He was angry and he was hurting, two emotions that Izefiah had barely felt before, let alone at the same time and so strongly. He'd never been this upset with his father before, ever. He was furious.
The disastrous meeting with Neela was over and now Iz had to speak with his father. An anger like this would threaten to consume him and he would never allow himself to become bitter and cold like Auster. It was best to get it out straight away, regardless of how it would hurt his father. Auster deserved it anyhow.
While it had taken him weeks to find Neela, it would only take a short time to find Auster. His father never ventured far from his forest. He was sure that wouldn't have changed. Auster was as stubborn as a bull; steadfast and immovable in his ways. He may have been a lot of things, but unreliable or unpredictable was not one of them.
Sure enough, he found his father close to their childhood home, grazing on a rather sparse patch of winter grass. He looked up when he heard Izefiah approach and a smile crossed his face when he realized it was his son.
"Izefiah!" he said cheerily, making his way over to greet him. Auster never called him by his nickname. "It's good to see you. It's been quite sometime since the last time I saw you. Are you well?"
Izefiah cringed inwardly. He hated the very thought of yelling at his father; he had always hated to disappoint him. Taking a deep breath, he steeled his resolution once more. He had to do this. It was far past time that he stood up to Auster.
"No," he snapped. "I am not well, thanks to you."
Auster's brows furrowed and he looked at his son consideringly for a moment, trying to determine what this might be about. He decided he didn't know and his son was simply being delusional. "I beg your pardon?"
"I'm sorry, Father, did I stutter?" Now that he'd bit the bit and started, it felt great to talk to his father like this. All those years of meekly doing anything Auster wished, desperate for his approval, it was all over now. "I am not well and it is your doing."
Auster clearly did not appreciate being spoken to in that manner, especially not by his son. "Izefiah," he started, his tone disproving and reprimanding, "you should know better than to speak to me like that."
"I do know better, Father. I'm simply choosing to do otherwise." Izefiah was empowered by his new found confidence. Auster on the other hand was not amused.
"Oh, is that so. Why don't you explain to me exactly what you think it is I did wrong to you then," he said, his voice gone cold. It was a tone that normally would've had Izefiah shaking in his hooves. Today he just felt sorry for his father.
"You cost me the love of my life," he said simply.
Auster scoffed. "And how did I do that? Izefiah, it has been many moons since I saw you last. I'm afraid any slight you may be feeling has been completely imagined on your part."
"That's exactly my point, Father. I left to please you, to look for a mate to suit your wishes. By the time I realized what a fool I'd been, it was too late." Izefiah leveled his father with an intense stare, despite their height difference. "I lost Neela because of you. She's found someone else. I lost her love because of you and the way you made me feel."
The great stallion eyed his son for a moment, unsure if he should be angry, offended, or amused. "You're blaming me for that. It's my fault that she found another. Izefiah, I did not tell you to leave. In fact I believe I did no want you to go. This is no fault of mine."
"Father, you can't honestly think you're innocent in all this." Izefiah shook his head, his bright teal coloured mane flying about his face and neck. "I left to find a mate, a mate you would approve of."
"I never told you to do such a thing." Auster's nostrils flared. He was growing impatient with this conversation, and frankly with his son. It wasn't his damn fault if the fool mare had gone off and found a mate the moment Izefiah left.
"No. You didn't, not in so many words, but you and I both know you'd never accept anything less than the perfect mare. No one around here fit your ridiculous standards and unlike you, I can't fly away for a day to meet someone! I have to walk everywhere!"
"Oh, don't remind me." Auster grimaced and turned away from Izefiah, stepping gingerly through the snow, wary of tail and mane dragging through the slush as he approached the small stream that ran nearby. Izefiah had the strongest urge to stomp on his precious hair.
"See! It's that attitude that caused this! Why can't you just let me be?" Izefiah's voice began to rise. He'd never risen it before, especially not to his father. "Stop making me feel terrible for something I couldn't control! I didn't ask to be this way!"
Auster shot him a dirty look over his shoulder then lowered his head to the water to drink. Izefiah had never been so angry in his life. He was practically vibrating with it.
His thirst quenched, Auster turned back around to face his son. He appeared calmer now and even attempted a small smile. "Izefiah, you know that I no longer blame you for your appearance or lack of abilities. Regardless of them, you are my son and I love you dearly. I have apologized to you for how I have spoken to you in the past."
"Listen to yourself! 'Regardless of them' you still love me. That's great, Father. That's great. You've made me feel like a failure my whole life, but that's okay because you still love me." Izefiah was practically screaming at him now. "That's great Father. How honourable of you. You somehow managed to care about your son despite his monstrous, ugly features and despite his disgrace of not being able to fly. He wove his branch-like wings in his father's direction to taunt him. "I can hardly fly, Father! I can hardly fly and you're a bigot! I wonder which of us is worse off?
"Oh wait! Somehow it's still me, because despite being a terrible, racist b*****d, you've managed to find a mare who loves you! I might never!"
"IZEFIAH!" Auster roared, snapping his own wings forward to swat at his son, using their large size to attempt to frighten him, something he had done much when Izefiah was a colt. "You stop that this instant! You are my son! That mare isn't good enough for you. Perhaps you will see that now. She never was. You deserve someone better, someone--"
"Someone with wings, Father?" Izefiah cut him off. "Someone who can fly? Well let me let you in on a secret. Not all horses capable of flight are good. There are kalonas after all and there's you, Father."
Auster froze, staring at his son. He hadn't actually been going to say anything of the sort, not this time. He choked back the words he had been going to say and turned away once more. "Is that how my son feels about me then?"
"Yes." Saying that was like a personal victory for Iz. He was free of his father's reign.
"Very well," he murmured, eyes closed. Izefiah might have regretted his words if he had seen the look on his father's face in that moment.
"I'm leaving , Father. I might come back someday. I might not."
"Very well."
Iz watched him for a moment. He'd expected more of a fuss, an outright command to stay perhaps. Still, he wouldn't let it deter him. He was going, and that was that.
"Tell Adaeze I love her and I'm sorry I didn't see her before I left." He waited for confirmation that Auster would do that before continuing. "Goodbye Father."
Auster's wings shuffled about on his back and his ears flicked forward in acknowledgement, but he didn't say goodbye in return. Izefiah hovered a moment, but when he realized that his father wasn't going to speak, he turned and left, feeling light and heavy at the same time.
