Continuation of Coming Back
Kisulisuli:
"It doesn't matter." He echoed. "What I feel doesn't change a thing. Not one damn thing. What happened happened. You're back alive but you're hurt. We're going to get you back on our paws and get back on our way. Maji says that we aren't too far to the next water-hole."
He glanced over his shoulder and narrowed his eyes. She would need to wash her wounds. Maji might help her with that... and he'd have to go hunting. Maji wasn't the best at it and Tifu wasn't in any condition to go running after game. Turning forward sharply, he let out a loud chuff to announce his find. Maji was likely still skirting their camp in hopes that Tifu would return there to check in with them.
Takatifu'moja:
That. Was. The last. Straw.
Tifu stopped dead in her tracks, ears back, eyes narrowed, and teeth bared.
"No! What you feel doesn't change what happened, but don't you dare tell me it doesn't change a thing. Gods damn it! You're the most infuriating, thick-headed, stubborn, narrow-minded male I've ever met! Can't you fathom for one second that maybe, just maybe I might feel a little bit better if I knew you cared enough to worry about me? That you weren't just looking for me because Maji was upset?" About the time she got to the name-calling, her eyes had welled up with tears that spilled over just as quickly as they had appeared.
"You go on and on about how life is all about fighting for survival and when I end up doing just that and beating the odds despite my curse, you growl at me and call me careless! Can't you for once in our time together take your anger out on someone else besides me? Gods only know how I still love you when all you ever seem to do is lecture me," she growled, at this point not even really knowing what she was saying anymore. It was as if she had a damed river swelling inside of her, building more and more pressure from the source, and this was the last bit of force that needed to be applied to let it all come gushing forth.
Kisulisuli:
Suli had never in his life seen her sass him. He'd had females in his face, certainly, but half the time when they were breathing fire it was simply because he was a male and they were females. He drowned them out after that, it was the same thing over and over. This, however, was completely different.
His eyes went wide and his mouth fell open as Tifu went from being a small, wounded liones into a baleful beast, her eyes blazing and her back bristling.
Everything washed over him and soon an awkward, tense silence built up inbetween them. He watched her, still unbelieving, as he digested her words. Most of it he simply ignored. Feelings weren't things he liked to touch on. He did't think on them, he didn't entertain them, he pushed them aside to keep himself alive. ONe thing, however, stood out. "....love me?"
Takatifu'moja:
Luckily for Tifu, she was still in the heat of her rant, so she still hadn't registered that she had given something very special and very secret away in the heat of the moment.
"Yes, haven't you been listening? I swear, you never listen to me! It's no wonder I don't need more time away from you, I can't keep my own thoughts straight when I'm around you anymore!" she cried, sitting down so she could put her paws on either side of her head, as if doing so would drive every distracting thought from it. Like that helped at all.
She seemed to wilt in an instant. It had finally settling in what she had been telling him. Her paws fell and she looked away.
"I didn't mean to tell you any of that. Gods, I've never been so angry in my life," her tone had softened, she was embarrassed and exposed and more vulnerable than ever with him.
Kisulisuli:
Suli's eyes narrowed as he watched her but his expression remained unreadable. As she sank down and cried, her emotions one tangled knot written all over her face and twisting into her eyes he stepped forward slowly.
Looking her way he reached out a paw and touched hers, knowing full well that the touch would trigger her senses. She would see the past few hours of him frantically looking, pulling himself up into trees to survey the grasslands and cursing every time a shadow turned out to be something as silly as a bird in retreat or a genet darting through his vision. He was paniced, terrified, and angry with himself. Memories of his own siblings abandoning him, all sisters, to turn on him in favor of the false queen flooded his mind. Had another abandoned him? Leaving him to worry until he'd given up?
Without a word he took his paw away and turned his back. If she needed reassurence, she had it. He'd been terrified but he was far too proud to say it himself. "Let's get back to camp."
Takatifu'moja:
Tifu saw him reach for her through her tears, tried to pull her paw away, but he followed. When they met, she did get a vision of him searching for her, her body freezing up as the past and his emotions crashed over her. She didn't know why he had it, but she felt the panic and terror and anger wash over her, seeping into her soul. That was the part she hated most, taking the feelings away from the vision. It left her drained.
When Suli pulled away, her eyes focused, leaving a frightened look on her face. It took her a moment to fight down the siphoned emotions, causing her to shake a bit.
"Okay," she replied, slowly, tired. It occurred to her then, Suli should know. It would safer.
