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Disclaimer: This post contains some derogatory language just in the context of quoting some things that were said, and I'm not going to censor it.



So as some of you may or may not know, I volunteer at a methadone clinic almost every day, from 5.30 in the morning until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. If you don't know what a methadone clinic is, it's basically one of several options in out-patient treatment for primarily heroin addicts, but we also have a lot of patients just trying to get off prescription opioid painkillers as well. Morphine, oxycodone, hydrocodone, etc. They're all in the same highly addictive class of drugs. (By the way, opiates refer specifically to drugs that are either non-synthetic or semi-synthetic and can be manufactured from opium poppies, and opioid is the umbrella term used to describe the whole class of drugs, whether they're fully synthetic or fully non-synthetic. All opiates are opioids, but not all opioids are opiates. Sort of how all Protestants are Christian but not all Christians are Protestants...I hope that makes sense.)

Anyway, I don't have the energy right now to explain exactly how methadone treatment works, so if you're curious, either google it or PM me. All you need to know for the sake of this story is that my boyfriend is currently in methadone treatment, and after several months of me going in with him every morning and getting to know the staff, I charmed my way into an official staff position, albeit a non-paid one.

I feel the need to say that I love my job there. I struggled with heroin addiction for almost 15 years, and so having facilities where addicts can come to seek help and be treated with respect and dignity is something that is very important to me and hits very close to home. I refused to seek any sort of professional help with my addiction...well, there were a lot of reasons why I didn't do that, but one of them was that I didn't want to be treated like some sort of criminal degenerate. There are a lot of facets of the treatment programme at this clinic, but first and foremost is a) treating every patient who walks through the door with respect and b) protecting the confidentiality of those patients. You're not even allowed in the building unless you're a member of the staff, a patient, or if you're meeting with the clinic manager to discuss becoming a patient.* Staff members are not allowed to even acknowledge a patient if we run into them outside the clinic unless they directly approach us first.

Anyway, this morning was pretty much business as usual until a couple patients in the waiting room starting very loudly complaining about how they felt that they couldn't go anywhere anymore without having to deal with "a bunch of faggots." And from the context of what they were saying, it was obvious that they were referring to homosexual men. Another patient came to the front desk and complained, saying that she felt that what they were saying was very inappropriate and that when she'd politely asked them to either talk about something else or take their conversation outside, they had responded by saying, "Why don't you just go ******** yourself, you ******** f** hag."

Well, the manager was not currently there, and all the nurses couldn't leave their stations, so they asked me if I could try to diffuse the situation. I went into the waiting room and took them both over to a corner and politely explained that their derogatory language was not appropriate in this setting and that it was upsetting other patients. I asked them why they were in the waiting room (they'd been there quite a long time, which is somewhat unusual) and they both responded that they were waiting to see the doctor. I told them that that was fine, and that they were welcome to continue waiting inside, but could they please simply tone down the language in their conversation, and explained that this facility was supposed to be a place where people should be able to come and feel safe from judgement.

Upon seeing my wedding ring, one of the men said, "Well, as a married man, you have to know what I'm talking about. These ******** faggots are ruining everything for decent family men like us!" I laughed and said, "Well, I'll be sure to pass that information on to my partner this evening when he gets home from work."

There was sort of an awkward silence while the guy finally put two and two together...and then he punched me in the face. Then before I knew it his buddy got behind me and pinned my arms behind my back while the other guy just kept beating on my face. All the commotion caused a bunch of clinic staff to run out into the waiting room and finally the doctor, who is a fairly large man, managed to get both of these guys off me and with the help of a few of the counsellors dragged them back to the intake room and locked them in there until the police showed up.

I'm not pressing charges, although that might not really matter. Given the nature of the assault, the odds are good that it will be deemed a hate crime, and I may end up having to testify against them whether I want to or not. I have mixed feelings about the whole idea of "hate crimes" in the first place, so I'm in a very awkward position.

