you. Not what you did." It was true - she loved her Papa more than anything, except for Shadow, and she never cared what kind of life he held before her. She knew about it, or most of it, and she knew how cruel he could be, but that wasn't a deal-breaker. It wasn't even a thought in her mind anymore. Bairn was her Papa, bottom line - end of story. He had raised her, and loved her, throughout everything, and she could count of him no matter what. If Shadow was going to be anything around his kids like he was with her, Abattie had no doubt in her mind he'd be the best father ever.
But stallions beware, she giggled in her mind, for if these foals were girls, Shadow would rid the lands of potential mates before they even hit adulthood.
"You know what unconditional love is? That's unconditional love. So long as these foals know you're their father, they don't care who you are." Her voice was still riddled with frustration toward her mate, but her expression softened as she thought more and more about Astia, her mother. That mare never paid a visit to Abattie in her thoughts, seeing as the mare was never present in her foalhood, or her adulthood, but now, suddenly, she was there. The mare she barely knew. She didn't hate Astia - no, Astia had birthed her, but she held resentment for leaving her, and taking her sister away from her. So there was no love for Astia, not anymore. She never wanted to see the mare's face again, even though she had birthed her.
Maybe unconditional love didn't work as strong when that someone abandoned you.
"I won't doubt myself if you won't yourself." Abattie whispered, eyes trying desperately to tear into his soul. She wanted him to feel her heart beating, to hear her thoughts racing, and she him. There were some issues she needed to work on about her own life; the life she had before Shadow, but she vowed never to let that affect her around her children. She'd never let them see her upset (well, if she could help it) and she'd never leave them alone. Abattie was not her mother, not ever.
When he spoke of the incident, and the possibility that came with it, she blinked. How could he think such a thing?! It took every ounce of self control not to snap at him, until she realized what his words really meant. "Oh, Shadow...", her lips began to quiver again, hinting at another possible river of tears. He was worried about her safety the entire time she had been under attack, and now she sprung this on him! Any normal stallion would have jumped to that conclusion! She was the selfish one, not him..."No, Shadow. Don't you think I would have told you sooner if that had happened?" She'd be further along than she was, by a couple of weeks, right? There would be no denying her state if that was the case...
"They are yours. Ours. And I'm not letting you go, Shadow, you'll always be here. You're stuck with me - us." She motioned to her belly, allowing a small chuckle. If he ever left her - which she knew wasn't possible - would her children go with him? Would he leave them all? Would they go looking for him, like she should have with Astia so many years ago? The mare grew to not regret her decision to not look for her mother, but would her children feel the same?
She wanted her children to love him, no matter what. And knew they would; there wasn't any need to worry.
And then, her emotional roller-coaster took a turn for the worse, as Shadow once again stated he didn't deserve this. Could he honestly, really not see? After everything she's ever said to him? It was true she sort of shoved their friendship in his face when she chose him over Shadow, but that was a foolish mistake, and it was her who had been the idiot, not him. If anything, she didn't deserve him after what she had done, but she knew that wasn't true. They were made for each other.
So she snapped, raising her voice to a level that rang loud and authoritative, but also pleading. She needed to show him...once last time. "Please don't say you don't deserve this! You saved me. You have desires too, Shadow, and you know it, deep down. What about Maria? What about everything she wanted for you? It's happening - isn't it? She's helping you, Shadow, she's helping us. Maybe she has something to do with this..." And maybe that was true; maybe Maria had gifted them new life while she was up there looking down upon the both of them. Maybe Shadow really couldn't have children the way nature intended - maybe these foals were a supernatural gift. Either way it didn't matter, she was pregnant and so they were here - however they got here, they were here.
"You were there for her when she needed someone." Abattie wasn't yelling, but anyone with ears could tell she was very much angry, "You were there when I needed someone. Don't you think that warrants some kind of award? I love you, and this was meant to be. This is our happy ending, we did this, together, and we both deserve it. You were - you are - enough for me, regardless if this happened or not, but it happened, and you have to realize that it happened because of you."
And then, a laugh. A hearty, deep-from-within, honest laugh. So much emotion - so many words, and it was only day one of them finding out. Oh, poor...poor Shadow. Abattie thought, should she tell him? Or would she take it one day at a time? "Oh my goodness this will be a long pregnancy..."