"He was a hybrid, seemed like a seer, too. Cream, but he was wearing a leopard's pelt. In case he comes back."
Kisulisuli:
"I'll keep a look out. Get to your feet, we aren't far off. You need rest and something to eat." He wouldn't look her in the eye, not after what she'd seen. He wasn't supposed to open himself up to anyone, it was just safer that way for both parties involved.
His tail lashed his sides in irritation but other than that he remained stone-faced and still. "If you can fight down a hybrid you can walk a few more yards."
Takatifu'moja:
Tifu stood and frowned at him.
"I can walk, shut up," she replied, walking to his side and continued on towards their resting spot. She did want to lie down, but she also hated the idea because she knew as soon as she started to rest, she would start thinking about how Suli didn't really respond to her angry confession. Oh, great, now she was thinking about it. She sighed a little and shook her head. No, it didn't do her any good. She just needed to keep walking and... just leave it up to him. He knew how she felt now, what's said is said. She just wished she had some idea of what her confession meant to him.
Kisulisuli:
Suli trudged back into the small 'camp' that they had established. It was a small spot against a large boulder that would block the wind from the north and a small puddle to drink from if they needed it. It wasn't the best place but it would make due.
Maji was already loping their way, panting hard and limping heavily. He had a bad leg that, for the most part, only acted up if he pushed himself or walked for too long.
Takatifu'moja:
Maji looked a wreck and Tifu immediately felt horrible. Her ears dropped again and she picked up the pace a bit more so that she could pass Suli and close the gap between herself and the older lion.
"I'm sorry I worried you, I didn't think I'd gone out that far and then..." Her head dipped down, the child waiting for yet another scolding. Maji wouldn't do that though, at least she didn't think he would. He was the nice one. How strange that it had taken so little time for her to feel like he was yet another father in her life. It seemed that every time she lost a parent, the gods gave her another one.
Only this time, they gave her Suli as well. She just... didn't know what to do with him just yet.
Maji:
Maji took in the hurts to the young female and took careful note of her exhausted, downtrodden expression. Concern consumed his own features and for the most part, Suli went ignored as he stepped forward and nudged Tifu's chin up. "Do not apologize... these things happen. Come now, let's wash your wounds... I won't ask you to re-live what happened until you are ready."
Takatifu'moja:
"I got attacked by a crazy hybrid, Maji, there's not much more to it..." Tifu replied when he lifted her chin up and spoke. She shook her head, apparently she was all visioned out for the day. At least she hoped so.
She didn't say anything about how the hybrid had been waiting for her, how it knew she would be alone without her... barbaric hero. As crazy as he had been, that seemed a rather appropriate term for Suli. She glanced away from Maji, looking to the younger of the two males. Suli was certainly barbaric, and surly and stand-offish. He caused her more frustration than she ever thought possible. She had never been angry at anyone! Not when the priest had her mother killed, not when she found out her life had meant nothing but a passing pleasure to her father at least not until he met her, not when another female was trying to take her father away. No, she'd only ever yelled at Suli. She hadn't even yelled at her attacker. How could one male drive her to distraction and frustrate her that much, and yet manage to capture her heart so easily?
She hated him sometimes, and yet he was the rock keeping her grounded, he was her protector. He couldn't talk to her about feelings and he only ever seemed to lecture her, to tell her how she was wrong, and still somehow she was attracted to him. She wanted to get him to open up, but never change him. She needed his down-to-earth personality, just as she needed Maji's soft guidance.
Maji:
"Well thank the gods that you survived the encounter." He led her over to the puddle and motioned for her to lay down. She didn't need to hear any of his fussing and, given the tight expresson between her and Kisulisuli, she'd had more than her fair share of it.
The older lion settled down beside her and gently began cleaning at her wounds, licking and dabbing water over them when needed. All the while Kisuli stood at attention just within earshot, his ears lifted up and his eyes scanning outwards as if he half expected the hybrid to make a second attempt.
"Kisuli." Maji piped in. The lion turned his head and raised a brow but said nothing. "Go fetch us something to eat."
Takatifu'moja:
Tifu followed Maji to the small pool and laid down on her side, letting him take care of her. Normally she would have insisted on it herself, so that she wouldn't see anyone's past, present, or future, but today she was just so emotionally and physically spent that she just laid there and let him fuss.
While Maji cleaned her wounds, Tifu watched Suli. He was watching, making sure the hybrid didn't come back. Her barbaric hero, indeed. But he wasn't hers. He hadn't given her the right to call him hers. Her heart started to sink.
