Hey, guys.

This is going to be long, but bear with me, please.

There have been so many things said about me, about my characters, about the Negaverse and the shop that are near entirely conjecture or confusion. Rumors or insults brought about by distrust and misunderstanding. Unfortunately, most of the people who have said these things have never even spoken to me to try to separate fact from fiction.

So, let’s talk. Player to player.

I’ll start with a brief history of my involvement as staff, primarily at the point where I was selected to replace Orestae [the player of Tanzanite for those of you that are newer] as Chaos GM, though I’m going to leave out a few things that are currently restricted information. Please note that nothing said here is to disparage anyone else or assign blame, but simply to start a dialogue about how we’ve reached this point.

I entered the shop after a few years of wariness - namely because I had watched drama brew up as an outsider, and heard that many people were unhappy with the original management of the shop. The shop was unceremoniously shut down and eventually, through the combined efforts of Lithia, Cuter, Kadi, and Mouse they booted things back up. Cuter left, nominating Nessy in her place and giving her control of her personal character [oft thought to be an NPC]: Beryl. The shop was given into Kadi’s hands.

After the chaos of Elysion, Akina and Orestae came aboard. I was told that things had changed, and to at least give it a chance. So I did.

I joined the shop, as a player, and won Howlite during my first attempt at entering a raffle. It was exciting, but after I obtained her, I found some problems: I couldn’t find many fellow Negaversers to play with and battles were hard to come by. I didn’t think I’d ever get to RP with one of the GKs/GQs, and the idea of even approaching them was intimidating. I was frustrated that a faction I saw so much potential in seemed to have its glory days behind it. The Negaverse had stopped being a ‘family’, with only a few of the older characters still retaining their loyalty and close-knit relationships [some of which still play today], others had become jaded and disillusioned.

The Surrounding Meta came and before it the DMC. Months of effort on behalf of the staff culminating in a huge event. I got up the guts to ask endejester to have Zink promote Howlite during the battle, and she obliged, making her a Captain just before Order had a deus ex machina win. The biggest thing, however, that I took away from the Surrounding Meta was the constant stream of complaints. So many were dissatisfied about one thing or the next. They hated the Chaos went to Space, they hated the youma, or the DMC, or Alkaid’s planet, or Order winning despite the battle itself leaning toward a Chaos win.

I was hired just after as a group of Moderators [three of us are still on staff: Iris, Spy, and myself]. We took it upon ourselves to bust through the huge [months] backlog of quests and created mini-events while awaiting Meta, including several winter events and a Negaverse X-Mas party that began to set up for Beryl’s removal. Orestae informed us that changes to the Negaverse had been in the works for some time, and that they would be implemented soon [Specialization/Branches], and hinted at future meta. She wrote a meeting narrative with collaboration between Spy, myself, and endejester. She assured us that there would be write-ups, and that we would assist in world-building and mini-plots to tie-in to it. Fortunately for her [but not the shop], her career took off and she needed to step away. Most of us saw it coming... Her activity had been fluctuating for months.

After a short tenure as a moderator [Oct-Dec 2011], Orestae recommended that I replace her, and the other GMs agreed. She and I had spoken at length about her vision for the Negaverse, and the shop as a whole, as well as the nature of Chaos itself and Metallia. She felt that I had a deep understanding of what she envisioned as canon.

I became the Negaverse GM, in tandem with Akina [whose attention was focused on the DMC], and set about trying to complete the branches of the Negaverse as they’d been outlined with Orestae and the other chaos moderators. However - the GMs began dropping like flies. Nessy quit officially, stepping back as the shop had taken far too much of a toll on her life. The others, however, simply faded into inactivity. Moderators disappeared, as well, on announced and unannounced hiatuses. Those of us that were around were left to juggle the rest of the duties with our own lives - and some of the balls in the air dropped.

In April 2012 I made the decision to turn my attention from the Negaverse to attempting to salvage the shop as a whole. I don’t regret that. The GMs left were discussing whether the shop had enough life to even continue or whether the storyline should be wrapped up. This conversation lagged throughout April and May, and in June, I said - in summary - that we needed to s**t or get off the pot and suggested a new hiring and revamp. The others voted yes, I confirmed Iris as a GM with Kadi’s blessing, and Akina stuck around to manage the DMC. We opened hiring for new moderators and I reached out to Nessy to welcome her back to staff. We opened a feedback thread for what little of the Negaverse update had been put into place, and then an OOC write up was made based on it, primarily by Spy. We spent the next few months trying to balance mini-events [such as the Ambush and various opportunities for new characters] with the pressing work of creating a shop that could live on no matter who was on staff: That meant working policies [such as all the updates] and clear rules. We worked to eliminate favoritism, and even submitted our own personal plots for approval. Transparency and efficiency became the goal.

Howlite was nominated to go stage-four. We discussed and delayed this for months, knowing that no matter when it happened - no matter how badly the Negaverse needed another PC GK, and a counter-weight to Zinkenite's style of leadership, that the fact that I was a GM would override everything. That was understood, and when the complaints came, I accepted them. She simultaneously was spotlighted, but then it was also a secret? There has been talk that Beryl’s death benefited one character [Howlite], however... What “benefit” has she received? None. She did not take the woman’s place, she gained no additional power, it wasn’t important to her arc - that of a loyal servant, an obedient dog, and soldier, but simply the cherry on top, and it certainly didn’t benefit me. No, instead she was promoted to GK [she was not a General, as some have said], and Metallia commanded it be done while the Queen was weakened and taken off guard. Beryl had long since been obsolete, and her demise was planned to clear the way for something more. Nessy no longer wanted the pressure of playing her, and Cuter had forbidden anyone else to do so.

