[R] ... is There Eye Candy? (Chernobylite, Zinkenite)

[The Red Dame]

Leo was one lucky, lucky b*****d. He was, he knew it, and he took full advantage of that fact as often as he could. Today, for example. Today he was supposed to go to the gym to meet with his personal fitness trainer, but for the tenth time since The Marathon, Leo was blowing it off. Instead he was lounging beside the pool behind his house – house being a very modest term to describe the three-story building – and watching two very fine ladies splash other. Twin sisters to be precise, each wearing identical, deliciously skimpy bikinis.

Did Leo mention that he was a lucky b*****d?

The only thing that put a damper on the whole thing was that the drink he had been nursing had finally run out. With no staff currently employed in the house – and really, he should fix that – it meant Leo had to tear himself from his real-life Playboy channel and go fix himself another drink. Taking his hat off, Leo stood and made his way to the closest kitchen on the property and fixed himself another martini. Popping an olive in his mouth, he glanced outside, where one twin was now re-applying her sunscreen, and smirked.

Why on earth had he thought running marathons would get him more eye candy? All he’d gotten from that was sore muscles and nightmares of a somewhat creepy she-male that he couldn’t decide if he wanted to tap or not. No, obviously the tried-and-true method of party/bar hopping was far superior, and the results were in his backyard.  

[endejester]

Leo was summoned, that’s what he ultimately was. One moment he was enjoying the start of a fresh drink, the next moment he was somewhere strange, crystalline.

“Welcome Lieutenant, good to finally see you. I believe you are a recent recruit, but I have yet to really hear anything about you, have a seat, I’d like to fill out some further information.”

He blinked, looking up at you from a paper he had started to fill out, some curious thing attached to a clipboard as he leaned against one of the walls. “Certain things I’ve already ascertained, so we can ignore things like… living situation. I’ll recommend getting something like a track phone; don’t use it for anything but ‘Us’.

“I’m Zinkenite, General-King Zinkenite Lieutenant, now how about you tell me some about yourself, and perhaps what you know.”  

[The Red Dame]

With a strange, hard tugging sensation, Leo was rather rudely pulled away from his drink and plopped into the middle of some sort of sci-fi/horror set. A sad set at that; who thought crystal was a good idea? Then a blue-haired mini-ninja was talking, and he couldn’t help but stare for a second or two before his eyes began to roam, looking for the hidden camera. A short, general-king-ninja-smurf in a fancy crystal cave talking about phones; someone was going to jump out with a camera any minute.

That’s when he finally noticed that his clothes had changed, and more distressingly, his drink was gone. Eyeing his empty hand morosely, he sighed, “ Alcohol, why have you forsaken me?”

Realizing he had been asked a question, and that no TV hosts or cameras had magically appeared, he decided that obviously he was dreaming again – it explained the outfit – and so he should just roll with it.

“ Well, I know I was at home, enjoying a drink and the company of two lovely ladies, then apparently passed out or something, because now… this.” He waved his hands, indicating the whole room. “ Inconvenient as these dreams are, I must say, it’s an improvement from the last one; you’re easier on the eyes than that shemale-trap.”  

[endejester]

He made a sort of half strangled sound that might have been the strange crossbreed between disapproval and laughter. Hard to say for sure though as it could also have been a flat out choke.

“Truth is, rather often inconvenient, this one no less so…Lieutenant”
Zinkenite did give a rather dirty look at being called ‘easier on the eyes’ despite the strangled sound he’d made before.

“Case in point.” He tucked the clipboard inside his coat, hooking a small clip over a vest.

“I’m as dreadfully real as the aforementioned mentioned ‘trap.’- whom if you value your continued existence, will from this point on be referred to as ‘General-King Howlite, if her power signature felt anything like mine.”

He grabbed a fistful of uniform and gave what was likely a smile, if a forced one that didn’t absolutely reach his eyes. And then you were back in your house, the sounds of the twins in the background giggling, and a ‘smurf-ninja’ pulling a clip board back out of his coat.

