Jyszar

Name: Jyszar - Jys or Zar work equally as well. (Jiss-zar)
Age: 26
Gender: agender - they/them/theirs pronouns.
Prisoner: Yes
Crime: assault
Candidate: yep
Former Craft/Rank: Fishercraft, apprentice

Appearance: Jys, as most people and their family calls them, doesn't look like a whole hell of a lot. About 5'6, they're rather slimly built and wispy, with arms rather like sticks and legs like unfortunate twigs. If there's ever been a person of whom it could be said a wind would break, Jyszar is surely it. They aren't a lot to look at, either. DMAB, Jys has a body-type made of straight lines with slight bits of pudge around their tummy, a body that looks like it would be far more suitable on a 12 year old instead of a fully grown person. They're rather fond of it anyway - it looks like they never truly developed one way or another during puberty and are just stuck in a strange limbo, but of course Jyszar is more than fine with their somewhat androgynous body - it suits their purpose quite well.

As for their face, they have olive-green eyes flecked with a number of colours, from more pure greens to more pure yellows. They move their eyes quickly from place to place, flitting from one thing to another, and it seems as though they never stop or settle on one thing; there's so much to take in and see, how could they simply stop and take in one thing when there's always so much to see, to learn, to do? And, beyond the happy, sunshiny reasons, there is always someone out there waiting to hurt them or their family. They have a generous mouth, frequently in some kind of smile. Even if they're awfully anxious and terrified, Jyszar prefers to be smiling. Never let them see them break you and all that. They have a few scars over their too-young body, over their forearms and shoulders - defensive wounds. Protecting themself. But others still are over their chest - and those fights? You should see the other person. Really (not really). Their hair is a dark, curly brown, which they let fall down to their ears and jaw - or at least, they had, until the guards shaved it off when they came to Warden's. It's growing back, though, as time tends to do, and it's now bristly on the top of their head. They didn't take this nearly as hard as their sister, Jyarila, did.

Personality: Jyszar is, perhaps first and foremost, protective. Things, people, anything that is theirs is theirs. They don't want to see the things they care for hurting or put through any kind of turmoil, so they do their best to keep these precious things safe from anything that might wish them ill. Jyarila, their youngest sister... she suffers the worst from it. Jyszar has seen her hurt before and they won't have it again. Their love is deep, obviously, but they're quite stingy with it; Jyszar doesn't love easily and prefers it that way. They need no one other than their family, their siblings, and they have no room in their heart to care for anyone else - or at least that's how they prefer to think about it. This has gotten worse in Warden's, of course, because Jyszar doesn't trust the prison to be quite safe enough. They know that neither they nor Jyarila is that awful, just people caught in an unfortunate place, they have no acknowledgement that anyone else is the same... and anyone who trusts simply Jyszar and Jyarila's word that they aren't dangerous, then they're a fool with no sense of self preservation and thus can bring danger to Jyszar and their sister.

Their smile tends to belie this truth of theirs, hides the fact that they are a cynic at heart, incapable of trusting anyone. They are very tough and pretend they're perfectly content where they are. As the oldest sibling in their household, Jyszar had always felt the need to be the strongest, the toughest, the one who never cried, never broke, and never gave in, so that their siblings would have someone to lean on, a rock to come to when they were tired and needed someone to carry them. But no human is in and of themself a rock and at the end of the day Jyszar is only human. They have their shares of insecurities - they fear that they won't be released from Warden's or that they will before Jyarila so that she's left alone in this place with these horrid people, they fear that they're fundamentally broken, and they fear that they will never be able to let anyone into the stone palace they've built around their heart. They act like they are usually very happy. As established, their smile is almost always in place, except when their siblings are in danger, and it is a good smile. It is a smile of 20 years of pretending to be happy when they weren't, of pretending to be content when they just wanted something else. They're quite good at playing nice and frequently laugh or grin, making jokes and playing nice... But they're still so horribly awful at actually making friends; while people might consider Jyszar a friend, they're like as not to consider them as nothing more than to waste the awful hours of boredom away.

They have the good sense to have their breakdowns in private - and they certainly do have them. A lot of them. A person without the sense to allow their now woman sister bear their weight and help them with their baggage, Jyszar so frequently feels like the weight of the world is on their shoulders. Frequently feels that success or failure is left up to them and them alone. The continuous, unending, unceasing stress has taken its toll on Jys. They tend to be highly anxious at all hours of the day, though they do their best to tuck it behind their smile. They're jumpy, twitchy, and their eyes have taken on a new nervousness in their flitting around. They clearly expect monsters to be hiding under the bed, behind that corner, just through that door ... anywhere and everywhere. Some moments, in the dark of the night, when they do their best to keep their crying quiet, they fear that they're no longer whole, that something's gone unhinged, and maybe they deserve to be there, in Warden's.

