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 Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 8:06 pm
Update{ I want to thank everyone for your help. I have recieved the final word from the doctors and specialists and such and I have a 99% chance that this is NOT cancerous. The tests show a cyst that changes with my period and is most likely a Mukoadenoma (the same kind they removed from me when my daughter was born via c-section. Anyhow I took your advice and talked to my hubby... I found it hard but I confessed what I had been keeping from him and appologised. He flet bad that I did not want to burden him and told me he wanted to know even if it was tough. So we worked it through... I talked to my mom too, but much later in the process she frets more... anyhow thank you all for the GREAT support and advice! I may still need surgery to remove the cyst if it get really big, we are watching it but I feel much less worried now!}
Well here is the long and short of it. The docs have found a complex cyst on my right ovary. They are checking it out. However as a medical professional who knows what she is looking at on an ultrasound I am really scared.
Sometimes a complex cyst is nothing sometimes it is cancer. I am 37, i have 3 kids (15 yob 14 yob and 6yog) My husband is only 27 and not really part of the bill paying day to day house running routine of our home. If I need something done I ask him and he does it. What the hell do I do if I am gonna get sick?
On top of that he lost his mom to cancer at 14 and the thopugh of me being sick sends him into a panic. I am afraid to share this with him. I do not want to scare him until I know one way or another. But this is a waiting game, follow it through Ultrasound for 6 weeks, then in 6 more weeks etc. Then maybe surgery. At that point I can tell him but not until we know more. So I am alone, I normally share everything with him.
Adding insult to injury both he and i are facing very ill fathers who are not expected to live too long... how the hell does my 6 year old face loosing her granddaddies and then her mommy!
I am just feeling so scared and alone and overwhelmed and ARGH!! I know it is stupid to be so scared when it is likely nothing more than a blood filled cyst or something benign... even if it is cancer there is a 75% survival rate! But I have seen people go through this... I do not know if I am brave enough to face it.
(UPDATE 29/04/2006)
Well I told him and he is trying to be as supportive as he can. Thrid US came back also abnormal it has grown over a cm since the first time I posted. My Doctor is referring me on to a Gynocologist to discuss surgical options for a biopsy. I will keep praying. This is rellay in God's hands now. I do not intend to leavve my family without a mom this soon! With God's grace I will bounce grand babies on my knee one day!
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Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 8:50 pm
I think what you're going through is normal, although I haven't been there personally. Try to take it one day at a time, which is easier said than done, right?
But like I said, I can only imagine what it's like to be in that scary position and having all those worries. I do hope it's nothing serious and will stay positive!
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Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 9:06 pm
I wouldn't be able to tell my partner if something like that happened to me either, because I know it would break him. On the other hand, leaving your partner in the dark makes them wonder and feel worse. Try talking to him about it. He may feel as scared as you, and talking about it will take the pressure off.
With medical development continuously getting better, you're living in a much better world now than say fifty years or so ago. We know more, and therefore get better treatment. Keep the worst in mind, but don't dwell on it. You'll only make yourself feel worse if you only think about the worst situation. Your children need to see and feel that you are happy, especially your youngest.
As lunashock said, keep positive and take it one day at a time.
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Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 9:06 pm
Your attitude will make such a difference in this, so I hope you can stay positive. And if you caught it early, your chances are all that much better. So try to cheer up, the odds are greatly in your favor and cancer treatments are always improving!
Now if you are sick and going to need treatment, I think it's best to start teaching your husband and kids to function without you even now, because when you're in treatment, you'll need your energy for that. They'll be able to cope and adjust; you don't need to hold the entire world on your shoulders. Start talking him through the bills, show him your system, find a way to make it easier for him to remember. Get him aquainted with routines, cooking, anything he can do that will take that burden off of you.
I know you don't want to tell him earlier because he might have a break down, but wouldn't you rather he do it sooner so he can start coping rather then waiting until the last minute and you may not have the time to let him adjust? And I know I'd be hurt if my husband had been sick for months and didn't tell me because he had decided what I can and can't handle. I think you should reconsider and let him in on what's going on and that it's not definite. You'll feel better not hiding the information from him and it may help ease your anxieties. And you never know, he may surprise you.
I'm not sure when you should tell your children, but I wouldn't focus on the idea that they may lose you just yet. You have a long way to go before you can make that call so when you know for sure, you should tell them what you're comfortable with their knowing. Focus on the positives.
Most of us are a lot more brave then we give ourselves credit for being, so don't defeat yourself before you start. Give yourself and your family a chance. 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 9:37 pm
I think I am just having a down day today. I will eventually share with my husband my fears. I am working out ways for him to get used to my system by talking with him about our revised budget and showing him where I put the paid bills and where I put the "need to be paid bills" stuff like that.
My boys were great at helping out when they were younger and I was pregnant with my youngest (6 months of bedrest sucked, particularly in the middle of baseball season.) I hope as teens they will be able to step up again.
I know I need to stay positive, I just feel swamped and I am such a "helping" kind of person, I am not sure how to ask for help when I need it. I have some good friends who I want to share this with, but the time never seems right. One is 27 week pregnant, and the other is trying to learn how to drive so she can help with the car pool, God bless her! She may be busier than she thinks if I get sick.
Hearing all your positive support is getting me thinking about who I might be able to talk to, perhaps one of my church's elders or the minister. I just do not want to tell too many people BEFORE I tell my husband! That would be really bad, as he is Second only to God and my kids in my life and I do not want him to feel left out!
I guess the is the crux of my problem, I want to talk, but I am not ready to talk to him and I think he should be the FRIST one I really talk to about this. I even tried bringing it up once and he got really gittery about it, I reasured him that I had had cysts before and that they were benigne so I had no real reason to worry this time... but well that was me backpeddling and telling him the first lie EVER in 8 years of marriage! GAWD I feel horrible about that but he got so terrified! Later he promised me that he would be fine no matter what but... well that was once he felt pretty sure I would be just fine!
Ah well maybe it will not be a fib, maybe I will be just fine and dandy, eh? Thank got for Ontario health care, at least the bills won't kill us financially and they are working on making waiting times for treatment shorter! Yea!
^^ me trying to think positive!
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Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 9:43 pm
*hug* I may not have good advice or anything, having never been in your situation, but I'll always be around if you need to talk, I am a good listener if nothing else.
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Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 10:07 pm
Thank you, sometimes it is just nice to have a hug! The offer to listen when I do not feel I can talk to anyone around me helps a great deal!
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Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 1:18 pm
I think people are right, a bright and hopeful outlook is essential in this situation. I am going through a similar thing at the moment with my grandma and potential breast cancer. However high the odds of it not being cancer, they are never high enough. However high the survival rates are, its still not quite reassuring enough is it?
If you do want to talk, if you just want someone to listen while you vent, if you just want someone to tell you things will be ok, then don't hesitate to send me a pm. I know a bit of text on a screen won't stop the worrying, but knowing somebody else cares might help.
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Posted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 9:57 am
Actually the support here has helped a lot. I finally found the courage to broach this with my husband. He took my fears better than I hoped. He still seems to be able to be more positive about this than I am (be that denial or just a better attitude I am not sure but..) anyhow I have fessed up me fear and don't feel so totally alone with them any more.
I am trying to keep an open mind and hope it is something benigne... If not well I know I will have support. Thaks for everyone listening I know it seems like so little a thing to type a message to someone but it really made a difference for me. It helped me find some courage I did not know I had.
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