Anyway, mostly I just kind of needed to type that out, but any advice/insight would be greatly appreciated, as well as joining me in praying for these two men. While their actions were wildly inappropriate and unwarranted, I don't want their lives to end up completely ruined as a result of this incident.

I was not seriously injured. I have a black eye and my nose was broken, which, you know, hurts, but it's nothing serious.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and God bless.





* Technically I was breaking their confidentiality rules by coming into the building with my boyfriend, but finally the manager told me, "Well, if you're going to be here anyway, you may as well make yourself useful." So yeah, I guess the moral to THAT story is being persistent and annoying sometimes gets you a job. lol

Thanks. smile

I'm honestly not that upset over the actual incident. Maybe I should be, but dealing with angry people from time to time just sort of goes with the job. Most of the patients are really nice and are very kind and respectful towards all members of the staff, and I've even become fairly close friends with a few of them. But in any sort of job that involves dealing with a lot of people, there will always be at least a few "problem children," who act as if the world owes them everything they want just because of the fact that they exist, and as an openly gay man, I've grown fairly accustomed to having to put up with the occasional bigot. This is only the second or third time that such dealings have ever gotten physical, but I'm not seriously injured, and in hindsight, sending in the token homosexual to deal with two very openly anti-gay men may have not been the best call. But there was no one else there at the time who really could deal with it, so...well, what happened happened.

My main issue is just that I don't want them to be charged with a hate crime. I have really mixed feelings about the mere existence of "hate crimes" even being on the law books to begin with, which might sounds strange coming from someone like me, but to me, deeming something a hate crime and having the punishment be more severe as a result comes dangerously close to punishing people for how they think, and I think that's a very dangerous legal road to go down. I mean, if you hurt someone or kill someone, you should be punished for hurting or killing them, but should your punishment be more severe if your actions were influenced by personal beliefs?

As much as I think hateful belief systems should be frowned upon, I personally believe that a person is 100% within their rights to hate black people, or hate gay people, or hate ANY group of people. If I have a legal right to be gay and marry my partner and spend my life with him, then someone else should have the legal right to think that is wrong.

I'm a supporter of free thought and free speech and free expression, and as someone who supports those things, I can't just support the thoughts and speech and expression that I personally like and agree with. I also have to support the same rights for people whose beliefs are the polar opposite of my own. Freedom has to be all or nothing by definition.

Of course, personal beliefs still don't give someone the right to hurt another person, but I generally think that they should simply be punished for their actions, not the beliefs behind such actions.

My feelings can pretty much be summed up by that old quote "I may not like what you have to say, but I will fight to the death for your right to say it."

I'm not sure how other religious faiths deal with homosexuality (though even in Buddhism, I doubt it's by beating people up), but judging by the bible, none of how they treated you is biblical. If they belong to an Abrahamic faith, of the ones that only keep the letter of the law, two or three witnesses need to catch you in the act of having sex with a man to bring you in front of an elder / put you on trial. If found guilty by the elder then you're stoned to death. It's not a case of punching you to a pulp based on suspicion, or for just having a homosexual orientation in the first place. It's the homosexual act that is condemnable under the Old Covenant. If they're under the New Covenant, they're not following Jesus' example either: on at least two occasions, Jesus knew someone was in sexual sin, but he didn't condemn them; in the first case, he insinuated the woman should go marry the guy she was currently with (John 4:16-18 )and in the second case, Jesus told the woman he wouldn't condemn her for sleeping with someone who wasn't her spouse, but Jesus still commanded the woman to leave her life of sin (John 8:10-11) aka repent of her sexual sin/leave it behind. Again, no beating to a pulp, just gently instructing them to repent, which is what his first coming was all about and the example left behind for us until he returns. His second coming, plus judgment day, will be a little more akin to stoning people to death, in the sense that no more chances will be given to repent. Old Testament Law and Prophets or New Testament Jesus and Apostles, nothing on their part was scriptural, if anyone was wondering.

