He woke, staring up into the dim light of his room. Always dim light at night, because even with a weapon, even in a dorm full of more capable hunters seasoned in combat, he still needed a light. Turning, he looked over and remembered Rin was back in her room, and he turned his face to the empty space and breathed in, the smell of detergent fresh from that morning. There were plenty of downsides to his little ‘quirks’, and the lack of a scent of anyone else, a presence other people could enjoy, was one of them.

Are you lonely?

Jordan’s voice came back to him that night, and he once again regretted that deal to wear that ring. So much had happened to destroy what little structure he had in an otherwise foreign and uncertain lifestyle. He’d evaluated it plenty of times before, what had happened, what never was, and what he could and could never do. It had hit him with that sick twisting of being alienated from a pack. When he came to Deus Ex, awoken by Rin, explained where he was, he had hope that after all these years since that experience in the abandoned house’s basement that he had found a place to offer answers and a world he’d fit in. That had been a lie. A miscalculation on his part.

With the truth ring on, after those questions and answers, he felt more out of place than ever before. It was a growing and constant force that created a wider divide in his life. He was in a new place and he sought out social connections. He had those in Rin and Rep, but both were changed forever now.

Rising up, he picked up Allan and set him in his lap as he thought.
Rep. The man had been open and truthful since their first spar, or so he thought. He had seemed to have no iron bars guarding his thoughts, and while it was an envious trait, it had made Melvin feel comfortable. Here was a Sun capable of great destruction, comfortable on this island and it’s ways, but had the fault of being an overgrown child, selfish, and quick to anger. It was a problem, the power that made a coward like Melvin hopeful that he could pass on responsibility to then be protected by the stronger Suns and convincing himself that there was no shame in that. Yet that same power was terrifying when Melvin saw the not-so-stable relationship he had with Sasha and, on various occasions, the full admittance of something dark and murderous among a pleasant, seemingly innocent conversation.

It was something he noticed in people muttering to themselves in the hallways or staring blankly in the showers. Rep had been, in some way, not only a friend he knew more and more about with each passing visit, but someone that had proclaimed wanted to protect and had the power to do so. Melvin wanted to keep him out of a pod for that reason, and wanted to put his own, limited abilities to use.

He invested in him.

Then things went sour.

It all started when Rep came to him, butting into his relationship between Rin and Melvin. It was true he didn’t want to lose Rin. Like Rep, she was someone he invested time into, knew more and more about, and didn’t seem to have ill intentions to him in any way. Since friends left her in the past, she seemed happy to cling to the friends she had. He never knew she wanted more than just that, and he was stuck between the hard place of wanting to still have her in his life and the hard place of not committing to something he knew he had a poor history of failures. It would have revealed to much to Rin to be with her, and even worse, would change her entire perception of who he was. Not normal. Weird. Gossip worthy if she ever felt vindictive enough from an argument to start talking.

But he didn’t want her to go, and Rep, he thought as a friend, came to him to talk to her. He had hoped that Rin would just accept the situation and return to him as his friend, but she was already working to just ignore him. Forget about him, as if everything before was of such little value that it could be easily brushed aside for better relationships. Who needed his friendship when they couldn’t have more?

Did everything turn to s**t when he surrendered to actually having a relationship?

Despite his many worries and apprehension to the idea, it was nice to have a girlfriend again. It made him remember the few good times with Mia, his ex, and with how crazy things were, a little release was nice. He had security that Rin wouldn’t leave anymore – until he ******** things up…..which he would. The small honeymoon moment was destroyed in remembering just how his relationships went, and he was now waiting. Grasping for pleasant moments, but finding it littered with speed bumps ever since Rep turned a 180 after pushing him to go see Rin after their talk in the greenhouse.

Why did he have to butt in? Rep came to HIM to tell him to go after Rin, and then he found out he lied. He only came to Melvin because he felt some obligation, but he never said he didn’t want them to get together. Melvin was sent to keep her off the edge, but nothing more. The truth ring had shown that Rep really wasn’t his friend. He didn’t want anyone to be happy. Sure, Rep could feel a desire to protect people, probably for his own satisfaction of feeling powerful, but those under his protection could not feel happy or close without permission. It was sick – but even more pathetic was that Melvin missed the illusion that things were fine and Rep was always open and honest.

Now they weren’t under their protection, he was under a strange sort of rule from the Sun. He couldn’t so much as speak ill of him without it coming to hurt Rin, and he felt powerless, emasculated by the other man who had a history of being better with Rin in many ways, more capable in both fighting and other physical aspects, and protected by a slew of people who loved him despite his horrible, destructive faults. Faults that were easily forgiven when Melvin had only felt judged during that party with that ring. It wasn’t fair.

He closed his eyes, taking deep breathes and he squeezed Allan. No one was on his side here. No one cared for anyone, and if given the change, would tear them apart.

A Melvin with black hair in a blue hoodie came to mind, smiling. Dead Tiger. Dead ………….surrounded by enemies.

It had been an omen that he should have paid better attention to.

Rising up, he got dressed, putting on his shoes and jacket. Glasses on and hair brushed, he set out of the dorms to the rising dawn that made the gray fog almost purple. He wished he could wave his hand and send all this fog away and make everything clear and crisp.

He went to the shore, where the water constantly rushed back and forth in the quiet morning. It made him miss home, the sound of seagulls, ships, and seeing normal people walking their dogs and jogging by the water.

He could close his eyes and envision this, and wondered for the millionth time – Is this what I gave everything up for?