They don't talk about those moments.

History: Their first child was a boy. That's what they'd thought, anyway, Jyariana and Milaszar, because, well, he was a boy, wasn't he? A little p***s and all. And, for the longest time, Jyszar had accepted that. Jys wasn't a woman, after all, even if they knew those little dangly bits between their legs were also wrong. There was a lot of confusion during their childhood; they could understand being the other, but neither? Could anyone be such a thing? Was ... were they such a thing? They found that looking too hard at their private parts made them feel deeply uncomfortable - to the point of feeling ill - so they tried very hard not to. No smooth, still, shiny surfaces. Nothing that might reflect their image back at them. Sometimes, when they were sick or otherwise a bit delirious, they had to grab it to assure that the mirror wasn't - that they all weren't - defective.

Luckily, they had siblings to distract them. They tried not to think about it; they kept their mind as far away from the topic as they could. They concentrated on the infants - Ilasia when they were 3, Milasana and Milarian when they were 5, and unplanned Jyarila when they were 8. Ila, Mila, and Lari were joys and they loved all their siblings - of that there was no doubt - but they just couldn't keep their mind away from it. They weren't the same.

But Jyarila, born early, born small and fragile and struggling, so that they had to coax her to breathing in, Jyarila was different. They joked, later, together, when they were older, that they recognised two kindred spirits on whom dicks didn't fit (then Jyszar fussed at her for cursing). They were drawn, inexplicably, to her; they wanted to hold her as they hadn't wanted to hold any of their siblings. Perhaps it was the age, yes, that Jyszar was no longer as selfish as a 3 or a 5 year old could be, but they weren't so sure that was the answer. The accidental miracle (as miracles are wont to be, they've discovered) was special. And, as unsatisfactory as that was, that was simply the answer.

They lived a hard life, one that Jyszar was used to, and they were also quite accustomed to giving up food so that their younger siblings wouldn't go hungry, so they simply suffered in quiet. Jyarila, to whom they were closest, got the only concerns they felt fit to share - and when Jyarila was 7, and she announced that she was a she and a woman and that was all there was, they had a moment where they confessed their own uncertainties and fears with their gender. With all the childish confidence she could muster, she told her 15 year old sibling that they didn't feel like a boy or a girl, then that was OK. They weren't, and anyone who told them otherwise was really stupid.

Unlike Jyarila, who knew no fear, Jyszar never had the confidence to tell their parents about their gender - and so, even at 26, their family still calls them "him" and those things are "his" and they're their brother, not their sibling. It really bothers their and doesn't help with their anxiety, but their parents had struggled with the idea of Jyarila being a woman - they didn't want to add any stress or risk that their parents would disown them or something.

At 18, everywhere but at home, they tried to find their own way, start up the family business of fishing and life on the sea... But found it overwhelmingly not for them. Afraid, as ever, of disappointing those they loved, they kept it quiet, but found endless excuses for staying on land and not going back out. Frequently, this ended up being that they wanted to spend time with Jyarila, as aging parents meant that she frequently got no attention - or certainly not enough, in Jyszar's opinion.

"Not enough attention" was certain when Jyszar found that she was dealing in dust. She assured them that she'd never do any of it, but they hadn't - couldn't - believe her. That was far too much danger... and they feared that leaving her alone meant she'd just go back to her old ways and start dealing again. They didn't care to hear the reasons behind her decision to deal and shut her down whenever she tried - the first moments of tension in their relationship in her 16 years of life - and she eventually gave up.

Quite a few deals in, with Jyszar sitting quietly and watching in case anyone tried to put their hands on her, they realised a bit too late that it was a sting; they hadn't the time to warn her. Foolish, when the Watchman had put his hands on Jyarila, Jyszar had struck out. They weren't strong, of course, but they'd gotten stronger with some of the brawls they'd had to fight when things had turned south. Their impulsive muscle memory did them no good - while Jyszar wasn't charged with possession of dust, Jyarila was, and Jyszar was obtained on assault charges.

A rather uneventful (at least on a personal level - Warden's is always eventful, but luckily very few of those events have involved these two) almost year at Warden's sees the pair where they are now.

Other stuff:
Mother: Jyariana
Father: Milaszar
Siblings: Jyarila (Sis, younger)
Ilasia (Sis, younger)
Milasana (Sis, younger)
Milarian (Bro, younger)

They'd never say it, but they sometimes feel broken or freakish because of their gender.