Welcome to Gaia! ::

Name: Derek Shepard

Nickname: Loki, Hobbit

Age: 12

Birthday: June 30th

Sign: Cancer

Gemstone: Moonstone

Blood Type: A

Fav. Food: Bacon.

Hated Food: Brussel Sprouts.

School: Knightside

Hobbies:

Closet Fanboy: Derek won't admit it, but he is a fanboy. Especially if it has anything to do with things like Harry Potter, LotR, The Avengers (Or any super hero ever) and in some cases, Transformers. While he does try to hid this, in fact he will go as far as to deny he is a total geek about them, should he come across something in the store he will promptly nerd out and start telling you about it.

Video Games: Derek likes to play video games. There's no way around this. Derek likes odd games like Sly Cooper, Jak & Daxter, Spyro and Crash Bandicoot but will play just about anything Especially if it involves anything he likes.

Mischief Maker: To Derek, this is a hobby. He is always causing some form of mischief. While he doesn't always get away with it, he finds it quiet amusing and all in good fun. Even if the other person doesn't quite thing so. Derek does just about anything. From taking things and sticking them in random out of the way places to shooting people with water guns when they arn't looking to spooking someone with a bug. Small practical joke type things. That being said, Derek never tries to be a bully or cause intentional harm. All he wants is harmless fun.

Virtues:

Sweet: Despite the pesky trouble maker on the surface, under those blonde curls is someone who just wants to help out. If someone's carrying to much he will rush over and grab stuff off of the top of the pile with out having to be asked. If someone's struggling with something, be it a game or some school work, Derek tries his best to explain it so they can figure it out, even if Derek doesn't get it himself.

Loyal: Derek is all about his bros... er friends. And you don't turn your back on your friends.. ...Except maybe for cookies. Maybe. Depending on what kind they are. Though this has yet to happen with Derek. What this basically means is that Derek is incredibly loyal to his friends. And while he is a little leery of girls still, they count as his bros too. So don't mess with them. He will do just about anything for his friends. If they are down in the dumps, he's there for them. If they are getting picked on, he's there to stand up for them. Secrets need to be kept? Fine, he keeps them. There have even been times where Derek will take the blame for someone.

Flaws:

Sour: Derek can be one hell of a sour puss. When things don't go how he intends them, such as someone snapping at him for helping, his constant pranking or when things just get worse despite the help, Derek becomes sulky and sullen. This can happen when Derek's just had a bad day, or woken up on the wrong side of this so to speak. Because of this he can be come snarky and snappy with people who try to talk or help him out. While he does try to keep the attitude in check, it's not always that easy.

Trouble Maker: Because of his constant mischief making, Derek is more often then not the cause of a lot of tension and headaches for people. Due to this, people tend to snap at Derek easier then then another. His practical jokes can often lead to small problems or a mess that he didn't mean but inevitably landed himself in. Derek is prone to causing trouble for people he doesn't like.


PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: See Art

Hair: See Art

Face: See Art

Clothes:

Hi Mistress! Congratulations on the character, he's adorable!

ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE ---

The "Mischief Maker" hobby could go into further detail about what sort of mischief he causes, although I address this some more in the flaws section below.

There needs to be an equal number of virtues and flaws; right now there are two virtues and three flaws, so I would recommend that you add a third virtue to make them equal, or drop a flaw.

The "Sweet" virtue could use some more elaboration or detail just to paint a more vivid picture.

The "Bro Code" needs significantly more detail and explanation. What is, exactly, the "bro code"? This may be a reference to How I Met Your Mother, or something else, but it's not clear. If he has some moral code that he lives by, that can be a virtue, but it needs to be explained what the code is. That said, getting along with boys isn't really a virtue - socializing with the same gender is an expected norm, not something seen as particularly virtuous.

For the flaws, "Sour" could use some more explanation. It mentions that he becomes this way when things don't go his way - is he a very stubborn child? Very controlling? How often does he behave this way? Is he sour very often? Be sure that this doesn't contradict his "Sweet" virtue.

Likewise, the "Trouble Maker" flaw could into further detail about what sort of trouble he causes. Does he not keep his mouth shut? Does he pick on others? Does he create a mess and small problems? Pull practical jokes? Why does he do these things? His motivation and actions could be detailed here, as well as in the hobby section of "Mischief Maker."

Finally, the "Ew Girls" flaw isn't exactly a flaw. It reads very much as girls-have-cooties, but that's a very childish thing to think - and of course, he is a child, so that is fine, but it is something that he should eventually age out of. Flaws need to be something that are consistent to the character - something that would still be a flaw that he'd carry with him at 16, 18, 20, and so on. How he copes with the flaw may change, but the flaw needs to remain. If Derek will still be afraid of girls in his teenage and adult life, then it may be a phobia of sorts, which we don't normally include as a flaw or trait (they are more a quirk).

As there is already an imbalance of virtues and flaws, I would suggest removing this flaw, or creating something new to replace it and adding a third virtue.

ON THE POWERED SIDE ---

Do the grape bombs and explosions deal any kind of damage? Or do the grapes just create a small mess and give a loud noise? More detail on this would be helpful for a clearer understanding.

What might help for the revision of these powers is to clarify the following question: What purpose or advantage do these powers bring that may aide him in battle? Try to answer this question to be sure that you aren't over-limiting your character's usefulness in a battle.

When you have looked over these notes and made your revisions, or should you have any questions, please quote me in this thread and I will get back to your shortly!

ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE ---

The "Bro Code" virtue is becoming clearer in its meaning, it could still use more clarity regarding the 'code'. It may help to rewrite the virtue as a straight-forward "Loyal" virtue and expand on that, as right now its clarity is being lost in the emphasis of a 'bro code.'

The "Sour" and "Trouble Maker" flaws seem to both only appear to be a flaw when characters respond negatively towards him (either his response to them, or that the prank is only a negative thing when there's a bad outcome). It would strengthen these flaws if they were more constantly seen in his behavior - if his sourness was seen more often, or his trouble making often occur at someone else's expense.

The "Sour" flaw may also contradict his "Mischief Maker" hobby in that the hobby details he tends to apologize at a negative reaction to his pranks, but if the negative reaction is hostile wouldn't he turn sour instead? There is some interplay between the flaws that can explore this that can also strengthen both of the flaws for approval.

ON THE POWERED SIDE ---

As a whole, the powers look fine for stamping! However, I do have some notes.

While Chibi Senshi attacks are generally weaker than teen Senshi attacks, they don't need to be too weak or without practicality and usage; it's still magic and determines their usefulness in combat, and you wouldn't want your character to be too disadvantaged.

For the Super and Eternal attack, I would include both the "sticky mess" and the loud noise on both powers, as the combination of them would make for a more effective power. Light damage can be added to the powers as well, if you choose, without becoming too powerful for a Chibi. These changes aren't required for stamping, but I think they would enhance your character's usefulness.

The quest is looking a lot stronger! However, the "Loyal" virtue is still lacking clarity - it still has an emphasis on the bro code, even with that changed. In what ways is Derek loyal? How do other characters notice his loyalty? It mentions his loyalty can be compromised (with cookies) - which I assume is just a joke, but since there isn't much clarity to the strength of his loyalty, it is proving to be distracting.

Other than this, though, the character looks about ready for stamp! If you can make the changes to that virtue, quote me back and I'll take another look!

Looks great! I'm going to give this a trial stamp, and another staff member will swing by shortly to give this another look!