The fact that a homosexual was being the understanding one in the conversation is probably what heaped coals of shame on their heads, and they responded out of pride. I do think you're following Jesus' example of forgiveness by overlooking their wrong/insults and choosing to forego condemnation, which I think will heap even more coals of shame, maybe get them to reassess their hatred of homosexuals. That said, I think you err by persisting in sexual sin. Not just the indulging of homosexual lusts, but the non-monogamous aspect of your relationships. inb4: it is possible for God to use our sinful choices to still bring about edification in others; that isn't an excuse to stay in it though. There isn't suppose to be even a hint of sexual immorality amongst the converted believers; we shouldn't be led by lusts of the flesh anymore, but by his words, his spirit, which is the spirit of truth (whom reminds us of his words and commandments). His words are a lamp unto our feet which guides us, our walk, our lifestyles. I know you mentioned that it was a homosexual relationship that led you into the faith in the first place, but using myself as an example, divination is what brought me to believe in the bible, but I still had to leave it behind. God may have used it as a bridge to lead me to him, but that bridge had to be burned. It took me almost a year or so to leave it behind (I could accurately divine the future, but it violated God's law and I had to make a choice; my conscience wasn't totally seared so I kept receiving inner convictions about it, especially as I continued reading his word). Jesus and the apostles didn't speak against God's law, including his sexual laws, so where are you getting the idea that this is okay? Belief in Jesus and what he taught isn't just about treating people in loving and forgiving ways, but living holy. Examine yourself to see if you're in the faith and you actually have received the new nature and are maturing in it. Every aspect of our life should be holy/consecrated to God, including our sex lives (or lack thereof, if by choice one is celibate / a eunuch, but again pursuing that for God and to be living in a manner that is pleasing to God).

And that's exactly why I'm so on the fence about both this specific incident, and hate crimes in general. The reality is that there is more malice in hurting someone because you don't like the colour of their skin or their country of origin or their sexual orientation, etc., and people who are willing to become violent towards someone out of nothing more than their own prejudice do in fact pose more of an inherent danger to society than someone who might just assault someone over a heated argument or something.

It's not that I have mixed feelings about testifying against this man because it's a hassle. I've gone through considerably more hassle to do what I think is right or even just to prove a point.

The other facet to this is that as someone who works in an addiction rehab facility, my primary concern regarding all the patients there is doing whatever I can to aid them in their recovery. It doesn't really matter if I like a certain patient or if they like me, it's still my job to do whatever I can to help every single person who walks through that door to better their lives, and helping send one or more of those patients to jail is not really keeping in with that. I realise of course that these are pretty extenuating circumstances, but it's still something that weighs on my conscience.

Where I live, there is a fairly lengthy legal process to decide if something even is a hate crime to begin with, but given the words that were exchanged and the number of people who witnessed the incident, I think the Crown has a pretty solid case to prosecute.

As it stands right now, it's out of my hands, and if I'm called on to give testimony against one of both of these men, of course I'll do it, and I'll do it accurately and honestly.

And there is also the fact that their words and actions that day didn't just affect me, it was also making other patients who overheard them very uncomfortable, so in some sense I suppose I can take solace in knowing that this wasn't just between them and me, but that in having them removed from the clinic, most of the other patients will be better off as a result.

This is just the first time I've found myself in a situation like this (which is actually kind of surprising given my tendency to mouth off at people or just generally be loud and obnoxious...I mean, there's plenty of days where I'd like to hit me). When I was 18, I had the living crap beaten out of me by a group of men while I was waiting for a taxi outside a gay-friendly night club, and in that case I actually was seriously injured. They broke my clavicle, several ribs, and gave me a nasty concussion, but no legal action was ever taken because there were no witnesses who would have been able to identify any of the men who did it. They attacked me from behind (there's a dirty joke in there somewhere) and I was on the ground before I could get a look at any of their faces, and I also had some short-term memory loss from the concussion. My partner (who at that point in my life was little more than a casual lover) had gone back inside the club to get our coats and saw it happening and chased them off. Or rather, I think they ran off when he started to call the police, but he only really saw the backs of their heads and it was dark, so no arrests were ever made.