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Posted: Wed Jul 24, 2013 1:24 pm
His eyes lifted back up as a vibration shook amongst the ground, she'd stomped; taking in the rather interesting sight before him. Abattie's little tantrum had not been taken the wrong way by the stallion before her...he'd always known she wasn't a pillar of wise adult charm, while she was grown up she wasn't always the most mature mare around. Yet....if one would have asked him he wouldn't wish her any other way, for he was perhaps one of the most serious individuals he'd ever laid eyes upon. There had been no room for jovial adventures and colour in his world of straight black and white.....yet when she was around; the plethora of shades, colours, hues, brilliance exploded in his vision. There was emotions, and there was life within everything he saw....and if she were a more serious mare....well, the world would still be in shades of grey.
His eyes remained trained on her, never leaving her face as she passionately released all the frustration he could see building up in her soul. They were wider than usual, in a sense of awe while the words eloquently rolled off her tongue as if she'd been giving these kind of speeches her entire life.
"But I..." He'd began, his lips opened to speak the words he'd thought of but nothing came out past that but a catch in his breath. It really wasn't about who was more stallion, or saving. He'd done what he did because he was in love - and it was the right thing to do. Sure, he had all the traits of a stallion....but even with the looks; it didn't mean he for sure had the ability to produce children. Yet....that was only a piece in the puzzle....she'd said it herself that he was the other half; one of two pieces to make a whole.
Worth, past, doubt. Yes, he had doubts....and worried the past would wreak havoc upon the life he desired to have in the future; a future in which he didn't have to worry about orders...but peace. To see the world as it was, and not for the dark underbelly he'd been traveling in all this time. "They will see I am only mortal." Shadow had never tried to give off the illusion he was something more than what he was, he wasn't a god, wasn't some grand race of sentient beings....he wasn't even a saint. He was, however a simple stallion; with an endless drive and wayward ways to accomplish the mission. A cold, emotionless b*****d before....but now, that was so much more wasn't it? He'd made mistakes...lots of them. However the lives growing in her belly, nor the mare before him were not one of those....far, far from it in fact.
As the moments passed by though, he looked down once again, the rock near his hoof becoming very interesting to his line of sight. "It would really be none of my business of what transpired..." Well, in that aspect anyways. Yet, behind the words...he didn't want to know. He didn't want to imagine anything happening between her and that monster...the way he'd found her...was enough to make him snap and go on a blood rage if she hadn't been so close to death. He'd known what she felt for him, so he couldn't blame her if she had. That was what pairs did when they were in love, right? Even if he'd been nothing but a facade, she was genuine in what she felt...so it wasn't wrong, on her behalf.
He stood by his words, he'd love and care for them even if they did not share his blood.
Yet....that's really not what happened next.
For the umpteenth time today his eyes were wide with shock as he stared at the ground. Ours. She'd assured, that without a doubt....the kids were his own. How could she be sure? How....how when he had never been sure of himself. He supposed one could time this kind of thing...and if that was what she was getting at then well....whatever was growing in her tummy had not only the blood of their mother Abattie....but his own as well. Although the sensation of slow realization began to consume his chest, he would have been stable and fine if it wasn't for the mention of Maria and the physical flinch his body did at her name.
Oh Maria...
Was this all her doing? Had she blessed them, forgave him for truly failing her in her time of need? Was this...her way of saying it was all alright now, he'd did it and this was the road's end he'd been heading towards this whole time. Happy ending.....he liked the sounds of that. It sounded so finite and pleasant....A happy ending with Abattie, together and...their children. Was this truly the final step into forever?
Looking up his face remained fairly placid except for one blatant detail, there were tears from his eyes trailing down his cheeks; the droplets clinging to his dark fur. "I....would like that. Forever....peace. With you, and our foals...." he breathed out, his breath a little shaken from the nerves. "I'll always be here, for you, and them. I'd never let anything happen to you, I swear on it with my life. I.....Love you, too...Abattie." Why were emotions so confusing and taxing....but at the same time, he'd never really felt more alove than with the good and the torment raging in his heart.