“Let me drop another terrible truth in your Lap lieutenant. If you ever refer to me, to anyone with some…cute little nickname, or anything denoting a lack of respect, you’re going to wake up with a body in your bed, because I will rip their star seed out JUST to remind you that I can. This is a military organization, and it’s about time people started acting like it was…I do suggest you power down though before your guests see.”


He set the clipboard down on the counter and powered down himself.
“Now…that information.”  

[The Red Dame]

Between his height – or lack thereof - and Matrix-ninja get-up, Zinkenite did not particular scare Chernobylite. His snort-choke-laugh didn’t help his case. In fact, the only thing keeping Chernobylite from really sticking his foot in his mouth was the fact that Ninja King Smurf had a… presence to him. And not the sort that made Chenobylite think that he’d found a tiger to bed, but rather that he found a tiger that would eat him an a very unsexy way if poked too much. He supposed this was the “power signature” Zinkenite referred to.

Suddenly he was back in his house, in his kitchen, and everything was exactly as he left it, with the exception of the Ninja King Smurf, who looked very out-of-place.

“ Well this is ******** disconcerting.”

Then the Ninja King Smurf transformed into jailbait.

“ Godda-”

Chernobylite forcefully bit back the rest of comment, smart enough to realize that maybe he needed to figure out what the hell was going on before he got himself in trouble. Instead he focused on trying to force his real clothes back into existence through sheer willpower, and since it was a freaky day full of freaky things, it worked. Now he was standing in front of the Ninja-King-in-Hiding wearing nothing but his swimtrunks.

Oh, ******** it. He’d been caught in worse, and besides, he definitely was not ashamed of his body.

“ Talk about me? That’s easy: I’m rich and popular,” He nodded out the window, where now both girls were sun-bathing, “ and the tabloids love me.”

“ As for what I know, I assume you're referring to… this? I remember something about joining a team and saving the world, but I thought that was the alcohol talking. I mean, you guys, you recruited me for your military organization? You guys must be way down on your recruiting quota. Or never read the tabloids.”

It was laughable; flattering, but laughable. The only "soldier" he was suited to being was maybe Soulja Boy.

endejester

 

[endejester]

Holy Blasphemy

“We aren’t the tabloids.” He said with a small smile. “And do you really think –I- look the part of a military officer? Yet, here I am… I outrank you, and almost everyone else you are likely to meet. When I’m in uniform I can bench-press your car, or beat you to death with it if you don’t shape up, but I prefer to leave the ‘flogging’ and other abuse to General King Howlite.

“You are…Chernobylite, lieutenant of the Negaverse, and you don’t undo that. Your position in society is advantageous to us for a number of reasons, but I have limits to how much general sass I can take if you have no other useful skills, so tell me about yourself, tell me what you are good at besides… egotism.”  

[The Red Dame]

The possibility of anyone beating him to death with his car seemed outrageous, and yet considering what had happened so far, perhaps not impossible. He didn’t feel sure enough of his cards to gamble on it, so instead he opted for the safe route.

“ What am I good at?” Leo’s brows drew together as he considered the question, discarding his instinctive lewd response and trying to think of something that wouldn’t result in death-by-car-beating. “ Cards. I was raised around high rollers and picked up tricks: keeping a poker face, recognizing tells, hustling; I can count cards if I focus. Lots of those tricks work on the social scene too. If you need someone to schmooze around, play politics, and grease palms, I’m your guy.”

“ Other then that? I mean, I’m relatively fit, and I’m good at mixing drinks and picking up people for the night, but that's, is that even relevant?”

Leo did not like feeling unsure, not one bit, but he was at a loss of what he could offer a military group beyond money. Blackjack lessons? Maybe they wanted a spokesperson; one tabloid counted him amongst Destiny City's hottest bachelors.

endejester

 

[endejester]

Holy Blasphemy

Eyes narrowed to thoughtful, pale blue slits as he stared at you, listing, or trying to list of favorable qualities in an at least semi serious manner. He nodded rather abruptly and looked surprisingly pleased.

“Well, I can imagine some excellent uses for those skills, congratulations. I’ll be sending a person or two to follow up with you as well.” He made some rapid notations that looked like utter gibberish on the paper he’d brought with him and set it down again before returning to uniform.

“I’ll be sure that they tell you the basic information of our organization as well.”