Mako: *Wings unfurled and refolded restlessly. The closer he got the more aggitated he felt. This was unbelieveable. If the rumors were true, if what he heard... But no. He wouldn't permit himself to think of it. This trek, this... homecoming, of sorts, would settle it and then he would have his answer.
Whether or not it was one he was willing to accept.
Snorting, angered by the mere thought, Mako pressed on. In typical stubbornness he refused his gift of flight and trudged on until he knew. Here.
Slowing, then stopping his gait, he looked around on familiar settings; none of which offered comfort. He knew she'd be here, eventually. The waiting gnawed at him, with his mind nothing to do but mull over the past until she arrived.*
It was hard to believe that she was here, at this point again.
Aquene had prided herself in her earlier life as being a sensible mare- a bit naive on her view of the world, perhaps, but still retaining her common sense and self-confidence- but meeting Belial had changed all of that. Had she not fallen so quickly and so deeply, and been taken by complete and utter surprise by the discovery of her first pregnancy, she might not have been so hopelessly buried within her own despair and hopelessness for the past year. She had known she had loved him, even before she realized that she would be having his children- but the prospect of actually raising his foals had solidified the belief that there could be no other love of her life. Perhaps that was why it had hurt so badly, so deeply, when he had left them.
And now... he had come back. He had all but begged forgiveness- something that she bestowed upon him all-too readily, despite her own daughter's misgivings. How could she not? All she had ever desired of him was to return to his family, let them finally be a family. That dream, that she had considered to be lost on the winds, had finally come true.
And now... their family was about to expand.
Nothing could have dimmed the smile on her face at that moment, seemingly a permanant fixture on her features following Belial's return, as she trekked carefully across the familiar terrain that led to her favorite sanctuary. Her solitary working wing draped protectively over her protruding belly, pride and motherly affection oozing from every pore.
It was there that she came to an abrupt halt, golden hues widening in stunned recognition as she realized, belatedly, that her favorite lookout spot was already occupied.
"...Mako?"
Every sense had been trained to alert him of her presence the moment she came within radius, so he had already been watching her for some moments before she became aware of him. True he had never been around a pregnant mare before, but there could be little doubt. There wasn't words to express what he was going through.
As was his fashion, his first reaction was anger. Snarling, his ears pressed back, his body moved of it's own accord, needing to do something while he boiled within. Mako snapped at air over and over, his movements were sharp and savage as he ripped and tore at ghosts.
How could she do this? had she lost her mind? He couldn't bare to look at her, to see that swollen stomach, knowing full well that whatever, whoever, was starting their lives in there could very well end up like him.
A thought crossed his mind. Maybe they weren't his?
Settling, he became angry at himself as well for being so obvious with his emotions while his mother was in a delicate state.
Waiting to make sure he could address in a level voice, he turned to eye her for a moment before pointedly looking to the side.
"Tell me they're not Belial's."
Cold. Flat. Not even a question.
It was hard to watch, the anger clouding his amethyst eyes and the recrimination she knew he would feel for her at her choice, and unwillingly, her ears folded backwards as her own eyes darted away from his, already beginning to burn with unshed tears.
It was not unlike the welcome she had received from Cetra, and she was almost loathe to admit that... yes, they were his father's, and she was still the same hopelessly enamored mare that fell over herself to please him. She knew that it wouldn't be welcome news, and she could not bear to see him distance himself from her further, so her voice faltered as her teary gaze rose to meet his own.
"Would you hate me if I said they are?"
The little flicker of hope was quickly dashed when she spoke. No! NO! He didn't care if he was acting childish, this was just wrong! You couldn't take months of hurt and just make them go away with a 'I'm sorry'! It didn't work like that. How dare she take him back with barely a pause, knowing what kind of pain was suffered because of him. How dare she act hurt and betrayed and then kiss the ground he walks on.
He needed to obliterate something. This was just wrong. Fighting to control himself, he shifted his weight around; circling tightly for a moment as he tried to get his rage in check. There was a time to go into a tantrum and this wasn't it. He could hear the sorrow in her voice that his anger had already caused. This couldn't be the way he parted either, his aggression would just have to wait.
Refusing to look at her, he continued to pace in the clearing, the movement soothing.
"Pity, not hate. This is... this-"
He stopped himself, knowing there was no good way to finish that sentence.
"I'd ask why but I know why."
Snorting, snarling, his head jerked up in her direction, their eyes meeting for a brief flicker before his attention settled on her stomach. In his blinded fury he didn't even notice her wing.