"I don't believe it will be...." A small smile curled on his lips, seemingly unaware he even had tears on his face.
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Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 5:55 pm
The level of emotion that rang between the pair was untouchable as they stared down at each other, daring the other to go above and beyond in both words and actions. The power - the love - that these two had was something that words could not do justice, and it was evident by the fact that the very air between them was hotter and more passionate than ever before. They cared, deeply and unequivocally, about each other and what the world had to offer them as they moved forward. The journey to get there, however, was the difficult part - for Shadow and Abattie both had a way of doing things - and as Abattie stared into her mate's deep red eyes, she could tell she was pushing him. Pushing him to a level that probably shouldn't have been reached.
But arguably so, she had already gone there herself....why not let him join her? As the words poured out of her as if she were a seasoned philosopher, her whole body shook. Maybe...just maybe they should stop now, before any more emotions came rushing out of them as they were left as nothing more than the skin that covered their bones. She was crying, still, unknowingly and uncontrollably, and now he too had evidence of the watery pools. They were, for lack of a better word, a mess. It was time now that they just enjoy the happiness given to them, and move forward as mates, and as future parents. It's what she had always wanted, and what she knew she'd be suburb at, with the help of him. They'd be able to do this together - fail together, succeed together - love and grow together. The word now, the word she'd have to focus on from now on was - together - a family, as not just the two of them, but a future, with foals, and grandfoals and perhaps, if they were lucky, a plentiful amount that stretched far beyond the walls of these lands.
Her own grandparents, the ones on Bairn's side, had children upon children now'a'days, and it never seemed to phase them that they didn't even know ninety percent of them. They were content simply knowing their line - their genes - were out there for the world to see, and that the love that they instilled in their own children grew to each and every passing generation. Abattie suddenly wanted that. It was a silly thought, to focus on the far future while the present was the most beautiful thing she could have imagined, so the mare quickly dismissed her childish thoughts of the perfect future and stared once again at her mate.
When he spoke again, it was all she could do from repeating her tantrum, childish ways. Instead she softened her once annoyed gaze, and as the tears began to dry where they stopped on her cheeks, she smiled. Mortal? The thought danced around her mind for a moment, as she searched for the appropriate words to say. She was not an intelligent mare; she never deemed herself anything more than a simple mare with simple desires, and yet, whenever she was around Shadow, she found the inspiration she needed to be much, much more than that. She was not any more intelligent then he, and yet, she lent out her words and her opinions as if they would help him - them - in discovering who it was they really were. "As am I. As are they....as are we all. Right? We live; we love; we die. Immortality has nothing to do with those of whom we love, Shadow. My Papa will die one day but that does not mean I find him any less a loving Papa as the day I was born. They will love you as I love you."
They are mortal - they will see their parents as only mortal - but life, and the love shared between members of one's family did not stop at earthly things. The spirit, the song of love - that's what traveled - that's what stuck with someone. It had been a while since Abattie last saw Bairn, but not a day went by she didn't think of him. She knew, deep down, her children would feel the same about Shadow.
He'd love them, and that's all that mattered.
Whether or not they'd like to admit it, that was truly all that mattered.
"I suppose, but I still would have told you. I have no doubt I would have said something." She breathed, still rather confused why he didn't think his opinion on that subject mattered much. Say the foals growing in her belly were that stallion's - just say for a moment. Shadow's opinion still would have mattered. Abattie still would have gone to him for advice on what to do. They were friends, after all! She wasn't the expect on friendship - not by a long shot, but she still had a basic understanding of how friends treated one another. No...Abattie was Shadow's business, regardless of how this relationship had transpired.
But now they were each other's business for life. And she liked it that way.
She watched as the tears formed again, the mess that was the pair of them coming out in full swing. With a soft chuckle, Abattie nuzzled her mate, her mane digging deep into his neck. "I know this. I trust you," she whispered slowly, letting the air between them attempt a cool down before she continued. They sat in silence for a moment or two, just taking in all the emotion and happenings around them, their love radiating from every inch of their bodies and souls.
"So...where do we go from here?" The question was simple, but held the weight of the world within it's grasp. Where, truly, did they go from here?
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