And then Maji asked Suli to go get them something to eat. She didn't want Suli to leave, but it was probably good for all of them if he did.
"It's okay, Suli. I don't think he'll come back, not after what I did to him."
Kisulisuli:
Kisuli grunted and gave the surroundings one final sweep. "Fine... I'll try to be back within the hour. Old man, don't get your a** beat down too. If I come back to a pair of corpses I'll find a way to keep your spirits from resting."
With that, he trudged forward, already tired from the long day he had to find something big enough to feed three. Damn it all. Two if absolutely nessicary. Either way, if Tifu didn't get her strength back he might lose her anyway.
Maji:
Maji waited, quietly licking at a wound on Tifu's foreleg until Suili had vanished from sight and assumably out of earshot. Lifting his head he gave Tifu a stern look. "You don't have anything to prove to us you know."
Takatifu'moja:
Tifu smiled a little at Suli's crack. He had nothing to worry about. She would protect Maji to the best of her abilities, of that she was certain.
When he was gone, her attention flicked back to Maji when he spoke to her, glancing away from the stern look.
"I sometimes feel like I do. I still do, I feel like he thinks I can't take care of myself. It's dangerous because of the visions, but... I don't even know where I stand. He treats me like a cub sometimes, telling me my dreams are unrealistic and that life is won on the tooth and claw, but when I show him that I understand that, he lectures me on how I'm careless. I have no control over what fate will push at me and I refuse to be coddled like some brittle flower," she replied, starting off soft and almost lost sounding, and steadily growing into a soft, frustrated growl.
Maji:
Maji chuckled quietly and began dipping his paw into the water to dab it over Tifu's injuries. He wasn't the best healer but he kenw a thing or two about keeping one healthy. There was a time not too long ago when he had to maintain a larger group, look after their hurts, and research archives of cave sketches for cures.
"His name means 'whirlwind' you know. Do you honestly think that you can begin to re-direct something like that?" He shook his head. "It's a difficult situation. Both he and I found ourselves thrown aside or abandoned by females... so when one stays about I suppose we want to give her a reason to stay. Protection is what he has to offer."
Takatifu'moja:
She looked away.
"I don't want his protection, I want..." Tifu paused there, a small, bitter laugh leaving her maw as she adjusted one of her paws, looking at the dirt and blood there.
"I told him I loved him. I yelled at him, called him stubborn and narrow-minded, and I told him I loved him." The paw moved to the side of her head as she resumed crying, something between a disbelieving laugh and a sob breaking the end of her words.
Maji:
Maji got himself up just long enough to lay beside the lioness, offering her both the comfort of his presense and his body warmth. He looked out towards the landscape and fell silent to allow her to get her emotions back together. Speaking when that upset would be diffiuclt enough, listening and absorbing it would be near impossible.
When she began to calm once more he turned to face her. "Suli is terrible with words. He always has been. As a cub he was full of insult and poisen...but his actions contridicted what I heard. Perhaps you're not reading his messages as much as he's not reading yours."
Takatifu'moja:
It took her a moment to get a hold of herself. Today was just... it was too much really. Everything that had happened and the residual effects of her vision had take its toll on her. She sniffed before she replied.
"I know that he was worried about me and angry that he couldn't find me, but you were worried, too. I would feel the same if you disappeared, but I don't love you the same way as him. I know something's there, I just can't tell what it is, and I'm too afraid that if I assume and I'm wrong, I'll... I'll... It hurts so much not knowing, I can't imagine want it would feel like to have hope for one thing and have that hope crushed," Tifu finally said, wiping at her eyes.
Maji:
"I know." He said softly. "Tifu, if anyone can relate it's me... my first love was a beautiful lioness named Ciyari. I poured everything I had into her, and I was perfectly willing to serve her to the end of my days...but no matter how hard I tried or how much I did for her I never really... knew. We had a...well a night together and she grew fat with cubs but...."
He winced and averted his eyes. "Somewhere out there I might have a family."
Takatifu'moja:
"And it hurt you, too... Maji, you said I might not be reading his messages, what am I missing?" Tifu needed to understand, she needed to see. Suli had come to mean so much to her and yet if she wasn't able to really understand him, what good was this feeling she had?
Her throat had closed when Maji mentioned his cubs. She wasn't even sure... what male would want her when it was possible for her to have a vision during... Gods, it was a horrible thought.