"I hope for their sake that their mother is a stronger mare than mine was, because with a father like that they'll certainly need it."
He turned his back to her, already debating making an exit before more damage was caused.
Those words hurt. Perhaps more than he intended- or maybe he really did hate her that much. A soft, sharp exhale of breath- not quite a sob, but close to one- and the first tear slipped down her cheek.
"What would you have me do, Mako?"
Her voice was soft, broken, as her head dropped to allow a veil of crimson forelocks to hide her face away from him.
"Even without him here, you are still ashamed to call me your mother. I love him, but I love you as well- would you prefer I simply stopped caring for both of you? Would I be the mother you want if I simply closed my heart to love altogether?" A soft hiccup here, though she restrained herself from making it appear as though she was any weaker than she was. A futile effort, most likely. "All I ever wanted was for us to be a family."
An ear flicked back at the unmistakable sound. He grew up with it after all, there was just no hiding that level of pain. Accept now he was standing exactly where Belial would, and the self fulfilling prophesy had come to fruition.
He was his father.
Was this what Belial saw those years ago? A pregnant, crying mare wanting something that wasn't real? Did his blood run cold just like Mako's did now? Had his gut wretched and twisted only to leave him feeling uncomfortably numb? Logic had left him, he couldn’t think, couldn’t process what was happening.
He was afraid that if he turned around to face Aquene he would just shatter. Instead he kept his back to her as she spoke, some of the words sounding too familiar. No. He refused to believe this was his fault. Belial had been the one to destroy their family, not himself. If she wanted to blame someone she could find fault in her mate.
“You might have wanted it, but he never did. I don’t believe he does now either. You can’t just… just suddenly come back and fix lives! You can’t take back what he took away! So instead you like to pretend it didn’t happen, like somehow that was all just some misunderstanding?!”
Teeth clicking, ears so far back they folded into his mane, he had to pause to get his anger under control. Mako picked up his hooves and let them drop heavily in turn, stomping out some of the emotion. He still wouldn’t turn around, preferring to yell at the scenery than at her.
“You act like he destroyed you. In truth you let him, you hurt yourself, and you hurt us with your vain hopes that he’d someday come back and play daddy.”
Mako shook his head with a whicker.
"I'm not pretending it didn't happen!" it was a cry that broke on the last word as another tear slipped past Aquene's defenses, trembling against the need to explain herself, to keep her son from estranging himself any further away from her than he already was. "It isn't fixed- I don't know if it can ever be fixed! But at least... at least he can try by being here!"
She took a slow step forward, almost terrified that he would step away from her, melt into the shadows and disappear... much like his father once did. "Mako... I know that it was unfair to you to have to grow up without a father. To..." she swallowed heavily against the lump in her throat, voice wavering as she continued, "be raised by a mother who was inadequate to give you what you deserved. I know... I know I can never fix that. But please... please don't shut me out. You are my son, and despite what you may believe, I love you. I have always loved you. Your father's return can never change that."
When she came closer, he took a step away. Couldn’t she see he was barely hanging on? Mako kept his distance, afraid he’d hurt her, afraid she’d calm him. It was all too much. His question was answered, anything beyond that was just dragging out the heartache. Looking back at her for just a moment as she made her apologies, there was such anguish there; she made him feel like a monster. Of course she loved him, only a mother ever could. Mako’s head jerked away, he couldn’t bare to see anymore. She wanted to live in a world of make-believe? Fine. Wanted to pretend that she could have a normal family and start all over and it wouldn’t just be the same thing? Fine. But he wanted no part of it.
The silence was deafening, but Mako didn’t know what to say. What she wanted to hear would all be lies, and that was something he couldn’t bring himself to do. The damage was done anyway, she was heavy with his foals yet again and not a word on earth could change that. There was no reason for him to be here.
Wings stretching out, he flexed them gingerly as the unused muscles strained in protest. Perhaps he couldn’t fly far, but far enough surely. There was no way she could follow in her condition, and it was for the best if he left now. She could put the wool back over his eyes and he could finally write this whole thing off as a lost cause.
“…This isn’t something that can be fixed Aquene. Sorry to have disturbed you, goodbye.”
And with that he stirred, beating hard to gain any sort of clearance, and was off. Not even bothering to look at her as he left, he focused solely on getting as far away as possible before his Kalona wings gave out. How he despised them, the mark of his father and the darkness in him, but there was no other way this time. If he was going to be the monster in this story, at least he’d use the perks of one.