I'm fairly certain they weren't drunk because all patients are tested for alcohol when they come in.

I wish no ill upon these men. I don't know them personally, but most of the patients at this clinic have had very rough lives. Emotionally stable, happy people generally don't end up being drug addicts, and just about everyone seeking treatment at this clinic has a story that could literally move most people to tears. Just because I'm not a bigot doesn't mean that I'm really any better than they are, in one way or another.

Hah, it's not even really my job. I just volunteer there in the morning/early afternoon before I go to my real job.

For some reason or another, people often seem very comfortable talking to me. And when I say "people," I mean complete strangers. Just earlier today I was sitting next to a woman on the tube and she launched into telling me her life story before she even told me her name. And not just like, "I was born in Sussex, and I met my husband in university at Cambridge" kind of stuff. She was telling me about how both her children had recently died, one from a drug overdose and one who committed suicide. By the time we reached her station, she was literally crying on my shoulder, and I never did get a chance to ask what her name was.

This sort of thing happens to me everywhere I go. Pretty much any time I'm alone in public and in some sort of stationary position, people just plop down next to me and just talk to me about really deeply personal stuff. I can't really say that I enjoy it, because you'd have to be pretty devoid of empathy to actually enjoy hearing about the tragedies in people's lives, but I certainly don't mind it. Obviously these people need someone to talk to, and even though I have no idea why they choose me, I'm always happy to lend a sympathetic ear.

I've considered getting "TALK TO ME: I'LL LISTEN" tattooed on my forehead, but I don't think I really need it. Several times I've considered asking one of these people why they picked me out of a crowd to divulge their deepest darkest secrets to, but I don't want it to be misconstrued as some sort of indication that I wish they hadn't started talking to me. I know it's not some sort of bizarre attempt to hit on me, or at least not usually, because all kinds of people do it. Everyone from 12-year-old girls to 90-year-old men, and I know I'm not that universally attractive. Maybe I just look friendly and non-threatening? Who knows. But it's something that's been happening to me since I was a kid.

So years of practice combined with the fact that I have a pretty extensive sob story of my own allows me to be able to deal with hearing that kind of stuff without feeling the need to take a long walk off a short bridge. Usually. Sometimes it does get to me, but I like helping people in whatever ways I can, and if someone just needs to talk and know that they're being listened to, that's a service I'm happy to provide.

Well, like most blessings, it's a double-edged sword.

I'm a very empathetic person. It's very easy for me to put myself "in someone else's shoes," as they say. It's something I don't really have conscious control over. I can't really help myself from feeling other people's pain or frustrations when they tell me these stories, which on the one hand is probably what makes me such an appealing person to spill out one's soul to, but it also means that it's often difficult for me to just put these stories aside as something that "just happened to some other person." Sometimes hearing about someone else's troubles can really ruin my mood for the rest of the day. But in those cases I try to remind myself that I only had to hear about it, while the other person has to live it. If feeling slightly depressed for a day or two is the price I have to pay to be that person who will listen to a person when no one else will, I guess I actually get off pretty easy.

I actually do know how to defend myself, I'm not THAT much of a p***y, lol. Mostly I was just taken by surprise and didn't want to put myself in any sort of position where it could be claimed that I reacted violently towards a patient. Even though it would have obviously been self-defense, you'd be surprised how unreliable witness testimony can be, and witnesses frequently fall prey to the power of suggestion. One of those guys just would have needed to claim that I hit (or otherwise acted threateningly towards them) first, and I can guarantee that someone who saw the incident would jump in and agree that I made the first move.

My dad was a lawyer, so this kind of stuff goes through my head when most people just react to situations.