Maji:
"Actions." He said simply. "Ciyari never gave me any indication that she accepted my advances and she never said a word of my effections. I saw what I wanted to see in her... it proved to cause both of us turmoil."
He jerked his head towrds where Suli had run off. "He was out looking for you, frantic and miserable. I've no doubt he's run his paws to swelling and still he's finding the strength to find you something to eat. I think that's speaking well enough."
Takatifu'moja:
It was hard to get past the lecturing and the growls, but... Tifu's eyes welled up again and she curled into a little ball.
"I was terrified, deep down," she finally said, the fresh tears in her voice. "I was so scared that monster would win, and I'd be gone. I'd never be able to tell him, and I'd never really find out if... I didn't want to lose because I didn't want to lose Suli. I didn't want to be added to the list of females that left him..."
She was so tired. Her adrenaline was gone, her anger was gone, everything that had been keeping her body energized and moving was gone. Maji was so warm, all she wanted was Suli on the other side of her so that she could curl close to him and she would be content.
Maji:
"Tifu..." He leaned down and carefully brushed some of her mane away from her eyes. He'd nuzzle her but Tifu made it very clear that she was not to be touched. Her sentiment was touching...terribly so. She wanted to keep herself alive if only to help Suli... just so he'd not feel abandoned again.
"Perhaps that's the thing... perhaps you need to live for yourself as much as you live for others."
Takatifu'moja:
A moment passed before Tifu spoke again.
"When I was little, I used to want to have a family. I lost my mama when I was very young, and my papa had lost his family. The goddess had brought us together to make two broken families whole again. But we were so small and it was sometimes hard on my papa, leaving me alone to hunt, traveling because we couldn't protect a territory. I wanted to have a real family when I grew up, and be in a pride again. Where no one would have to be so put-upon as my papa was," she finally said, her voice sounding tired. She missed her papa, but she hadn't been able to stay, either. And she had Maji and Suli now. That was something, Maji was so much of a father-figure to both of them. And Suli, well...
"I can't imagine having cubs anymore, so much touching is involved. And worse, I'm terrified of Seeing the future. I don't want to know that my loved ones are going to die." She shook her head. She had known that her mama was going to be taken away, she didn't that to ever happen again.
"I don't know if I really have any more goals. It seems like I just go day by day with no real plan, just do what I feel needs doing be it hunting or talking with you or resting or taking time to try and sort out my thoughts."
Maji:
"You know... sometimes the best way to face the future is to face the past." He looked down to the grass and shifted his paws in front of him. "You fear what had happened, so much that you are letting that remove any joy that you could have in the simple things. Touch being one of them. A family, a loving companion, a pride. These are natural for anyone to want. You should not deny it to yourself."
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Sometimes... knowing that death is there is...sombering, but it serves as a reminder that we are living a gift. Every breath, every smile, every warm feeling in our chest is a gift."
He reached out to cover her paw with his own. A flash of memory would fill her mind, visions of a beautiful land of mist and cool blue stones. A lush place, rich and beautiful as a deep green emerald set in a copper ring. Maji slowly withdrew his paw. "Was that so bad?"
Takatifu'moja:
Tifu huffed a bit, knowing she was acting like a cub. But... It was a scary thing. And as much as she wanted to agree with Maji, to say that he was right, that it was all a matter of not being afraid anymore...
Tears came to her eyes. Not tears of sorrow, but of the joy she felt for the place and the deep need to get back there.
"No, but it could have been. I'm sorry, Maji, I just... need time. Seeing things from others' lives or the lives of their loved ones, feeling every emotion from the vision as if it was my own, it's just hard to deal with," she replied, managing a small smile. She just needed time. She wasn't sure what it would bring but... Just with everything in her like, she supposed what would come would come.
Maji:
"I can't imagine. But I have shouldered great burdens in my lifetime." He leaned over and nudged her chin gently. "Now now... you've had a hard day. I know... you don't want to touch but feel free to lay against my side. At my age, there's enough good memories as there are bad ones. You have good odds of having warm thoughts in your mind as you drift off."
He licked the side of her face, clearing some of the tears.
Takatifu'moja:
"I probably won't See anything for a while now, at least not from you or Suli. At least, I don't think so," Tifu replied and curled close, lying her head down on her paws.
"Days or weeks even. If I'm lucky," she added, closing her eyes. that was the only good thing about her visions, it didn't like giving her too many of the same person's memories, at least not in the same span of time.
"You can tell Suli that, when he comes back."