As the year went on, I became increasingly busy and increasingly depressed and discouraged with the shop. I stopped RPing, spending almost the entirety of my time online answering PMs that were a mix of plot proposals and complaints, rather than focusing on Metaplot. We began to discuss yet another revamp of the Negaverse. Eventually, I stepped down, because I realized that spending all my time doing something that made me feel bad about myself was unhealthy and perhaps, without me helming Chaos, the shop would be able to move on and craft something new. I decided to focus on RP and trying to enjoy myself - but also realized that I still had something to contribute. Namely - a lot of knowledge about the mechanics of the shop, a strong memory for policy, and the desire to see the game be something everyone can enjoy. So, I stayed on as a moderator.

The entire purpose of Howlite becoming a GK was to assist with the plots of other players. There hasn’t been a thing “spotlighting” her since, and the entirety of my roleplay with her has been taken up by trainings, meetings, evaluations, punishments, and promotions. The majority of these RPs are initiated by me, despite my plot thread, openly available IM, and repeated statements that my PM box is open. While I try to reach out to others, I am one player and a staff member. I work full time and attend school in the evenings. I can’t keep track of everything and I can’t speak to everyone - But I’ve never turned down an RP. On occasion, I’ve rerouted someone to another player whose character would make more sense OOCly, but in my eyes, my role as a fourth player is to assist others.

The only requirement I have is that the RP has a purpose. I require this of everyone- including my “BFFs” [though who would that be? Nessy? We hardly RP, and rarely with characters of note] I no longer have the time available to RP just for fun. I regularly advertise my plot thread in the main thread of the shop, quote members of Howlite’s branch, and post in the plot threads of others. I don’t RP with favorites, I just RP in the plots of those that actually respond to my efforts - or initiate it on their own. In fact, my friends take the backburner, and many of those RPs go unanswered for months or without completion in favor of those that are plot relevant to others. They know and understand this.

Throughout this time, we received almost endless amounts of feedback that was, in turns, cruel, insulting, and demeaning. Complaints were often directed to the character of staff rather than their work, and it became obvious that some were going out of their way to try to find ways to tear us apart. **REDACTED**

Every decision was met with derision. Being a member of RP staff is often a thankless job, and everyone who has taken the role has had to develop a thick skin to deal with the criticism objectively. You learn that quickly, and often, your love of the shop overcomes that. Other times, it sends you into a spiral of depression where it seems like you can never catch up, and something that was supposed to be a game, a community, has become poisoned. You have to pep-talk yourself before opening PMs or back-reading the thread, or logging in to AIM. Invisible-mode becomes your shield, so you can avoid being constantly “on duty” when you’re just trying to do some homework.

The original update was based off of recognizing the lack of activity of Negaversers. There were too few of them, and whenever a player disappeared, their lieutenants and captains were left with no one to turn to. There was no place for the non-violent, and yet people continued to create Negaversers that were opposed to cruelty. So, things had to change. The branches were created so that there would be a place for everyone to ICly do what they preferred, and to provide a network of superiors to keep track of the lower-ranked officers. Namely so that, when one General disappeared, a player could contact any of the others in their branch. The idea was that when someone needed a place to stay, they’d find someone in Infiltration to help them. If they needed information on an enemy, they were off to Intelligence. They got their a** kicked and needed to learn new skills, SpecOps.

Few people played that way, or took the opportunity to use the branches to facilitate RP with new people. Instead, they viewed them as divisive. They stated that the Negaverse had become soft, instead of clever [after all, police have guns and most officers aren’t bullet-proof], and said they held hands with Senshi, despite the fact that is is not, nor has it ever, been allowed to maintain friendships with the White Moon Court. These are decisions that players have made, not ones sanctioned by the faction. Characters in power were expected to know about everyone’s plot - when it suited them, but not interfere if it didn’t, and despite the fact that all officers were supposed to keep an active supply of emergency energy on their persons, everyone was certain that they couldn’t RP energy-draining at all. Things fell apart before they even came together.

** REDACTED **

I, for one, plan on making my response to changes on the horizon a positive one, focusing on the kind of game I want to play in and what I can do to make that a reality that benefits the community.

All of that said - my intention has been to clear the air. I sincerely want to remain a member of this community, though I’ve spent the past month debating if I will be yet another fourth-player that walks away. I don’t want to. I want to hear about all of your ideas and do what I can to bring them to fruition. I want to enjoy playing my characters. Enjoy playing this game and do away with the gossip and negativity.

So, in essence, this open letter is a request. A plea that you’ll all join me in my desire to see this community be a family again - loving, encouraging one, not a dysfunctional one. That you’ll IM or PM or quote me when you want something and give me the opportunity to answer questions, plot, and have fun with you all. This is an apology for any time I may have been too curt or slighted you unintentionally. This is forgiveness for any time you’ve hurt me, unintentionally or not, whether you apologize or not.

I’m wiping the slate clean on my impressions of each and every one of you, and look forward to seeing what’s to come. I hope y’all can do the same.

My contact information on AIM is: Dare Lyk Woah and my inbox is always open.

- Indu/Dare

** There have been changes to the original content of this letter at the request of the GM Team.